美国著名脱口秀主持人艾伦在杜兰大学的毕业演讲

美国著名脱口秀主持人艾伦在杜兰大学的毕业演讲：《做真实的你，一切都会变好！》

Thank you, President Cowen, Mrs. President Cowen;distinguished guests, undistinguished guests -you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher.

谢谢，谢谢Cowen校长及校长夫人，各位尊敬的来宾和各位谦卑的来宾，各位心里有数，就不用介绍了，令人尊敬的师长们……以及讨厌的西班牙语老师。

And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hung over and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up.

感谢所有2009届的毕业生，我知道你们绝大多数人还因为宿醉后的头痛，从周二的狂欢派对到今天都还没合过眼，但是没听完我的演讲你们都不能毕业，所以都听好了!

When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.

当我被问是否来参加毕业典礼演讲的时候，我毫不犹豫就答应了……然后我才去查“毕业典礼”是什么意思。如果我有字典的话就轻松多了，但我家的书大多是Portia的（艾伦的同性恋女友），而且都是澳大利亚文，所以……我得自己摸索，去找出这个词的意思。

Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement onside walks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. So there's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.

“commencement毕业典礼”：common常见的+cement水泥，常见的水泥，你常常在人行道上见到水泥，人行道有裂缝，你要是踩到裂缝，就会撞伤你妈妈的背，所以大概意思就是这样了。但我很荣幸被邀请来做你们的“常见的水泥”的演讲。

I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know President Cowen knows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me,

I'm a huge celebrity.

我以为非得是又有名，又是你们学校的校友才能来（注：校友这个单词很多人拼错，Ellen故意整出一堆类似校友的单词）……我没有在这里念过大

学，我不知Cowen校长是否知道，我完全没上过大学…任何一所大学! 我倒不是在说你们在浪费时间和金钱，不过看看我，我是个超级大名人唉!

Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away with it.

我是从社会大学毕业的，这所大学的吉祥物就是敲门人。事实上我在这里度过许多成长的岁月，我妈妈在这里工作时，我常来找她……每当我要偷她钱包里的钱时。但我今天在这里的原因，显然不是要偷你们的钱，你们离得太远了……我永远也不会摆脱它。

I'm here because of you. Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing arobe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here only did laundry six times.

我在这里是因为你们，因为没有比你们更优秀更勇敢的毕业生了。看看你们每一个人，身穿的学士袍，通常我们说在早上10点还穿着睡袍代表你