all wives cheat第一季

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[六人行.第一季][Friends.S01E01][中英双字幕]

[CAR HORNS HONKING]There's nothing to tell.It's just some guy I work with. Come on.You're going out with a guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him.So does he have a humpand a hair piece?Wait. Does he eat chalk?I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl. Oh. Okay, everybody relax.This is not even a date.It's just two people going outto dinner and not having sex. Sounds like a date to me.I'm back in high school,in the middle of the cafeteria... ...and I realize I'm totally naked. - Oh, yeah.- I've had that dream.Then I look down and I realizethere is a phone......there.- Instead of...- That's right!MONICA: That one, I've never had. PHOEBE: No.All of a sudden,the phone starts to ring.And it turns out it's my mother. Which is very, very weirdbecause she never calls me.Hi.This guy says "hello,"I wanna kill myself.Are you okay, sweetie?I feel like someone grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth... ...and tied it around my neck.- Cookie?Carol moved her stuff out today. PHOEBE & JOEY:Oh.- Let me get you some coffee.- Thanks.Ew. Unh.No. No, don't!Stop cleansing my aura.Just leave my aura alone, okay?I'll be fine. All right?Really.I hope she'll be very happy.- No, you don't.- No, I don't.To hell with her. She left me!And you never knew she was a lesbian. No! Okay?Why does everyonekeep fixating on that?She didn't know. How should I know? Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.Did I say that out loud?All right, Ross. Look, you're feelinga lot of pain right now.You're angry. You're hurting.Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joints!Come on, you're single.Have some hormones.See, but I don't wantto be single, okay?I just wanna be married again.And I just want a million dollars! Rachel?Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!I went to your building andthis guy with a hammer said... ...that you might be here, and you are. - Can I get you some coffee?- Decaf.Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.This is everybody.This is Chandler and Phoebe... ...and Joey. And remembermy brother, Ross?- Sure!- Hey.- Hi.- Oh, God.[SIGHS]So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? Oh, God! Well, it started abouta half-hour before the wedding.I was in this roomwith all the presents......and I was lookingat this gravy boat.This really gorgeousLimoges gravy boat.When all of a sudden...Sweet 'N Low?- I realized......I was more turned on bythis gravy boat than by Barry. Then I got really freaked out,and that's when it hit me:How much Barry lookslike Mr. Potato Head.You know, I mean, I always knewhe looked familiar, but...Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering:"Why am I doing this?"And "Who am I doing this for?" Anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know you and I have drifted apart... ...but you're the only personI know in the city.Who wasn't invited to the wedding. Oh, I was kind of hoping thatwouldn't be an issue.[SPEAKING IN SPANISHON TV]I'm guessing he bought herthe big pipe organ......and she's really nothappy about it.Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.I'm sorry.I just don't love him.Well, it matters to me. CHANDLER:She should not be wearing those pants.I say push her down the stairs.ALL: Push her down the stairs!Push her down the stairs![ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD]Come on, Daddy, listen to me!It's like all of my life, everyone's always told me, "You're a shoe!You're a shoe! You're a shoe!You're a shoe!"Then today I stopped and said, "What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse?You know?Or a hat?"I don't want you to buy me a hat,I am a hat.It's a metaphor, Daddy!You can see where he'd have trouble.Look, Daddy, it's my life.Well, maybe I'll just stayhere with Monica.I guess we've establishedshe's staying with Monica.Well, maybe that's my decision.Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait! Wait! I said maybe!Okay. Just breathe, that's it.Just try to think of nice, calm things. [SINGING] Raindrops on rosesAnd whiskers on kittensDoorbells and sleigh bellsAnd something with mittensLa lala somethingWith stringI'm all better now.I helped.MONICA: Look, this is probablyfor the best, you know? Independence. Taking control of your life. And, hey, if you need anything,you can always come to Joey.Me and Chandler live rightacross the hall. And he's away a lot. Joey, stop hitting on her.It's her wedding day.What? Like there's a rule or something? [INTERCOM BUZZES]Please don't do that again.It's a horrible sound.PAUL: Uh, it's Paul.- Buzz him in.- Who's Paul?- Paul, the wine guy, Paul?Maybe.Wait a minute. Your "not a real date"is with Paul, the wine guy?- He finally asked you out?- Yes.Ooh. This is a "Dear Diary" moment. Rach, wait, I can cancel.Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.Ross, are you okay?I mean, do you want me to stay?That'd be good.- Really?- No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy. [KNOCKING ON DOOR]MONICA:Hi, come in. Paul, this is......everybody. Everybody, this is Paul. JOEY:Paul, the wine guy.- Wine guy.- I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it? - Okay. Sit down. Two seconds.- Okay.[MOUTHING]Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.So, Rachel,what are you up to tonight?Well, I was supposed to be headedfor Aruba on my honeymoon... ...so, nothing.Right. You're not evengetting your honeymoon.God. No, no. Although, Aruba. Heh. This time of year? Eh.Talk about your......big lizards.Anyway, if you don't feellike being alone tonight......Joey and Chandler arehelping me with my furniture. Yes, and we're very excited about it. Actually, thanks, but I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.- It's been a long day.- Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y thing to the side things...ing a bunch of theselittle worm guys.I have no bracket-y thing,I see no worm guys whatsoever... ...and I cannot feel my legs.What's this?I have no idea.- Done with the bookcase.- All finished.This was Carol's favorite beer.She always drank it out of the can.I should have known.Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture,the stereo, the good TV.What did you get?You guys.- Oh, God. Oh, my God.- You got screwed.- Oh, my God.- I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.I should've caught on when she went to the dentist four and five times a week.I mean, how clean can teeth get?My brother's going through that.He's such a mess.How did you get through it?He might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers.- Say her...- Leg?Heh. That's one way of going through it, yeah.Me, I went for the watch.- You actually broke her watch?- Mm.Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.You probably think it's about making love with your socks on, but it isn't.It isn't, it's about me. And I... [SIGHS]Hi. Machine cut me off again. Anyway...You know what's scary? What ifthere's only one woman for everybody?I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it?Unfortunately, in my case,there was only one woman for her.What are you talking about?One woman.That's like saying there's onlyone flavor of ice cream for you.Let me tell you something, Ross.There's lots of flavors out there.There's rocky road and cookie dough andbing cherry vanilla.You can get them with jimmiesor nuts or whipped cream.This is the best thing thatever happened to you.You got married. You were like, what, ? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.I honestly don't knowif I'm hungry or horny.Then stay out of my freezer.Ever since she walked out on me, I... What? What?You wanna spell it out with noodles?No, it's more of a fifth datekind of revelation.Oh, so there's gonna be a fifth date? Isn't there?Yeah, yeah. I think there is.What were you gonna say? Well... Er, uh...Ever since she left me, um... ...I haven't been able to perform... ...sexually.Oh, God! Oh, God! I am so...- I'm so sorry.- It's okay.Being spit on is probablynot what you need right now. Um...How long?Two years.Wow!I'm glad you smashed her watch. So you still think you mightwant that fifth date?Yeah.Yeah, I do.I, Joanie, take you, Charles,as my lawful husband. MINISTER: Do you take Joanie...?- Oh! See.But Joanie loved Chachi.That's the difference."Grab a spoon."Do you know long it's beensince I grabbed a spoon?Do the words, "Billy, don't bea hero," mean anything to you?You know, here's the thing.Even if I could get it together enough... ...to ask a woman out......who am I gonna ask?Isn't this amazing?I mean, I have never made coffee before in my life.- That is amazing.- Congratulations.While you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make a Western omelet or something... Although, actually I'm reallynot that hungry this morning.- Good morning.MONICA: Good morning.- Morning.JOEY: Morning.- Morning.JOEY: Morning, Paul.- Hello, Paul.- Hi. Paul, is it?MONICA:I had a really great time last night.PAUL:Thank you. Thank you so much.- We'll talk later, okay?- Yeah.Thank you.That wasn't a real date.What the hell do you doon a real date?- Shut up and put my table back. JOEY: Okay.All right, kids, I gotta get to work.If I don't input those numbers,it doesn't make much of a difference. So, like, you guys all have jobs?Yeah, we all have jobs.See, that's how we buy stuff.Yeah, I'm an actor.Wow. Would I have seen you in anything? Oh, I doubt it. Mostly regional work. Unless you happened to catch theWee One's production of Pinocchio. "Look, Geppeto. I'm a real live boy."I will not take this abuse.You're right. I'm sorry.[SINGING] Once I was a wooden boyA little wooden boyMONICA: So how are you doing today? Did you sleep okay?Did you talk to Barry?I can't stop smiling.I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.I know. He's just so...Remember you and Tony De Marco? - Oh, yeah.- Well, it's like that. With feelings. Oh, wow, are you in trouble! Okay, okay. I am just going to get up, go to work......and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonnaget up and go to work.- Oh, wish me luck!- What for?I'm gonna go get oneof those job things.- Hey, Monica.- Hey, Franny. Welcome back.How was Florida?You had sex, didn't you?How do you do that?- So, who?- You know Paul?Paul, the wine guy?Oh, yeah, I know Paul.You mean, you know Paullike I know Paul?Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Before me, there was no snapin his turtle for two years.Of course it was a line.Why? Why would anybodydo something like that?We're looking for an answermore sophisticated than:"To get you into bed."Is it me?Is it like I have some sort ofbeacon that only dogs......and men with severe emotional problems can hear?All right, come here. Give me your feet.I just thought he was nice, you know?I can't believe youdidn't know it was a line.Guess what.- You got a job?- Are you kidding?I'm trained for nothing.I was laughed out of interviews today. Yet you're surprisingly upbeat.Well, you would be too if you found Joan and David boots on sale...... percent off.Oh, how well you know me.They're my new "I don't needa job or my parents.I've got great boots" boots.- How'd you pay for them?- Uh, credit card.And who pays for that?Um, my father.You can't live off your parentsyour whole life.I know that. That's whyI was getting married.Give her a break. It's hard beingon your own for the first time.- Thank you.- You're welcome.I remember when I first cameto this city, I was .My mom had killed herselfand my stepdad was back in prison.And I got here,and I didn't know anybody.I ended up living with this albinoguy who was cleaning windshields... ...outside Port Authority.And then he killed himself.And then I found aromatherapy.So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. The word you're looking for is: "Anyway..."All right. You ready?- I don't think so.ROSS: Oh, come on.Cut. Cut.ALL:Cut, cut, cut.ROSS: Hey.MONICA: All right.Welcome to the real world.It sucks. You're gonna love it. [FRANCIS SCOTT KEY'S "STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" PLAYS ON TV]Well, that's it.You gonna crash on the couch?- No. No, I gotta go home sometime.- Are you gonna be okay?Yeah.Look what I just found on the floor. What?That's Paul's watch.You can just put it backwhere you found it.Oh, boy. All right.Good night, everybody.ROSS & RACHEL:Good night.[WATCH CRACKS][DOOR CLOSES]- Hmm.- Hmm.- Oh, sorry.- No. Oh, no. Go.- No, have it, really.- Split it?- Okay.- Okay.Thanks.You probably didn't know this, but back in high school I had... ...a major crush on you.I knew.You did? Oh.I figured you thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.- I did.- Oh.Listen, do you think...And try not to let my vulnerabilitybecome any kind of a factor here. Do you think it would be okay if I ask you out sometime, maybe? Yeah.Maybe.Okay.Okay, maybe I will. [RACHEL CHUCKLES]- Good night.- Good night.[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES] [DOOR OPENS]See you.ROSS:Mm-hm.Wait, wait. Hey, what's with you?I just grabbed a spoon.Can't believe what I'm hearing. [SINGING] I can't believeWhat I'm hearing here- What? I said you had...- What? I said you had...- Would you stop?- Oh, was I doing it again?ALL:Yes.WOMAN:Would anybody like more coffee?Did you make it or are you just serving it?- I'm just serving it.CHANDLER: I'll have a cup of coffee.Kids, new dream.I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minnelli.[English - US - SDH]片名：六人行（第一季）剧名：序集主演：珍妮佛安妮斯顿主演：寇妮考克斯主演：丽莎库卓主演：麦特勒布兰主演：马修派端主演：大卫修蒙（中央咖啡厅）没什么好说的！他只不过是我的同事少来了，和你交往的男人…多多少少一定有点问题！他既驼背又戴假发？等一下，他是不是会吃粉笔？制片：塔德史帝文斯我只是不希望你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙各位放轻松，这不算约会不过是两个人一起出去吃晚餐而且不上床对我来说这就是约会编剧：玛莎卡夫曼大卫肯蓝做了个梦，在中学时代我站在餮厅中央…突然发现自己全身赤裸一对，没错一我做过那样的梦我低头一看，看见有一个电话…在那里一而不是…一没错一我没做过那样的梦一没有突然，那个电话响了结果是我妈妈打来的这非常奇怪因为她从来都不会打电话给我！导演：詹姆斯柏洛斯嗨这家伙说〝嗨〞的时候我却想杀了我自己你还好吧，亲爱的？我就成觉好像某人伸手进我的喉咙抓住我的小肠，从我的嘴袒拉出来一再在我的脖子上打结…一要吃饼干吗？卡萝今天搬走了她的东西一我给你拿杯咖啡一谢谢不，不要！不要清理我的光环！不要管我的光环，好吗？我会没事的，好吗？真的我希望她开心一不，你并不希望一是的，我不希望！叫她去死，是她离开了我！你从来都不知道她是女同性恋不知道！行了吧！为什么每个人老是要提出来？她都不知道，我又怎么会知道？有时候我希望我是女同性恋…我讲得很大声吗？没事的，罗斯你现在威到很痛苦你很生气，很伤心我能告诉你解决方法是什么吗？脱衣舞厅！别这样，你单身了！有需求的！我不想单身，好吗？我只想…再次结婚！而我只想要一百万美金！瑞秋！噢，老天爷，摩妮卡感谢上帝！我刚到你那里去，而你不在那个拿着大锤子的家伙说你可能在这里你真在这里！一你想喝点咖啡吗？一无咖啡因的好了，各位，这位是瑞秋另一个林肯高中的律存者这就是各位这是钱德、菲比乔伊，还有你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？一当然，嘿！一埋一嗨一天啊那你现在可以告诉我们了吗还是说我们在等着四位湿洒的伴娘？好吧，大概在婚礼前半个小时我在礼物问里看着那个肉汁壶那是个非常好看的肉汁壶然后，突然…有代糖吗？我发现…我对这个肉汁壶比对巴瑞更有冲动！然后我吓呆了然后这佃想法突然出现在脑中：巴瑞看起来多像洋芋头先生啊我总是觉得他眼熟，但是…总之我必须离开那里，我在想：〝我为什么这样做，我为谁这样做？〞我不知道该去哪袒而且我知道我和你有点疏远了但你是我这个城市里唯一认识的人而且没有受邀参加你的婚礼噢，我希望你不会把它当一回事…我猜他给她买了个管风琴而她很不喜欢那个老爸，我就是无法和他结婚对不起我只是不爱他了这对我很有关系！她真不应该穿那条裤子我觉得应该把她推下楼把她推下楼…爸爸，听我说！这就好像在我一生中所有人都告诉我：〝你是鞋子！〞〝你是鞋子…〞然后今天，我停下来对自己说：〝如果我不想成为鞋子呢？如果我想成为一个包包？或一顶帽子？〞不，我不是要你给我买帽子我是说我是帽子这是个比喻，爸爸！你看得出他哪里听不懂爸爸，这是我的生活也许我可以和摩妮卡住在一起我猜我们已经确定她要和摩妮卡住在一起了…也许那是我的决定也许我不需要你的钱等等！我说也许！呼吸，呼吸好，就这样试着想一些让你镇定的事…玫块上的雨滴，还有猫的胡须门铃和雪橇铃，还有手套…啦啦啦，还有一些条状物…我现在好多了我帮上忙啦瞧，这也许对你来讲是最好的知道吗？独立了，把握自己的生活还有，你还需要什么你可以随时来找乔伊我和钱德就住在对面而且他经常不在乔伊，不要再对她放电了今天是她结婚的日子！怎么啦，难道这还有什么规定吗？请不要再按了那是很恐怖的声音一我是保罗一让他进来！一谁是保罗？一保罗，红酒达人，保罗？也许等等，你今晚的〝不是真正约会〞是和红酒达人保罗？一他终于约你出去啦？一是的！真是个可以写入日记的时刻瑞秋，等等，我可以取消…不用你去吧，我不会有事的！罗斯，你没事吧？你希望我留下来吗？能留下就太好了…一真的？一不，去吧！那可是红酒达人保罗耶！进来，保罗，这是…大家各位，这是保罗保罗！红酒达人！一红酒达人！一我没听清楚你的名字，是保罗吗？一请坐，两秒钟就好一好我刚拔掉四根睫毛不是个好兆头那么瑞秋，你今晚…打算做什么？我本来应该到阿鲁巴度蜜月所以，没事做！对呀，你连蜜月都无法去不过，阿鲁巴，这个时候？你可以谈论一下…大蜥蜴总之如果今晚你不想自己一个人的话乔伊和钱德要过来帮我组装我的新家具对，而且我们为此感到兴奋谢谢了，不过我想今晚还是留在这里吧一今天真是漫长的一天一是呀，好吧菲比，你要来帮忙吗？噢，我希望我能，但是我不想我应该把支架固定在侧面用螺纹蜗轮我没有支架，没有看到螺纹蜗轮而且我的腿麻了这是什么？我不知道一搞定书架了！一完工了！这是卡萝最喜欢的啤酒她总是直接从罐子喝，我该知道的罗斯，我来问你一个问题她得到家具、音响、超赞的电视…那你得到了什么？你们啊一天呀一你被耍了一我的老天！一我知道，我真是个笨蛋当她一个礼拜见四、五次牙医我就该知道了谁的牙齿需要这么干净？我哥哥正在克服这种事呢他真是一团糟你是怎么克服的？他可以试着砸烂她的一些贵重的东西一比如她的…一腿？那样也可以！我则是砸了她的手表你真的砸了她的手表？巴瑞，对不起，对不起我知道你可能认为和那天我对你说跟你穿袜子做爱有关，但不是的这和我有关，我只是…嘿，机器又把电话挂断了不管怎样…知道什么最吓人的吗？如果每个人只有一佃女人适合他呢？我是说如果你得到一个女人，就这样不幸的是，以我的例子来讲是她…得到一个女人你在说什么？〝一个女人〞？那就好像你只吃一种口味的冰淇淋让我告诉你，罗斯还有很多种口味有碎糖口味、饼干口味然复还有香草口味还可以加糖条、果仁或者鲜奶油一起吃！这是你一生中最棒的时刻了！你难道是八岁结婚的？欢迎回到现实里！拿起汤匙！我真不知道我是饿了还是饥渴离我的冰箱远点！从她离开我之复，我…怎么啦？你想边吃面条边讲出来？不，这本该在和你第五次约会时才能说出来的噢，所以会有第五次约会罗？会有吗？我觉得会有你要说什么？好”巴自从她离开我之后…我就一直…无法行房天啊，对不起一对不起…一没关系被人吐水应该不是你现在需要的多久了？两年我真高兴你砸了她的手表！那你还希望有第五次约会吗？是的是的，我希望我乔安妮接受查理斯为我的合法丈夫一你是否接受乔安妮…一看吧可是乔安妮爱佳奇！就是这里不同！〝拿起汤匙〞你知道我多久没拿汤匙了吗？〝比利，别逞英雄〞这句话对你有没有意义？是这样的，就算我想…约一个女人出来我该约谁？是不是很不可思议？我以前从来没泡过咖啡一是很不可思议一恭喜你你现在刚好有心情有没有想做个蛋饼之类的东西…不过我还不太饿…一早安一早安一早安一早安，保罗一你好，保罗一嘿，是保罗，对吗？我昨晚才艮开心谢谢你！太成谢你了！一再聊一好的谢谢那不是真正的约会！那你真正的约会都在干什么？一闭嘴，把我的桌子搬回去一好的！好啦，孩子们，我要去工作啦不过如果我不把那些数字输入也不会有什么差别你们都有工作吗？对，我们都有这样我们才有钱买东西对，我是演员一我有见过你的作品吗？一应该没有，大部分是地方性节目等等，除非你看过翻拍的《木偶奇遇记》〝瞧，老木匠，我是个真正的小男孩〞别这样羞辱我没错，对不起我曾经是个小木偶…你今天怎么样？睡得好吗？和巴端谈过吗？我无法停止微笑看得出来，就好像你睡觉时有个衣架在你嘴里我知道，他只是太…你还记得你和托尼多马哥吗？一是的，记得一就好像那样，但有成觉哇，你有麻烦了好，我要醒过来，去工作而且不要整天想着他或者只是站起来去工作一喔，祝我好运！一为什么？我要去找工作之类的事嘿，摩妮卡！嘿，弗兰妮，欢迎回来！佛罗里达怎么样？你跟人上床了，对吧？你怎么知道的一那么，是和谁？一你认识保罗吗？保罗，红酒达人？是的，我认识保罗你认识他就好像我认识他一样？你开玩笑吧？保罗还欠我人情呢在我之前，他两年都无法行房那当然是谎言！为什么？为什么有人会做这样的事情？我想更精确的答案是〝为了和你上床〞是因为我吗？是因为我会散发某种信号吗？只有狗和有成情问题的男人才会成应到？好啦，过来这袒，把你的脚给我我只是以为他是个好人我真不敢相信你不知道那是谎言！猜猜怎么样？一你找到工作啦？一开玩笑吗？我一点经验都没有！我今天被十二个面试员嘲笑而且你还这么高兴你也会高兴的如果你发现名牌皮靴特价…打五折！是呀，你真了解我…这双是〝我不需要工作，我不需要父母我买了新皮靴〞的皮靴！一你用什么付帐的？一信用卡那谁付帐单呢？我爸爸你不能靠你爸爸过一辈子我知道，这就是为什么我要结婚别逼她，第一次独立生活是很困难的一谢谢你一别客气记得我第一次来这个城市我才十四岁我妈妈刚自杀我的继父又进了监狱然后在这袒我不认识任何人然后我和一个在港务局给人擦车窗的…白化病人住在一起最后他也自杀了然后我找到按摩这份工作所以相信我，我完全了解你的威受你想说的话是：〝总之…〞好了，准备好了吗？一还没有一夹。

绝望主妇英语对白desperatehousewivesse第一季第一集所有英文对白

M y n a m e i s M a r y A l i c e Y o u n g. In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last Thursday. O f c o u r s e,e v e r y t h i n g s e e m e d q u i t e n o r m a l a t f i r s t.I m a d e b r e a k f a s t f o r m y f a m i l y.I p e r f o r m e d m y c h o r e s.I c o m p l e t e d m y p r o j e c t s.I r a n m y e r r a n d s. In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with p e r f e c t i o n. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had n e v e r b e e n u s e d. M y b o d y w a s d i s c o v e r e d b y m y n e i g h b o r,M r s. M a r t h a H u b e r,w h o'd b e e n s t a r t l e d b y a s t r a n g e p o p p i n g s o u n d.H e r c u r i o s i t y a r o u s e d,M r s.H u b e r t r i e d t o t h i n k o f a r e a s o n f o r d r o p p i n g i n o n m e u n a n n o u n c e d. After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before.[S c r e e a m s]I t's m y n e e i g h b o r.I t h i n k s h e e's b e e e e n s h o t. T h e e r e e's b l o o d e e v e e r y w h e e r e e. Y e e s,y o u'v e e g o t t o s e e n d a n a m b u l a n c e e. Y o u'v e e g o t t o s e e n d o n e e r i g h t n o w.A n d,f o r a m o m e n t,M r s.H u b e r s t o o d m o t i o n l e s s i n h e r k i t c h e n,g r i e f-s t r i c k e n b y t h i s s e n s e l e s s t r a g e d y.B u t o n l y f o r a m o m e n t.I f t h e r e w a s o n e t h i n g M r s.H u b e r w a s k n o w n f o r,i t w a s h e r a b i l i t y t o l o o k o n t h e b r i g h t s i d e.I w a s l a i d t o r e s t o n a M o n d a y. Af t e r t h e f u n e r a l,a l l t h e r e s id e n t s o f W i s t e r ia L a n e c a me to p a y t h e i r r e sp e c t s.A n d,a s p e o p l e d o i n t h e s e s i t u a t i o n s,t h e y b r o u g h t f o o d. L y n e t t e S c a v o b r o u g h t f r i e d c h i c k e n. L y n e t t e h a d a g r e a t f a m i l y r e c i p e f o r f r i e d c h i c k e n. S h e d i d n't c o o k m u c h w h i l e m o v i n g u p t h e c o r p o r a t e l a d d e r. S h e d i d n't h a v e t h e t i m e.B ut wh e n he r d o c to r a n no u nc e d s he wa s p r e g na n t,he r hu sb a nd T o m ha d a n id e a. "W h y n o t q u i t y o u r j o b?""K i d s d o b e t t e r w i t h s t a y-a t-h o m e m o m s.I t w o u l d b e s o m u c h l e s s s t r e s s f u l. "B u t t h i s w a s n o t t h e c a s e. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken from the fast-food restaurant. L y n e t t e w o u l d'v e a p p r e c i a t e d t h e i r o n y i f s h e'd t h o u g h t a b o u t i t.B u t s h e d i d n't h a v e t h e t i m e. -S t o p i t,s t o p i t,s t o p i t. -B u t,M o m. N o. Y o u a r e e g o i n g t o b e e h a v e e t o d a y.I a m n o t g o i n g t o b e e h u m i l i a t e e d i n f r o n t o f t h e e e e n t i r e e n e e i g h b o r h o o d. And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that? - Santa's ceell-phonee numbeer. How did you geet that? I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an eelf. And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and I will teell him you want socks for Christmas.A r e e y o u w i l l i n g t o r i s k t h a t?O K. L e e t's g e e t t h i s o v e e r w i t h.G a b r i e l l e S o l i s w h o l i v e s d o w n t h e b l o c k b r o u g h t a s p i c y p a e l l a. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich men.C a r l o s,w h o wo r k e d i n m e r g e r s a n d a c q u i s i t i o n s,p r o p o s e d o n t h e i r t h i r d d a t e.G a b r i e l l e w a s t o u c h e d w h e n t e a r s w e l l e d u p i n h i s e y e s.B u t s h e s o o n d i s c o v e r e d t h i s h a p p e n e d e v e r y t i m eC a r l o s c l o s e d a b i g d e a l.G a b r i e l l e l i k e d h e r p a e l l a p i p i n g h o t.H o w e v e r,h e r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h h e r h u s b a n d w a s c o n s i d e r a b l y c o o l e r. If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your neecklacee. Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest? Hee leet mee know what hee paid for his wifee's conveertiblee. -J u s t w o r k i t i n. -T h e e r e e's n o w a y I c a n. W h y n o t?A t t h e e D o n a h u e e p a r t y e e v e e r y o n e e w a s t a l k i n g m u t u a l f u n d s. Y o u m e e n t i o n e e d y o u s l e e p t w i t h h a l f t h e e Y a n k e e e e o u t f i e e l d.I t c a m e e u p i n t h e e c o n t e e x t o f t h e e c o n v e e r s a t i o n. P e e o p l e e a r e e s t a r i n g. K e e e e p y o u r v o i c e e d o w n.A b s o l u t e e l y.W e e w o u l d n't w a n t t h e e m t o t h i n k w e e'r e e n o t h a p p y. Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch.B r e e w a s k n o w n f o r h e r c o o k i n g.A n d f o r m a k i n g h e r o w n c l o t h e s.A n d f o r d o i n g h e r o w n g a r d e n i n g.A n d f o r r e-u p h o l s t e r i n g h e r o w n f u r n i t u r e. Y e s,B r e e's m a n y t a l e n t s w e r e k n o w n t h r o u g h o u t t h e n e i g h b o r h o o d.E v e r y o n e o n W i s t e r i a L a n e t h o u g h t o f B r e e a s t h e p e r f e c t w i f e a n d m o t h e r.E v e r y o n e,t h a t i s,e x c e p t h e r o w n f a m i l y. P a u l. Z a c h a r y. -H e e l l o,M r s. V a n D e e K a m p. -Y o u s h o u l d n't h a v e e.I t w a s n o t r o u b l e e. T h e e b a s k e e t w i t h t h e e r e e d r i b b o n i s f o r y o u r g u e e s t s. T h e e o n e e w i t h t h e e b l u e e r i b b o n i s j u s t f o r y o u a n d Z a c h a r y.I t's g o t r o l l s,m u f f i n s,b r e e a k f a s t t y p e e t h i n g s. T h a n k y o u. Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to in thee morning.I k n o w y o u'r e e o u t o f y o u r m i n d s w i t h g r i e e f. Y e e s,w e e a r e e.I w i l l n e e e e d t h e e b a s k e e t s b a c k o n c e e y o u'r e e d o n e e. O f c o u r s e e. S u s a n M a y e r,w h o l i v e s a c r o s s t h e s t r e e t,b r o u g h t m a c a r o n i a n d c h e e s e. Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook a n d s h e r a r e l y m a d e i t w e l l.I t w a s t o o s a l t y t h e n i g h t s h e a n d K a r l m o v e d i n t o t h e i r h o u s e.I t w a s t o o w a t e r y t h e n i g h t s h e f o u n d l i p s t i c k o n K a r l's s h i r t. S h e b u r n e d i t t h e n i g h t K a r l t o l d h e r h e w a s l e a v i n g h e r f o r h i s s e c r e t a r y.A y e a r h a d p a s s e d s i n c e t h e d i v o r c e. S u s a n h a d s t a r t e d t o t h i n k h o w n i c e i t w o u l d b e t o h a v e a m a n i n h e r l i f e.E v e n o n e w h o w o u l d m a k e f u n o f h e r c o o k i n g. Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees? Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy, theey think t h a t's t h e e o n l y w a y t o s o l v e e t h e e i r p r o b l e e m s.-M r s. Y o u n g a l w a y s s e e e e m e e d h a p p y. -Y e e a h. Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally diffeereent insidee. Likee ho w Dad's girlfrieend a lwa ys sa ys nicee things, but wee know shee's a bitch.I d o n't l i k e e t h a t w o r d,J u l i e e.B u t,y e e a h,t h a t's a g r e e a t e e x a m p l e e. [M a n]Y o u'r e e w e e l c o m e e. [J u l i e e]W h a t's g o i n g o n?S o r r y I'm l a t e e. -H i,S u s a n. -H e e y. So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him? You'll lovee this, hee said, "It doeesn't meean anything.I t w a s j u s t s e e x. "A h,y e e s,p a g e e o n e e o f t h e e p h i l a n d e e r e e r's h a n d b o o k. Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said, "You know, most meen livee livees of quieet deespeeration. "-T e e l l m e e y o u p u n c h e e d h i m. -N o.I said, "What do most womeen leead? Livees of noisy fulfillmeent?" - Good for you. -D i d h e e h a v e e t o b a n g h i s s e e c r e e t a r y?I h a d t h a t w o m a n t o b r u n c h.A n e e r e e c t p e e n i s d o e e s n't h a v e e a c o n s c i e e n c e e.E v e e n t h e e l i m p o n e e s a r e e n't t h a t e e t h i c a l. T h i s i s w h y I j o i n e e d t h e e N R A. Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind that hee had a wifee w i t h a l o a d e e d S m i t h&W e e s s o n. L y n n i e e,T o m's a l w a y s a w a y. Do you eeveer worry hee might? Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees in four yeears.I w i s h h e e w a s h a v i n g s e e x w i t h s o m e e o n e e e e l s e e. S o,S u s a n,i s h e e g o n n a s t o p s e e e e i n g t h a t w o m a n?I d o n't k n o w. I'm s o r r y,y o u g u y s,I j u s t I j u s t d o n't k n o w h o w I'm g o n n a s u r v i v e e t h i s. L i s t e e n t o m e e. W e e a l l h a v e e m o m e e n t s o f d e e s p e e r a t i o n. If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out how strong wee reeally aree.[F a r o f f]S u s a n. S u s a n.I w a s j u s t s a y i n g P a u l w a n t s u s t o g o o v e e r o n F r i d a y.H e e n e e e e d s u s t o h e e l p p a c k u p M a r y A l i c e e's t h i n g s.H e e c a n't f a c e e d o i n g i t b y h i m s e e l f. -S u r e e. T h a t's f i n e e. -A r e e y o u O K?Y e e a h. I'm j u s t s o a n g r y.I f M a r y A l i c e e w a s h a v i n g p r o b l e e m s,s h e e s h o u l d'v e e l e e t u s h e e l p h e e r. What probleems could shee havee had? Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a nicee family.H e e r l i f e e w a s O u r l i f e e. N o.I f M a r y A l i c e e w a s h a v i n g a c r i s i s,w e e'd h a v e e k n o w n. S h e e l i v e e s50f e e e e t a w a y,f o r G o d s a k e e s.G a b b y,t h e e w o m a n k i l l e e d h e e r s e e l f. S o m e e t h i n g m u s t'v e e b e e e e n g o i n g o n. -I w o u l d n't e e a t t h a t i f I w e e r e e y o u. -W h y?I m a d e e i t.T r u s t m e e. Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish? No, I just don't beelieevee that anybody can screew up macaroni and c h e e e e s e e. O h,m y G o d.H o w d i d y o u?I t t a s t e e s l i k e e i t's b u r n t a n d u n d e e r c o o k e e d. Y e e a h,I g e e t t h a t a l o t.H e e r e e y o u g o. T h a n k s. I'm M i k e e D e e l f i n o.I j u s t s t a r t e e d r e e n t i n g t h e e S i m s'h o u s e e n e e x t d o o r. S u s a n M a y e e r.I l i v e e a c r o s s t h e e s t r e e e e t. M r s.H u b e e r t o l d m e e a b o u t y o u. S a i d y o u i l l u s t r a t e e c h i l d r e e n's b o o k s. Y e e a h,I'm v e e r y b i g w i t h t h e e u n d e e r-f i v e e s e e t. -[H e e l a u g h s]-W h a t d o y o u d o?P l u m b e e r.S o i f y o u e e v e e r h a v e e a c l o g o r s o m e e t h i n g. Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably just throw this out. -[B a b y s q u e e a l s]-O w.E a s e e u p,y o u l i t t l e e v a m p i r e e. L y n e e t t e e,I'v e e b e e e e n l o o k i n g a l l o v e e r f o r y o u. Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing? Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [Boys cheeeer] What aree you d o i n g?W e e a r e e a t a w a k e e. -Y o u s a i d w e e c o u l d g o i n t h e e p o o l. -I s a i d y o u c o u l d g o b y t h e e p o o l. Do you havee your swimsuits on? Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee wee leeft. Y o u t h r e e e e p l a n n e e d t h i s?A l l r i g h t. T h a t's i t.G e e t o u t. -N o. -N o?I a m y o u r m o t h e e r. Y o u h a v e e t o d o w h a t I s a y.C o m e e o n.W e e w a n t t o s w i m a n d y o u c a n't s t o p u s![C h a t t e e r][S h e e g r o a n s]H e e r e e. -N o!-G e e t o u t. Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you? Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer heeree.A l l r i g h t,g i v e e m e e y o u r a r m. Y o u Y a h!T h a t's r i g h t.G e e t o v e e r h e e r e e.G o,g o,g o,g o,g o. M o v e e i t. O u t.G e e t o u t. P a u l,w e e h a v e e t o l e e a v e e n o w. O n c e e a g a i n,I a m s o s o r r y f o r y o u r l o s s.G o. L y n e t t e s h o u l d n't h a v e b e e n s o c o n c e r n e d a b o u t m y h u s b a n d.H e h a d o t h e r t h i n g s o n h i s m i n d. T h i n g s b e l o w t h e s u r f a c e. The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives.While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did their yoga others did their homework. -H i-[d o g b a r k s]I'm J u l i e e.I k i c k e e d m y b a l l i n t o y o u r b a c k y a r d. O h,O K. W e e l l,l e e t's g o r o u n d a n d g e e t i t. -S t a y. -[D o g g r o w l s]H i s w i f e e d i e e d a y e e a r a g o.I n L A t h e e r e e w e e r e e t o o m a n y m e e m o r i e e s.H e e's r e e n t i n g f o r t a x p u r p o s e e s,b u t h o p e e s t o b u y s o o n. -I c a n't b e e l i e e v e e y o u w e e n t o v e e r t h e e r e e. -I s a w y o u f l i r t i n g. N o w y o u k n o w h e e's s i n g l e e,y o u c a n a s k h i m o u t. J u l i e e,I l i k e e M r.D e e l f i n o,I d o.I j u s t I d o n't k n o w i f I'm r e e a d y t o d a t e e y e e t. Y o u n e e e e d t o g e e t b a c k o u t t h e e r e e.How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex? - Aree you mad I askeed you that? - No, I'm trying to r e e m e e m b e e r.I d o n't w a n t t o t a l k t o y o u a b o u t m y l o v e e l i f e e.I w o u l d n't h a v e e s a i d a n y t h i n g. Just What? I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee thee divorcee.A n d D a d s a i d h e e d o u b t e e d i t.A n d t h e e n t h e e y b o t h l a u g h e e d.[D o g b a r k s]H e e y,S u s a n.H i,M i k e e.I b r o u g h t y o u a h o u s e e-w a r m i n g g i f t.I s h o u l d'v e e b r o u g h t s o m e e t h i n g b y e e a r l i e e r. -A c t u a l l y,y o u'r e e t h e e f i r s t t o s t o p b y. -R e e a l l y?-S u s a n k n e w s h e w a s l u c k y. - Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the first to find out. S h e a l s o k n e w t h a t g o o d n e w s-H e e l l o t h e e r e e. t r a v e l s q u i c k l y.E d i e B r i t t w a s t h e m o s t p r e d a t o r y d i v o r c?e i n a f i v e-b l o c k r a d i u s.H e r c o n q u e s t s w e r e n u m e r o u s. V a r i e d.A n d l e g e n d a r y. [P r i e e s t]W h A h!H i,S u s a n.I h o p e e I'm n o t i n t e e r r u p t i n g. Y o u m u s t b e e M i k e e D e e l f i n o.H i,I'm E d i e e B r i t t.I l i v e e o v e e r t h e e r e e. W e e l c o m e e t o W i s t e e r i a L a n e e. S u s a n h a d m e t t h e e n e m y.A n d s h e w a s a s l u t. T h a n k y o u. W h a t's t h i s?S a u s a g e e p u t t a n e s c a.I t's j u s t s o m e e t h i n g I t h r e e w t o g e e t h e e r. W e e l l,t h a n k s,E d i e e. T h a t's g r e e a t. I'd i n v i t e e y o u i n,b u t I w a s i n t h e e m i d d l e e o f s o m e e t h i n g.-I'm l a t e e f o r a n a p p o i n t m e e n t. -I j u s t w a n t e e d t o s a y h i.A n d j u s t l i k e t h a t,t h e r a c e f o r M i k e D e l f i n o h a d b e g u n.F o r a m o m e n t,S u s a n w o n d e r e d i f h e r r i v a l r y w i t h E d i e wo u l d r e m a i n f r i e n d l y. O h,M i k e e,I h e e a r d y o u'r e e a p l u m b e e r. But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and takee a look at my pipees? w o m e n d o n't f i g h t f a i r. -S u r e e. T h a n k s.B y e e,S u s a n. -Y o u c a n't o r d e e r m e e a r o u n d. -G a b r i e e l l e e. N o,n o. I'm n o t g o i n g. T a n a k a e e x p e e c t s e e v e e r y o n e e t o b r i n g t h e e i r w i v e e s.E v e e r y t i m e e I'm a r o u n d t h a t m a n,h e e t r i e e s t o g r a b m y a s s.I m a d e e o v e e r200,000d o i n g b u s i n e e s s w i t h h i m l a s t y e e a r.I f h e e w a n t s t o g r a b y o u r a s s,l e e t h i m. [W i n d c h i m e e s]-J o h n. -O w!M r. S o l i s,y o u s c a r e e d m e e. W h y i s t h a t b u s h t h e e r e e?Y o u w e e r e e s u p p o s e e d t o d i g i t u p. -I d i d n't h a v e e t i m e e. -I d o n't w a n t e e x c u s e e s. J u s t t a k e e c a r e e o f i t.I r e e a l l y h a t e e t h e e w a y y o u t a l k t o m e e. And I hatee that I speent $15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't livee without.B u t I'm l e e a r n i n g t o d e e a l w i t h i t. So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow? John, wee havee bandagees top sheelf in thee kitcheen. T h a n k s,M r s. S o l i s.F i n e e,I'l l g o.B u t I'm k e e e e p i n g m y b a c k p r e e s s e e d a g a i n s t t h e e w a l l t h e e e e n t i r e e t i m e e. S e e e e,n o w t h i s i s w h a t a m a r r i a g e e i s a l l a b o u t.C o m p r o m i s e e. -I s y o u r f i n g e e r O K?-Y e e a h,i t's j u s t a s m a l l c u t. L e e t m e e s e e e e. M m m. Y o u k n o w,M r s. Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to geet my work donee and I can't afford t o l o s e e t h i s j o b. T h i s t a b l e e w a s h a n d-c a r v e e d.C a r l o s h a d i t i m p o r t e e d f r o m I t a l y.I t c o s t h i m$23,000. Y o u w a n t t o d o i t o n t h e e t a b l e e t h i s t i m e e?A b s o l u t e e l y. [Geentlee classical music] Why can't wee eeveer havee normal soup? Danieellee, theeree is nothing abnormal a b o u t b a s i l p u r?e e. Oncee, can wee havee a soup peeoplee havee heeard of? - Likee Freench onion or navy beean? - Your fatheer c a n't e e a t o n i o n s.H e e's d e e a t h l y a l l e e r g i c.A n d I w o n't e e v e e n d i g n i f y y o u r n a v y b e e a n s u g g e e s t i o n. S o,h o w's t h e e o s s o b u c o?-I t's O K.-I t's O K?I s p e e n t t h r e e e e h o u r s c o o k i n g t h i s m e e a l. How do you think it feeeels wheen you say, "It's OK" in that sulleen tonee? Who askeed you to speend threeee hours on dinneer? Excusee mee? Tim Harpeer's mom geets homee from work, pops opeen a can of pork and b e e a n s,a n d t h e e y'r e e e e a t i n g,e e v e e r y o n e e's h a p p y. -Y o u'd r a t h e e r I s e e r v e e d p o r k a n d b e e a n s?-A p o l o g i z e e n o w,I b e e g. I'm saying do you always havee to seervee cuisinee? Can't wee just havee food? - Aree you doing drugs? - What? Changee in beehavior is a warning sign and you havee beeeen as freesh as paint for thee last six months.I t e e x p l a i n s w h y y o u'r e e a l w a y s i n t h e e b a t h r o o m. -T h a t i s n o t w h a t h e e's d o i n g. -S h u t u p. M o m,I'm n o t t h e e o n e e w i t h t h e e p r o b l e e m h e e r e e. Y o u'r e e t h e e o n e e a c t i n g l i k e e s h e e's r u n n i n g f o r M a y o r o f S t e e p f o r d. Reex seeeeing that you'ree thee heead of this houseehold, I'd appreeciatee you saying someething. Pass thee salt? Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion.I n d i g n a t i o n. T o m,t h i s i s m y f i f t h m e e s s a g e e a n d y o u s t i l l h a v e e n't c a l l e e d m e e b a c k. Y o u m u s t b e e h a v i n g a l o t o f f u n o n y o u r b u s i n e e s s t r i p.I c a n o n l y i m a g i n e e.Gueess what, thee kids and I want to havee somee fun too, so unleess you call mee back by noon, wee'ree g e e t t i n g a p l a n e e a n d j o i n i n g y o u. -M o m. -N o t n o w. M o m m y's t h r e e a t e e n i n g D a d d y. -M o m. -N o,I-W h e e r e e a r e e y o u r b r o t h e e r s?-N o o d l e e s,m y f a v o r i t e e. -L y n e e t t e e S c a v o?-[U n d e e r h e e r b r e e a t h]C r a p. N a t a l i e e K l e e i n.I d o n't b e e l i e e v e e i t. -L y n e e t t e e.H o w l o n g h a s i t b e e e e n?-Y e e a r s.H o w a r e e y o u?H o w's t h e e f i r m?-G o o d.E v e e r y o n e e m i s s e e s y o u. -Y e e a h. W e e a l l s a y,i f y o u h a d n't q u i t y o u'd b e e r u n n i n g t h e e p l a c e e b y n o w. Y e e a h,w e e l l.So ho w's d o me e stic li fe e?D o n't yo u j ust lo ve e b e e ing a mo m?And the r e it wa s. T h e q u e s t i o n t h a t L y n e t t e a l w a y s d r e a d e d. W e e l l,t o b e e h o n e e s t F o r t h o s e w h o a s k e d i t,o n l y o n e a n s w e r w a s a c c e p t a b l e. S o L y n e t t e r e s p o n d e d a s s h e a l w a y s d i d. S h e l i e d.I t's t h e e b e e s t j o b I'v e e e e v e e r h a d.[G a s p s]-Y o u k n o w w h a t I d o n't g e e t?-W h a t?W h y y o u m a r r i e e d M r. S o l i s. W e e l l,h e e p r o m i s e e d t o g i v e e m e e e e v e e r y t h i n g I'v e e e e v e e r w a n t e e d. -A n d d i d h e e?-Y e e s. T h e e n w h y a r e e n't y o u h a p p y?T u r n s o u t I w a n t e e d a l l t h e e w r o n g t h i n g s. S o d o y o u l o v e e h i m?I d o. So theen why aree wee heeree? Why aree wee doing this? Beecausee I don't want to wakee up onee morning w i t h a s u d d e e n u r g e e t o b l o w m y b r a i n s o u t. -H e e y,c a n I h a v e e a d r a g?-A b s o l u t e e l y n o t. Y o u a r e e m u c h t o o y o u n g t o s m o k e e. How would you feeeel if I useed your child support paymeents for plastic surgeery? Stop beeing neervous.Y o u'r e e j u s t a s k i n g h i m t o d i n n e e r. N o b i g d e e a l. Y o u'r e e r i g h t. So is that your projeect for school? In fifth gradee I madee thee Whitee Housee out of sugar cubees. S t o p s t a l l i n g a n d g o.B e e f o r e e M i k e e f i g u r e e s o u t h e e c a n d o b e e t t e e r. T e e l l m e e a g a i n w h y I f o u g h t f o r c u s t o d y o f y o u. -Y o u w e e r e e u s i n g m e e t o h u r t D a d. -O h,t h a t's r i g h t. O h,G o d. -H i. -H e e y,S u s a n. -A r e e y o u b u s y?-N o,n o t a t a l l. What's up? Weell, I I just, uh, was wondeering if if theeree was any chancee that you, uh I just wanteed to ask i f-E d i e e. -H e e y,t h e e r e e,S u s a n. -W h a t a r e e y o u?-I w a s m a k i n g a m b r o s i a.A n d I m a d e e t o o m u c h s o I t h o u g h t I'd b r i n g s o m e e o v e e r t o M i k e e. -W h a t's g o i n g o n?-S u s a n w a s g o n n a a s k m e e s o m e e t h i n g. U h-I h a v e e a c l o g. -E x c u s e e m e e?-A n d y o u'r e e a p l u m b e e r,r i g h t?-Y e e a h. -T h e e c l o g's i n t h e e p i p e e. -Y e e a h,t h a t's u s u a l l y w h e e r e e t h e e y a r e e. -W e e l l,I'v e e g o t o n e e. -O K. L e e t m e e g e e t m y t o o l s. N o w?Y o u w a n t t o c o m e e o v e e r n o w?Y o u h a v e e c o m p a n y.I d o n't m i n d. J u s t g i v e e m e e t w o m i n u t e e s. I'l l b e e r i g h t o v e e r. [S q u e e a l s q u i e e t l y][B r e e a t h e e s h e e a v i l y]T h a t's i t. -S t u f f t h e e h a i r d o w n. -I s t u f f e e d i t. -I t's n o t e e n o u g h t o c l o g i t.-H e e r e e.H e e r e e. L o o k. P u t i n t h i s p e e a n u t b u t t e e r.A n d t h i s c o o k i n g o i l. -M o m-A n d t h e e s e e o l i v e e s. -I t's n o t w o r k i n g. -[D o o r b e e l l]O h,G o d. T h a t's h i m.H o w a m I g o n n a s t o p u p t h e e s i n k?W e e l l,h e e r e e's y o u r p r o b l e e m. S o m e e b o d y s t u f f e e d a b u n c h o f P o p s i c l e e s t i c k s d o w n h e e r e e. I'v e e t o l d J u l i e e a m i l l i o n t i m e e s n o t t o p l a y i n t h e e k i t c h e e n. K i d s,y o u k n o w. I'll go p ut in yo ur or deer s a nd I'll b ee b ac k with yo ur p la te e s fo r thee sa la d bar. T h a n k y o u.A n d r e e w,D a n i e e l l e e,n a p k i n s. T h a n k y o u.T h e e y h a v e e v i d e e o g a m e e s.C a n w e e g o p l a y u n t i l o u r f o o d g e e t s h e e r e e?-T h i s i s f a m i l y t i m e e.I t h i n k-G o a h e e a d a n d p l a y.I k n o w y o u t h i n k I'm a n g r y a b o u t c o m i n g h e e r e e,b u t I'm n o t. T h e e k i d s w a n t e e d a c h a n g e e o f p a c e e,s o m e e t h i n g f u n.I g e e t i t. T h e e y'l l w a n t s o m e e t h i n g h e e a l t h i e e r t o m o r r o w,t h o u g h. -I'm t h i n k i n g c h i c k e e n s a l t i m b o c c a. -I w a n t a d i v o r c e e.I j u s t c a n't l i v e e i n t h i s t h i s d e e t e e r g e e n t c o m m e e r c i a l a n y m o r e e. T h e e s a l a d b a r's t h e e r e e.H e e l p y o u r s e e l f. T h a n k y o u. U m,I t h i n k I'l l g o g e e t y o u r s a l a d f o r y o u. -B r e e e e V a n D e e K a m p. -O h,h e e l l o,M r s.H u b e e r.W e e d i d n't g e e t a c h a n c e e t o t a l k a t M a r y A l i c e e's w a k e e. How aree you doing? Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal.B u t s a d l y f o r B r e e,a d m i t t i n g d e f e a t w a s n o t a n o p t i o n.G r e e a t.E v e e r y t h i n g i s j u s t g r e e a t.I g o t y o u t h e e h o n e e y m u s t a r d d r e e s s i n g. T h e e r a n c h l o o k e e d a l i t t l e e b i t s u s p e e c t. Aree wee gonna talk about what I said? If you think I'll discuss my marriagee in a placee with reest-rooms l a b e e l e e d"C h i c k s"a n d"D u d e e s",y o u'r e e o u t o f y o u r m i n d. -W h a t's i n t h i s?-W h a t d o y o u m e e a n?I t's s a l a d. -W i t h w i t h o n i o n s. -W h a t?-Y o u p u t o n i o n s i n m y s a l a d. -N o I d i d n't. O h,w a i t. [Digging] The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before. M a n y y e a r s a g o w h e n h e w a s q u i t e y o u n g.B u t h e r e c o g n i z e d i t i n s t a n t l y.[G r u n t s]I t w a s t h e s o u n d o f a f a m i l y s e c r e t. [Grunts] Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal. W h i c h,f o r s o m e o f m y f r i e n d s,w a s u n f o r t u n a t e. - Mommy, Mommy! - Now what? - Daddy's homee! - [Boys cheeeer] Comee on! Heey, is anybody homee? -H e e y!-H e e y!I w a s n't e e x p e e c t i n g y o u f o r a w e e e e k.I h a v e e t o g o b a c k t o'F r i s c o i n t h e e m o r n i n g.B u t I g o t y o u r c a l l. Y o u s o u n d e e d f r a z z l e e d. Y e e a h. -I t's b e e e e n a l i t t l e e r o u g h. -H i. Y e e a h. P e e a c h e e s.D i d y o u b u y u s a n y p r e e s e e n t s?O h,G o d,p r e e s e e n t s. W a i t u p. L e e t m e e s e e e e. - Ohhh! - Yeeah! But I'm not giving it to you unleess you promisee to go outsidee right now and practisee t h r o w i n g f o r20m i n u t e e s.。

破产姐妹第一季第5集剧本

破产姐妹第一季第五集感谢人人影视提供字幕, Hi, it's been 20 minutes. Have you decided?都想二十分钟了决定好要点什么了吗Uh, we still need more time,我们还需要点时间考虑- can you come back? - Sure.-你能等会再回来吗 -当然And I'm back.我回来了Come on guys you're not buying a house.拜托又不是买房子Everything sucks.横竖都是难吃Pick the thing that sucks the least, and put it in you mouth.就挑个看似最不难吃的塞进嘴得了Max, everyone keeps telling me麦克斯大家都说了they can't decide, it's like a support group for bi-sexuals.双性恋互助会的常见台词 "他们决定不了"Something very magical about to happen...神奇的事件即将要发生啦活着的基督徒被送到天上与基督同在希望要发生的是"被提" 我想休个假被提: 基督教末世论中末日灾难来临时Please let it be the Rapture. I need a day off.In two minutes, something very hip is happening.两分钟后时尚酷"潮"即将来袭If you have a camera,如果你们有相机make sure the flash is on.记得要把"闪"光灯打开哟Why is he speaking like that?他怎么说话怪里怪气的Wait a minute.慢着No one's ordering.没人点餐People keep checking the time on their phones.大伙一直在注意手机上的时间Everyone's wearing matching New Balance sneakers. 每个人都穿着一样的新百伦运动鞋Flash mob!快闪族: 一群互不认识的人快闪族透过互联网或者短信相约在指定地点同时做出特定动作Lmfao - Party rock anthemOh, hell, no!靠想都别想Caroline, Earl, code red!卡洛琳厄尔红色警报I couldn't stop disco,老子当年阻止不了迪斯科but I'll be damned if any more of that crap gets by me. 可谁再跳那破玩意我就开扁Why is flash mob over?快闪怎么这么快就完了Flash mobs were over a year ago.快闪早在一年前就玩完了Nobody told Han!阿憨不知道嘛I want so bad to be hip.人家超想成为时尚潮人Start by never saying that again.土包子才会把"潮"字挂嘴边本字幕由YYeTs人人影视原创翻译制作■仅供学习禁止用于任何商业盈利行为更多影视更新请登陆打工姐妹花第五集第一季第五集姐妹花第一季打工\h翻译一毛不拔YY猫\h翻译一毛不拔YY猫\h校对一根象拔赛太公\h校对一根象拔赛太公后期鱼骨头\h后期鱼骨头\h时间轴总监一毛不拔YY猫\h 时间轴总监一毛不拔YY猫\hHello?您好- Max, phone! - No!-麦克斯有电话 -别接啊What are you doing?你搞毛啊Never answer the wall phone!永远别接墙上的电话什么为什么Only two people call the wall...只有两种人会打这只电话collection agencies and the landlord,讨债公司以及looking for the original tenant whose name is on the lease! 打来找最初承租人的房东- Hang up. Quick! - Too late.-那快挂掉吧 -来不及了I've got to man up and face it.我还是鼓起勇气来面对吧Hello?你好This is what collection agency?你是哪间讨债公司来着No, my granddaughter Max is not here.不我孙女麦克斯不在她死了On her deathbed, she said it was the stress 临终前她还说她是被债主of being constantly harassed by creditors. 长期的骚扰给逼死的That's juvenile.你太逊了Give me the phone.电话给我Hi. So sorry about that.你好刚才真是不好意思What's the issue exactly?到底是什么事来着Well, I'm sure she has every intention...我敢保证她有打算...Well, you're a doody head.你脑子里装屎了吧Never answer the wall.永远不要接这电话But what are you gonna do about it?可欠债问题你打算怎么解决You can't just keep lying to collection agencies. 总不能一直骗讨债公司吧You have to pay your bills.欠债还钱天经地义I have a system.我有个还债机制I pay everyone five dollars a week...每个债主每周还五块钱just enough to keep them from freaking out. 省得他们抓狂找我麻烦美沙酮: 瘾君子每日喝适当剂量便可抑制毒瘾It's the methadone-clinic banking system.这叫美沙酮疗法还债版That is a complete waste of money.这完全是在浪费钱Five dollars won't even cover the interest you're accruing.五块钱都不够付你的循环利息What's the interest rate on your credit card?你信用卡的利率是多少不知道但我对这话题的兴趣度是零 interest一字多义有"利率"和"兴趣"的意思Don't know, but my interest rate in the conversation is zero.Max, how could you not know that?麦克斯你怎么能不知道呢That's one of the first things my father taught me about finance.我爸最早教我有关金融的事就是利率Where... at Embezzle U.?在哪儿教的诈欺大学吗Max, I interned at Merrill Lynch.麦克斯我在美林证券公司实习过Let me help you with this. It's the least I can do.让我帮你吧这是我唯一能帮你的地方I had nowhere to go. You took me in.我无家可归时是你收留了我Let me repay my debt to you by helping with your debt让我帮你想法子还债来报答你吧to everyone in the world, apparently.你不是欠着一大屁股债嘛If you keep talking,如果你再喋喋不休我就去自杀图个清静 lynch一字多义可当人名也有"私刑处死"的意思I'm going to Merrill lynch myself.I'm one of those people我是那种who gets off on untangling big, complicated messes.享受解决纠结问题的人And since you won't let me do your hair,你不让我动你纠结的头发let me do your bills.那让我解决你的债务吧You want to do my bills?你要帮我处理债务吗Here's my portfolio.这是我的账单锦集And, uh, if you find chocolate sprinkles in there, 如果看到上面有屎色巧克力屑they're not chocolate...它们可不是巧克力Or sprinkles.也不是普通的屑Okay.好吧I've divided your bills into three categories...我把你的账单分成了三类"impossible,""偿还无能""next to impossible,""偿还困难"and "how the hell did that happen?"以及"脑子进水了才欠的债"And I've divided my roommate into three categories... 我把我的室友也分成三类"annoying,""讨人厌""super annoying,""超级讨人厌"and "how the hell did that happen?"以及"脑子进水了才让她搬进来的"I'm closing kitchen in ten minutes.我十分钟后就要关厨房了I cannot stay later.我不能留太晚I have date with new woman in my life.我跟我的新桃花有约She's very special to me.她在我心目中很重要I think she may be the one.我觉得她是我的真命天女You are both welcome to come watch us have sex.欢迎来观看我俩激情床战Just putting it out there.我先把"这话儿"说在前头Just put it back in there.把你"那话儿"收进里头I'm so excited, I don't even know where to start.我好激动都不知道从何说起了Drumroll, please.请击鼓No? Okay.不击吗好吧Oh, interesting.有意思Here we have a bill from the pet castle,你有张来自宠物城堡的账单yet you don't have a pet, and you've never been to a castle...可你从没有过宠物也没去过城堡Oh, except White Castle.好吧白城堡快餐店除外You used a credit card at White Castle?你居然在快餐店用信用卡Yep. That was good weed.是啊大麻抽完肚子饿了And the pet thing was 'cause I found a stray宠物费用是因为我发现一只流浪动物and had to have her cleaned up不把它清理干净before I could get anyone to take her.没人会想收养它That would also explain the charge for neutering. 怪不得还有一笔绝育费用Nah, actually, that was for me.其实是我绝育Can't have any more of these coming out.以防有小麦克斯出来祸害人间Do you really think it's fiscally smart to be taking in strays? 你真的认为收留流浪动物是明智之举吗Good point.说得对Move out tonight.今晚你就搬走吧What is this... a student loan?这是什么学生贷款Oh, my God. Max, you went to college?天啊麦克斯你还上过大学啊That wasn't a judgment. It was just shocking...不是说你不像读书人只是震惊kind of like seeing a baby smoke on the Internet.像网上抽烟的婴儿影片一样出人意料嘛I love that kid.我爱死那小孩了Max, a student loan is the worst bill you can ignore.麦克斯学生贷款是最不能忽视的债务It can never be expunged.它会犹如附骨之疽一般We're breaking out "expunged" on a weeknight? 又不是特殊节日用这么高档的字眼干嘛啊You can't run away from this bill.这笔债你是躲不掉的I can run away from anything.只要我想躲没有躲不掉I'm on my fifth identity.我都用到第五个身份了It's just like that but underwater!就像这样不过是在水下Guys!伙计们Sorry, we're just closing, guys.抱歉我们准备打烊了I'll take them, Max. We need the...我来招呼他们吧麦克斯我们得...Uh, sit anywhere.随便坐What was that Roadrunner move you just pulled?怎么跟哔哔鸟一样高速开溜啊There's still a smoke outline of your body逃跑路线上尘土飞扬你身影的烟尘都还未散去呢哔哔鸟和大笨狼是华纳动画片中的角色两者为死对头hanging in the air out there.Did Wile E. Coyote just come in the diner?大笨狼怀尔来餐厅里逮你了吗No, but my ex-boyfriend did.不是是我前男友来了Meep, meep.哔哔[哔哔鸟的叫声]Why is William in Brooklyn?为什么威廉会来布鲁克林Why is William in this diner?为什么威廉会来这家餐厅Why is every inbred rich guy named William?为什么含着金汤匙出生的有钱人都叫威廉I don't want to see him.我不想看见他Max, close the door.麦克斯把门关上I don't want him to come in here.我不想他进来Yeah, 'cause that happens all the time.是啊这年头的顾客就"爱"这么干Customers come in the front door他们喜欢一进店门and make a beeline through the kitchen立马径直穿过厨房to see if there's a waitress hiding in the walk-in freezer. 去看冷藏室里是否有女服务员躲在里面Okay, what is the deal?够了到底怎么回事Tell me fast.速度招来I'm nipping like crazy in here.里面冷得我都激凸了Ooh, you're smuggling some gumdrops there, too, ice queen. 哇你也不声不响玩激凸冷淡女His name is William Van Horn, and he's...他叫威廉·范·洪恩他是...I am leaving for sex.我要出发去做爱了Last chance for threesome, foursome, possibly fivesome,这是你们参加今晚3P 4P的最后机会if her sister's train gets in on time.她姐姐火车准时到还能5P哦Oleg, please.奥列格拜托I don't have time to be harassed right now.我现在没时间被你骚扰Oh, okay.那好吧I'll see you and the gumdrops tomorrow.明天"凸"点见啦Story. Go.故事快说We met at our parents' companies' parent company picnic. 我们相识于父母公司的聚餐上- His family is the Boston Van Horns... - Story. Stop.-他家是波士顿范·洪恩家族 -故事打住Cut to the end. Do we hate him?快进到结尾我们该不该恨他He dumped me when I lost all my money...我一破产他就甩了我never called me, not an email, nothing.电话邮件都没有完全切断联系Oh, we hate him.Wait. Which one's your ex...等等哪个是你的前任the Asian one, the black one?亚洲小子还是黑人I'm kidding. No, seriously.开玩笑的啦不说真的The white one or the really, really white one? 是那个白人还是那个典型死白人Really, really white.典型死白人Service, service, service,服务服务服务service, service, serv...服务服务服务You heard your bro. Service him.你也听见你兄弟说啥了 "服侍"他呀Oh, crushed!Hey, you'd better be careful,你讲话最好小心点'cause I can give you a run for your money.我可以害你事倍钱半哦I don't have any money.我都没钱怎么对半Well, with a body like that, you don't need any. 有这么好的身材你不需要挣钱Oh! Ba-bam!妙啊Did you actually think that was a good line,你真觉得那样很有梗吗or is that what you do还是你就是那种so the check gets paid by Richie Rich?跟着富二代蹭吃喝的马屁米虫Hold on. Who said I was rich?打住谁说我有钱了- Let me see your Hands. - What...-让我看看你的手 -干嘛Looking to see if I have poor-people calluses?看看我有没有穷人的老茧吗不我只是想看看你鸡鸡有多大有种说法是食指顶端到大拇指末端的距离就是男人勃起的长度No, I wanted to see how big your penis is.With hands that size, you better be rich.只有这种大小没点钱还怎么混呀Oh! Shazam!直击要害Not cool, bro.装毛有梗啊兄弟- What's your name? - Michelle Obama.-你叫什么 -米歇尔·奥巴马We're closed.我们打烊了I'm William. Give me your number.我叫威廉给我你的电话吧Why? So you can put it in your phone为什么好让你存进手机里and never call or text or email?直到地老天荒也不联系吗Seriously.我是认真的You wouldn't know what to do with a good girl if you had one. 给了你你也不懂得珍惜好女孩But you're not a good girl. That's why I want your number.你又不是所以我才要你的电话啊So how about it?到底给不给号码啊We're closed.我们打烊了Your sign says "open till 2:00."你们牌子上写"两点关门"My, my.哎呀哎呀How time does fly.欢乐的时光总是过得特别快2:00, gentlemen... nighty night.两点了先生们又到了时候说拜拜What did I ever do to you?我哪里招你惹你了You didn't mention me, did you?你没提到我对吧Ugh, no. I just gave him...当然没有我刚让他just get to the end. Do you hate him?快进到结尾你恨他吗I hate him.我恨他That was the weirdest thing, seeing him come in here. 看见他走进这里感觉真的好怪No, the weirdest thing is coming in here right now.不最怪的人现在正走过来呢Why no?哪里不好啦UO店里的女孩说这样很潮呢 Urban Outfitters: 美国年轻服饰品牌Girl at Urban Outfitters said it was hip.You look like a lesbian I made out with once on a dare.我打赌输了被逼去亲热的拉拉就这打扮Han, you're adorable exactly as you are.憨你自己的样子就很可爱了Why are you trying to be hip?为什么你老想变潮人呢To meet girls.想认识女生呀It's not that bad in here.这里也没这么糟嘛I thought my first trip to a laundromat我还以为我人生第一次去自助洗衣店would be a lot more depressing.会更苦闷凄惨呢Six years we spent together,共度了六年的时光了and now he won't even look at me.他却懒得看我一眼Oh, not the bag.别再拿账单袋了I just looked at his bag... now yours?才看完他的裤裆袋现在你又掏出你的Max, it's driving me crazy.麦克斯这真让我抓狂What did you major in in college?你在大学主修什么I majored in changing topics.主修转移话题So what did you ever see in your ex,你到底看上你前任哪点那个失散的山寨温克吾斯兄弟温克吾斯兄弟: 控告脸书创办人剽窃脸书原始创意的兄弟档the lost Winklevoss twin?We're not talking about William.现在不谈威廉We're talking about your bills.只谈你的账单我也只谈你的比尔 Bill 一字多义可作为William的昵称也有账单的意思Well, I'm talking about your Bill!Oh, face!吃瘪吧Max...We're trying to start a cupcake business.麦克斯我们将一起开创蛋糕事业And I can't believe I'm about to say this真没想到我得跟你说这件事but with my father's financial baggage,由于我爸在金融上有不良记录you're our best chance for credit.你是我们申请贷款的最佳人选Listen, everybody's broke in their 20s.听着谁二十多岁的时候不是穷的And everybody hides from stuff.人人都有要逃避的事情You run into freezers.你选择躲进冷藏室I practice ignorance and blackout drinking.我选择视而不见和用酒精麻痹What's happening right now?这是怎么回事Hola, dudarinos.你好姐们儿The laundromat's closing early.自助洗衣店要提前打烊了We've rented it out for our '80s pop-up disco party. 被我们租来办八零年代人人弹起迪斯科派对Bobby.波比Shouldn't it be called an "'80s pop-up lame hipster应该改名为"八零年代嬉皮人人该死will do anything to be ironic and lame" party? 又爱自取其辱的蹩脚派对""Lame"?"蹩脚"Don't think so.话别说得太早What?什么Vicki from Small wonder is coming?《电脑娃娃》的机器人女孩维姬会来Embarrassed to be you right now.风大闪了舌头糗大了吧Unless you chicks have 75 disco-lovin' bucks, 请交七十五块的我爱迪斯科入场费be gone in ten minutes,不然十分钟内请走人or my man here will throw you out.不然我男人会把你俩扔出去Don't let his tube top fool you.别被他的抹胸给骗了Bobby is mad wiry.波比可是个疯狂硬汉I'm wiry.人家是硬汉Small wonder?《机器娃娃》Is that the show on TLC是学习频道那个about the little-people magicians?小小魔术师的表演节目吗No.不是It's an '80s sitcom about this little girl robot 是一个八零年代喜剧讲述的是一个机器娃娃who lives with a loving family.住在一个充满爱的家庭里A girl robot?机器娃娃That's totally unbelievable.太假了吧No, that's totally awesome!错是太屌了吧The unbelievable part is the loving family. 假的部分是"充满爱的家庭"I love Vicki.我爱维姬She had no emotions and was empty inside. 她没有情绪内心空洞My role model! We're staying.我的人生楷模啊咱们留下吧$75?To do what...花七十五美元干嘛stand here and dance next to...傻站着然后在guy-girl and girl-guy over there?男人婆和娘娘腔旁翩翩起舞吗Come on, Chestnut,来吧栗宝go poo-poo near the hipsters.去嬉皮旁边拉屎吧Hey, how cool would it be如果能让小栗if we could get Chess to go poo on a hipster? 在嬉皮身上拉屎一定酷爆了How can all of those people have $75这些人怎么舍得花七十五块大洋just to dance at a laundromat?去家洗衣店里跳舞啊I've been doing my roots with white-out?我都穷得用涂改液来补染发根了Hipsters in Williamsburg will pay for anything威廉斯堡的嬉皮可舍得花钱了if it makes them feel like they're in on something new 只要他们觉得活动够潮no one else knows about.玩完后还能装逼就行All you need's a gimmick.有个能吸引目光的卖点就行了Dudes!伙计们Can we ride your horse?我们能骑骑你的马吗Sure. 100 bucks.可以一百块Okay. I got to go to the ATM.好的我去趟自动提款机Wait. Stay right there. We'll be right back.等等别走我们会回来的Oh, my God.天啊Max, we are literally looking our gift horse in the mouth. 麦克斯我们还真是忽视了这匹马的价值We have something that's better than an '80s disco party. 我们有比八零年代迪斯科派对更棒的主题We have a horse.我们有匹马If we throw a big enough party,如果我们举办一场大型派对charge hipsters for horse rides,向每一个骑马的嬉皮收费we could pay off your student loan!我们就可以还清你的学生贷款了You'd whore out Chestnut like that?你就这么把栗宝推入火坑啊Don't you have to get him hooked on heroin first?好歹也先让它染上毒瘾再逼他出来接客吧Max, I've got this.麦克斯这事交给我吧I'm a brilliant event planner.我可是个天才活动策划人My sweet 16 was off the chain...我十六岁生日办的超棒penthouse party, pink and black theme.豪华公寓顶层派对粉红和黑色为主题《小碎药丸》是其最成功的专辑]阿兰妮丝·莫里塞特献唱《小碎药丸》里的歌哦阿兰妮丝·莫里塞特加拿大籍女歌手Alanis Morissette sang songs from Jagged Little Pill.On my 16th birthday,在我十六岁的生日时my mom took too many jagged little pills,我妈因为吃太多小碎药丸and I had to drive her to the emergency room所以我不得不开车把她to get her stomach pumped.送到急救室洗胃《推》讲述的是一名穷苦人家小孩曲折的成长故事Was your childhood based on the novel Push by Sapphire?你的童年是萨菲尔写的那本《推》的现实版吧I wish!我还想呢The theme is '90s horse party.主题是九零年代与马共舞派对It's exactly the kind of hip event you're dying to be a part of. 这正是你超想参与的潮流盛事It would happen after closing,派对会在打烊后开始so it won't affect business.所以不会影响营业And all the horse rides will take place out back.而且骑马都是在室外So no damage will come to the diner.所以不会造成餐厅任何损失But why would I say yes to giving up my diner但是餐厅也无任何利益我为什么for no cash return?要答应这件事呢You might get laid.你可能有机会滚床单哦Great!太棒了The '90s horse party is happening on Thursday. 九零年代与马共舞派对将在周四举办Fantastic.Any other questions?太好了还有别的问题吗Yes.有What exactly is possibility确切来说我到底有of percentage of me...多少可能性可以...Getting laid?滚床单吗All I can say is,我只能说with the cute '90s-themed-clothing incentive有九零年代主题的衣着吸引人群and the trivia contest,再加上冷知识竞赛lots of cute hipster girls will be here looking to...很多可爱的嬉皮妹妹会来这寻求Get laid!滚床单I will go now and start to research我现在马上去搜索American trivia facts about the 1990s.九零年代美国冷知识大全You realize we're gonna have to give him something... 你知道咱们得让他尝到甜头吧like flash a little boob, something.比如小露咪咪之类的I feel like Han's more of an ass man.憨是爱屁股型的男人吧Good point... 'cause his head is right there.有道理他的身高只够看到那里九零年代团体TLC - CreepOleg, what's up?奥列格怎么了Not enjoying the '90s horse party?不喜欢九零年代与马共舞派对吗I thought you said "'90s whores party."我以为是九零年代与"马子"共舞派对呢Now I'm wearing girdle and deodorant for no reason. 害我白穿紧身衣白喷除臭剂了Quite a turnout, Max.结果真出人意料麦克斯Reminds me of the after-hours clubs I used to go to, 让我想起以前常去的那家酒吧you know, if all the cool cats shooting dope只不过当年吧里都是霸气的嗑药青年were replaced by sad, white fools sipping light beer. 而这里只有喝低酒度啤酒的可悲白人弱鸡男Look!瞧I did research and make myself a 1990s trivia T-shirt. 我查了资料然后为自己做了件九零年代T恤"Talk to the Han."Han音似hand "憨得理你""Talk to the hand"字面是跟手/憨说话其实是"懒得理你" Get it?懂么"Talk to the Han!""憨得理你"That actually is cool.还真的挺酷的I am hoping it will help me...我希望这件衣服能助我Get laid?滚床单吗Care to purchase a tamagotchi想买个电子宠物还是比弗"奥利奥"山庄小蛋糕吗 90210是比弗利山庄邮编or a 90210-reo cupcake?We came here wanting to hate on you chicks hard. 我们本来是想来砸场子的But that horse you got out back is mad cool.可是你们后院的马真的酷到爆啊You bested us, party beast.你们大获全胜啊派对之王And to that, I doff my cap.就这一点我脱帽致敬- How much are the cupcakes? - $10 each.-这蛋糕多少钱 -每个十美元Ooh, I doff my cap again, my lady.再次脱帽致敬女士Max, look at all this.麦克斯你瞧We're a success!我们成功了I'll tell you what's not a success...有个环节失败了the plan to get Han some action.憨都没尝到半点甜头Look at him over there.瞧他那可怜样- That's so sad. - I know.-太可怜了 -我知道Go over there and give him a "Han" job. 快伸出援"手"让憨乐呵乐呵吧William!威廉Meep, meep.哔哔You realize this is a freezer, not a panic room, right? 你知道这里是冷藏室不是压惊室吧Just go out there快出去and tear his smug, white ass a new one.踹爆他屁股给他点颜色瞧瞧I can't face him, Max.我不敢见他麦克斯Why? He's the one who didn't call you.为什么他才是那个切断联系的人I can't face him because I'm a waitress.我不敢见他是因为我是个女服务员Last time he saw me,上次他见我时I was a billionaire in a townhouse.我还是个住着豪宅的亿万富翁Now I'm a waitress in a walk-in freezer.现在我只是个躲在冷藏室的女服务员So, when you were laying around on your trust fund,所以说你躺在你的信托基金上doing nothing every day,整天屁事不干having other people scrub your toilet,甚至让别人帮你刷厕所you could hold your head up high?你才敢抬头挺胸But now that you support yourself可是现在你自食其力by earning your own money, that's somehow shameful? 却反而觉得抬不起头吗Who cares what he thinks?谁管他是怎么想的He is the guy who just paid $100 to party with a horse. 他不过个是花一百块来与马共舞的冤大头He's the loser, not you.他才是笨蛋不是你Really? 'Cause he's out there having fun, 真的吗因为他在外面潇洒快活and I'm in here,而我在这里hugging a tub of expired blue cheese. 抱着一罐过期的蓝奶酪Look...听我说You see that wad of cash in your Hand? 你看见你手中的一团钞票了吗You earned that.这是你自己挣来的Slap that wad in your palm a few times! 把这团钞票甩到手掌上几次Feel its power.感受一下金钱的力量That's all you got?你就这么点劲吗Come on, really squeeze that wad! 拜托使劲捏那团钞票Feels good in your Hands, right?手里有钱的感觉很好对吧- Feels pretty good. - Yeah.-感觉是挺好的 -对Now slap it and say, "this is my wad!" 现在甩过去说这是老娘挣来的This is my wad.这是老娘挣来的This is my wad!这是老娘挣来的This is my wad!这是老娘挣来的Go out there.杀过去吧I'm going out there!老娘现在就杀过去As soon as the ladies calm down.等我的"姐妹们"平静下来再说Are you kidding?开什么玩笑Show him what he's missing. Let 'em pop, playa!让他看他损失了多少挺起胸膛Where are you, you rich poseur?躲哪去了你这个有钱的二逼Listen up!大伙听着That was meant exclusively for one specific rich poseur. 这句话只是特指一个有钱的二逼All you other rich poseurs,你们其他有钱的二逼just continue with the '90s!继续派对吧Where is he? Do you see him?他在哪有看到他吗Uh, no. He was right over there.没他刚才还在这儿呢He's gone.他走了不能当着他面给他点颜色瞧瞧了 wad一字多义有一团钱跟一滩精液的意思I don't get to shove this in his face.It would've been nice to put my wad换我把一团"东西"丢他脸上in his face for a change.感觉应该也挺爽的Oh, speaking of wads, look over there.说到那方面快看He's such a little pimp.真是可爱的小男宠Are you okay?你还好吧Yeah. Actually, I am.说实话我挺好的I guess I didn't need to go over there我想我不需要走过去and make some big, dramatic speech,给他一番振振有词的大演说telling him that even though I'm a waitress, 来告诉他即使我现在是个女服务员I'm better than him.也比他强I know that now. Thank you.我心里明白了就行谢谢And when I see him one day in the future, 如果有天真的再遇到他I'll be happy to tell him that.我会乐意告诉他的He just came out of the men's room.他刚从男厕所出来了Let's get out of here!。

The Real O'Neals《出柜家庭(2016)》第一季第三集完整中英文对照剧本

我们家的节假日有点与众不同Holidays in our family were a little unique,很大程度上因为我老妈能把所有节日mostly because my mom was able to insert Jesus都和耶稣扯上关系into all of them.如果是圣诞节或者复活节那么这种事谁都可以做到Anyone could do it for Christmas and Easter,但是我老妈真的很有一套but my mom really had game.你们知道有什么比烟火更明亮么?You know what's even brighter than those sparklers? 上帝的光芒The light of Christ.但是圣帕特里克节就不一样了But St. Patrick's Day was different因为它给大家带来欢乐because it was all about fun.而欢乐的中心便是奥尼尔一家And the center of our fun was The O'Neal family float 在隔壁圣帕特里克节游&hearts;行&hearts;上的彩车in our neighborhood St. Patrick's Day parade.伙计们快来!Hey, guys, come on! Ha-ha!看看她!Here she is!多漂亮啊!Beautiful!是么?Is it?我觉得咱们去年有点用得太猛了Well, I think last year we literally rode her hard而且还把她放在潮湿的地方and put her away wet.是的她需要装&hearts;修&hearts;一下Yeah, she could use some sprucing up.今年鉴于最近发生的一些事情And this year, in light of recent events,我觉得咱们还是把彩虹扔掉吧I think we'll ditch the rainbow.太伤人了吧Okay, hurtful.但是我也不介意去费利西亚的布料店逛逛But I'll never turn down a trip to Felicia's Fabrics.小伙伴们看我发现啥了!Guys, look what I found!我们圣帕特里克节的戏服耶!It's our St. Paddy's Day costumes!我的小妖精My little leprechaun.好耶Great.你穿上之前我会先帮你把这些在微波炉里烤一烤I'd pop that in the microwave before you try it on因为我觉得上面都发霉了'cause I think that's black mold.是我的错觉还是蓬松漆Is it just me, or is puffy paint确实一年没一年蓬松了么?getting less and less puffy every year?不不是你的错觉No, it's not just you.我是说如果只能画画那它存在的意义在哪?I mean, at what point is it just paint?你们好Hi, there.你们知道你们刚才买&hearts;&hearts;的蝴蝶结Do you know that the bows you just bought都是柬埔寨的小孩子们做的么?were made by small Cambodian children?好的吧如果你每天千篇一律地做同一件事的话Well, when you do something a thousand times a day,你会做的得心应手you get pretty good at it.妈! 我... 我很抱歉Mom! I... I'm sorry.我妈不喜欢被人在停车场拦下来My mother doesn't like to be confronted in parking lots.只要几分钟就好It'll only take a minute.我... 我在筹集停止童工的请&hearts;愿&hearts;书上的签名I... I'm seeking signatures for a petition to end child labor. 当然Oh, of course.我既喜欢劳工又讨厌孩子I love labor and I hate children.- 我再说什么? - 不不不抱歉- What? - No, no, no, I'm sorry.我说反了The opposite.好吧Okay.不行你不能签字No, you can't sign that.你还没到可以... 投票或者签字的年龄呢You're not old enough to... Vote or sign things.我来签吧I'll do it.你多大了?How old are you?我今年16岁Uh, I'm... I'm 16.我17 你好我是瑞奇17. Hi, I'm Ricky.我叫肯尼I'm Kenny.在那一瞬间我讨厌死自己的名字了At that moment, I hated my name.它听起来像个婴儿的名字一样It sounded like the name a baby.或者肯尼斯Or Kenneth.有时候大家叫我肯尼斯Sometimes people call me Kenneth.妙手回春啊! 哇喔! 我太能了Saved it! Whew! Look at me.我在跟一个男人调情而且我是手到擒来呀I'm flirting with a guy, and I am crushing it.走吧肯尼斯你该回去洗白白了Come on, Kenneth. It's time for your bath.不!No!别停她瞎说She's crazy.我3岁之后就不洗白白了I haven't taken a bath since I was 3.除非我的肌肉在锻炼之后非常酸痛Or, you know, unless my muscles are sore from working out. 好的吧我要走了Okay, gotta go.我跟你说呀吉米这个男的简直太可爱了Oh, Jimmy, this guy was so cute.但是我不知道他是不是跟我调情或者他是不是弯的But I couldn't tell if he was flirting, or even gay.如果别人是弯的的话我应该可以察觉的呀I assumed I'd be able to tell if another guy was gay.就和吸血鬼知道同伴一样The way vampires know.就是那样Sure.总有办法能查出来的There is a way to find out.所以我需要你的建议啊Well, this is the advice I need.你就只要走过去直接问就好啦 "大兄弟你是弯的么?"You just walk up to him and you say, "You gay, bro?"不我才不接受这样的建议No, this is not the advice I need.建议什么?Advice about what?吸血鬼Vampires.这样啊Uh-huh.家庭会议Family meeting.抱歉I'm sorry.圣帕特里克节的喧嚣和兴奋It occurs to me that with all the hubbub让我突然想到and excitement about St. Patrick's Day我们显然都忘记了that we've gotten distracted每年在这个时候最重要的事情...from what's really important about this time of year...四月斋lent.她最后还是做到了She finally did it.她能把上帝都带到圣帕特里克节上来She managed to bring Jesus into St. Patrick's Day.拜托圣帕特里克节我还要上班呀?Seriously, I have to work on St. Patrick's Day, too?我还想跟着佛祖和毗湿奴出去玩呢I was supposed to go to sandals with Buddha and Vishnu. - 抱歉 - 四月斋是每年- Sorry. - Lent is the time of year我们需要赎罪的时候when we are supposed to atone for our sins.咱们家要赎好多的罪过This family's got plenty to atone for.我们都已经放弃了很多东西啊We all gave up stuff already.对呀我戒掉了女生Yeah, I gave up girls.我戒掉了小说I gave up novel-reading.我戒掉了健身I gave up crossfit.我都戒掉了扎克·埃夫隆饰演DJ的电影I gave up a Zac Efron movie in which he plays a deejay. 这些事情都不是真的None of these things are real.我原来也觉得但是我看过电影预告片了Oh, I thought so, too, but I saw the trailer.都是真的It's real.我们应该戒掉一些We should be giving up things阻止我们成为更好的人的东西that are keeping us from being better people.所以吉米你需要戒掉自己长时间的"淋浴"So, Jimmy, you need to give up your long "Showers."所有人都知道你在里面干什么Everyone knows what you're doing in there.我&hearts;干&hearts;什么了? 我又没有...What? I'm not...我才没... 我什么...I don't... what...我... 我... 我洗头很费时间的老妈I... I... it takes a long time for me to shampoo my hair, Mom. 好的吧不再长时间洗澡Fine. No long showers.莎伦你要戒掉你的手&hearts;机&hearts;Shannon, you're giving up your phone.莎伦Shannon.- 莎伦! - 我戒掉健身了- Shannon! - I gave up crossfit.帕特我要你戒掉Pat, I need you to give up calling me every time"每次在地下室你有什么解决不了的事情就来叫我"的习惯there's something you can't figure out in the basement.- 我什么时候那样过? - 今天早上就是- When have I done that? - Just this morning.但是我不明白怎么关掉烘干机But I couldn't figure out how to turn off the dryer.- 它自己会停 - 怎么停?- It just stops. - How?- 事实就是如此 - 但是那又怎样?- It just does. - But how?- 别解释了 - 但是...- It just does. - But...肯尼如果你能变得正常一点儿Kenny, I'd like it if you gave up别自己藏着那么多小秘密我会很开心的being so sneaky and keeping so many secrets.我并没有I don't...我知道之前你和J吉米在说啥I heard you and Jimmy talking earlier,跟吸血鬼一点儿关系都没有and I know it wasn't about vampires.好吧Fine.但是如果我们都得为四月斋戒掉什么的话But if we all have to give up stuff for lent,我觉得你也有份I think you should have to give up something, too.当然了Of course.好我觉得你应该Okay, well, I think you should...不评头论足Give up being judgmental.这太蠢了That's a dumb idea.- 说的好! - 就这么做!- Yes! - Please!- 太棒惹! -这是群众的呼声- Amen! - The people have spoken.莎伦过来快下来Shannon, come on. Get down here.你应该试试衣服看看是不是合适You got to try on your costume so we know if it still fits. 我在想也许今年我们可以不用做这个I was thinking maybe we don't do it this year.莎伦Shannon我穿着这套妖精猎人装备My leprechaun hunter outfit would look a little idiotic 但是没有妖精在身边看上去有点儿傻without a leprechaun to hunt.恶作剧时间到!Time for shenanigans!爸爸你的装备看起来很蠢因为它不是个事Dad, it always looked idiotic because that's not a thing. 当然了是"我们"的事Yes, it is. It's our thing.但是我已经长大了But as I get bigger,衣服小了自尊心也强了both the costume and my dignity shrink.承认吧我已经不适合这种游戏了Face it... I'm getting too old for this.你一直都是我可爱的小妖怪You'll always be my little leprechaun.我觉得你要开始煽情了I feel like you're about to get really sentimental,所以我还是去浴室换衣服吧so I'm gonna go listen from the bathroom.别这样嘛Come on.你知道游&hearts;行&hearts;的人们You know the people at the parade总是爱看我追着你却总是抓不到的样子always love watching me chase but never quite catch you. - 爸爸? 咋啦宝宝?- Dad? - Yeah, kiddo?我不确定这是什么Not totally sure how to say this.宝贝儿要灯干嘛That's what the candle's for, honey.把灯打开Light a match.不是的我好像来大姨妈了No, I just got my period.爸爸?Dad?呃我是不是应该去你房&hearts;间拿个卫生棉条?Uh, should I go up to your room and get your tool kit?我我还没买&hearts;&hearts;那东西这是我第一次来大姨妈I... I don't have anything. This is my first one.我们得去趟药店We need to go to the drugstore.你妈妈说过You know, your mom told me not to come我没事儿的话少去找她to with any more questions,但是我觉得现在的情况比烘干机复杂but I think this is just a little more complicated所以我把她叫来好吗?than the dryer, so I'm gonna go get her, okay?不要!No!宝贝我相信Oh, honey, I am sure that她一定有些话要叮嘱你she's got some things she wants to tell you.我知道她要说什么I've already heard them all.你来大姨妈了吗?Did you get it yet?注意安全别搞出事儿来When you do, don't get pregnant.注意安全别搞出事儿来When you do, don't get pregnant.注意安全别搞出事儿来When you do, don't get pregnant.求你了爸爸什么都别说这是我们之前的秘密Please, Dad, let's just keep this between us.你说的对我能做到You're right. I can do this.你在女孩变女人Why would I need your mother's guidance怎么会是我需要你&hearts;妈&hearts;的&hearts;引导呢? during your terrifying transition into womanhood?看!看!Hey! Hey! Huh? Huh?我把你买&hearts;&hearts;的所有材料都用上了I used all the stuff you bought.我在想我们是把彩虹做成从一坛啤酒And I was thinking that we turn the rainbow流进一坛金子into beer flowing into a pot of gold,还是从一坛金子倒进一坛啤酒or gold pouring into a pot of beer.我还没想好呢所以I haven't decided yet, so...你懂什么?我们全都做错了You know what? We've been doing this all wrong.这些全都要改All of this has to change.什么?不是为什么啊?What? Wha-what... no, why?因为这是四月斋Because it's lent.人们不应该想着People shouldn't be thinking绿色啤酒和小流氓about green beer and tiny hooligans.而是应该审视自己永存的灵魂They should be thinking about their immortal souls和未来将要发生在他们身上的事and what's gonna happen to them如果他们没有正确接受上帝的指引if they don't get right with god.还记得奶奶的那本图画书吗?Remember Grandma's picture book就是满页都是被拷打得满身是血的圣徒full of the tortured and bleeding saints曾经让你做噩梦的那本?that used to give you nightmares?重新做吧Start there.如何能在一天之内两次偶遇同一个人How do you casually run into someone twice in the same day 而且看上去不是个跟踪狂?without seeming like a stalker?- 小心! - 天哪!- Whoa! Whoa! Careful! - Oh, god!瑞奇!Ricky!肯尼!Kenny!- 是你! - 好巧啊- Yeah! - Yeah.我很确定这是罗和麦康纳Um, I'm pretty sure this is how在《婚礼专家》中相遇的方式J.Lo and Matthew McConaughey met in "The Wedding Planner." 什么?那是部电影吗?What? Is that a movie?你说呢?Oh, "Is that a movie?" He says.好吧现在的局面有点尴尬Okay, this is a little awkward,但是我可以扭转回来but I can save it.老兄你是弯的吗?You gay, bro?老兄我是I am... Bro.抱歉I'm sorry.我并不想用这种方式问你That is not how I wanted to say that.没事儿It's okay.你确实通过《婚礼专家》这个梗And you really outed yourself把自己暴露了with the whole "Wedding Planner" Thing. 这电影太烂了It's such a bad movie,但是我很喜欢but I love it so much.等下想去逛逛吗?Want to hang out later?好啊Yes. Yeah.我...我愿意去Um, I... I would like that.好啊Okay.瞧瞧And look at that.我以为这会很困难呢I thought this was going to be hard,但是显然出去约个会很容易嘛but it turns out ning up a date is easy.我得留个你的号&hearts;码之类的吧? Don't I need your number or something? 喔是啊必须的Yeah. No, yeah, definitely you do.好吧也没有那么简单All right, not that easy.你忘了妈妈说的关于洗澡的事情?! What did Mom say about showers?!我只是需要一个创可贴好吗?I just needed a band-aid, okay?我在重做那个花车的时候被一大堆碎片割了!I've got a million splinters from reworking that float!用我的手干粗活实在太危险了Using my hands for other things has been very dangerous. 好了你觉得怎么样?Okay, what do you think?我希望这个味道传达我前卫自信I'm hoping this says I'm edgy, confident,也很有爱的性格but also like to cuddle.闻起来有点像爷爷It kind of smells like Grandpa.我怎么会知道? 瓶子上画了一条船What do I know? It's got a boat on the bottle.我从没做过这事我快要疯了I've never done this before. I'm kind of freaking out.你以前约过会的You've been on dates before.和蜜蜜而且无论我怎样她都喜欢我With Mimi, and she was into me no matter what.我是说我们只是玩卡片之类的I mean, we'd just be, like, playing cards,然后你知道的在你没发现之前她的衣服扣子就解开了and then, you know, before you knew it, her shirt was open... 我希望你闭嘴I want you to stop!然后自己做自己的事情去And now I want you to keep going.抱歉我说话没过大脑I'm so sorry. That was thoughtless.我只是我需要鼓舞士气的话I just... I need a pep talk.你会做得很好好么You're gonna do great, okay?我唯一困惑的一件事情就是The only thing I am confused about两个男的约会谁来买&hearts;&hearts;单is who pays on a guy-guy date?好吧我也不知道Oh, yeah. I don't know that, either.是吧Right?而且如果你是个拉拉And if you were lesbians,难道意味着没有人要买&hearts;&hearts;单么does that mean nobody would pay?不对这听起来怪怪的No, that doesn't sound right.怎么样了What's going on?闻起来像是扬基蜡烛公&hearts;司&hearts;Smells like the Yankee Candle Company.你又在评头论足That sounds judgmental.每根蜡烛我都喜欢I like each candle separately,但混合所有的蜡烛就是对嗅觉的冲击but all together, it's an assault on the senses.这不是评头论足这是事实That's not judgmental. That's just a fact.说到四月斋的誓言Speaking of lenten vows,你有没有什么想要告诉我的啊is there something you'd like to tell me,斯文先生?Mr. Button-Down Shirt?我要去忏悔I'm going to confession.忏悔?Confession?你上次做这件事情是什么时候?When's the last time you did that?我想要严肃对待赎罪这件事情I want to get serious about atoning.有意思Interesting.好吧明天的游&hearts;行&hearts;上Well, you know, I'm gonna see Father Phil tomorrow 我会见到菲尔神父到时我问问他at the parade, so I'll just ask him about it.提醒一下忏悔的内容是私密的Just a reminder. C... confession is confidential.所以即使我杀了一个人他也不能告诉你So even if I kill someone, he can't tell you.这倒是真的Mm. That's true.但是你也要记住上帝一直在看And you just remember... god is always watching. 不行!No!我只是想听一下妈妈I just wanted to hear it, Mom.有很多选择啊Oh, a lot of options, huh?有吸水因子的有翼的吸水夹层We've got pearls, wings, flex foam.哪一只这么走运呢?Hmm, what feels lucky?早发型绝经太幸运了Early-onset menopause. That feels pretty lucky. 让我们看看后面的说明Let's read the back."中毒性休克" 不行"Toxic shock." Nope.打扰一下先生Excuse me, sir.我的女儿My daughter here is正在经历她的初潮experiencing her first period,而且只有我一个人在帮助她and I'm helping her out all on my own.这些是我女儿用的Uh, these are the ones my daughter used.她很喜欢She loved them.这个如何?Yeah? He likes these.天啊Oh, my god.你是一个好爸爸You're being a good dad.她再也不是一个小女孩了She's not a little girl anymore.不知不觉她就上大学了Before you know it, she's off to college.我还有很多没有教给她There's so much I haven't taught her yet.莎伦你现在是一个女人了Shannon, you're a woman now.我在车上等你I'll be waiting for you in the trunk of the car.小女孩长大了Little girl's growing up.你得教她以后独自面对社会的You got to give her the tools she needs to leave you生存本领and survive in the real world,现在还为时未晚before it's too late.两个纯素生苹果派Two vegan raw apple pies.谢谢Thanks.请享用Enjoy.点这个苹果派的人是个骗子Whoever called this apple pie is a liar.吃起来简直像鼻涕It's like someone sneezed in my mouth.你的父母...Um, so, your parents...他们对于你是一个同性恋和素食主义者they're... they're cool with you being gay and vegan还在停车场里找人签请&hearts;愿&hearts;书这些事情很淡定么? and getting petitions signed in parking lots?是的我爸妈还住树屋呢Yeah, my parents live in a tree.你&hearts;爸&hearts;妈呢?Yours?住房&hearts;子House.而且我妈妈...And my mom...她其实对这些很抓狂she's not really cool with anything.她并不知道我出来约会了She doesn't know I'm on this date.事实上这是我第一个跟男的约会This is actually my first date with a guy.我是不是太疯狂了Am I going overboard?我不知道因为这是我第一次I wouldn't know 'cause it's my first time这么出格一个男的约会going overboard on a date with a guy.我觉得如果你把这些告诉服务员I think if you tell the waitress,她会送你一道洋蓟she'll give you a free artichoke.天啊我第一次和男朋友的约会Oh, my god. My first gay date一切我想象的事情都发生了...was everything I imagined it would be...甚至更多And more.我从没想过当一个素食主义者还能这么有趣I never thought being vegan could be this much fun. 好了现在过肩摔开始Okay, now, twist and flip. Go.天啊!Oh, my gosh!好了All right.现在你知道如何对付坏人了吧?Now you know how to disarm an attacker, okay?下一个内容在公共场合永远不要放下你的饮料Next lesson... never put your drink down in public. - 为什么不行? - 你放下饮料- Why not? - You put your drink down,有人就会下药some guy's gonna put something in it,然后你就死在阴沟里了and... boom... you're dead in a ditch.为什么这样?Why are you doing this?情势所迫如你所说Because I have to because you were right.爱尔兰小妖精的衣服是给小女孩的Leprechaun costumes are for little girls.你现在是个女人了所以我要教给你一些大人的东西You're a woman now, so I have to teach you some adult things, 比如说锁喉或者如何换轮胎like choke holds and how to change a tire.我都还不会开车I can't even drive yet.不会换轮胎的女人Well, women who can't change tires会被困在那里然后死在阴沟里了get stranded, and... boom... dead in a ditch.- 爸爸 - 好吧我必须要- Dad! - Well, I have to教给你这些东西teach you this stuff.不用一天教完吧Not all in one day.我们只用了十秒就从We went from leprechaun costumes爱尔兰小妖精谈到死在阴沟里to dead in a ditch in like 10 seconds.要是我想变得这么奇怪的话If I wanted it to be weird,我就会告诉妈妈我来月经了I would have told Mom about my menses.现在是你把事情变得奇怪了Well, now you've made it weird.吉米我今天的约会太赞了Jimmy, the date was perfect!那谁付的钱?So, who paid?他付的但我为他拉了椅子Um, he did, but I pulled out his chair.所以他是受咯So he's the chick.他联&hearts;系&hearts;你了吗?Did you hear from him?嗯我们还聊了聊Yes. We talked,我们明天还要约会and we're meeting again tomorrow.明...不不明天是游&hearts;行&hearts;啊Tom... no, not tom... tomorrow's the parade.如果你不跟我们一起彩车游&hearts;行&hearts;的话Mom's gonna flip out if you don't ride妈妈会疯掉的in the float with the rest of us.这是个很大的决定我终于开始约会了This is a huge deal. I'm finally dating.她应该懂我的She needs to understand that.- 所以你告诉她了? - 噢天哪,没有- So you told her? - Oh, god, no.她应该理解我为什么不去游&hearts;行&hearts;No, she needs to understand that而不是知道我和个男的去约会了without ever finding out that it happened.你吃冰干吗?Why are you eating ice?我现在很危险老弟I'm in crisis, dude.杰西卡纽曼在隔壁开睡衣晚会Jessica Newman is having a slumber party next door.枕头大战?A pillow fight?开的真是时候不是吗?That's a little on-the-nose, don't you think?他们还要干嘛?给对方编头发吗?What else are they gonna do? Like, braid each other's hair? 对!Yes! Yes!其实他们已经在枕头大战前编过了They literally did that right before the pillow fight!但我...我不会洗澡的But I'm not..I'm not gonna take a shower, though,我已经对天发誓了'cause I... I made a promise to god.所以我...我还会去彩车游&hearts;行&hearts;的So I'm gonna... I'm gonna keep working on the float.现在她们在互相给腿剃毛?Now they're shaving each other's legs?女孩子真是奇怪Girls are so weird.早上好同志们Top 'o the mornin', O'Neals!快穿上你们的绿毛衣Put your green sweaters on!我们要去彩车游&hearts;行&hearts;了We've got a float to ride!肯尼?Kenny?你在干嘛What are you doing?衣柜里是什么What's in that closet?我已经出柜了哦Not me anymore.我以为我们之间不会再有秘密了I thought we weren't keeping secrets anymore.没有啊我们走吧We're not.Let's go!你用这些线干吗?What are you doing with all this yarn?没什么Nothing.真的吗Really?因为看来你好像要用它们来编制一个谎言Because it looks like you're using it to knit a web of lies. 你回去那个手工店了是不是You went back to the craft store, didn't you?好我就告诉你Fine.我和一个停车场的家伙约会了I went on a date with the guy from the parking lot,而且我今天还得去见他and I'm seeing him again today.停车场的那家伙The guy from the parking lot.哪个妈妈不会盼着这天呢?What mother doesn't dream of this day?你撒谎了You lied to me,你打破了你的誓言你发誓不再隐藏秘密的and you broke your pledge to stop keeping secrets. 拜托!Come on!你唯一生气的理由就是The only reason that you went all lent crazy你看到我和瑞奇调情了was because you saw Ricky and I flirting.我的意思是I mean, what you你想我四月斋really want me to give up不要做同性恋了for lent is being gay.只是40天的时间而已It's only 40 days.根本没必要我一直就是个同性恋Doesn't matter! I am gay all the time...四月斋圣帕特里克节万圣节lent, St. Patrick's Day... Halloween for gays...对我们同性恋来说that's like our... that's like our...就像我们的足球节一样our big football ti... day.超级碗?The Super Bowl?生来如此!I would have gotten it eventually!给Here you go.这是什么泰瑟枪? 养老计划盒?What's this? A taser? A retirement plan?这是你的姨妈工具箱That is your period tool kit.有止痛药还有巧克力It's got ibuprofen, a little chocolate.我看一个叫"凯西"的四格漫画说巧克力对月经好I read a "Cathy" Comic strip that said chocolate helps. 还有个药店的储值卡And a drugstore gift card因为你以后because you should be in得自己买&hearts;&hearts;女性用品charge of your own feminine...什么的Wingy things.好吗?Okay?哦太好了你来了Oh, good. There you are.我们游&hearts;行&hearts;少了个人We're down one for the parade.肯尼不来了别问为什么Kenny's not coming. Don't ask.莎伦呢?Where's Shannon?她感觉不舒服Eh, she's not feeling too great.我觉得她也会在家I think she's gonna stay home.她怎么了?What's the matter with her?额...她让我不要告诉你Well, uh, she told me not to tell you this,但她来月经了but she got her period.她不想告诉我?She didn't want to tell me?我是她妈诶!But I'm her mother!我知道别担心我搞定了I know. And don't worry. I handled it.我是在地下室知道的And it did happen in my basement,你让我自己处理地下室的一切事情and you said to handle things down there.是但不是说是我们女儿"下面的事"Yeah, but not when it's our daughter's "Down there." 我不敢信她竟然没跟我说I can't believe she didn't come to me.你强调了别怀孕Did you stress how important it is有多重要吗?for her not to get pregnant?所以她才不来找你...That's why she won't come to you...因为你太...because you can be a little bit...吓人Terrifying.看看Check it out.我加了尖叫声I added the screams of the damned.这是啥?What is this?这在圣帕特里克节游&hearts;行&hearts;怎么合适? How does this fit into a St. Patrick's Day parade?- 确实不合适 - 你喜欢吗妈妈?- It doesn't. - Do you like it, Mom?我叫吉米把它弄得更像四月斋一样I asked Jimmy to steer it more towards lent让他想想如果人们不遵从上帝的指引会怎样and what will happen if people don't get right with god. 噢我的天..Oh, for the love of...这对个彩车来说要求太高了艾琳Well, that's a lot to ask of a float, Eileen.这个很吓人又很有审判意味It's terrifying and judgmental,正是你要求的which is exactly what you asked for.我想它更严肃一点I wanted it to be more serious我觉得那才是我们要的because I thought that's what we needed,现在莎伦女生的私事也不和我说but now Shannon won't talk to me about woman things,肯尼偷偷摸摸的去同性恋约会Kenny's sneaking around on gay dates.所有的事都一团糟Everything's going to hell.按错了我不是故意的...It slipped. I don't...你想再来这吃我还挺惊讶的I'm surprised you wanted to come back here.你上次看起来好像不太喜欢这里的菜You didn't seem like you liked the food that much last time. 哪有? 这是我们的地方啊Are you kidding? This is our place.我就是在这了解了This is where I learned你只喜欢吃洋蓟的一小部分that you can't eat most of an artichoke.那我很高兴我们又在这了Well, I'm glad we're here.你带我昨晚发给你的Oh, hey, did you get that list of personal questions私人问题单了吗?I e-mailed you last night?我没收完打印机没纸了Not all of them. My printer ran out of paper.所以我想我们可以直接聊聊So I thought maybe we could just talk.那遭了Oh, bummer.你估计没有收到Okay, so that probably means最后一页上that you didn't get the last page有我订的Lollapalooza音乐节的门票about the tickets I found for us to Lollapalooza.- 音乐节要五个月之后啊 - 其实是六个- At's like five months away. - Six, actually,但是我看了看地图如果我们走的快的话but I looked at the map, and if we walk real fast,我们还可以赶上拉娜·德雷和街趴乐团的表演we can make it to Lana Del Rey and Bloc Party.你看我知道你是新手而且很兴奋Look, you're new at this, and... and you're excited,这是好事which is a good thing,但是我们对我们关系的定位不太一样but I'm in a different place than you.我...本来...希望来享受初识的兴奋And... Like, I... I was hoping it was just first-date jitters,但是我意识到but I'm realizing that, you know,你需要一个和你差不多的人you need to date someone who's more where you are.瑞奇不断的解释Ricky kept talking and explaining他决定背后的各种原因all the reasons for his decision,我是我已经听了所有我需要听的了but I'd heard everything I needed to hear.我迎接了我的第一次约会和第一次被拒绝I'd had my first date and my first rejection.我现在只需要个高雅一点的退场语I just needed a classy exit line.我的尿快到喉咙了I've got to pee so bad I can taste it.你在这坐着干嘛?Why are you sitting out here?看样子我们家今年It doesn't seem like The O'Neals是参加不了游&hearts;行&hearts;了are gonna make the parade this year.你跟你的停车场绅士玩得愉快吗?Did you have a good time with your parking-lot gentleman? 挺... 砸的That was... that was kind of a bust, too.这是不是意味着你试过了但是不合适Does that mean you tried it and it didn't work out所以你打算变回来了?and now you're gonna go back to the other thing?不是这样的That's not how it works.你想谈谈吗?。

1《Desperate Housewives》(绝望主妇)第一季台词

《Desperate Housewives》第1季1-01The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings and what was left of my life. Not quite Gabrielle, not quite. How ironic. To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret treated so causally. I'm so sorry, girls. I never wanted you to burden with this.第二天我的朋友们都来帮我收拾衣服，私人物品还有――我剩下的那些东西。

远不只这些Gabrielle，远不只。

多么讽刺，我拼命努力想要保守的秘密就这样随便的被她们发现了。

对不起，姐妹们。

我绝对不想让你们承受这种负担。

1-02Yes, as I look back at the world I left behind, it's all so clear to me. The beauty that waits to be unveiled, the mysteries that long to be uncovered. But, people so rarely stop to take a look. They just keep moving. It's a shame, really. There's so much to see.是的，当我回头看我身后的世界，它变得如此清晰。

那么多期待闪亮登场的美丽，那么多渴望不被发现的秘密。

但人们很少停下脚步去观察，他们只是一路前行。

这真的很可惜。

1-03Yes I remember the world. Every detail. And what I remember most is how afraid I was, what a waste. You see, to live in fear is not to live at all. I wish I could tell this to those I left behind, but would it do any good? Probably not. I understand now, there will always be those who face their fears, and there will always be those who run away.是的，我记得这个世界的每一个细节。

老友记剧本教材第一季第一集-中英文对照

Mon:There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! Joe: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! Chan: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump1? A hump and a hairpiece2? Phoe: Wait, does he eat chalk? Phoe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! Mon:Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex. Chan: Sounds like a date to me. Chan: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria3, and I realize I am totally naked. All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. Chan: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. Joe: Instead of...? Chan: That's right. Joe: Never had that dream. Phoe: No. Chan: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Mon:And they weren't looking at you before?!

绝望的主妇Desperate Housewives 第一季第16-20集重点词汇句型文化背景 (学习精品))

She was born humble and barefoot.她出身卑微贫寒。
I’m waiting for my moment. on the top of my list no strings attached out of the way It's not without strings. Save it. You invited it in. I told you so. attached to provided 18 I’ll bite. You never know.
for the record
don’t have time for sb or sth
I'm doomed. 19 on end I’m on a fixed income. beyond
stick in the mud
out of line
plan B
the worst of all (possible) worlds I make good money. far be it from sb to do sth
E
Phrase
Explanation 形势有了变化。 turn the tables (on sb) reverse a situation so as to put oneself in a position of superiority 你在开玩笑吧。 at cost price 会很值得的。 Rumor is that… 传闻算了.（不要放在心上。） also; included; in addition regrettable or unfortunate 太遗憾了。既然都說了我全上。我要叫牌。加注了。(風險增加了。) 我扣牌。 treat or criticize sb severely 责备 I know it is really true that… 那可讓我大大地松了一口氣。我也是這樣想的。我想也是。 sb forget sth 忘记 at a certain moment or period in the past 那个时候想起来也是， doing sth wrong, mischievous, etc 没干好事，图谋不轨我把脚趾踢到了。盲目信任對我毫無益處。 at any rate 不管怎样我是這樣看的 The way I see it is… This is the way I see it… arrogant; haughty（arrogant while despising others）高傲自大的 extremely good or desirable 极好 very guilty 罪孽深重的 miserable as sin vey miserable as sin very ugly ugly 按成本价

The Durrells《德雷尔一家(2016)》第一季第三集完整中英文对照剧本

德雷尔一家第一季第三集德雷尔一家现代护理学创立人英国小说家戏剧家英国著名侦探小说家阿加莎笔下一名女侦探马普尔小姐（Marple）此处是马戈用自己的名字和其名字拼接而取的名字一切都还好吗It's all going on, isn't it?西奥去哪了Where's Theo?去参加了个关于软体动物的会议Away at a conference... about molluscs.都没人和我一起去收集屎壳郎了No-one else will collect dung beetles with me.那倒不奇怪对吧That's hardly surprising, isn't it?他们就是粪便做成的虫子I mean they're beetles made of dung.它们不是由粪便做的而是靠这个活They're not made of dung. They live on dung.它们把粪便分开后滚成球They cut it, then they roll it然后埋起来and they bury it.要是你&hearts;爸&hearts;爸在这里就好了If only your father were here.- 他对大自然感兴趣么 - 不- Was he interested in nature? - No.你为什么不去钓鱼呢Why don't you go fishing?老实说这样我们就可以吃鱼了To be honest, we could do with the fish.好了好了谢谢你们送我回家Yeah, yeah. Thanks for walking me home.你们太贴心了但是我要结婚了You're so sweet but I'm getting married.我妈妈撮合的我未婚夫在船厂工作My mother's making me. He's in shipping.干得不错自那上一个后I couldn't take any more我再也不能忍&hearts;受你恋爱的烦恼了of your romantic upsets after the last one.不我还在找呢我就是不喜欢他们Oh, no, I'm still looking. I just don't really fancy them.我应该去港口看看I might try the harbour.马戈你该去找个工作Margo, you need a job.为什么是我拉里和莱斯利呢Why me? What about Larry and Leslie?我有工作I have a job!那可不是工作It's not a job.- 就是装样子 - 闭嘴莱斯利- It's showing off. - Shut up, Leslie!她快结婚了未婚夫在船厂工作She's getting married. Someone in shipping.你觉得这不是工作吗You don't think this is work?六个月的血和汗还有...This is six months of blood and sweat and...其他液体我就不说了other fluids I won't go into.是的我知道干得好亲爱的Yes, I know. Well done, dear.粗糙的双手搭成帐篷形做着礼拜Gnarled were the hands, tented in worship.湿透的衣服紧贴着她就像灰白棚架上的苔藓The sodden coat clumped round her like moss on grizzled trellis. 写得真好但别给我说内容了Oh, is lovely, darling. Don't spoil it for me though.太好了有吃的Thank God, food.不这个是给亚历克西娅的Uh-uh. It's for Alexia.是给我们两个月纪念日准备的It's our two-month anniversary.Oh, sweet boy.他是最好的孩子He is best child.在英格兰You see, back in England,我们对待孩子都尽量公平鲁格勒斯雅we try not to have favourites, Lugaretzia.他是最好的孩子He is best child.但是这对他来说是好事But it is nice for him.我们都需要爱他有亚历克西娅了We all need love. He has Alexia.拉里在英格兰你有南希Larry, you have Nancy back in England.- 那你有... - 好吧拉里- And you have...? - All right, Larry.我知道你想说什么I know what you're going to say.谢谢我能照顾我自己Thank you, I can look after myself.给亚历克西娅的For Alexia.来啊做点什么Go on, then. Do something.你好德雷尔小姐Hello, Miss Durrells.你好斯皮罗斯Hello, Spiro.- 你想搭车吗 - 不我没事谢谢你- You want a lift? - No, no, I'm fine, thank you. - 上车吧 - 不不不我没事- I'll give you a lift. - No, no. No, I'm fine.不上车吧No, I'll give you a lift.好极了Bravo!你好Hello.英国人English?是的我叫格里Yes. Gerry.克斯提Kostis.你为什么要躲着我Why were you hiding from me?没有我只是... 躲太阳No, I was just... getting some shade.不你在躲我No, you were hiding.你要去哪里Where you going?麻烦进城就行斯皮罗斯Um, just into town, please, Spiro.说吧你要去哪里Come on, where you going?去斯文那里To Sven's house.- 你为什么要去那里 - 去问他个问题- Why you going there? - To ask him a question.问我啊我是万事通Ask me. I know everything.- 他是瑞典人 - 他救了拉里一命- He's a Swede. - He saved Larry's life.再说瑞典人又怎么了What's the matter with the Swedes, anyway?太懒了连个像英国和Too lazy to make an empire希腊一样的国家都建不成like the British and the Greeks. Much too lazy.鹭Erodios.白鹭Egret.你好斯文Hello, Sven.路易莎Louisa.关于昨天要付拉里的手术费我想道个歉I wanted to apologise for offering to pay for Larry's operation.英国人都很绅士You were just being British.你们不喜欢欠别人人情You don't like being in anyone's debt.难道和你们瑞典人差这么多吗Are you so different in Sweden?我不知道可我每年都少点瑞典人气息I don't know. I'm getting less Swedish every year. 可能降到38%了吧I think I'm down to 38%.但是我喜欢希腊人他们诚实But I like the Greeks, their honesty.我倒想沾点希腊人的气息Mm. I wouldn't mind a bit of Greek in me.别弹了Oh, stop it.你喜欢手风琴吗Do you like the accordion?不怎么喜欢Um, no, not really.现在不怎么喜欢诚实了吧Not so fond of honesty now?- 每个人都喜欢手风琴 - 好吧...- Everybody likes the accordion. - Well...我想问问你Um, I was wondering if知不知道怎么收橄榄的事情you knew anything about olive harvesting...你到底不喜欢手风琴什么地方What exactly is it you don't like?我...Mm. I...音色这个看起来像...The sound, the way it looks like a little...给侏儒拉的钢琴我...piano for dwarves. I...那你更喜欢布祖基琴吗You prefer the bouzouki,那种看上去给傻子弹的小竖琴which is like a tiny harp for... idiots?我有一些动物I have some animals.我喜欢动物还有... 他们需要喂养I like animals and... they need feeding...- 所以我得回家了 - 过来- so I have to go home now. - Come. Ela. 好吧Oh, dear.你想和阿勒克罗打个招呼吗You want to say hello to Alecko?什么情况What's going on?这是谁Who's this?- 斯特拉托斯 - 你好啊- Stratos. - Yassas.他是我以前的男朋友He is my old boyfriend.然后呢All right.和我的新男朋友And my new boyfriend.你的自行车真娘Your bicycle is for a girl.这个是给亚历克西娅的礼物It's a present... for Alexia.不你不能给她了No, you cannot give it to her.那好啊我会为她和你打一场All right then, I'll fight you for her.你看亚历克西娅不想这样You see, Alexia doesn't want that.可以啊如果你想打的话Well, OK, if you want.不我不...No, I don't...好吧好吧我们来决斗Fine. Fine, let's have a duel.- 什么珍珠 - 用枪决斗- A jewel? - A duel, with guns.- 那太危险了 - 危险且愚蠢- That's dangerous. - Dangerous. And silly.走吧走Go away. Go!不Oh, no.亲爱的怎么了Darling, what's the matter?我和亚历克西娅分手了I had to end it with Alexia.莱斯利对不起Oh. Leslie, I'm so sorry.她以前的男朋友回来了Her old boyfriend came back.- 这太让人心烦了 - 我讨厌她- It's so upsetting. - I hate her.别这样Well, don't.- 是挺讨厌的 - 她是...- Actually do. - She was...- 我知道我什么都做不好 - 不会啊- I know I'm not good at anything. - You are.我不好我不像拉里那么聪明I'm not. I'm not clever like Larry像格里那么有魅力或者...or charming like Gerry or...不管马戈有什么好的我都差whatever Margo is.- 她... - 除了枪以外- Well, she's... - Apart from my guns,她是我遇见过的最美好之物she was the first good thing that ever happened to me. 还有你的家庭呢Well, there's your family.看看这个我哭都哭不好Look at this. I can't even cry nicely.他好漂亮对吧阿勒克罗He's beautiful. Aren't you, Alecko?- 漂亮 - 送你了- You are. - For you.- 你带他走吧 - 真的吗- You take him. - Really?你的... 家里人...And your er... family...会喜欢他吗will like him?家庭... 就像...Family... is like er...健康一样good health.只当你丢失了才会挂念You miss it only when it is gone.你需要给他喂鱼You will need fish for him.明天过来我们要捕很多鱼Come back tomorrow, we catch a lot.我会的I will.你确定不要他了吗Sure you don't want him?在我住的地方很难养他It is hard to keep him where I live.为什么你家里人不喜欢他吗Why? Do your family not like him?除了周末我都是住在那个岛上Er... except for weekends I live on that island.监狱岛吗The prison island?你在那里工作吗Do you work there?不No.所以你是犯人So you're a convict.这肯定有诀窍的去问问鲁格勒斯雅怎么做的I'm sure there's a knack. Ask Lugaretzia how it's done. 她说橄榄花粉会让她的脸过敏She says the olive pollen irritates her face.她的脸看起来一直像在过敏Her face always looks irritated.那花粉会让她的脸更过敏Well, it makes it more irritated.能帮帮我吗Will you help me?- 我在工作 - 我在找工作- I'm working. - Looking for a job.- 你在干什么 - 推你一把给你点动力- What are you doing? - I am putting a rocket up your backside. 去推莱斯利啊Well, put it up Leslie's.你女朋友的事我深表遗憾小莱Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, Les.我也是Me too.我也... 非常遗憾Me too... very much.- 亲爱的莱斯利你去哪 - 去打猎- Darling. Leslie. Where are you going? - Shooting.但... 答应我...But... promise me...你不会去杀了亚历克西娅或她的...promise me you won't shoot Alexia or her...新朋友new friend.当然不会你需要晚饭不是吗Of course I won't. You want supper, don't you?亲爱的Oh, darling.在认识你们父亲之前我拒绝了许多小伙子Before I met your father I turned down lots of young men.他们都是笑一笑就过去了They laughed about it afterwards.或许他们不是真想和你约会Maybe they didn't really want to go out with you.您知道有什么工作适合马戈吗Do you know anyone who might have work for Margo?我不知道从哪开始I don't know where to start.你对什么样的工作感兴趣Well, what kind of job are you interested in?我不知道与时尚... 或者美食相关吧I don't know. Something to do with fashion... or posh food.你是把科孚和巴黎弄混了吧I think you're muddling Corfu up with Paris.您能不能留下她Do you think you might have something for her,给您或者配崔迪斯医生帮忙helping you and Dr. Petridis?可能不行你有什么经验吗Not really. Do you have any experience?没有没什么...No, not ...没有但她喜欢排解他人痛苦No, but she's always loved alleviating suffering.不是吗亲爱的Haven't you, darling?你知道的那次... 你...You know, that... that time... when you...我什么What?请拜托给她份工作就好Please give her a bloody job.我们应该可以让她做些基本的辅助工作I suppose we could use some general help.- 跑腿清理之类的 - 太好了- You know, errands, tidying. - That's wonderful.而且可能很快就会变成真正的护士And in time that might become actual nursing.之后还会变成马戈医生Dr Margo will see you now.- 会很有趣的 - 我们先别考虑那么远- You know, that might be fun. - Let's not jump ahead. 我们不会让你We won't be asking you to去切阑尾的那个归斯文管cut out an appendix. We've got Sven for that.你去见过他了吗Have you seen him at all?不... 我... 并没有去No, I... Um, no, I don't think I have.- 马戈你希腊语说得如何 - 我...- Margo, how's your Greek? - I'm ...说得很好她学得非常快Oh, it's very good. She's incredibly quick.事实证明马夫罗达琪伯爵夫人It turns out the Countess的确得了不治之症Mavrodaki does have an incurable disease.- 亲爱的 - 臆想症- Darling. - Hypochondria.她还有一个巨大的...She also has an enormous...路易莎来了Louisa's here.别&hearts;墅&hearts;villa.- 您好 - 马戈要来工作一周- Hello. - Margo is going to come and work here for a week. 或许... 接着一直留下来And then perhaps... permanently.很好你什么时候能开始上班Excellent. When can you start?- 越快越好 - 秋天再说- As soon as possible. - In the autumn?闭嘴Shut your face.- 你这是干什么不行 - 什么- What are you doing? No. - What?你不能把信天翁带回家来You can't bring an albatross home.这是海鸥It's a gull.这是信天翁看看它的块头It's an Albatross. Look at size of it.它在磨牙呢It's gnashing its teeth.- 它们没有牙 - 那它也是在嚼东西- They haven't got teeth. - It's gnashing something. 是"他" 而且他叫阿勒克罗It's a he, and he's called Alecko.我不信给动物取名那一套I don't believe in naming animals.拟人是笨蛋做的事Anthropomorphism is for halfwits.还是算了Perhaps not.我会再做一个笼子I'll build another cage.它们到处拉屎撒尿They're pissing and crapping.管管它们Stop them.我将救死扶伤I'll be healing the sick and the lame.此乃吾之使命It's a calling.你只是个打杂的不是护士You'll be a dogsbody, not a nurse.我可比佛罗伦斯·南丁格尔好看多了I'm a damn sight prettier than Florence Nightingale. 我敢说在她的家人把她累垮之前I'm sure she was ravishing她还是很美的before her family wore her down.回来了莱斯利Oh, hello, Leslie.看来你非常生气啊是吗Oh, you were really angry, weren't you?- 外面为什么有只信天翁 - 谢谢- Why is there an albatross outside? - Thank you.是我已经说过格里了Yes, I've already told Gerry off.一个与他同样喜爱生物的朋友He was given to him by Kostis,克斯提送给他的who's clearly as keen on creatures as Gerry,所以他们是好朋友so he's a nice friend for him.他为什么不自己养那只信天翁Why can't he look after the albatross?那不是信天翁It's not an albatross.他不能养因为除了周末And he can't because during the week其他时间他要蹲监狱he's in jail.什么What?你思想真开放啊Mm. How open-minded are you?- 他为什么进的监狱 - 他不想说- Why is he in jail? - He didn't want to say.你永远不会明白这些科孚人...You never know these Corfiots ...什么都干得出来capable of anything.你女朋友另觅高枝不代表所有人都是坏人Everyone isn't evil just because your girlfriend got a better offer. 你再说一遍Say that again and I'll我就烧了你正在写的那本书burn the book you're writing.你们两个能不能别吵了Would you stop squabbling?格里...Gerry...好的我明天再去问问克斯提All right, I'll ask Kostis again tomorrow.不你明天不能去No, you're not going again tomorrow.- 为什么 - 因为他可能是个杀人犯- Why not? - Because he could be a murderer.既然都让他周末出来了He can't do anything that bad- 就不可能有多坏 - 没错- if they let him out at weekends. - Exactly.这可不一定在科孚杀人会被判三年Don't be so sure. In Corfu you get three years for murder而炸鱼会被判五年and five years if you're caught dynamiting fish.我不在乎他做过什么他很和善I don't care what Kostis did. He's friendly and kind.但我很在乎Well I do care.因为我要对你负责还要确保你的安全Cause I'm responsible for you and it is my job to keep you safe. 那我们为什么要搬家Why did you bring us here then?汉普郡比这要安全无数倍It's a million times less safe than Hampshire.如果你非得要和犯人一起钓鱼那当然不安全Well, it is if you insist on going fishing with convicts.回答你的问题And since you ask,我把大家带到这里是为了...I brought us here because...我想让大家开心because I wanted us to be happy.慢点吃早餐不要狼吞虎咽Slow down. Don't wolf your breakfast.是不是很好吃Is it nice?格里Oh, Gerry.我又做错了什么What have I done wrong now?去见你的朋友克斯提吧Go and see your friend Kostis.谢谢你妈妈Thank you, Mum.你比我们都有责任心我应该更信任你的You're more responsible than all of us. I should trust you more. 我这不叫反复无常叫善于变通I'm not being inconsistent, I'm being flexible.- 很好 - 但你得带个人一起去- Good. - But you will have to take someone with you.- 我是女生 - 不行不行我很忙- I'm a girl. - No, no, no. I'm busy."你好你叫什么名字""Oh, hello. So, what's your name?""劈腿的女友你呢""Cheating girlfriend, what's yours?""莱斯利容易受骗的莱斯利"Leslie. Leslie Gullible.很高兴见到你"Lovely to meet you."- 格里 - 你好- Gerry. - Hello.- 他是谁 - 我哥哥莱斯利- Who is he? - My brother Leslie.他为什么带着枪Why he has gun?我另外一个哥哥拉里说这是阴&hearts;茎&hearts;替代物My other brother Larry says it's a penis substitute.闭嘴Shut up!你看到没Did you see that?- 拉里 - 我灵感来了停不下来- Larry. - I mustn't stop, I'm in the mood.帮我劝劝莱斯利Help me with Leslie.他没事的时间是治愈良药He's fine. Time is a big healer,还意味着很多次的手&hearts;淫&hearts;and plenty of so-called self-abuse.这真是成年人干的事啊Well, that's very mature.帮帮你弟弟做一个伙伴劝劝他Help your brother. Be a pal to him.我们性格差别太大了We're so different.好吧我会带他进城转转All right. I'll take him into town.明天穿这身去工作怎么样For work tomorrow. What do you think?不行马戈No, Margo.不过很高兴看你算是会做衣服了Still, good to see you dressmaking, sort of.有客人来了There's a guest.给Here.妈妈你看多漂亮的水龟啊Mum, look, the most amazing terrapin.- 是啊 - 我叫它"老扑腾"- Oh, yes. - I'm calling him Old Plop.因为...Because...?因为他很老... 而且总扑腾He's old and... he goes plop.你好我是德雷尔太太Hello. I'm Mrs. Durrell.我是克斯提Kostis.我们要去给龟修一个池塘We're going to build a pond for it.你还好吗... 老伙计All right there... my old matey?他需要朋友He needs friends.我听说你在服刑I hear you're in prison.是的Yes.多少年For how many years?- 三年 - 三年- Er, three years. - Three years.那么... 监狱如何And... how is prison?监狱就是监狱It is a prison, uh?监狱就是监狱当然It is a prison, of course.我能否问问你为何入狱May I ask how you came to be there?- 我的英语... - 因为- My English... - Because you see,我必须得确定格里和你在一起是安全的I have to know that Gerry is safe with you.格里下周末再见Gerry. Until the next weekend.他为什么走了你跟他说了什么Why's he gone? What did you say?我认为你不该见他I don't think you should see him.我跟他说了下周末见就下周末见I promised him I'd see him next weekend and I am going to. 大多数病人是因为小病来找我们的Most patients come to us with minor ailments.就像弗洛伦斯·南丁格尔说的那样As Florence Nightingale said,"别弄出人命就行""Just don't kill anybody."我是转述I'm paraphrasing.你不需要接触任何医疗相关的东西Mm. You won't be doing anything medical但恐怕会见到一些吓人的场面but there will be a few gruesome sights, I'm afraid. - 我已经做好准备了 - 好女孩- Oh, I've prepared myself for that. - Good girl.天哪我要吐了Oh, God, I'm going to be sick.- 你好斯皮罗斯 - 你好德雷尔女士- Hello, Spiro. - Hello, Miss Durrells.- 你要去哪 - 不我只想问个问题- Where you want to go? - No, I just have a question. 你认识一个叫克斯提的吗他关在维托监狱Do you a man called Kosti? He's in Vito Jail.对就是他Oh, yes. Him.他杀了他的妻子He murdered his wife.为什么要问他Why you ask?他周末的时候被放出来了He's been let out at the而且还和格里一起钓鱼weekends and he's been fishing with Gerry.你应该马上阻止他们You should stop this right now.我记得他有一个儿子但被带走了I remember, he has a son who was taken from him 和离他很远的祖父母一起生活and lives far away with his grandparents.这也是他喜欢和格里在一起的原因That's why he likes to be with Gerry perhaps.也是他不安全的原因And why he's not very safe.萨默塞特·毛姆怎么样他最近有点惨What about Somerset Maugham, eh? He's a bit shit these days. 谁Wh-Who?那个作家萨默塞特The writer, Somerset...算了Never mind.韦伯利公&hearts;司&hearts;正考虑Webley's are thinking of修改第二代步&hearts;枪&hearts;的准星modifying the sights on the Mark II rifle.请包扎一下马戈Dressing, please, Margo.我要晕了I'm going to faint.- 就一点血 - 别提血- It's only a bit of blood. - Don't say blood.在诊所不能说血Don't say blood in a doctor's surgery?所以你现在不用看So, now you won't have所谓"恶心的东西"了to see the 'yucky things', as you call them.我们要让你做一些文书工作We'll move you to paperwork.太好了Oh, fine.我还不会讲希腊语没关系吗And not speaking Greek yet, will that be a problem?- 你确定想在这工作吗 - 当然- Are you sure you want to work here? - Oh, yes, yes.妈妈会为我骄傲的Mum's really proud of me.她很少为我骄傲That's quite rare, actually.要不要再去别的诊室Should I have another go- 试试是否恶心头晕吗 - 不待在这- and try not to heave or faint? - No, stay here.学学希腊语急什么呢Learn Greek. What's the hurry?马戈的性格有些...Margo's been...我不是说她天生如此I mean, I wouldn't say she's a natural.她很难与那些She's uneasy with what- 她称作"厌恶的老人"相处 - 保佑她- she calls "repulsive old people". - Bless her.似乎超过四十岁都算了Seems to be anyone over 40.- 你还好吗 - 如果你有个儿子- Are you all right? - If you had a son,你会让他和一个would you let him go fishing可能是杀人犯的人一起钓鱼吗with a convict who might be a murderer?天哪什么叫可能是Gosh. Might be?没错有一个杀人犯See, there's this murderer,叫克斯提... 帕纳...Kosti... er Pana...不知道无论如何可能不是他Oh, I don't know. Anyway, it might not be him. - 克斯提是个常见的名字 - 我知道- Kosti's a common name. - I know.弗洛伦斯我不知道怎么办Oh, Florence, I don't know what to do.问问斯文Ask Sven.他住在这儿很多年了He's lived here for years and,而且作为一个男人非常...as a man, very much so...为什么每个人都喜欢斯文Why is everyone so obsessed with Sven?他就是个狡猾的瑞典人He's just a tricky bloody Swede.抱歉我以为你们俩个很合得来Excuse me, I just thought you two might get on. 很明显并不好Well, quite clearly we don't.他有可能因为偷了一张邮政汇票而坐牢He's most likely in jail for stealing a postal order.蹲三年就因为偷一张汇票Three years for a postal order?炸鱼还要判五年呢Five years for dynamiting fish.科孚有自己的规定They have their own rules here.他们不会让They'll hardly let a一个暴&hearts;力&hearts;的杀人犯外出钓鱼violent murderer out to do a spot of angling.你说得对格里能感觉得到Mm. You're right. You're right. And Gerry's very sensible. - 他很擅长判断人的性格 - 格里- He's a very good judge of character. - Gerry?我们看过他跟老鼠聊天Who we found chatting to a rat?抱歉Sorry.我的儿子他和你一样大My son, he's the age of you.我不能见他I must not see him.我三岁时父亲去世了My father died when I was three.我对他只有一段记忆I have only one memory of him.我们俩Both of us...一起看池塘里的小金鱼watching the goldfish in our pond.小小的橙色鱼You know, little orange fish?- 干得好 - 谢谢你- Oh, well done. - Thank you.你是按日期还是按患者名字来排序的Did you decide to go by date order or patient name?患者的身高Um, patient height.- 身高 - 是的因为这是- Height? - Yes. Because it's the first你表格的第一项所以一定很重要thing on your form, so it must be important.个高的病例在这儿Taller patients are up here.所以根本不需要记名字反正我总是忘记So no need to remember names ... which I always forget anyway. 你只需要记住他们多高You just need to remember how tall they are.- 没错 - 这些文件呢- Right. - What are these files?这是上一位医生的It's the last doctor's.好像被警方叫去做协助案件的医学报告了Seems to be medical reports on police cases he was called out on. 别管这些了Just... just leave them.而且先别碰其他的了In fact, don't touch anything else.科斯提·帕帕多珀Kosti Papadopol...在档案室干得不错听说你按身高来排序So, good work on the filing. In order of height, I hear.我开始觉得这是个愚蠢的想法了I'm beginning to think that might have been a stupid idea.总之现在是星期五的中午Anyway, it's Friday afternoon,给你这星期的工资so there's your wages for the week.- 听着 - 我知道不太好- Look ... - I know this is horrible,但我恐怕不能在这工作了but I'm afraid I can't work here.我不擅长整理档案而且每个人都生着病I'm not very good at filing and everyone's so unwell.而且以后还会看到更多病人And it's just going to go on and on and on.格里Gerry?今天还好吗So, did today go well?当然为什么不好Of course. Why wouldn't it?别生气了我从诊所借来了这个Don't be cross, but I borrowed this from the surgery.我不擅长治病但是个称职的侦探I may not be good with the sick but I am a good sleuth. 你在说什么马戈What are you talking about, Margo?这是个医生写的犯罪现场报告It's a doctor's report from a crime scene.我花了一天时间翻译它I spent all day translating it.我就是希腊版的阿加莎·克里斯蒂I'm like a Greek Agatha Christie.马普戈小姐Miss Marpo.你懂这个梗吗Do you get it?克斯提帕帕... 帕帕先生Mr. Kosti Pap... Pap...妻子身上有多处刺伤wife had many stab wounds.残忍&hearts;的殴打Brutal beating?山羊人在外面Oh, um, the goat chap is outside.- 什么 - 救了拉里一命的那个外国人- What? - You know, the foreigner who saved Larry's life. 是的多亏了他山羊人Yeah, thanks for that, goat chap.- 打算开个动物园 - 他们都是格里的- Starting a zoo? - Oh, they're Gerry's.- 比起人他更喜欢动物 - 我和他一样- He prefers animals to people. - I agree with him.对我和每个人一样都惊叹于蜘蛛网Yes. I mean, I admire a spider's web as much as anyone, 但我还是更喜欢去圣保罗大教堂but I still prefer St Paul's Cathedral.男人真暴&hearts;力&hearts;Men are so violent.很抱歉我冒犯了你就因为你不喜欢...I'm sorry I took offence at your dislike of the... 很抱歉我之前不喜欢你拉...I'm sorry I didn't enjoy your playing of the er... 他们太礼貌了It's all so polite.去床上解决啊Go to bed.我们走吧Hey, come on then.带我去喝酒Take me drinking.你说你搞不定那些的橄榄You said you have trouble with your olives.是的Yes.用网Nets.这是一个非常希腊式的解决方法It's a very Greek solution.把网铺好然后你等就可以了Just leave the nets. You wait.思考一下人生Contemplate existence.时不时抖一下Then you occasionally collect.再等一下Then you wait some more.我和弗洛伦斯·配崔迪斯聊过了I talked to Florence Petridis.她告诉我你在担心一个罪犯She told me you were worried about a criminal. - 我能帮上忙吗 - 不用了- Can I help? - No.真的不用了No, really.- 你这不会是英国人的绅士吧 - 不是- You're not just being British? - Oh, no.我身上的英国气息变少了I get less British by the day.只剩下89%了I'm down to 89%.好吧你知道他们这里有一句话Well, you know what they say around here. 能告诉我这句话什么意思吗Remind me what they mean?"你知道我在哪里""You know where I am."格里Gerry?格里Gerry?格里去哪里了Where's Gerry?我听到他骑着自行车出去了I think I heard him leave on the bike.克斯提Kosti.格里格里Gerry? Gerry!- 去叫莱斯利和拉里 - 他们出去了- Get Leslie and Larry. - They've gone out.格里Gerry!够了别苦着一张脸了Enough. No more moping.我会给你找个新女友的We'll find you a new girlfriend.只有一个亚历克西娅There's only one Alexia.那可不太可能I doubt that, actually.- 亚历克西娅 - 啊- Alexia? - Nai?看到了吗Hm. See?你只是运气好Lucky guess.- 而且她长得像马 - 才不是- And she looks like a horse. - No, she doesn't. 她怎么样太美了What about her? Sensational.- 不她长得像马 - 你才像马- No, she looks like a horse. - You look like a horse. 我去把她拿下I'll bring her over.你好Hello.我是劳伦斯·德雷尔I'm Lawrence Durrell.我是一名作家I'm an author.格里Gerry!你是本地人吗And are you local?你的鼻子遗传了谁的真美Where did you get that nose? It's beautiful.父母吧你真... 坏My parents? You are... a bad boy.那听上去很可疑...That sounds suspiciously like...你好我是莱斯利·德雷尔Hello. I'm Leslie Durrell.你好我是莱斯利·德雷尔Hello. Leslie Durrell.虽然我不在乎但你是谁I don't care, but who are you?- 好 - 我们回家吧- Good. - Let's go home.- 不要 - 我可以给你一点恋爱的建议吗- No. - Can I give you advice about women?- 不可以 - 不要太有戒心- No. - Don't be defensive.你是一个好男人诚实和脆弱就好You're a decent chap. Just be honest and vulnerable. - 你个傻&hearts;逼&hearts; - 我觉得你喝够了- Shove it up your arse. - I think you've had enough. 我这是借酒消愁Mm. Well, I'm drinking to forget.- 还有借吃消愁 - 好吧- And eating to forget. Mm. - Right.快跑Go, go!带去警&hearts;察&hearts;局To the police station.这其中有误会There's been a misunderstanding here.他在偷马夫罗达琪伯爵夫人的东西He was stealing from the Countess Mavrodaki.你们... 快走吧You ... leave.莱斯利Leslie.还在为我伤心吗Still being so sad about me?莱斯利Leslie.傻太傻了Stupid, stupid boy.格里你应该告诉我Gerry, You should have told me- 你去哪里的 - 要说了你肯定不让我去- where you were going. - You wouldn't have let me go.你和克斯提在偷东西You and Kosti were stealing.克斯提只是一片好意Kosti was being kind.马戈给我看了一份警&hearts;察&hearts;局里的医疗档案格里Margo showed me a police medical file, Gerry.他捅了他的妻子玛利亚He stabbed his wife, Maria,十六刀然后把她扔进海里16 times and then he threw her in the sea.- 克斯提的妻子叫伊欧利亚 - 什么- Kosti's wife was called Ioulia. - What?她叫玛利亚·帕帕多普洛斯It's Maria Papadopoulos.是伊欧利亚·潘欧帕罗斯Ioulia Panoupolos.你连他的名字都没读对根本不了解他You don't even know his name properly or anything about him. 对不起Oh, I'm sorry.。

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