绝望主妇 第1季第1集

Gabriella who lives down the block brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabriella had developed a taste for rich food, and rich man. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date. Gabriella was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal. Gabriella liked her paella piping hot. However her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.

If you talk to AL MASON at this thing, I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace. Why not pin the receipt to my chest? He let me know how much he paid for his wife’s convertible. Look, just work it into the conversation. There is no way I can just work that in, Carlos. Why not? At the Donahue party, everyone was talking mutual fund. You found a way to mentioned you slept with half the Yankee outfield. I’m telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation. Hey, people are starting to stare. Can you keep your voice down, please? Absolutely, we wouldn’t want them to think we are not happy.

Bree Van who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking, and for making her own clothes, and for doing her gardening, and for re-upholstering her own furniture. Yes, Bree’s many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.Everyone, that is, except her own family.

Paul, Zachary. Hello, Mrs. Van. Bree, you shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble. It was no trouble at all. Now the basket with red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests, but the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary.It’s got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things. Thanks you. Well, the least thing I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning. I know you are out of your minds with grief. Yes, we are. Of course, I will need baskets back once you’re done.Of course.

Susan, who lived across the street, brought macaroni and cheese.Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well.It was too salt the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl’s shirt. She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary. A year had passed since the divorce. Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life. Even one who would make fun of her cooking.

Mum, why would someone kill themselves? Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, they think that’s the only way to solve their problems.Mrs. Yang always seemed happy. Yeah.Sometimes people pretend to be one way, when they’re totally different on the inside. Oh, you mean like how dad’s girlfriend always smiling and says nice things but we know she’s a bitch.

I don’t like that word, Julie. But, yeah, that’s a great example.

Sorry, I’m late. Hi Susan.Hey. So, what did Karl say when you confronted him? You’ll love this. He said…it doesn’t mean anything, it was just sex.Ah, yea, page one of the philanderer’s handbook. Yeah, and then he got this zen look on his face, and he said, you know Susan, most men live lives of quiet desperation. Please tell me you punched him. No. I said, “really? And what do most women lead lives of noisy fulfillment? Hmm, good for you.I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for brunch.It’s like my grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn’t have a conscience.Even the limp ones aren’t that ethical. This is half the reason I joined the NRA. Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences, I wanted it in the back of his mind that he had a loving life at home, with a loaded Smith& Wesson. Lynnie, Tom’s always away on business. Do you ever worry he might?Oh, please, the man’s gotten me

pregnant three times in four years. I wish he was having sex with someone else. So, Susan, is he gonna stop seeing that woman? I don’t know. I’m sorry, you guys, I just…I just don’t know how I’m gonna survive this. listen to me, we all have moments of desperation. If we have face them head-on, that’s when we’d find out how strong we really are.

Susan, Susan. I was just saying Paul wants us to go over on Friday. He needs us to go to Mary Alice’s closet and help pack up her things. He says he can’t face doing it by himself. Sure, that’s fine. Are you OK? Yeah, I’m just so angry. If Mary Alice was having problems, she should have come to us. She should’ve let us help her. What problems could she have had? She was healthy, had a great home and a nice family. Her life was… our life. No. if Mary Alice was having a crisis, we’d have known. She lives 50 feet away, for god sake. Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must’ve been going on.

I wouldn’t eat that if I were you. Why? I made it, trust me. Hey, hey, do you have a death wish? No, I just refused to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese. Oh, my god. How did you… it tastes like it’s burned and overcooked. Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go. Thanks, I’m Mark Delfino. I just started renting the Sim’s house next door. Susan Mayer, I live across the street. Mrs. Huber told me about you, said you illustrate children’s books. Yeah, I’m very big with the under-five set. What do you do?Plumber, so if you ever have a clog… or something… now that everybody’s seen that I brought something, I should probably just throw this out.

Ease up, you little vampire. Lynette, I have been looking all over for you. Are you aware of what your sons are doing? Cannonball! Stop! What are you doing? We are at a wake. Oh my god. You said we could go in the pool. I said you could go by the pool. Do you have your swimsuits on? Yeah, we put’em on ourselves before we left.You three planned this? all right. that’s it. getout. No. no?I am your mother. You have to do what I say. Come on. We want to swim and you can’t stop us. Here. No. get out. Think I won’t get in this pool and just grab you? Get out! Get over here.All right, give me your arm. You…that’s right, get over here. Go, go, go, go, go. Move it. out, get out. Paul, we have to leave now. once again, I’m so sorry for your loss. Go.

Lynette shouldn’t have been so concerned about my husband. He had other things on his mind.Things below the surface.The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. While some did their cooking, and some did their cleaning, and some did their yoga, others, did their ‘homework’.

Hi, I’m Julie,I kicked my soccerball into your backyard. Oh, OK, well, let’s go round and get it. stay. His wife died a year ago, he wanted to stay in LA, but here were too many memories. He’s renting for tax purposes, but hopes to buy a place soon.I can’t believe you went over there. Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. You are obviously into each other. Now you know he’s single, you can ask him out. Julie, Ilike Mr. Delfino, I do.I just…I don’t know if I’m ready to start dating yet. You need to get back out there. Come on, how long has it been since you’ve had sex? Are you mad that I asked you that?No, I’m trying to remember. I don’t want to talk to you about my love life anymore. It warns me out. I wouldn’t have said anything. It’s just…what. I heard dad’s girlfriend ask if you’d dated anyone since the divorce. And dad said he doubted it. and then they both laughed. Hey, Susan.Hi, Mike, I brought you a little house-warming gift. I should’ve brought something by earlier, but…actually, you’re the first to stop by. Really?

Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane. Welcome. And she was the first to find out. But she also knew that good news…hello there. Travels quickly.Edie Bree was the most predatory divorce in a five-block radius. Her conquests were

numerous. Varied.And legendary.

Hi Susan, I hope I’m not interrupting. You must be Mike Delfino. Hi, I’m Edie, Britt. I live over there. Welcome to Wisteria Lane.

Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.

Thank you. What’s this?sausageputtanesca. It’s just somethingI threw together. Well, thanks, Edie. That’s, great. I’d invite you both in. but I was sort of in the middle of something. I’m late for an appointment. I just wanted to say hi.

And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun. For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.

Oh, Mike, I heard you’re a plumber.

But she was reminded that when it came to men…

Do you think you could stop by later and take a look at my pipes?

Women don’t fight fare.

Sure. Thanks. bye, Susan.You can’t order me around like I am a child. Gabbi.No, no, I’m not going. It’s business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives. Every I’m around that man, he tries to grab my ass. I made over 200,000 doing business with him last year. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him. John. Mr. Solis, you scared me. Why is that bush there? You were supposed to dip it up last week. I didn’t have time. Idon’t want to hear your excuses.Just take care of it. I really hate the way you talk to me. And I hate that I spent 15,000 on your diamond necklace which you couldn’t live without. But I’m learning to do with it. so can I tell Tanaka we’ll be there tomorrow? John, we have bandages top shelf in the kitchen.Thanks, Mrs. Solis. Fine, I’ll go. But I’m keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time.

You know whatI don’t get? What? Why you married Mr. Solis. Well, he promised to give me everythingI’ve ever wanted. And did he? Yes. Then why you aren’t happy? Turns out I wanted all the wrong things. So do you love him? I do. Well, then, why are we here, why are we doing this. because Idon’t want to wake up one morning with a sudden urges to blow my brains out. Hey, can I have a drag? Absolutely not.You are much too young to smoke. How would you feel about me using your child-support payments for plastic surgery? Stop being so nervous, you’re just asking him to dinner. No big deal. You are right. so is that your project for school? You know when I was in fifth grade,I made the White House out of sugar cubes. Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better. Tell me again why I fought for custody of you. You were using me hurt dad. Oh, that’s right. oh, god. Hi. Hey, Susan.Are you busy? Not, not at all, what’s up?Well, I…I just, uh, was wondering if there was any chance that you, uh…I just wanted to ask if…Edie. Hey, there, Susan. What are you…I was making ambrosia. AndI made too much so I thought I’d bring some over to Mike. What’s going on? Susan was just going to ask me something. I have a clog. Excuse me? And you’re a plumber, right?yeah. The clog’s in the pipe. Yeah, that’s usually where they are. Well, I’ve got one. OK, let me get my tools. Now?you want to come over now? you have company. Idon’t mind. J ust give me 2 minutes, I’ll be right over. Just stuff the hair down here. I stuffed it. it’s not enough to clog it. here. OK, look. Put in this peanut butter. And this cooking oil.Mom.And these olives.Mom, I’m telling you, it’s not working. Oh, god, that’s him. How am I going to stop up the sink.Well, her e’s your problem. Looks like somebody stuffed a bunch of popsicles sticks down here.