没有最好 只有更好——对2012江苏高考英语书面表达之简要评析

没有最好  只有更好——对2012江苏高考英语书面表达之简要评析
没有最好  只有更好——对2012江苏高考英语书面表达之简要评析

没有最好只有更好——对2012江苏高考英语书面表达之简要评析

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没有最好只有更好——对2012江苏高考英语书面表达之

简要评析-英语论文

没有最好只有更好——对2012江苏高考英语书面表达之简要评析崔峰

(南通市启秀中学,江苏南通226006)

摘要:纵观2012的书面表达提供的范文,觉得并非高不可攀,读后总觉得有些地方的表达并非尽善尽美。现依据范文内容对此进行一些点评,并提出一些个人之感,供老师和学生共商榷,以从以下几方面对2012的书面表达做一些点评,旨在更好地对学生写好书面表达提供借鉴。

关键词:高考英语;书面表达;评析

中图分类号:G633文献标识码:A文章编号:1005-6351(2012)-10-0004-01

生活中冲突时有发生。假设你班同学苏华和李江打篮球时发生争执,导致关系紧张。请你结合此事,并根据以下提示,用英语写一篇短文,向学校英文报“HappyTeens”专栏投稿。

注意:1、对所有要点逐一陈述,适当发挥,不要简单翻译;2、词数150左右。开头已写好,不计入总词数;3、作文中不得提及有关考生个人身份的人和信息,如校名、人名等。

Conflictswithothersarecommoninev

erydaylife.Duringthebasketballgameyesterdayafternoon,SuHuaandLiJiangbumpedintoeachother,tryingtocatchtheball.Thentheystartedshoutingandyelling,anditturnedintoahorriblequarrel.Tobehonest,itwasSu’sfaultbutLiwasalsotoblame—theywerenotcalmenoughandbothsaidsomereallymeanthings.Theycaredtoomuchaboutwinningandlosing.Asamatteroffact,blocking,pushingandbumpingarejustpartofatoughgame.Toavoidsuchconflicts,weshouldbekindtoeachother,whichisessentialtoenjoyingaharmoniouslife.Itisalsoavirtuetoforgiveandforget,especiallyinsuchcompetitiveandstressfulsociety.Insteadofblamingeachother,weshouldcommunicatemoreandputourselvesinothers’place.Don’tbeself-centeredandtrytobeconsiderate.Wemustlearntohandleconflictscalmlyandwisely.

点评:该书面表达题避开了热点话题,还原了表格题。体现了“三贴”原则,

即贴近时代,贴近生活,贴近学生;体现了媒体方向,提示内容少,发挥空间大。所给的范文要点齐全,层次分明,语言地道。其中经典词汇有essential,harmonious,virtue,stressful,considerate,handle等,这些词汇的运用体现了作者的语言基本功。另外一些短语Asamatteroffact,Insteadof使话语之间得到了很好的衔接,最为神奇之处是文中的forgiveandforget,利用英语头韵法的修辞手法将两个词巧妙地连在一起,给文章增添了一份美感。在文章的最后用calmlyandwisely两个副词作为结局,与上文文中的notcalmenough和caredtoomuchaboutwinningandlosing相对应,起到了前后呼应的功能效果。另外作者在阐述时,不是仅仅就事论事,而是从平凡的事中上升到理性的高度,最为典型的是用aharmoniouslife,competitiveandstressfulsociety来说明相互谦让的哲理之道,让人感悟其深刻的道理。如何解决身边常见的纠纷,communicatemoreandputourselvesinothers’place.和Don’tbeself-centeredandtrytobeconsiderate.两个句子作出了最好的说明。纵观全文,行文流畅,过渡自然,表达清晰,佳词妙句引人注目,作为范文名不虚传。

尽管范文给人以美不胜收之感,但细细品味,总觉的某些地方的表达还值得商榷,现依据范文从以下几方面略加概述。

一、精确与模糊

有时在写作中需要表达的内容常常以模糊的概念来代替精确的内容,因为从

实际情况无法判定其具体的时间。从所给的提示看该篮球比赛无法判断发生在何时,所以第一段落中的yesterdayafternoon这一时间状语用法太为具体,反而显得不太妥当,因为学生写此文时是在紧张的高考第二天,不可能在前一天的下午进行激烈的篮球比赛,学生的作文中绝不可能出现此特定的时间状语。因此,许多学生在表达时用afewdaysago或theotherday这样模糊的时间概念反而显得更为恰当。

二、具体与宽泛

在实际写作中有时太具体则会给人以混淆之感,对照所提供的范文Tobehonest,itwasSu’sfaultbutLiwasalsotoblame该句对两人发生冲突的结果下了定义式的结论,而从文中汉语的提示无法判断是谁的过错,学生又怎么会判断是Su’sfault呢?所以该句的出现令人困惑不解。这种太具体的表达根本不可能出现于学生的书面表达中,依笔者的看法,可采用宽泛的方式来阐述,该句可改为Obviously,bothofthemweretoblamebecausetheywerebothimpulsiveandnotcalmenough.增加一个形容词impulsive,这样的改动既能突出青少年易冲动的个性,又委婉地批评了双方不够冷静而导致的争吵。

三、借代与指代

在第二小节中范文把比赛中的冲撞认为是比赛中的一个部分,所以给出了这样的句子blocking,pushingandbumpingarejustpartofatoughgame.这其实是犯了一个概念上的错误,篮球比赛中的冲撞其实绝非是球赛的一个部分,所以很难让人接受该表达。互相冲

撞在篮球比赛中是难以避免的事,因此,用justpart来表达并非适宜,依据汉语的提示和比赛的实际情况,可将该句改为blocking,pushingandbumpingarehardlyavoidableinatoughgame.这样的表达既符合篮球比赛的实际情况,又委婉地将两者间争执的的根源和盘突出,也更符合篮球比赛的实际情况。

通过上面几点的阐述可以看出,任何事物并非尽善尽美,要想在书面表达上做到完美无缺并非是易事一桩,瑕疵终究难以避免。在通过具体的分析之后,作者班门弄斧将原文稍加改动,将拙作呈现如下:

Conflictswithothersarecommonineverydaylife.Duringthebasketballgameafewdaysago,SuHuaandLiJiangbumpedintoeachother,tryingtocatchtheball,whichledtotheirshoutingandyelling.Intheenditturnedintoahorriblequarrel.Obviously,bothofthemweretoblamebecausetheywereimpulsiveandnotcalmenough.Bothofthemmadesomecruelremarksbecausetheycaredtoomuchaboutwinningandlosing.Asamatteroffact,blocking,pushingandbumpingarehardlyavoidableinatoughgame.Toavoidsuchconflicts,weshouldbekindtoeachother,whichisess

entialtoenjoyingaharmoniouslife.Itisalsoavirtuetoforgiveandforget,especiallyinsuchcompetitiveandstressfulsociety.Insteadofblamingeachother,weshouldcommunicatemoreandputourselvesinothers’place.Asstudents,weshouldn’tbeself-centeredandtrytobeconsiderate.Wemustlearntohandleconflictscalmlyandwisely.

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