american dating

American dating history American dating culture has a long, storied history that is closely related to the history of marriage in America. The first American dating traditions were brought to the continent from the countries of the immigrants origins who came ashore here. Because of this, America's dating culture has become a conglomeration of cultures, customs, traditions, and evolving expectations with the only predictable element remaining 'change.'

American Dating Before 1900

?When the Puritans set up camp in North America, they also established rigorous religious moral expectations. These expectations encompassed all aspects of life, including courtship and marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman was not seen as an emotional connection, but a business deal, where a man brought

wealth and security to his wife, and a woman brought a dowry and the ability to bear children. Negotiations between parents took place that took into

consideration monetary wealth and social status, with little input from the

marriageable parties.

In the 1700s, a couple's union was still staunchly guarded by parents, but

beginning in the 1800s, young men and women began to have more autonomy in their choices for a mate. Love became a larger concern in a pairing, with letters and courtship shared between lovers considering marriage with each other.

American Dating Before 1960

?In the 1920s, with dancing growing as a social activity, youth able to spend time together without their parents, and the growth in popularity and availability of the automobile, American courtship began to see a drastic change. Lovers had the opportunity to spend time alone with other singles their own age, and could go on dates with multiple people until they found someone to see exclusively.

Exclusive couples often shared letter jackets and rings with the expectation that the relationship would lead to marriage. As couples began to date younger,

starting in junior high and high school, the age of marriage dropped to the late teens and early twenties, with many couples marrying before a husband, or a

husband and wife, began university studies. After WWII, there was a flood of

marriages as service men returned from overseas and quickly found sweethearts, new or old, and proposed.

American Dating & Feminism

?The wave of feminism in the 1960s began to change the face of American dating culture drastically. Prior to the feminist movement, women and men who did not get married could be viewed as pitiable, or possibly flawed, prompting men and women to date and marry quickly.

As women began to skirt traditional roles of housewifery in favor of college,

employment, and independent living, dating became prolonged and marriage delayed. Sexual freedom also gained prominence, with traditional dating traded for shorter, casual encounters.

Modern American Dating

?Modern American dating is a product of the precedents set by the past. With many different religious traditions, personal ethics, and other guiding principles shaping the way different subsets of American date, there is not one way to sum up modern dating culture. Sexual promiscuity has remained prominent, as well as problem for many girls, specifically teenagers, who find themselves pregnant and in a difficult position to support themselves and their child.

Conservative religious groups have risen partly as a backlash to these trends,

stressing abstinence and prolonged courtship strictly intended for marriage. The majority of American couples have abandoned the full dating of rigors, favoring instead to date members of their group of friends, engaging in short dates over coffee or drinks, as opposed to previous traditions of long, evening dinner dates.

Dating in the Digital Age

?The digital age of dating has ushered in dating websites, matchmaking tools, and personality assessments to help couples find each other in an era that often lends itself to feelings of disconnect and isolation. While many people, especially

women, will act ashamed of having met a date on the Internet through an online dating service, the rapid growth of dating websites demonstrates that they are in high demand, whether or not people are willing to talk about it in public. Digital dating allows singles to read profiles, view pictures, and compare personality

traits before deciding if they'd like to talk with someone or meet them. Whether or not these sights will lead to an increase in successful dates, and subsequently marriages, remains to be studied.

Read more:American Dating Culture | https://www.360docs.net/doc/a310417482.html,https://www.360docs.net/doc/a310417482.html,/about_6663026_american-dating-culture.html#ixzz2AU4DvJYA

Dating Customs in the USA

By Cynthia Gomez, eHow Contributor

A date in the United States is an opportunity to connect.

While much of the western world may have similar customs when it comes to dating, U.S. dating customs may be completely foreign to people from other parts of the world. If you're new to the United States or considering going there for an extended period of time as a single person, it's important that you understand common accepted dating customs to avoid offending your potential dates or even breaking the law.

Asking

?While in some countries, it may be considered improper for a woman to ask a man on a date, that is not the case in the United State. It's completely acceptable for either the man or woman to do the asking. The person who does the asking should pay for the date, unless the person asked insists on paying for herself

while on the date.

Activities

It’s very common of watching films and eating meals in dating. In America, it also called ‘movie date’. Both woman and man can invite each o ther initiatively, and often men are more actively.

They can go Dutch or stand treat by one side. Usually, if an American friend says, “Let’s go get a beer.” or “Want a cup of coffee?” It means go Dutch.

And in China, it’s often the men’s treat in dating, as if in this way can it shows their manliness.

Also, the women always enjoy that.

?Making a "date" commits you to doing something, such as going to a movie, going dancing or having dinner. In a college setting, you may be used to just "hanging out" with others. While sitting and talking is perfectly normal among platonic friends, on a date, you should plan on actually engaging in some enjoyable

activity.

Sex

?Most people do not expect sex during the first few dates, notes the University of Arizona's Center for English as a Second Language. Additionally, going on a date or even going to home with your date does not mean that you must have sex.

"Regardless of what you have seen in U.S. movies or on television, that is not how dating works in the U.S.," instructs the site. Sex on a date should happen only if

both people their express consent. Forced sex is considered rape and could land you in jail.

Follow-Up

Having gone on a date does not obligate you to go on another date with that person or pursue a relationship. If you do not want to go on a second date, simply turn him down politely. If you did the asking the first time around, simply do not ask the person for a second date.

Chinese Dating: A View from the Inside

From parental pressures to societal stereotypes, get a first hand perspective on

Chinese dating in America right here!

By Katherine Chong

In America, the Chinese community is represented by all walks of life – educated and unschooled, Buddhist and Christian, immigrant and American-born, first generation to sixth. There are dozens of ethnic groups, each with their own dialect, spread

throughout the different regions of the United States. Despite descending from a

country so massive, people with Chinese heritage still share a common culture and value system that rings true with many other Asian cultures. The importance of family, honor, and hard work are reflected in all aspects of life, including romantic

relationships and dating.

As a first generation Chinese American, I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, a major hub for multitudes of Asians and Asian Americans. I had always understood certain facets of everyday life as norms since most of my peers were like me and grew up in households like mine. I never attributed tenets as simple as honoring and

respecting elders, especially parents, to my ethnic upbringing.

The Parental Influence

Like many Chinese parents, mine only expected the best – the best grades, the best schools, the best jobs, and the best husband who shared those same qualities. As such,

I always feared the chance of disapproval when my love interests deviated from that

of dating the ideal Chinese doctor. Even after trying to ignore parental pressure and their sometimes unreasonable requirements, many of these qualifications are still

ingrained in me and my generation alike. Just like my parents, financial stability and a

respectable career are basic prerequisites that seem to unconsciously take precedence over many other traits in younger generations.

Stereotypes

Parental concerns aren’t the only factors that influence relationships, but stereotypes brought on by the American media also fall into play. As an Asian American woman, sometimes I too fall into the trap of labeling Asian men as passive. On the other hand, some men might wishfully believe that Asian women are submissive and will cater to their every need and want. These are all blatant generalizations, and these social biases are often untrue. As a strong-minded Asian American woman, I embody characteristics that are quite the opposite of the submissive stereotype, and know many Asian men who break the boundaries of their misconstrued identity as well. Over time, I have learned that the best approach is to shed those misconceptions and instead focus on the person in front of me.

Chinese Dating

In any kind of culture, commonality often makes dating easier. Sharing in traditions, food, and basic upbringing and values can decrease points of conflict that may otherwise arise. Dating another Chinese American would be familiar – not just to myself, but for both families.

There are many levels of language barriers in the Chinese community, where many first generation Chinese Americans have parents who speak little to no English at all. Where family is of utmost importance, finding someone who can communicate with them is a huge factor to consider in the dating world.

Interracial Dating

Although dating a nice Chinese doctor may be at the top of my parents’ wishes, dating people from other cultures and backgrounds is not out of the realm of possibility.

Respect and honor of the Chinese culture might have to be learned, but the same goes for the other person’s heritage. Certain foods or traditions might need some easing into, such as becoming accustomed to chicken feet on the table during Sunday morning dim sum, or politely arguing over who will pay the bill.

With mutual appreciation, understanding, and a little patience, these are obstacles that both parties can benefit from, whether or not the relationship works out. There are many Chinese parents out there that may be hesitant about the unfamiliar, but with an open heart and an open mind, what is different can be embraced and ultimately turn out to be a great experience.

Chinese Dating Etiquette

By Marisa Swanson, eHow Contributor

Dating etiquette in China is very different from that in America.

Dating etiquette differs vastly amongst different cultures. Not observing the etiquette of another country can produce negative results in the form of embarrassment or accidentally offending someone. In American culture, being open about feelings and sex and controversial ideas is prized and respected.

Expressing these beliefs is part of acceptable etiquette when two people are dating and getting to know one another. In China, where modesty is part of the culture, these and other practices are not considered desirable.

Casual Dating

o Casual or serial dating, which is going out with several people at one time, is virtually unheard of in China and is not practiced. Younger Chinese are starting to experiment with casual dating, but it has not yet become acceptable mainstream practice. It's important for American men to know that taking a Chinese woman out on a second or third date will indicate that you are interested in an exclusive and serious relationship. The woman might even get the impression that you are interested in marriage.

Vocabulary

o In American dating, individuals will often tell those they are dating that they like them, and specifically what they like about them. It is not uncommon for them to say they've missed the other one. In no way is this an indication of the

relationship being serious. However, for the Chinese, these terms have far greater meaning. When a Chinese girl says she misses or likes you, she is serious. And when she shows you physical affection, she could very well have chosen you for a spouse.

Meeting the Parents

o Americans often introduce girlfriends and boyfriends to their parents, regardless of the seriousness of the relationship. Both parents and kids take it for granted that the significant other could be "the one" but is not necessarily. At times a

boyfriend or girlfriend is introduced to move the relationship forward, on the contingency of the parents approving. But in Chinese culture meeting the parents means that the relationship is locked down into permanency for the couple. In China, meeting the parents can be the equivalent of an engagement

announcement.

Sex Communication

o Americans consider themselves very liberal when it comes to sex. Each generation is more outspoken and liberal than the last, it seems. Talking about sex is

considered the modern, healthy way to conduct a relationship. In China talking about sex is considered vulgar and inappropriate. In fact, sex education doesn't exist in China because of this taboo.

Virginity

o While notions of virginity being maintained until marriage have largely been tossed aside in American culture, they are still quite prevalent in Chinese culture.

If you have sex with a Chinese woman, and especially if you take her virginity, that is an indication of the relationship being very serious and moving toward marriage.

约会即dating，是一个很美国的概念。在美国文化里，dating是两个人从friends（朋友）到in

relationship（恋爱关系）这两个阶段中必须经过的过程。简单的说，dating就像是一个试用期，如果两人互相满意，可以选择是否将关系进一步深入到relationship（男女朋友），domestic partnership（炮友），open relationship（开放式关系，u are committed to this person but u can still sleep with someone else）等等其他关系。每个人在dating的时候，仍然还是single，而且精力允许的情况下，也可以date多个人。约会的人之间一般不称对方为男女朋友，而是friend 或者date。因此，这是在其他国家的文化里相对陌生的一个概念。在中国文化里，大多数情况下，两个人要么是朋友，要么是男女朋友，很少会有约会这么一说。最接近的翻译，也就是所谓的“暧昧”。当然，中国媒体里也有对“约会”这一概念的挪用，把“约会”等同成了情人间的恋爱活动。

为什么美国人喜欢约会这种ambiguous的行为？这是因为美国主流文化崇尚自由，选择和竞争。

举一个简单的例子，在美国申请大学，申请人都可以同时申请很多所学校，这些学校会给中意的申请人发offer，admission和rejection，而每个拿到offer的申请人又可以从中挑选自己最满意合适的结果。约会就好像是这个申请中的“套磁”过程，大家在经过互相的了解之后，再决定是否要进入一段exclusive的relationship。而且，美国文化力的in relationship和中国文化里的男女朋友关系仍有很大差别，in relationship充其量只能算是男女朋友关系的前期，而且不以结婚为目的。只有in relationship到了一定的火候，两人才会进入fiance/fiancee阶段，也就是中文里男女朋友关系的中后期。我有一些欧美的朋友，是不相信marriage的，所以对于有些人来说，in relationship就是两人感情的终极阶段。有个白人哥们甚至跟我说，大多数人结婚要么是为了少缴税，要么是因为不小心怀了孩子。另外一个罗马尼亚女孩则完全不相信婚姻，而且她不和她的女朋友住在一起（没错，她是双性恋），因为需要个人的空间。

所以，美国人对于dating的态度是很轻松的，一杯coffee，一顿dinner都可以是dating，dating

的时候可以hold hands，kiss，make love。所以说，一个误区就是，如果你和一个欧美女孩kiss 或者sleep过，并不代表你们就是男女朋友关系。当然，不用dating，也可以做同样的事情，而这种情况一般叫做hook-up。另外，美国人对于选择男女朋友是很慎重的，而且一旦in relationship 以后，大家一般很少cheating。同时dating很多人是可以被接受的，但是cheating则是相对严重的道德问题，会留下一个比较坏的reputation。尽管如此，cheating还是时有发生。

最容易和dating相混淆的概念叫做hang out，相对应的中文翻译应该叫做“出去玩”，dating永远是两个人，hang out则是两个或两个以上。如果两个人一起出去，各自买单，一般就是hang out，如果两人出去，男孩（或者女同里主动的那个女孩）买单，那么多半就是一个date，当然，这也不是绝对的，最重要的还是要看两个人的mood。而且很多人都是打着hang out的幌子邀请女孩出去，然后再把hang out变成date，因为这样被拒绝的几率比较小。而我比较喜欢开门见山，直接约女孩出去约会，这样大家心里都明白，也就省了那个transition的过程。如果对方不喜欢我，也可以直接拒绝，这样也省时省事，不用猜来猜去的。

因为约会是一件很轻松平常的事情，所以大多数约会的对象最后不一定会成为你的女朋友，而且欧美的年轻人大多信奉浪漫主义和享乐主义，颇有李白“人生得意须尽欢，莫使金樽空对月”的感觉。大家enjoy的是right now，很少会想很遥远的future。