英语课堂小笑话

Hard Work

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

Knowledge

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

Love L+O+V+E 12+15+22+5 = 54%

Luck L+U+C+K 12+21+3+11 = 47%

Do most of us think this is the most important ??? Then what makes 100% ?

Is it Money ? ... NO ! ! ! M+O+N+E+Y 13+15+14+5+25 = 72% ATTITUDE

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100% ! ! ! Change Your Attitude …And You Change Your Life ! ! !

I see, I forget. I read, I remember. I do it, I understand

英语读音错误笑话

2000年，八国首脑会议在日本冲绳召开，日本首相森喜郎在会上见到美国总统克林顿，便主动用英语向克林顿问候到：“How ar e yo u？”（你好吗？）由于森喜郎发音不标准，把双元音[ou]说成了单元音[ue]，即把：“How ar e yo u？”（你好吗？）说成：“W ho ar e yo u？”（你是谁？克林顿感到很惊奇，想森喜郎怎么这样问我呢，就幽默地回答到“I am Hil'lary"s hus'band.”（我是希拉里的丈夫。）森喜郎听不懂克林顿的话，他想起他的英语老师教他的话：你说了How ar e yo u？（你好吗？）后，对方会回答I am fine. Thank yo u, and yo u?（我很好，谢谢你，你好吗？）你再回答Me too.（我也是），于是森喜郎满脸笑容地回答克林顿“M e too.”（我也是）。克林顿感到更惊奇了，想森喜郎怎么说他也是希拉里的丈夫呢？赶紧终止了与森喜郎的对话，转过身子避开记者。

[ae] [ie]

某外国留学生在美国学校向老师请假去医院，他说：“I"m going to the hos'pit a l toda y'.”(我今天去医院。）可是他发音不标准，把[ae]说成了[ie]，即把：“I"m going to the hos'pit a l toda y'.”说成了“I"m going to the hos'pit a l to die.”(我到医院里去死。）吓得美国老师目瞪口呆。

[n] [l]

我国一位刚到美国留学的小伙子，寄宿在一位美国老人家。一日，这位留学生想找房东借一把刀（k nife）把一根木棍砍断，于是他匆匆拿着这根木棍跑到房东那里，说：“I w ant yo u r k nife”.（我要你的刀。）由于他发音不标准，把鼻音[n]说成了舌边音[l]，即把：“I w ant yo u r k nife.”说成了“I w ant yo u r life.”(我要你的命）。美国老人看见小伙子拿着木棍说要自己的命，吓得差点昏死过去。

关于银行英文简称的笑话

中国建设银行首先发言：“存存吧（CCB-- China Construction Bank）

中国银行立即反应道：“不存（BC--Bank of China）”

中国农业银行一楞：“啊，不存（ABC—Agricultural Bank of China）

民生银行笑道：“存吗？SB！”（CMSB--China Min Sheng Bank）

汇丰银行瞟了一白眼，懒懒说道：“还是不存（HSBC）” 。

中国工商银行牛气地哼了一声：“爱存不存(ICBC--Industrial and Commercial Bank of China)

少儿英语幽默爆笑小笑话

少儿英语幽默爆笑小笑话【导语】英语笑话也是有很多英语小知识可以学习的，以下是由小编整理的少儿英语幽默爆笑小笑话，有时间来一下看看吧！【篇一】少儿英语幽默爆笑小笑话 Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends. Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now! 弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了，富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求过很多女孩，但“从不过热----见好就收”。一天他突发奇想，决定四处走走，去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。他回来即叹道：“嘘!谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。如今她们都成寡妇了!” 【篇二】少儿英语幽默爆笑小笑话

A shoplifter https://www.360docs.net/doc/73975009.html, |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend." 一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。” 【篇三】少儿英语幽默爆笑小笑话 The Fish Net Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann? A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl. 鱼网你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安? 老师发问道。把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。小女孩回答道。

小学生英语笑话故事(三篇)

小学生英语笑话故事（三篇）【导语】英语故事会出现学生认识或是不认识的单词，而这个单词的重复不断出现，会加深同学们对单词的记忆，这种记忆不同于一般的死记硬背，而是在潜移默化中，让学生记住单词，并且不枯燥。小学生英语笑话故事篇一 Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, dont they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "Were still on the ground." 第一次坐飞机约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机,他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以,有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时,约翰逊先生非常担心,不敢接受。不过,由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的,约翰逊先生终于被说服了,登上了飞机。他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落,所以他吓得紧闭双眼。过了一两分钟,他睁开双眼朝窗外望去,接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人,他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小,是不是?” “那些就是蚂蚁,”他的朋友答道,“我们还在地面上。” 小学生英语笑话故事篇二 It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?” 圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？” “I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner. “我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。

英语短笑话

I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " .鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.

初一英语小笑话

Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired." 中文：我的同事有好几小时不见人了。我们疯了地到处找他。最后老板发现，他正在睡大觉。没叫醒他，老板悄无声息地在我的同事的胸前放了个纸条。“睡觉时”，条上写着，“你是我的员工，醒来你就不是了 1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。" A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches. When Tommy came back, mother asked him,” Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” )Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。 )Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了92 条金鱼。弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？斯丹：浴室。弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？病人：我认为我是一只鸡。精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

最搞笑的英语小笑话十则

最搞笑的英语小笑话十则篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话（一）老师在黑板上写了一句：Timeismoney.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”小明上英文课时跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：Iamhongtaoliu，外宾曰：我Tm 还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："missJiang,youareverybeautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："where?where?"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："everywhere,everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不

见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："Youarenotallowedtosee,youarenotallowedtosee." 英语笑话（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「IAm后羿！」 b神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「IAm丘比特！」轮到c了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...Am...soRRY...」英语笑话（五）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：Iamsorry.老外应道：Iamsorrytoo. 某人听后又道：Iamsorrythree. 老外不解，问：whatareyousorryfor? 某人无奈，道：Iamsorryfive. 英语笑话（六）一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，ToKoTA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：“oh，nIssAn！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，honDA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”

六则适合小学生的英语双语笑话

六则适合小学生的英语双语笑话 Teacher： whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就能够回家了。 One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。 Teacher： who just threw that?! 老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了? Boy：Me! I’m going home now. 男孩：我!我现在要回家了。 2. What dog can jump higher than a building? 什么狗比大楼跳的还高? Anydog, buildings can't jump! 任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。 3. What has a head, a tail, and no body? 什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体? A coin! 硬币。 4.

What has one eye but cannot see? 什么有一只眼睛，却看不见? A needle. 针。 5. Wife： "How would you describe me?" 妻子：你会怎么形容我呢? Husband： "ABCDEFGHIJK." 丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife： "What does that mean?" 妻子：那是什么意思? Husband： "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。 Wife： "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" 妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢? Husband： "I'm just kidding!" 丈夫：开个玩笑! 6. The plural Form of "Child" Teacher： What is the plural of man, Tom?

小学生英语小笑话带翻译

小学生英语小笑话带翻译篇一：小学英语笑话带翻译Thebrainsurgeonwasabouttoperformabraintransplant."Youhaveyourchoice oftwobrains,"hetoldthepatient,"For$1000youcanhavethebrainofapsycholo gist,orfor$10,000youcanhavethebrainofapolitician." Thepatientwasamazedatthehugedifferenceinprice."Isthebrainofapoliticiant hatmuchbetter?"heasked.Thebrainsurgeonreplied,"no,it’snotbetter,justunused." 脑移植一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。 “你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗？”他问。医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。” 篇二：小学生英语幽默笑话12 英语笑话小明上英文课时跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet?老师说：goahead.小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet?老师说：goahead.

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！英语笑话某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：IamhongTaoLiu.外宾曰：我还是方片七呢！英语笑话某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：Iamsorry.老外应道：Iamsorrytoo.某人听后又道：Iamsorrythree.老外不解，问：whatareyousorryfor?某人无奈，道：Iamsorryfive. 英语笑话英语老师问一个学生，“howareyou是什么意思”学生想how是怎么，you是你，于是回答“怎么是你？”老师生气又问另一个同学：“howoldareyou?是什么意思？”这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你?”英语笑话小明在学习英语时，总爱把英语单词的读音用汉字标注出来。因此很产生了一个大笑话。老师在教学问价钱一课时，问某商品多少钱时用“howmuch”，小明赶紧在这个词组下面用汉字标出了他的读音“好吗嘛”。标完后还洋洋得意，觉得自己学会了。一次，小明到商店买东西，老板是个老外。小明想要一瓶可乐，说了半天老板听不懂，小明只好用手指到可乐，老板才把可乐拿给他。等到付钱时，小明马上想到自己学的英语知识，高兴的说“好吃嘛？”，老板摇摇头，小明挠挠头，心想是不是记错了，又说“嘛好吃？”。

英语笑话带翻译短一些的

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2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" Little Johnny then stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。