英语演讲幽默开场白.
2021年英语演讲稿开场白幽默台词
英语演讲稿开场白幽默台词幽默开场白是很多演讲者经常用到的技巧之一，幽默如果运用得恰当，在吸引听众注意力上能取到很好的`效果。
它有助于缓和现场气氛，使他们愿意继续听你的演讲。
接下来是收集的英语开场白幽默台词，欢迎大家阅读参考。
Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!...A TV picture starts with a TV camera. Some TV cameras are big and some are small. The cameras in TV studios are big. Camera operators roll the big cameras around on wheels. There are usually several big cameras in a TV studio. Cameras used outside a TV studio are smaller. TV camera crews take the smaller cameras to news and sports events.Some cameras send out live pictures to your TV set. Some cameras make videotapes that get played later on a television program.All TV cameras need electricity to work. A camera operator points the camera at a scene. The camera picks up light from the scene. It changes this light into anelectric signal called the video signal. A microphone changes the sound of people talking or music playing into an electric signal called the audio signal.People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I ___ them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd...My respected rades, I think when my name Marx Gorky is mentioned here, some measuring modifiers such as "great" "noble" "tall" will be added to it. If we always overemphasize and boast a certain person, we will neglect the achievements others made and the importance of others existing. I wonder if you have ever thought of that. Please believe me. I'm not talking high language on purpose nor amI making myself up. Considering some important reasons, I have to speak so. Say, there are great difference between our ages, but we share the same mother─children of all literature of Soviet Union.Judging the value and the authors' achievements is up to the readers. And menting on a piece of works of literature is up to the critic.模板,内容仅供参考。
英文演讲搞笑的开场白
英文演讲搞笑的开场白英文演讲搞笑的开场白一段精彩的开场白有三种作用。
第一，吸引听众的注意力，激发听众的好奇心;第二，概述你演讲的主要内容;第三，向听众阐明听你演讲的必要性。
幽默开场白也是很多演讲者经常用到的技巧之一，幽默如果运用得恰当，在吸引听众注意力上能取到很好的效果。
它有助于缓和现场气氛，使他们愿意继续听你的演讲。
以下是小编整理的`英文演讲搞笑的开场白，供大家参考。
英文演讲搞笑的开场白：1. As a speaker, I’ve only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can’t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can’t stay awake.2. Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!...3. At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I’d be the happiest person in this room.Because tha t’s when I left my speech on the kitchen table...4. I don’t want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they neversatdown again until they reached their cars...5. If I’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech I’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald’s...6. I’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.7. People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat(or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd...。
英文演讲稿开场白（热门5篇）
英文演讲稿开场白（热门5篇）篇1：英文演讲稿开场白1. mr. chairman, senator thurmond, members of the committee, my name is anita f. hill, and i am a professor of law at the university of oklahoma. i was born on a farm in okmulgee county, oklahoma, in 1956. i am the youngest of 13 children. i had my early education in okmulgee county. my father, albert hill, is a farmer in that area. my mother's name is irma hill. she is also a farmer and a housewife.2. my childhood was one of a lot of hard work and not much money, but it was one of solid family affection, as represented by my parents. i was reared in a religious atmosphere in the baptist faith, and i have been a member of the antioch baptist church in tulsa, oklahoma, since 1983. it is a very warm part of my life at the present time.3. for my undergraduate work, i went to oklahoma state university and graduated from there in 1977. i am attaching to this statement a copy of my resume for further details of my education.4. i graduated from the university with academic honors and proceeded to the yale law school, where i received my jd degree in 1980. upon graduation from law school, i became a practicing lawyer with the washington, dc, firm of ward, hardraker, and ross.5. in 1981, i was introduced to now judge thomas by a mutual friend. judge thomas told me that he was anticipating a political appointment, and he asked if i would be interested in working with him. he was, in fact, appointed as assistant secretary of education for civil rights. after he had taken that post, he asked if i would become his assistant, and i accepted that position.6. in my early period there, i had two major projects. the first was an article i wrote for judge thomas' signature on the education of minority students. the second was the organization of a seminar on high-risk students which was abandoned because judge thomas transferred to the eeoc where he became the chairman of that office.7. during this period at the department of education, my working relationship with judge thomas was positive. i had a good deal of responsibility and independence. i thought he respected my work and that he trusted my judgment. after approximately three months of working there, he asked me to go out socially with him.8. what happened next and telling the world about it are the two most difficult things -- experiences of my life. it is only after a great deal of agonizing consideration and sleepless number -- a great number of sleepless nights that i am able to talk of these unpleasant matters to anyone but my close friends.9. i declined the invitation to go out socially with him and explained to him that i thought it would jeopardize what at the time i considered to be a very good working relationship. i had a normal social life with other men outside of the office. i believed then, as now, that having a social relationship with a person who was supervising my work would be ill-advised. i was very uncomfortable with the idea and told him so.10. i thought that by saying no and explaining my reasons my employer would abandon his social suggestions. however, to my regret, in the following few weeks, he continued to ask me out on several occasions. he pressed me to justify my reasons for saying no to him. these incidents took place in his office or mine. they were in the form of private conversations which would nothave been overheard by anyone else.11. my working relationship became even more strained when judge thomas began to use work situations to discuss sex. on these occasions, he would call me into his office for reports on education issues and projects, or he might suggest that, because of the time pressures of his schedule, we go to lunch to a government cafeteria. after a brief discussion of work, he would turn the conversation to a discussion of sexual matters.12. his conversations were very vivid. he spoke about acts that he had seen in pornographic films involving such matters as women having sex with animals and films showing group sex or rape scenes. he talked about pornographic materials depicting individuals with large penises or large breasts involved in various sex acts. on several occasions, thomas told me graphically of his own sexual prowess.13. because i was extremely uncomfortable talking about sex with him at all and particularly in such a graphic way, i told him that i did not want to talk about these subjects. i would also try to change the subject to education matters or to nonsexual personal matters such as his background or his beliefs. my efforts to change the subject were rarely successful.14. throughout the period of these conversations, he also from time to time asked me for social engagements. my reaction to these conversations was to avoid them by eliminating opportunities for us to engage in extended conversations. this was difficult because at the time i was his only assistant at the office of education -- or of篇2：英文演讲稿开场白英文演讲稿开场白精品演讲稿像议论文一样论点鲜明、逻辑性强、富有特点，但它又不是一般的议论文。
幽默励志的英文演讲稿
Good morning! It's a great pleasure to stand before you today and share with you a humorous and inspirational speech. I believe that humor isthe best medicine, and with a touch of inspiration, we can overcome any challenges that life throws at us.First of all, let's start with a little humor to lighten up our spirits. Have you ever noticed that when you're in a bad mood, the world seems to be out to get you? I used to think that was just a coincidence, but then I realized that maybe the world is just a mirror reflecting our mood. So, the next time you're feeling down, just remember: the world is not against you; it's just a bad reflection of your current mood.Now, let's dive into the inspiration part of our speech. Life is full of ups and downs, and we all face challenges at some point. But what separates the successful from the rest is their ability to stay positive and keep moving forward. So, here are some humorous and inspirational quotes to help us get through tough times:1. "The only way to do great work is to love what you do." - Steve JobsHow many of us have heard this quote before? But have you ever stoppedto think about how hilarious it is? Imagine a world where people love what they do, and they're not just working for the sake of a paycheck. Imagine a world where everyone is passionate about their jobs, andthey're constantly striving to improve. That would be a funny and amazing place to live, wouldn't it?2. "The only way to do great work is to be yourself." - Steve JobsThis quote is not only inspiring but also hilarious. How can we do great work if we're not ourselves? Imagine trying to be someone else, only to realize that you're not good at it. It would be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. So, embrace your uniqueness, and let your true self shine through.3. "The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." - Franklin D. RooseveltThis quote is a humorous reminder that our doubts can hold us back from achieving our dreams. How many times have we thought, "I can't do this" or "I'm not good enough"? Well, guess what? Those doubts are justholding us back. So, let's start doubting our doubts and believing in ourselves.4. "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Mark TwainThis quote is a hilarious and inspirational reminder that we can't wait for the perfect moment to start something. Life is like a roller coaster; you have to get on to enjoy the ride. So, stop waiting for the perfect moment and just start. You'll be surprised how much fun you can have along the way.5. "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert SchweitzerThis quote is a humorous and inspirational reminder that we should focus on finding happiness in our work, rather than chasing success. Imagine a world where people are happy in their jobs, and they're not just working for the sake of money. That would be a funny and amazing place to live.Now that we've had a little humor and inspiration, let's discuss how to apply these principles to our lives. Here are some tips to help you stay positive and keep moving forward:1. Surround yourself with positive people: Negative people can bring you down. So, make sure you're surrounded by friends and family who lift you up and support you.2. Embrace failure: Failure is not the end; it's just a stepping stoneto success. Learn from your mistakes, and don't be afraid to take risks.3. Set goals: Having goals will give you direction and motivation. Write down your goals, and make a plan to achieve them.4. Practice gratitude: Be thankful for what you have. Gratitude will open your eyes to the good in your life and make you more appreciative.5. Stay flexible: Life is unpredictable, so be prepared to adapt to change. Embrace new experiences and be open to learning.In conclusion, humor and inspiration are essential tools to help us overcome life's challenges. By embracing humor, we can lighten our spirits, and by following these inspirational quotes and tips, we can stay positive and keep moving forward. Remember, the only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. So, let's start doubting our doubts, loving what we do, and getting started on our journey to success and happiness.Thank you for listening, and may you all have a humorous and inspirational day!。
初中英语搞笑脱口秀稿子
初中英语搞笑脱口秀稿子I remember back in my middle school days how much I loved watching funny stand-up comedy shows. They never failed to make me laugh and brighten up my day. The comedians would share hilarious stories and crack jokes that had the entire audience in stitches.我还记得在初中的时候我有多么喜欢看搞笑脱口秀节目。
它们总是能让我笑个不停，让我的一天变得更加愉快。
那些喜剧演员会分享一些令人捧腹大笑的故事，讲些笑话，整个观众都笑得前仰后合。
One of my favorite comedy routines was about a clumsy student who always seemed to get into the most ridiculous situations. The way the comedian acted out the scenes had everyone doubled over with laughter. It was pure comedic gold.我最喜欢的喜剧节目之一是关于一个总是陷入荒唐局面的笨拙学生。
喜剧演员表演场景的方式让每个人都笑得前仰后合。
那简直就是纯粹的喜剧之金。
Another hilarious skit involved a teacher who was always trying to impress his students with his quirky sense of humor. He would tellthe corniest jokes and puns, but somehow his charm and enthusiasm made them absolutely hysterical. It was a masterclass in comedic timing.另一个滑稽的短剧涉及一个老师，他总是试图用他古怪的幽默感给学生留下印象。
美式幽默发言稿
美式幽默发言稿Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, and unsuspecting victims who happened to stumble upon this event, good evening! Thank you all for being here tonight, and I promise to keep this speech short, or at least short enough that you won't regret missing your favorite TV show.First of all, let me just say that I am honored and flattered to be standing here before you today. I have always dreamt of being a stand-up comedian, but my parents thought that a career in finance would be more lucrative. Well, here I am, proving them wrong and struggling to pay my bills. Thanks, Mom and Dad!But seriously, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the fantastic organizers of this event. They did an amazing job finding a venue that is both affordable and close enough to a casino, just in case this speech doesn't go as planned. And let's not forget the delicious food they provided, which will hopefully distract you from the fact that I am not a professional comedian.I must also thank our sponsors, without whom this event would not have been possible. Your generous contributions have ensured that I can continue to pursue my dream of making people laugh while simultaneously jeopardizing my financial stability. So, thank you for enabling my reckless behavior and poor life choices.Now, let's talk about the state of the world today. As you may know, we live in a society where people can't even go to the grocery store without taking a selfie and hashtagging#groceryshopping, as if buying milk is some monumentalachievement. And don't even get me started on social media influencers. I mean, seriously, what kind of influence are they really having? Influencing people to spend money on products they don't need and convincing them that their lives are boring and meaningless? Thanks for the inspiration, guys.But let's not dwell on the negatives. Instead, let's focus on the positives. For example, technology has come a long way in improving our lives. We now have smartphones that can do practically everything except make a decent cup of coffee. Andlet's not forget about self-driving cars, which are perfect for people who want to nap during their commute and wake up in a ditch without any memory of how they got there.Speaking of cars, have you ever noticed that there is always someone in the neighborhood who takes car washing way too seriously? I mean, their car shines so bright, you need sunglasses just to look at it. And here I am, driving around in a vehicle that looks like it was involved in a demolition derby. But hey, it adds character, right?Now, let's take a moment to appreciate the joys of parenting. As a parent myself, I must say that nothing brings me more joy than being woken up at the crack of dawn by a tiny human who is convinced that breakfast cannot be consumed unless it is served with a side of tantrums. Ah, the wonders of parenthood.But let's not forget about the real heroes in our lives: our pets. They never fail to bring a smile to our faces, especially when they decide to break something expensive or take a dump on the livingroom carpet five minutes before the party starts. Truly, they are a never-ending source of amusement and frustration.In conclusion, life is full of ups and downs, laughter and tears, and moments that make us question our sanity. But through it all, it's important to remember to find humor in the little things, to laugh at ourselves, and to surround ourselves with people who bring joy into our lives. And if all else fails, there's always Netflix and ice cream to help us forget about our problems. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of the evening!。
英语演讲幽默开场白（HumorinEnglishspeech）
英语演讲幽默开场白（Humor in English speech）Humorous speech -- ridicule oneself (Chinese English comparison)How does the speaker laugh at himself?As a speaker, I got two complaints from the audience: one was that I spoke so loudly that they couldn't sleep; the second was that I talked too long, and they couldn't keep awake.As a speaker, I 've only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can' t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can 't stay awake.Innovative sentence: you or sleep, or not sleep, as long as not snoring, I will continue to speak.As a speaker, his speech and Lincoln's speech for Columbia Petersburg a famous speech [] comparison. At the end of his speech, there were sorrow, tears and grief - especially the planning committee.As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech there is, also sorrow, tears and mourning especially by the program committee..Humor commentary: the speaker spoke so badly that the organizers cried very sadly.At the end, the host thank you from the busy schedule time out- you keep cool, gracefully nodding and smiling, knew the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program and you nod and smile - graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.Humor notes: some retired cadres have nothing to do after retirement, someone asks him to take part in some activities, and he pretends to be busy, and seems to push a lot of things to catch up.I used to be nervous when I was speaking, but then I saw a message saying that if you imagine all the audience is naked, it will help. At this moment, I stood here and imagined that the audience was naked. It worked really well. I wasn't nervous anymore, but my eyes were tired.I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so at this, very moment, I m standing up here imagining "every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.Humor note: think of the audience as naked, meaning I'm not afraid of you, not nervous.Most people are a little nervous when they stand on the platform.I belong to a small group. I am very nervous.I'm not conceited myself - I can't tell you how much I admire my point.Personally, I have never been conceited - and I can 't tell you how much I admire myself for that.Humorous sentence: he becomes very proud of himself because he is not conceited.I don't have any conceit. I hope others see me like that.I'll speak in simple English, and then I'll translate it to the lawyer.Let me put this into plain English. I 'll translate it for the lawyers later.Humorous remarks: lawyers always like to use complicated language, and they can not understand simple words.Innovative sentences: there are three versions of my speech, primary school version, middle school version, college version, do you listen to an elementary school age edition, or the two age version of primary school?If you've heard the story, please don't interrupt me. I know this story.If you 've already heard this story, please don' t stop me because it 's the only one I know.Humor note: you know two stories, and you can tell them before you tell them.I tell a joke, if you have heard of, also want to pretend not to hear, so I take care of you.Speaking is like watering the lawn. If 1/4 of the water gets in, you'll be satisfied.Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You 're satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.Humor notes: some people snore, some people speak, are normal, 1/4 of the audience listen to the good.We had something in common at the beginning of the speech. You don't know what I'm going to say - I don't know.At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don 't know what I' m going to say - and neither do I.Humorous sentences: the beginning of an impromptu speech.I don't know if you'll like my speech. I don't know what I'm going to talk about.Before I start, I want to tell you that the following speech has been edited as a TV show, and I'm going to talk less for 20 minutes, and we'll be able to get home and watch 2 shows.Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the on game channelHumor notes: put on the scene and watch home on tv.Some of you may know me tonight there for a couple of reasons here: the first reason is your program committee has been looking for a smart, funny, sophisticated in trying to find their speaker. The second reason was that the man was ill, so he called me.As some of you may know I appearing here tonight for two m very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker who 's intelligent, entertaining sophisticated, and they did. The second - reason is, he got sick so they called me.Humor notes: at first it was like saying that you were very cow, but it was actually a temporary substitute.I think my speech is funny, but why doesn't anyone laugh?Some people have stage fright, I don't have it; the stage isn't going to happen; I'm the audience who scared me to death!Some people suffer from stage fright. I don 't. The stage doesn' t bother me at all. It 's the audience that scares the hell out of me!Humor commentary: stage fright stage fright, not stage fright me.Each of us wants to be able to turn the clock back at some point. If I could dial the clock back for 45 minutes, I was the happiest person in the room, and I left my speech on the kitchen table.At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I d be the happiest person "in this room. Because that s when I left my" speech on the kitchen table.Note: before his humorous speech is still practiced hard at home, I hope the audience inclusion.I didn't want to brag, but when I spoke last time, all the audience stood up and they never sat down,Until they get to their car.I don 't want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its cars. feet. And they never sat down again until they reached theirHumor note: the audience listened to his speech and stood up and walked away. He was still boasting.I spoke with a gentle pace meanders, the audience slept soundly.If I'm a little hesitant, you have to forgive me, this is my first time after dinner speech - selling, except when Laurieyelled at me.If I 'm a little hesitant, you' ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner I speech 've ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald' s.Humor notes: self deprecating speech has little experience.You may know that I have developed the habit of speaking after dinner.I'm not used to speaking to so many audiences, and one of the things that gives me courage is that I'm talking about my favorite subject - me.I 'm not used to speaking to me. such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I' m speaking on my favorite subject -Humor note: TV always invites celebrities to talk about themselves there, and these people can begin to say that.People always ask me why I wear a 10 Gallon red hat (or some other very showy clothes), and I tell them that it's my positive attitude towards life. I know that no matter what happens, the good God is always watching us. Now, there are 6 billion people on earth, and I hope God can pick me out from all mortal beings.People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing and tell them. It) I has to do with taking a positive but practical view oflife. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd.Humor note: what a novel idea, a green hat, that wants to attract God's attention.Don't tell lies again, while God has not paid attention to you.If you allow me to prepare to read my lecture, I have three reasons: first, I have very poor memory - two other reasons that I can't remember.With your permission, I 'm going to read this paper. I' m going to read it for three reasons: one, I have a very poor memory - and the other two I can 't remember.Humorous notes: a good excuse for forgetting words.I have a bad memory. I forgot to bring the lecture.Needless words are the bane of great speeches. Let me repeat them...Unnecessary words are the bane of good speeches. Let me repeat that...Humor notes: this time repetition brings good results.Innovation sentence: the most taboo speech repetition, I sayagain: never repeat.Sometimes it's really confusing. You see the representative raise his arm, but you can't be sure whether he's voting by conscience or checking his arthritis.It did get a little confusing at times. If you saw a delegate raising his arm, you could never be quite sure if he was voting his arthritis. conscience or testing hisHumor note: someone who raises his arm doesn't necessarily mean to choose you.I'm sure I'll raise my hand if I don't have arthritis.I'm sorry, (pulling a note from your wallet, like a handkerchief, sneezing on it, and throwing it away), if you say what I hate, that's show off.Excuse me. (Pull a bill from your wallet, handle it as you would a handkerchief, sneeze and then throw the bill away and say) If there 's one I hate ostentation.Humor commentary: show off, rich people have ostentatious capital.Creative sentence: I don't want to show off. Learned people don't like to show off.As you all know, in the company, I only ask employees three things: honesty, integrity and idolatry.As you know, in all these years with the company, I have only asked for three things from my staff: honesty, integrity and idolatry.Ask for a short point, suitable for students within 5 minutesMy dreamHello everyone! It is my great pleasure to share my dream you with today.My dream is to become a teacher.You know being a teacher is a thing that is very valuable and very interesting. I suggest that it must be a great fun to be with children all the day. and if I am a teacher, I can teach my students a lot of knowledge. they might become stronger and cleverer because of me. that is a very contented feeling.China is a developing country. Chinese are not that excellent in their intellegent. so teachers in China might be very very important. they can provide the society with a lot of successful people, and make China a better place.Do, you, think, that, I, have, a, good, dream? I will work hard to make my dream become true!Thanks~My dreamHello, everybody! It's my pleasure to share my dreams with you today.My dream is to become a teacher.You know, as a teacher, it's a thing, and it's very valuable, very interesting. I think it has to be a great pleasure to have with all children. If I were a teacher, I could teach my students a lot of knowledge. They may become strong and smart because of me. It's a very satisfying feeling.China is a developing country. Chinese people are not excellent, in their intelligence. So teachers in China may be very, very important. They can provide many successful people in society and make China a better place.You think I have a great dream, and I will work hard to make my dream come true!。
英语演讲幽默开场白（精选12篇）
英语演讲幽默开场白（精选12篇）英语演讲幽默篇1Failure is what often happens.it is everywhere in your life.students may fail in exams, science may fail in their researchwork,and athletes may fail in competitions.Although failure happens to everyone, attitudes towards failure are various. some people don't think their failure is a very important thing at all. so they pay no attention to it. as a result, they will have the same failure a previously later.they spend their thime and energy on useless things and they may really be fools as they have thought.英语演讲幽默开场白篇2- the subject of my presentation is...- I shall be speaking today about...- My presentation concerns...- Today’s topic is...- Today we are here to give a presentation on...- Today we are here to talk about...Before we start, I’d like you meet my team members...- A brief look at today’s agenda...(告诉听众所讲内容的先后顺序)- Before we start our presentation, let’s take a brief look at the agenda...- I shall be offering a brief analysis of...- the main area that I intend to cover in this presentation is...- Take a moment and think of...- Thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell you about... 英语演讲幽默开场白篇3The opening of a speech is one of its two most importantparts. There are many great ways to begin, and for each great beginning, there is an equally awful opening. So in today's newsletter, we will look at five awful ways to begin a speech, and counter them with 10 great ways to begin instead.Here are five awful ways to begin a speech:英语演讲幽默开场白篇4Good morning. Ladies and gentlemen. Life has its ups and downs. I bet everyone here has gone through success and failures, am I right? Therefore, what's your understanding of success and failure? What do you think is the biggest success in one's life? , can you share your idea with us?英语演讲幽默开场白篇51.开头：Good morning everybody!It's my honor to speak here,and I am very glad to share my topic with you. Then today I'd like to talk something about......（大家早上好！能在这里做此次演讲我十分荣幸，也很高兴能跟大家一起分享我的主题，今天我想演讲的是......）结尾：OK,thank you for listening,that's all.（好了，谢谢各位的聆听，我的演讲结束了。
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幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）演讲者如何调侃自己作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。
As a speaker, I’ve only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can’t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can’t stay awake. 创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。
当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning ---- especially by the program committee. 幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。
此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, I’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes. 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
Personally, I have never been conceited --- and I can’t tell you how much I admire myself for that. 幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
Let me put this into plain English. I’ll translate it for the lawyers later. 幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
If you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one I know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么——我也不知道。
At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don’t know what I’m going to say --- and neither do I. 幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。
第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
As some of you may know, I’m appearing here tonight for two very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker who’s intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated --- and they did. The second reason is, he got sick so they called me. 幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me! 幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。
如果我能够把时钟拨回去45分钟，我就是这间房间里最幸福的人，我把演讲稿落在厨房桌子上了。
At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I’d be the happiest person in this room. Because that’s when I left my speech on the kitchen table. 幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。
I don’t want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they never sat down again until they reached their cars. 幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。
如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。
If I’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech I’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald’s. 幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。
I’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me. 幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。
人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。
我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。
现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。
People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd. 幽默注释：多么新颖的创意，戴顶绿帽子就想引起上帝注意。