E 已编辑A4打印阅读英语材料 2016-5-17

恋爱情商：爱情中一定要做和绝不能做的事

As a psychologist and relationship counselor for over 25 years, I speak from experience when I say there's more to the art of love than we can imagine: people are complex, riddled with flaws and deep desires, desperately seeking to be understood. Practice these 8 relationship dos and don'ts to fortify your romance with harmony, stability, and joy:作为一位从业逾25年的心理学家和情感咨询师，从经验出发，我会说：爱的艺术要比我们想象得更高深。人是很复杂的，有令人迷惑的缺点和深层次的渴望，而且非常希望能被别人理解。你可以在情感关系中试试以下8件“一定要”和“一定不要”做的事，让你们的爱情关系更加和谐、稳定、愉悦。

Do develop emotional intimacy: Emotional intimacy is knowing what your partner needs before they even get a chance to ask. It is picking up on their feelings as if they were your own. Develop a sense of emotional intimacy by being honest with your partner and sensitive to their needs.一定要建立情感亲密。情感亲密就是知晓伴侣所需，甚至在他们开口之前你就已经知道了。你要关注他们的感觉，就像关注自己的感觉一样。要建立一种情感上的亲密感，你需要和你的伴侣坦诚相待，并敏感地感知他们的需求。

Do plan a life together: Our plans may not always work out,

but envisioning a future with our partner inspires us to take the right steps towards manifesting our long-term goals. Talk about the years ahead and form a strategy to achieve the things you want together: a home, a family, investments, etc.一定要一起规划人生。

我们的规划不一定会实现，但是和伴侣一起憧憬未来可以激励我们沿着正确的方向朝着长期目标大步迈进。你们可以谈谈未来几年的事，达成一致策略，以实现共同目标：如房屋计划、家庭计划、投资计划等等。

Do bring them comfort: Your partner wants to come home to love, not to a headache. Make your home a place that

always reels your partner back because they feel safe, stable, and nurtured. Don't start talking about your problems as soon as your partner walks through the door.一定要让他们感到舒适。你的伴侣希望回家能感受到爱，而不是一回去就头疼。把你的家打造成一个伴侣心之所系之处，让他们感觉安全、稳定、受到关爱。不要伴侣一走进家门，你就开始倾诉自己遇到的问题。

Do act in the right time: Time can be your biggest enemy or your best friend. The wisdom is to recognize when you should act versus when you should wait. Don't obligate your partner to do things in a certain amount of time.一定要在合适的时间做合适的事。时间可以是你最大的敌人，也可以是你最好的朋友。关键是你要用智慧分辨出什么时候应该有所行动、什么时候应该耐心等待。一定不要强迫你的伴侣在限定的时间内做什么事。

Don't play on their weaknesses: Every day, you have the choice to play on your partner's weaknesses or to reiterate their strengths. If you constantly bring up what they're doing wrong, they'll never feel motivated to do anything right. No relationship can improve under such negative energy.一定不要拿他们的弱点消遣。你每天都可以选择消遣伴侣的缺点或者反复强调他们的优点。如果你不断地

说他们做错了什么，那么他们就永远都不会有做对的动力。在这种负能量作用下，情感关系是不可能向前发展的。

Don't get even: No matter what your partner has done or however they've wronged you in the past, don't retaliate or act in bad faith. Keep your personal karma clean by always treating the other person the way you'd like to be treated, regardless of the way they behave towards you.一定不要报复。不论你的伴侣做过什么，不论以前他们怎么冤枉过你，一定不要报复或者故意使坏。远离因果报应，希望别人怎样对待你，你就怎样对待别人，不论他们到底是怎么对你的。

Don't assume or blow things out of proportion: Before you throw a tantrum, sit and reflect logically: Is it really as bad as I assume? Speak to your partner openly about what's bothering you instead of blowing up on them.一定不要胡思乱想或大发脾气。在你发脾气之前，坐下来，理智地思考一下：事情真的像我想象得那么糟吗？开诚布公地和伴侣谈谈让你心烦的事，而不是冲着他们发脾气。

Don't act out of desperation: Think through your decisions a thousand times before you act on them. Acting on desperation will only yield more desperation. If you're desperate to get your partner to change, don't threaten to break up with them when in reality it's the last thing you want to.一定不要不顾一切采取行动。行动之前，要把你的决策反复咀嚼一千遍。在绝望之中不顾一切，只会带来更大的绝望。如果你非常渴望伴侣做出改变，一定不要威胁他们说要分手——事实上分手是你最不想做的一件事。

Love relationships are undoubtedly difficult to maintain if we don't

consider the steps to uphold a positive dynamic. Take up these 8 tips to eliminate relationship problems and strengthen the loving bond with your partner.毫无疑问，如果我们不考虑采取一些方法来维持爱情中的正向动力，一段爱情关系是很难维系的。用好以上8个小贴士，解决爱情关系中的问题，加固你和伴侣之间的爱之纽带吧

智慧人生:假如有人送你一支笔

Suppose someone gave you a pen - a sealed, solid-colored pen.假如有人送你一支笔，一支不可拆卸的单色钢笔。

You couldn't see how much ink it had. It might run dry after the first few tentative words or last just long enough to create a masterpiece(or several) that would last forever and make a difference in the scheme of things. You don't know before you begin. Under the rules of the game, you really never know. You have to take a chance!看不出里面究竟有多少墨水。或许在你试探性地写上几个字后它就会枯干，或许足够用来创作一部影响深远的不朽巨著(或是几部)。而这些，在动笔前，都是无法得知的。在这个游戏规则下，你真的永远不会预知结果。你只能去碰运气！

Actually, no rule of the game states you must do anything. Instead of picking up and using the pen, you could leave it on a shelf or in a drawer where it will dry up, unused. But if you do decide to use it, what would you do with it? How would you play the game? Would you plan and plan before you ever wrote a word? Would your plans be so extensive that you never even got to the writing? Or would you take the pen in hand, plunge right in and just do it, struggling

to keep up with the twists and turns of the torrents of words that take you where they take you? Would you write cautiously and carefully, as if the pen might run dry the next moment, or would you pretend or believe (or pretend to believe) that the pen will write forever and proceed accordingly?事实上，这个游戏里没有规则指定你必须要做什么。相反，你甚至可以根本不去动用这支笔，把它扔在书架上或是抽屉里让它的墨水干枯。但是，如果你决定要用它的话，那么你会用它来做什幺呢？你将怎幺来进行这个游戏呢？你会不写一个字，老是计划来计划去吗？你会不会由于计划过于宏大而来不及动笔呢？或者你只是手里拿着笔，一头扎进去写，不停地写，艰难地随着文字汹涌的浪涛而随波逐流？你会小心谨慎的写字，好象这支笔在下一个时刻就可能会干枯；还是装做或相信这支笔能够永远写下去而信手写来呢？

And of what would you write: Of love? Hate? Fun? Misery? Life? Death? Nothing? Everything? Would you write to please just yourself? Or others? Or yourself by writing for others? Would your strokes be tremblinglytimid or brilliantly bold? Fancy with a flourish or plain? Would you even write? Once you have the pen, no rule says you have to write. Would you sketch? Scribble? Doodle or draw? Would you stay in or on the lines, or see no lines at all, even if they were there? Or are they?你又会用笔写下些什么呢：爱？恨？喜？悲？生？死？虚无？万物？你写作只是为了愉己？还是为了悦人？抑或是借替人书写而愉己？你的落笔会是颤抖胆怯的，还是鲜明果敢的？你的想象会是丰富的还是贫乏的？甚或你根本没有落笔？这是因为，你拿到笔以后，没有哪条规则说你必须写作。也许你要画素描，乱写一气？信笔涂鸦？画画？

你会保持写在线内还是线上，还是根本看不到线，即使有线在那里？嗯，真的有线吗？

There's a lot to think about here, isn't there? 这里面有许多东西值得考虑，不是吗？

Now, suppose someone gave you a life...现在，假如有人给予你一支生命的笔……

智慧人生:我的脑筋比你好

It's an age-old dispute: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Males and females show different behaviors almost from birth. Researchers say these behaviors are due to basic differences in brain structure and activity. Studies show men are better at hitting targets and solving math problems while women are better at memorizing words and recognizing faces. Why the difference?.这是一个自古就存在的争论：男人来自火星，女人来自金星。男人和女人几乎自出生起就有不同的行为。研究人员表示，这些行为是由大脑结构和大脑活动的基本差异所引起的。研究显示男人较擅于射中标靶和解决数学问题，而女人则比较擅长记忆文字和辨识脸孔。为什么会有这种差异呢？

A test of the brain's electrical activity (EEG) shows that women commonly use both sides of their brain while men rely more on one. Scientists already know that the two sides of the brain control different functions-one controlling the sense of space, for example, the other controlling language. Some researchers believe that the different ways men and women use their brains 1)evolved from ancient times, when cave men hunted and women cared for the

children. Men had to have good aim. Women had to talk to the kids.检验大脑的电流活动（脑波图）显示，女人通常是左右脑并用，而男人则比较常使用一边的大脑。科学家已经知道左右两边的大脑掌管不同的功能--例如一边掌管空间感，另一边掌管语言。有些研究人员相信，男女使用大脑方式的差异从远古时代演化而来，当时穴居的男人负责狩猎，女人则负责照顾小孩。所以男人必须擅长瞄准，女人则必须和小孩说话。

Whatever the explanation, the battle of the sexes continues. And although their brains are constructed slightly differently, men and women may be equally capable. They may simply rely on different abilities. T ake a couple arguing over the ocation of their car in a parking lot. The man might use his sense of space to find it, while the woman relies on her recognition of landmarks. They both find the car. But chances are, they'll still argue about who's the better driver and who's better at finding the way home.无论是何种解释，两性之间的战争仍在进行中。而且虽然他们的大脑构造稍有不同，但男人和女人的能力可能是一样强的。他们只是仰赖不同的能力而已。例如，一对男女在为他们的车子停在停车场的哪个位置而争吵，这位男士可能会运用他的空间感来找车子，女士则可能会依靠辨认地标。两人都能找到车子。但很有可能，他们还是会争论谁的驾驶技术比较好、谁比较善于找到回家的路

智慧人生:两个人的早餐

When my husband and I celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary at our favorite restaurant, Lenny, the piano player, asked, "How did you do it?"当我和丈夫在我们最喜欢的饭馆庆祝结婚38周年纪念日时，那个弹钢琴的莱尼过来问道：“你们是怎么过过来的？”

I knew there was no simple answer, but as the weekend approached, I wondered if one reason might be our ritual of breakfast in bed every Saturday and Sunday.我知道，对于这个问题无法简简单单地来回答。但随着周末一天天的临近，我开始在想：或许其中的一个原因就是我们每逢星期六和星期天都在床上吃早餐。

It all started with the breakfast tray my mother gave us as a wedding gift. It had a glass top and slatted wooden side pockets for the morning paper e kind you used to see in the movies. Mother loved her movies, and although she rarely had breakfast in bed, she held high hopes for her daughter. My adoring bridegroom took the message to heart.一切都是从那个早餐托盘开始的，我妈把它作为结婚礼物送给我们。盘面是玻璃的，两边各有一个细长的木制侧袋用来放晨报——就像过去常常在电影中见到的那样。我妈很喜欢那些电影，尽管她自己很少在床上用早餐，却非常希望女儿能这样。深爱着我的新郎把我母亲的话牢记在心里。

Feeling guilty, I suggested we take turns. Despite grumblings -- "hate crumbs in my bed" ---Sunday morning found my spouse eagerly awaiting his tray. Soon these weekend breakfasts became such a part of our lives that I never even thought about them. I only knew we treasured this separate, blissful time read, relax, forget the things we should remember.出于心里感觉有些愧疚，我提议由我们两个轮流准备早餐。星期天早上，虽然他嘴里嘟嘟囔囔地抱怨着——“我讨厌饭渣弄到床上。”——但我还是见到丈夫在急切地等候他的早餐。周末早餐不久就成为我们生活中的一部分，习以为常也就不去想它了。我只知

道我俩都很珍视这段与其他时间有别的幸福时光——看看报、放松一下自己，忘记那些本该记在心里的事情。

Sifting through the years, I recalled how our weekends changed,but that we still preserved the ritual. We started our family (as new parents, we slept after breakfast more than we read), but we always found our way back to where we started, just two for breakfast, one on Saturday and one on Sunday.细想逝去的岁月，我回忆起我们周末生活的诸多变化，但这个老习惯却依旧保留下来。我们建立起了这个家庭（初为父母时，早饭后的时间我们多半是睡一会儿，而不是阅读），但是我们总能够找到归路，返回起点——只是两个人的早餐，星期六一次，星期天一次。

When we had more time, my tray became more festive. First it was fruit slices placed in geometric pattern; then came flowers from our garden metimes just one blossom sprouting from a grapefruit half. This arranger of mine had developed a flair for decorating, using everything from amaryllis to the buds of a maple tree. My husband said my cooking inspired him. Mother would have approved. Perhaps it was the Saturday when the big strawberry wore a daisy hat that I began to think, how can I top this? One dark winter night

I woke with a vision of a snowman on a tray. That Sunday I scooped

a handful of snow and in no time had my man made. With a flourish I put a miniature pinecone on his head.当我们有了更多的时间，我的早餐托盘上就变得更加具有喜庆色彩。开始时是以几何图形排列的水果片，随后便是从自家花园里摘来的鲜花——有时候只是一朵，开在一半的葡萄柚

当中。没想到这竟激发出我在装饰、点缀方面的天赋，各种各样的东西，从孤挺花到枫树的叶芽，都成为我手下的装饰材料。丈夫说我做的早餐启发了他，妈妈也会赞同他的说法。或许是在那个星期六，在一个大草莓上放一个雏菊做帽子之后，我开始在想：我怎么才能够超过它？在一个漆黑的冬夜，我从梦中醒来，眼前仿佛看到有一个雪人站在托盘上。就在那个星期天，我铲来了一捧雪，很快就做好了一个雪人。我轻轻地把一个微型松果按在雪人的头上。

As I delivered the tray, complete with a nicely frozen snowman, I waited for a reaction. There was none but as I headed down the stairs I heard a whoop of laughter and then, "You've won! Yes, sir, you've won the prize!"我端着早餐上楼，盘面上放着那个冻结实的小雪人，我期待着他的反应——什么也没有——但就在我下楼时，我听到他放声大笑起来，紧接着，他说道：“你赢了！毫无疑问，你得奖了！”