著名脱口秀主持人艾伦_德詹尼丝杜兰大学毕业英语演讲稿

著名脱口秀主持人艾伦•德詹尼丝杜兰大学毕业英语演讲稿Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguishedguests you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher.谢谢，谢谢考恩校长，和有头有脸的来宾们，呃，有头有脸的来宾，你知道你是谁，不用介绍了（众人笑），诚心感谢大家……以及讨厌的西班牙语老师（众人大笑）And thank you to all the graduating class of 2019,I realize most of you are hungover and havesplitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate 'til I finish, solisten up.感谢所有2019届的毕业生，我知道你们绝大多数人还因为宿醉头痛欲裂，狂欢到今天都还没睡，但是没听完我的演讲不能毕业，所以都听好了!（学生们欢呼）When I was asked to make the commencement speech,I immediately said yes. Then I wentto look up what commencementmeant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, butmost of the books in our house arePortia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had tobreak the word down myself, to find out the meaning.当我被问是否来参加毕业典礼演讲的时候，我立刻就回答了：yes!……然后我才去查“毕业典礼”是什么意思（众人笑）。

如果我有字典的话就轻松多了，但我家的书大多是portia 的（ellen 的妻子，澳大利亚人）而且都是澳洲文（众人笑），所以……我得自己摸索，去找出这个词的意思。

Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement onsidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Sothere's that. But rm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.“commencement毕业典礼” ：commen常见的+cement 水泥，常见的水泥（众人大笑）你常常见到水泥，在人行道上，人行道有裂缝，你要是踩到裂缝，就会撞伤你妈妈的背（大家笑），所以大概意思就是这样了（笑声）I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus alumini aluminum alumis you had tograduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowanknows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And rm not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me, I"m a huge celebrity.但我很荣幸被邀请来做你们的“常见的水泥”的演讲。

我以为非得是又有名，又是你们学校的校友才能来……我没有在这里念过大学，我不知校长先生是否知道，我完全没上过大学…任何一间大学！我倒不是在说你们在浪费时间和金钱，不过看看我，我是个超级成功的大名人唉!（大家爆笑）Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent alot of time here growing up. My mom worked at （估计是某家商店的名字）and I would go thereevery time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why amI here today Clearly notto steal, you're too far away and rd never get away with it.事实上我在这里度过许多成长的岁月，我妈妈在这里工作时，我常来找她.................. 每当我要偷她钱包里的钱时（大家笑）但我今天在这里的原因，显然不是要偷你们的钱……rm here because of you. Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageousgraduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing arobe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm here because I love New Orleans. Iwas born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living hereI only did laundry six times.我在这里是因为你们，因为没有比你们更优秀更勇敢的毕业生了。

看看你们每一个人，身穿你们的袍子（学士袍）, 通常我们说在早上10点还穿着袍子（睡袍）代表你放弃人生了（大家大笑）。

我在这里，因为我爱纽奥良，我在这里出生成长，在此度过少年时光，正如你们一样，当我住这里时，我只洗过6次衣服（众人笑）。

Whenl finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I wentahead and finished high school anyway. And I I really, I had no ambition, I didn't know whatI wanted to do. I did everything from I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, Iwas a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought rd justfinally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basiccable, maybenot, I didn't really have a plan, mypoint is that, by the time I was your age, Ireally thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, Iwas dating men. So what rm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay. Anyonewriting this stuff down Parents当我从学校毕业的时候，我完完全全迷失了自我，学校我指的是初中（大家笑），后来我也继续念完了高中。

我当时，没有任何的野心，不知道自己想做什么。

我什么工作都做，我挖生蚝，当带位员，做酒保，当服务生，粉刷房子，卖吸尘器……完全不知道自己想做什么。

我只想随便找个糊口的工作，过一辈子，能有钱负得起房租就行，我完全没有任何计划。

我想说的是，当我像你们这么大的时候，我真的以为我了解自己，但其实我并不了解，举例来说，我像你们这么大的时候，还在和男人约会（大家大笑）。

所以我的意思是：当你们再长大些后，大多数的人，都会是gay!（场内爆笑，ellen自己也笑了）Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with mylife, and the way I ended up on this pathwas from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a caraccident. And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going, and I foundout shortly after that, it was her. And Iwas living in a basement apartment, I had no money, Ihad no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with I was soulsearching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here I don'tunderstand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient if we could pick upthe phone and call God, and ask these questions.总之，当时我不知道我的人生要干嘛，而最后我找到了我人生目标，却是因为一件十分悲惨的事。