中式搞笑英语

在北京工作时有一次去了东三环边的“辣婆婆酒家”，里面的菜以川菜为主，菜的味道确实不错。因为地点靠近北京的使馆区，为了方便老外，所以附近的酒店的菜单一般都配有英文说明。

因为我们公司是印度独资企业，印度人的口味也挺重的。第一次带他们到川菜馆用餐，我点了几个有代表性的菜：

干炒童子鸡: Fuck take chicken without sexual life

夫妻的肺片：Man and wife lung slice

干锅鱼头：Fuck pan with a fat fish head

麻婆豆腐：Beancurd made by a pockmarked woman 主食是驴打滚：Rolling donkey

酒水是长城干红：Great wall fuck red

同去的老印的英文已经很难听懂了，可要为他们解释这个菜单上的英文说明，实在是难为我了，越说越复杂，越说越不明白，最后我只能说：Let we see see they give we what food。吃完后老外才知道原来中国的厨艺那么好，他们只说了一句：Chinese food is very good, the restaurant menu is so so .

中国人学英语学了200多年了，现在究竟是中国人在影响英语的语法和词组，还是英语在改变中国的汉语？据报到今年8月，美国“全球语言监督”机构发布的报告称，上世纪30年代逐字翻译的中式英语Long time no see(很久不见)已经进入英语的标准词组。而今天中国2.5

亿的英语学习者，正在让国际英语经历前所未有的中国式英语的强烈冲击。

有兴趣的话你可以试着互译下面的句子，留在我的评论里即可，在下先在此谢谢了。

You Give Me Stop！

你给我站住！

Let me see see !

让我瞧瞧！

we two who and who？

咱俩谁跟谁啊？

how are you ？how old are you？

怎么是你，怎么老是你？

you don't bird me，I don't bird you

你不鸟我，我也不鸟你

you have seed I will give you some color to see see,brothers！together up！

你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！

hello everybody！if you have something to say，then say！if you have nothing to say，go home！

有事起奏，无事退朝

you me you me

彼此彼此

dragon born dragon，chicken born chicken，mouse' son can make hole！！

龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子打地洞

American Chinese not enough

美中不足

one car come one car go ，two car pengpeng，people die.

车祸现场描述

heart flower angry open

心花怒放

go past no mistake past

走过路过，不要错过

小强：I am sorry！

老外：I am sorry too！

小强：I am sorry three！

老外：What are you sorry for？

小强：I am sorry five！

If you want money，I have no ；if you want life，I have one！

要钱没有，要命一条

I call Li old big. toyear 40.

我叫李老大，今年40。

you have two down son。

你有两下子。

as far as you go to die

有多远，死多远！！！！

I give you face you don''t wanna face，you lose you face ，I turn my face.

给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸.

老外：“Hi.”

前台小姐：“You have what thing？”

老外：“Can you speak English？”

前台小姐：“If I not speak English, I am speaking what？”

老外：“Can anybody else speak English？”

前台小姐：“You yourself look.All people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, again wait, if you not wait, you can go！”

老外：“Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English？”

前台小姐：“Shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing？”

老外：“I want to speak to your head.”

前台小姐：“Head not here. You can tomorrow come！”

九阳神功nine man’’s power (九个男子的力量)

九阴真经nine woman’’story (九个女人的故事)

干果区: Fuck the fruit area

干货: Fuck Goods

一次性用品: A Time Sex Thing

老虎菜: Tiger dish

残疾人公厕: Deformed man Toilet

go and look! 走着瞧

good good study,day day up 好好学习，天天向上

no mao ze dong ,no new china, 没有毛泽东，没有新中国

go a head! 去个头！

people mountain people sea 人山人海

no three no four 不三不四

u ask me,i ask who? 你问我，我问谁？

if you old three old four,i will give you color see see 如果你老三老四，我就给你点颜色看看

dog day’s 狗日的

poor light egg 穷光蛋

do early fuck 做早操

go to your mother 去你妈的

full clear ten big cool punishment 满清十大酷刑

after i do something! aids爱滋病！

day day do morning fuck! 天天做早操

night night do succeed class 夜夜做功课

i saw a man saw a saw with a saw~~~~ 我看到一个男人拿一把锯子在锯一把锯子

kill one police hundred 杀一警百

give your face,you don’t sport! 给你脸，你不会运用！

gold basih washes my hands! 金盆洗手

fuck do system. 操作系统

horse horse tiger tiger 马马虎虎

where cool where you stay!! 哪儿凉快哪儿呆着fish yes 于（鱼）是

see you tomorrow 谁又偷猫肉

sir, you going down? 先生，你够淫荡

eyes keep healthy fuck 眼保健操

across knifei take out love 横刀夺爱

king eight egg 王八蛋

5 talks, 4 beauties & 3 loves五讲四美三热爱you ask me, i ask who 你问我，我问谁啊

look through autumn water! 望穿秋水

we two be four be four ！咱俩比试比试why?为什么

no why!不为什么

why no why?为什么不为什么

no why no why!不为什么不为什么

you have painting hurry say, you have as

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英语幽默小故事

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英语三人对话

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趣味英语和雷人中式英语

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children in the bar。挪威酒吧：女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。 ④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。瑞典皮货商店：为女士们制作的皮大衣，是用她们的皮制成的。 ⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists。香港牙科诊所：由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。泰国的干洗店：在这里脱掉您的裤子，等待最好的结果。 ⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。意大利妇科诊所：我们是women 和其他疾病的专家。 ⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄国公墓：欢迎访问这个公墓，许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里，但星期四不埋。 ⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。丹麦机场：我们将拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。 ⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。墨西哥旅馆：旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

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