美国人最喜欢的英语幽默段子

1、I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. 我的品味最简单了，我总是对最好的感到满意

注：前一句好像在说自己对品味要求不高

2、If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”

如果你爱某人，就给他自由，但是如果他患了疱疹回来，你不要吃惊

3、Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

智慧来自经验，经验常常是缺少智慧的结果

4、Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

嘿，Rosalie？你知道怎样淹死一个金发美女吗？在池塘底部粘上一面镜子

注：美国有不少说金发美女愚蠢的笑话，在池底照镜子被淹死了

5、In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

起初，什么也没有，然后就爆炸了

注：宇宙中最早什么也没有，然后就大爆炸了

6、Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

生活不模仿艺术，它模仿糟糕的电视节目

注：人们的生活没有那么高的艺术性，年轻人模仿一些糟糕的电视节目而已

7、To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

失去一个父母可能会被认为是不幸，两个都lose(失去，走丢)看起来就像是粗心了。

注：第一个“lose”是“失去”的意思，第二个”lose”应该是“丢失”的意思，没看好父母，把父母丢了，这孩子太粗心了。

8、What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course”

我在床上穿什么？

——这还用问吗？当然是香奈儿5号

9、The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

我岁数越大越不相信“岁月带来智慧”这种熟悉的说法。

注：意思是“我岁数越来越大，可为什么还不见智慧的到来”。

10、The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

商业上激烈竞争的不幸是，即使你胜了，你依然是一只老鼠

注：rat race(商界的)激烈竞争；字面意思：老鼠竞赛

11、Just because you're beautiful and perfect,it's made you conceited. 正是因为你美丽、完美，才让你变得自负

注：真会夸人

12、Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

老鼠是要让我们明白，自然界不是每样东西都有用途

13、The covers of this book are too far apart.

这本书的封面相距太远了

注：说那本书很厚

14、That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

这就是他们为什么称之为美国梦，因为你一定要睡着了才能相信它

15、You're an idiot.

I've never claimed to be otherwise.

你是个傻瓜

——我从来没有声称我不是

16、Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

自信是无知，如果你感到过于自信，那是因为有些事情你不知道

17、Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the

harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.”严格法律意义上讲，我没带武器，但是谁也不应该低估指甲能够造成的伤害，特别是如果目标没有准备

18、There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

世界上只有一件事情比被人谈论更糟糕，那就是不被人谈论

注：很多演员说讨厌被人八卦，不被人八卦才着急呢

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4.练习对话，有条件的可以找一位老外或者英语好的多练习口语，长期形成英语思维。

19、If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

如果我的医生告诉我，我的生命只剩下6分钟了，我就不会沉思了，我打字会更快一些

20、Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.

哦，上帝，如果你原谅我跟你开的小玩笑

我会原谅你跟我开的大玩笑

英语幽默小故事

1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!” hillbilly n. 乡下人，乡巴佬. pudgy adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的 drawl vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说 2、Always Thirsty "I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." "That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" "No, but I am always thirsty!" 总感到口渴一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”

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英语笑话集锦

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