成人商务英语之自我介绍练习与讲解

Self-introduction

原：

I am Peter and I am male, and I was born 1979. I graduated in Nanjing. And I am/my major is International Trading. As to my favorites, I love the sports for football game and basketball. When I am university, I hope to have a healthy body. But for long time, I didn’t play these games.

As to my career schedule, now I am a SOHO, however, I hope to ex p and my business, for example, I want to attend the fair in Canton, if possible, I hope to attend the fare in Frankford. About my products range of business, there are Christmas Lighting and Steel and Toys, plush toys and so on. Ok, thank you.

修改：

My name is Peter, male. And I was born in 1979. I graduated from a university in Nanjing. My major was International Trading. As to my hobbies, I love sports. Like football and basketball. I believed that exercise can keep me healthy. However, I didn’t keep it for a long time since a lot of reasons.

Regarding to my career，I tried several kinds of jobs after my graduation, and now I am a SOHO. Recently, I planned to expand my business. For this purpose, I hope I can attend the fare in Canton and in Frankford, if possible. My product range includes Christmas Lighting, Steel and Plush Toys and so on.

Thank you.

句句修改讲解：

1. I am Peter and I am male, and I was born 1979.

My name is Peter, male. And I was born in 1979. be born in 出生于

不都用I 开头说话，会显得更加自然。And的频率降低。

2. I graduated in Nanjing.

I graduated from a university in Nanjing. graduated from 毕业于

从南京毕业在外国人开来有点奇怪，作为graduate的宾语用学校比较好。

3. And I am/my major is International Trading.

My major was International Trading.

降低and的频率。过去的专业，用was过去式。

4. As to my favorites, I love the sports for football game and basketball. When I am university, I hope to have a healthy body. But for long time, I didn’t play these games.

As to my hobbies, I love sports. Like football and basketball. I believed that exercise can keep me healthy. However, I didn’t keep it for a long time since a lot of reasons.

Favorite有爱好的意思，但是更偏向于指偏爱或者是记事本。爱好通常用hobby。

I love the sports for foot ball game and basketball, 中式英语。句型混乱。

When I am university中am要换成was过去式，When I was in university.

整句When I am university, I hope to have a healthy body. 中式英语。听着很奇怪。直接说我从前相信运动使人健康。下句同样的问题。

5. As to my career schedule, now I am a SOHO, however, I hope to expand my business, for example, I want to attend the fair in Canton,if possible, I hope to attend the fare in Frankford.

Regarding to my career，I tried several kinds of jobs after my graduation, and now I am a SOHO. Recently, I planned to expand my business. For this purpose, I hope I can attend the fare in Canton and in Frankford, if possible.

关于的表达有很多，不要过于单一都用as to，要换换。职业生涯直接career。建议在现在工作之前加上之前的工作经历一带而过。使内容更充实一点。However是表示转折的，但是这个句子里不需要转折。Recently最近。Hope的用法注意不好直接hope to do。Hope后面加人称或者that