英语舞台剧剧本,五到十分钟
《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
——金科
Wanders every five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(J for short) 刘兰芝
Lunch(L for short)
焦母Johnny’s mother(JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short)
太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short) 强盗Burglars(AB and C)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J: Everybody says that I’m hen pecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着
头)Then, I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All this
I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
As you see , people live around here all said that I am not a man. Yes, I am not a man, I am a handsome man.(手撩头发做臭美状)
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
My God! Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum?
JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“ my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup? （口气很不情愿）
JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy……
L: But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L: Never interrupt me!（手势）Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny（语气重点头）, I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. I have raised（掰手指头数）ten soft hous and sof pigs and ducks and chicken and……
JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L: Mum, I’m back!
LM:（惊讶睁大眼）You are back? Why? What happened?
L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.（怨愤抱拳在胸前）
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! （手指向兰芝）I have already told you!（咳嗽两声）When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,（咳）I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself…… （咳咳咳）L: But, mum…… （很委屈温声细语）
LM: Never interrupt me!
L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to LM(大喜):Nice girl!（竖大拇指）Just now, I met the mayor`s son in the market. He said:“If your daughter h aven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What? （手捂下巴）The mayor`s son? The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done! No, I will not marry a man like that!（扭身子撒娇）
LM: But he is really handsome…
L: ...ok, go ahead!
Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下)Er! How smelly! They are still dirty!
(突然想起)Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.