英语小笑话演讲稿对话

The cost of marriage

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

婚姻的成本

一个小男孩问他的父亲，“爸爸，要花多少钱才能结婚呢?”

“我也不知道，我现在还在交钱。”父亲回答。

I Could Do It Slower

Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?

Dentist: Fifty dollars.

Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes' work?

Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.

我可以干得慢一些

病人：拔一颗牙收费多少?

牙医：50美元。

病人：只几分钟的活儿就要50美元?

牙医：好的，如果你喜欢的话，我可以干得慢一些。

Contented Married Life

A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes allthe small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in

eachother's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and noarguments."

"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisionsdoes your wife make?"

"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in,what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."

His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"

"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increaseour help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."

令人满意的婚姻生活

一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密，“小事都由我妻子决定，”他解释说：“而我只管大事，我们从不互相干涉，从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”

“听起来很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢?”

“嗯，”那个人回答说：“她决定我申请什么工作，我们住什么房子，买什么家具，去哪里度假这些事情。”

他的朋友很惊奇的问道：“哦?那么你决定哪些重要事情?”

“嗯，”他回答：“我决定谁来当首相，我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助，怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”

感谢您的阅读，祝您生活愉快。

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十个英语情景对话

情景一A：你是北京交通职业技术学院的学生李磊，被派往机场迎接来自哈佛大学的White 教授。你询问他飞行是否愉快，并表示飞机没有晚点就是最好的事情了。B：你是来自哈佛大学的White 教授，你感谢李磊来接机。15个小时的飞行你很累。你希望能够赶快去酒店洗个热水澡，睡一觉。情景二 A：你是学校秘书王小姐，见到了来自哈佛大学的White 教授，你邀请他周日参加你们学校50周年校庆，并在周日下午做一个关于Lifelong Study 的讲座。告诉他全校学生都会参加，并相信学生们会有所收获。B:你是哈佛大学的White 教授，你被邀请周日参加北京交通职业技术学院50周年校庆，并在周日下午做一个关于Lifelong Study 的讲座。你询问了题目、具体时间和地点、参加人员等问题。情景三A: 你是Annie，你的姐姐Jennie下周日结婚，你打电话恭喜她新婚快乐，并祝她早生贵子，并表示一定会按时参加他们的婚礼，期待姐姐穿婚纱的样子。并建议他们巴黎度蜜月。B:你是姐姐Jennie，你下周日结婚，你妹妹打电话祝贺。你表示感谢，并邀请他参加你们的婚礼派对。你询问妹妹对去哪里进行蜜月的建议。情景四A:你是Annie, 你邀请你的搭档Jennie周日一起去看京剧---你们的共同爱好，你们都认为京剧是中国传统文化，体现了中国的文化历史，应该吸引更多青年人喜欢。B: 你是Jennie, 你邀请你周日一起去看京剧,你表示感谢并询问见面的时间地点等内容。你表示现在越来越多的人喜欢京剧了。要赢得更多人喜欢，京剧需要融入新的元素。情景五 A：你是李磊.你的朋友王宇搬入了新房子，你去拜访。你带了一瓶红酒作为礼物。你夸赞了新房子：很大，阳光充足、装修漂亮。 B: 你是王宇。李磊来你新家做客并带了礼物，你表示感谢。你请李磊留下来吃晚餐，并欢迎你经常来做客。情景六A:你是ABC公司总经理秘书Annie, 你接到了来自客户Tommy的电话，他想和总经理谈一下订单发货的事情，但经理在开会。你打算记录留言并转告经理。B:你是客户Tommy，你想想和总经理谈一下订单发货的事情，你希望尽快发货以方便圣诞节前的销售。经理不在，你决定让秘书转告，并期待经理尽快回电话给你。情景七A: 你是Annie, 你最近瘦了10斤，你的方法和健康：每天3千米的长跑，周末游泳一个小时，合理饮食，多吃蔬菜和新鲜水果。B：你是Jennie,你很羡慕Annie最近瘦了10斤，你询问Annie减肥的方法。你觉得自己生活方式不健康：睡得太晚，不爱运动，吃太多肉。你打算改变，从下周开始每天跑步和注意饮食。情景八A: 你是Annie,你来自内蒙古，现在在北京上学，你表示不太喜欢北京的气候，太干燥。而且夏天太热。不过你觉得北京冬天比你们家乡暖和。你觉得内蒙古的空气更好，晚上可以清晰看到很多星星。你邀请你好朋友Jennie 暑假去你们那里玩。B：你是Jennie,你是北京人，没去过内蒙古。你和来自内蒙古的Annie聊天，你询问她对北京天气的看法。你表示北京夏天没有空调不行，北京的空气正在逐渐改善。希望有机会去内蒙古看看。

英语幽默笑话故事带翻译

英语幽默笑话故事带翻译篇一：英语短文笑话(带翻译) 1、How much English can you speak? "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" 中文翻译 "法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。" 法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！" 2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。他问："什么？" 3 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 4、 "Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying." "Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any." "But has he finished his own cake?" "Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that." "汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。" "没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。" "他已经吃完自己的了么？" "是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

英语笑话带翻译短一些的

英语笑话带翻译短一些的篇一：超简短的5个英文笑话超简短的5个英文笑话1. Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. 老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。 One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。 Teacher: who just threw that?! 老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了? Boy: Me! I’m going home now. 男孩：我!我现在要回家了。 2. What dog can jump higher than a building? 什么狗比大楼跳的还高? Anydog, buildings can't jump! 任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。 3. What has a head, a tail, and no body? 什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体? A coin! 硬币。 4. What has one eye but cannot see? 什么有一只眼睛，却看不见? A needle. 针。 5. Wife: "How would you describe me?" 妻子：你会怎么形容我呢? Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: "What does that mean?" 妻子：那是什么意思? Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。 Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" 妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢? Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

关于英语小笑话简单爆笑

关于英语小笑话简单爆笑篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话（一）老师在黑板上写了一句： Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道： “汤姆是玛丽。 ” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我 TM 还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。 A 神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A 高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B 神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」轮到 C 了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」英语笑话（五）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 英语笑话（六）

经典英语口语小笑话精选

经典英语口语小笑话精选下面是带来的经典英语口语小笑话，欢迎阅读!经典英语口语小笑话篇一Skunk"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?""Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher."No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"臭鼬“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。 “我们怎样才能把它弄出来?“弄一些面包屑，调度员说，“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。 “你们将它弄出来了吗?调度员问。 “没有，打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。经典英语口语小笑话篇二hings Have Been OkayA young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned.""You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?""Well, up till now," Said the boy,

英语短笑话

I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " .鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.

爆笑的经典英语小笑话

爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话（一）老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A 神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」

超简短的5个英文笑话

超简短的5个英文笑话 1. Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。 One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。 Teacher: who just threw that?! 老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了? Boy: Me! I’m going home now. 男孩：我!我现在要回家了。 2. What dog can jump higher than a building? 什么狗比大楼跳的还高?

Anydog, buildings can't jump! 任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。 3. What has a head, a tail, and no body?什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体? A coin! 硬币。 4. What has one eye but cannot see? 什么有一只眼睛，却看不见? A needle. 针。

5. Wife: "How would you describe me?" 妻子：你会怎么形容我呢? Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: "What does that mean?" 妻子：那是什么意思? Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。 Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

英语幽默小笑话全套整合

英语幽默小笑话大全 1.a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" Little Johnny then stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。