朱自清 荷塘月色 张培基 朱纯深 翻译节选
荷塘月色 (朱自清) 的三个译本(朱纯深 译;杨宪益、戴乃迭 译;李明 译)的对比
⑤没有月光的晚上，这路上阴森森的，有些怕人。 ⑥今晚却很好，虽然月光也还是淡淡的。 [朱译]④The foliage, which, in a moon-less night, would loom somewhat frighteningly dark, looks very nice tonight, although the moonlight is not more than a thin, greyish veil. [杨戴译]④On nights [when there is no moon] the track is almost terrifyingly dark, but tonight it was quite clear, though the moonlight was pale. [李明译]⑤On a moonless night, it is somewhat somber here, looking rather forbidding. ⑥But it has a cheerful outlook tonight, though the moonlight is in a thin, whitish veil.
注：在这两个译本中，“披了大衫”、“带上门” 和“出去”等三个动作[专业上被称作“语义范 畴”]有不同的语言处理，有的被处理成谓语，有 的被处理成状语。
第二段
①沿着荷塘，是一条曲折的小煤屑路。 [朱译] ①Alongside the Lotus Pond runs a small cinder footpath. [杨戴译] ①A cinder-path winds along by the side of the pool. [李明译]①Along the pond winds a narrow cinder footpath.
荷塘月色选段2
荷塘月色（选段2）朱自清曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。
叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。
层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。
微风过处，送来缕缕清香，仿佛远处高楼上渺茫的歌声似的。
这时候叶子与花也有一丝的颤动，像闪电般.霎时传过荷塘的那边去了。
叶子本是肩并肩密密地挨着，这便宛然有了一道凝碧的波痕。
叶子底下是脉脉的流水，遮住了，不能见一些颜色;而叶子却更见风致了。
第一版翻译Moonlight over the Lotus PondZhu ZiqingThe Lotus pond is covered by countless leaves. Those leaves are high above the water, like the skirts of graceful dancing girls. And layers of leaves are dotted with white flowers, some are in blossom, some are bud. They are looked like pearls, or stars in the sky, or beauties just out of bath. The breeze sends a wave of delicate fragrance, like the uncertain song from the faraway building. At the same time, leaves and flowers are quivering and suddenly turn to another side of the Lotus Pond, just like lighting. The leaves have been standing shoulder to shoulder, but now there is a green wave among them. The water is silently running under the leaves and it is covered by them so that I can not see it. But on the other hand, the leaves are seemed like more beautiful.第二版翻译Moonlight over the Lotus PondZhu ZiqingAll over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface, like the skirts of dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinkling stars, or beauties just out of the bath. A breeze stirs, sending over breaths of fragrance, like faint singing drifting from a distant building. At this moment, a tiny thrill shoots through the leaves and flowers, like a streak of lightning, straight across the forest of lotuses. The leaves, which have been standing shoulder to shoulder, are caught shimmering in an emerald heave of the pond. Underneath, the exquisite water is covered from view, and none can tell its color; yet the leaves on top project themselves all the more attractively.赏析：本选段已经正式计入主题的介绍起了作者所看到的月光下的荷塘美景，叶子，流水，花朵都是眼中的一幅画。
朱自清-匆匆.春.背影.荷塘月色
1.匆匆燕子去了，有再来的时候；杨柳枯了，有再青的时候；桃花谢了，有再开的时候。
但是，聪明的，你告诉我，我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢？——是有人偷了他们罢：那是谁？又藏在何处呢？是他们自己逃走了：现在又到了哪里呢？我不知道他们给了我多少日子；但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了。
在默默里算着，八千多日子已经从我手中溜去；象针尖上一滴水滴在大海里，我的日子滴在时间的流里，没有声音也没有影子。
我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了。
去的尽管去了，来的尽管来着，去来的中间，又怎样的匆匆呢？早上我起来的时候，小屋里射进两三方斜斜的太阳。
太阳他有脚啊，轻轻悄悄地挪移了；我也茫茫然跟着旋转。
于是——洗手的时候，日子从水盆里过去；吃饭的时候，日子从饭碗里过去；默默时，便从凝然的双眼前过去。
我觉察他去的匆匆了，伸出手遮挽时，他又从遮挽着的手边过去，天黑时，我躺在床上，他便伶伶俐俐地从我身边垮过，从我脚边飞去了。
等我睁开眼和太阳再见，这算又溜走了一日。
我掩着面叹息。
但是新来的日子的影儿又开始在叹息里闪过了。
在逃去如飞的日子里，在千门万户的世界里的我能做些什么呢？只有徘徊罢了，只有匆匆罢了；在八千多日的匆匆里，除徘徊外，又剩些什么呢？过去的日子如轻烟却被微风吹散了，如薄雾，被初阳蒸融了；我留着些什么痕迹呢？我何曾留着象游丝样的痕迹呢？我赤裸裸来到这世界，转眼间也将赤裸裸地回去罢？但不能平的，为什么偏要白白走这一遭啊？你聪明的，告诉我，我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢？2.春盼望着，盼望着，东风来了，春天的脚步近了。
一切都像刚睡醒的样子，欣欣然张开了眼。
山朗润起来了，水涨起来了，太阳的脸红起来了。
小草偷偷地从土地里钻出来，嫩嫩的，绿绿的。
园子里，田野里，瞧去，一大片一大片满是的。
坐着，躺着，打两个滚，踢几脚球，赛几趟跑，捉几回迷藏。
风轻悄悄的，草软绵绵的。
桃树，杏树，梨树，你不让我，我不让你，都开满了花赶趟儿。
红的像火，粉的像霞，白的像雪。
花里带着甜味；闭了眼，树上仿佛已经满是桃儿，杏儿，梨儿。
朱自清散文荷塘月色匆匆英译
汉译英名篇：朱自清《荷塘月色》杨宪益版这几天心里颇不宁静。
今晚在院子里坐着乘凉，忽然想起日日走过的荷塘，在这满月的光里，总该另有一番样子吧。
月亮渐渐地升高了，墙外马路上孩子们的欢笑，已经听不见了：妻在屋里拍着闰儿，迷迷糊糊地哼着眠歌。
我悄悄地披了大衫，带上门出去。
The last few days have found me very restless・ This evening as I sat in the yard to enjoy the cool it stmek me how different the lotus pool I pass every day must look under a full moon・ The moon was sailing higher and higher up the heavens, the sound of childish laughter had died away from the lane beyond our wall, and my wife was in the house patting Juner and humming a lullaby to him. I quietly slipped on a long gown・ and walked out leaving the door on the latch・沿着荷塘，是一条曲折的小煤屑路。
这是一条幽僻的路：白天也少人泄，夜晚更加寂寞。
荷塘四而，长着许多树，蓊蓊郁郁的。
路的一旁，是些杨柳，和一些不知逍爼字的树。
没有月光的晚上，这路上阴森森的，有些怕人。
今晚却很好，虽然月光也还是淡淡的。
A cinder - path winds along by the side of the pool. It is off the beaten track and few pass this way even by day, so at night it is still more quiet. Trees grow thick and bosky all around the pool, with willows and other trees I cannot name by the path. On nights when there is no moon the track is almost terrifyingly dark, but tonight it was quite clear, though the moonlight was pale.路上只我一个人，背着手踱着。
《荷塘月色》英译文对比赏析
月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。
朱译：The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers.
杨译：Moonlight cascaded like water over the lotus leaves and flowers.
叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦。
朱译：…look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood. 杨译：A light blue mist floating up from the pool made them seem washed in milk or caught in a gauzy dream.
这时候最热闹的，要数树上的蝉声与水里的蛙声；但热闹 是它们的，我rs, I have nothing.
杨译：But this animation was theirs alone, I had no part in it.
参考文献
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荷塘月色译本对比分析
题目：荷塘月色
朱纯深：Moonlight over the Lotus Pond 杨宪益夫妇：The Lotus Pool By Moonlight
《荷塘月色》翻译批评与赏析
音美篇之叠词的处理
方法： 1.名词直接变复数 2.充分理解前后文含义，用副词表达 3.充分理解前后文含义，灵活表达
音美篇之拟声词的使用
这时候最热闹的，要数树上的蝉声与水里的蛙声..
The most lively creatures here,for the moment, must be the cicadas in the trees and the frogs in the pond. （朱译）
The liveliest sounds at this hour were the cicadas chirruping(吱吱叫) on the trees and the frogs croaking（呱呱叫） in the pool..（杨&戴译）
卜立德(David E. Pollard)：英国剑桥大学文学硕士，伦敦大学哲学博士。代 表作《古今散文英译集》（The Chinese Essay）。
贰
音美
音美是指诗歌节奏、平仄与韵律 等达于耳的体验。
音美篇
汉语中的音韵美主要是通过双声、叠韵和叠词等方式来展现。其中， 叠词所体现出来的音乐感和节奏感尤为明显。叠音词：如“ 津津、洋 洋、纷纷”等。双声词：如：“ 淋漓、匍匐、踌躇”叠韵词：如 “ 崔嵬、峥蝾、徘徊”。
主要作品有《背影》《春》《欧游杂记》《桨声 灯影里的秦淮河》《荷塘月色》等。
译者简介
朱纯深：英国诺丁汉大学博士，现为香港城市大学中文、翻译及语言长年 从事与翻译有关的教学研究工作。主要译作：《自深深处》《古意新声》 《似余（煜）者死》等。
散文汉译英佳作赏析：朱自清《荷塘月色》
散文汉译英佳作赏析：朱自清《荷塘月色》荷塘月色Moonlight over the Lotus Pond朱自清Zhu Ziqing这几天心里颇不宁睁。
今晚在院子里坐着乘凉，忽然想起日日走过的荷塘，在这满月的光里，总该另有一番样子吧。
月亮渐渐地升高了，墙外马路上孩子们的欢笑，已经听不见了；妻在屋里拍着闰儿，迷迷糊糊地哼着眠歌。
我悄悄地披了大衫，带上门出去。
It has been rather disquieting these days. Tonight, when I was sitting in the yard enjoying the cool, it occurred to me that the Lotus Pond, which I pass by every day, must assume quite a different look in such moonlit night. A full moon was rising high in the sky; the laughter of children playing outside had died away; in the morn, my wife was patting the son, Run-er, sleepily humming a cradle song. Shrugging on an overcoat, quietly, 1 made my way out, closing the door behind me.沿着荷塘.是一条曲折的小煤屑路。
这是一条幽僻的路；白天也少人走，夜晚更加寂寞。
荷塘四面，长着许多树，翁翁郁郁的。
路的一旁，是些杨柳，和一些不知道名字的树。
没有月光的晚上，这路上阴森森的，有些怕人。
今晚却很好，虽然月光也还是淡淡的。
Alongside the Lotus Pond nuns a small cinder footpath. It is peaceful and secluded here, a place not frequented by pedestrians even in the daytime; now at night, it looks mare solitary, in a lush, shady ambience of trees all around the pond. On the side where the path is, there are willows, interlaced with some others whose names I do not know. The foliage, which, in a moonless night, would loom somewhat frighteningly dark, looks very nice tonight, although the moonlight is not more than a thin, grayish veil.路上只我一个人，背着手踱着。
《荷塘月色》英译文 翻译批评与赏析
If you toy with an object, you keep moving it around with your fingers, especially while you are thinking about something else. (尤指心不在焉地)玩弄，摆弄
If you stoop, you stand or walk with your shoulders bent forwards. (站立或行走时)弓背，驼背
朱译：lotus-gathering 杨&戴译：lotus-gathering 李译： lotus-seed plucking David译：gathering lotuses
《采莲赋》 朱译：Lotus Gathering
杨&戴译：Lotus Gatherers 李译：Lotus-seed Plucking
二.译者简介
朱纯深：英国诺丁汉大学博士，现为香港城市大学中文、翻译及语言学系教授， 长年从事与翻译有关的教学研究工作。 主要译作：《自深深处》《古意新声》《似余（煜）者死》等。 杨宪益戴乃迭夫妇：著名翻译家。合作翻译全本《红楼梦》、全本《儒林外史》 等多部中国历史名著，在国外皆获得好评，产生了广泛影响。
忽然想起采莲的事情来了。采莲是江南的旧俗，似乎很早 就有，而六朝时为盛；从诗歌里可以约略知道。采莲的是少年 的女子，她们是荡着小船，唱着艳歌去的。采莲人不用说很多， 还有看采莲的人。那是一个热闹的季节，也是一个风流的季节。 梁元帝《采莲赋》里说得好： 于是妖童媛女，荡舟心许；鷁首徐回，兼传羽杯；欋将移 而藻挂，船欲动而萍开。尔其纤腰束素，迁延顾步；夏始春余， 叶嫩花初，恐沾裳而浅笑，畏倾船而敛裾。 可见当时嬉游的光景了。这真是有趣的事，可惜我们现在 早已无福消受了。 于是又记起，《西洲曲》里的句子： 采莲南塘秋，莲花过人头；低头弄莲子，莲子清如水。 今晚若有采莲人，这儿的莲花也算得“过人头”了；只不见一 些流水的影子。这令我到底惦着江南了。——这样想着，猛一 抬头，不觉已是自己的门前；轻轻地推门进去，什么声息也没 有，妻已睡熟好久了。
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曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水 很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。 张培基译：As far as eye could see, the pool with its winding margin was covered with trim leaves, which rose high out of the water like the flared skirts of dancing girls. My daughter has a trim figure. The skirt flares out at the hem. 朱纯深译： All over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface like the skirts of dancing girls in all their grace.
Hale Waihona Puke • 叶子本是肩并肩密密地挨着，这便宛然有了一道 凝碧的波痕。 • 张培基译： As the closely serried leaves bent, a tide of opaque emerald could be glimpsed. • 朱纯深译:The leaves, which have been standing shoulder to shoulder, are caught trembling in an emerald heave of the pond. • Heave [intransitive] to rise up and down with strong, regular movements • The boat heaved beneath them.
• 微风过处，送来缕缕清香，仿佛远处高楼上渺茫 的歌声似的。 • 张培基译： The breeze carried past gusts of fragrance, like the strains of a song faintly heard from a far-off tower. • [countable, usually plural] (formal) the sound of music being played or sung • She could hear the strains of Mozart through the window. • 朱纯深译：A breeze stirs, sending over breaths of fragrance, like faint singing drifting from a distant building.
• 层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜地开着的， 有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的明珠，又如碧天里的 星星，又如刚出浴的美人。 • 张培基译： And starring these tiers of leaves were white lotus flowers, alluringly open or bashfully in bud, like glimmering pearls, stars in an azure sky, or beauties fresh from the bath. • 朱纯深译：Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinkling stars, our beauties just out of the bath.
朱自清《荷塘月色》节选
• 曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水很 高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着 些白花，有袅娜地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一 粒粒的明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。微 风过处，送来缕缕清香，仿佛远处高楼上渺茫的歌声似的。 这时候叶子与花也有一丝的颤动，像闪电般，霎时传过荷 塘的那边去了。叶子本是肩并肩密密地挨着，这便宛然有 了一道凝碧的波痕。
• 这时候叶子与花也有一丝的颇动，像闪电般.霎时 传过荷塘的那边去了。 • 张培基译： And leaves and blossoms trembled slightly, while in a flash the scent was carried away. • 朱纯深译： At this moment, a tiny thrill shoots through the leaves and flowers, like a streak of lightning, straight across the forest of lotuses.