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How to find true love?
As a writer of romance novels, I create exotic fantasies. My heroines
are beautiful, my heroes gilded with a touch of the legendary, my plots
larger than life.
Fans sometimes think of me as an 'expert' on love, but my children
never ask my advice. When I try to give it anyway, they roll their eyes.
(86) To them, I'm just Morn—too impossibly old-fashioned and ordinary
to understand the winds of their times.
Since they have reached their teens, however, their often painful
searches for that special someone have left me sleepless many a night.
There are so many things I wish for them that I am utterly powerless to
provide. Sometimes I imagine a little scene, Robby and Johanna ask me,
'Morn, how do I find true love?' here is what I say:
1. Understand that love is a state of mind and heart.
It is not dependent on beauty, physical strength or the romantic
settings I use in my books. Though it may begin with infatuation, it moves
from physical attraction in a golden curve, often involving sacrifice,
to the deepest bond between two people.
2. Settle for nothing less than total commitment.
(87) A marriage certificate won't solve all your problems, but until
you have the guarantee of one, you can't begin the struggle to forge
yourselves into one unit against the world—the ultimate goal. A mate is
the post you lean on, the person who, when you've really screwed up, loves
you anyway. The only way to get that kind of mate is to make the dreadful
leap of trust and be that kind of mate.
3. Talk about everything—except divorce.
I was not a talker when I met your dad. In my childhood, I'd learned
that it was best to remain silent around my alcoholic father, who could
twist any statement into a weapon. But Robert stubbornly refused to accept
my silence. It was my first intimation of tile strength of his love. Your
father and I learned this the hard way. During a trying period years ago,
I found myself calmly saying, 'Maybe we should get a divorce.' He answered,
'Maybe we should.' The day we frankly confronted the divorce option, we
were not terribly angry with each other, but we had gradually let divorce
become a real choice in our thinking. We made a pact, then and there, never
again to mention the word 'divorce' in association with us. We haven't
dared break the pact in 17 years.
4. Want the best for each other.
Being married doesn't mean that you are glued together. One of the
wonderful things about love is that it binds without crippling. Remember
not all your activities, friends or enthusiasm will be the same as your
mate' s. When your father went back to college for his teaching degree,
it meant starting over, but I wanted him to fulfill his potential. When
I decided to abandon paramedical training and become a writer, he
encouraged me. (88) Loving someone doesn't mean your goals are always
identical. But if you want something then your mate wants it for you too.
5. Only one person can be crazy at a time.
Life is seldom a smooth highway of cooperation. You get angry. Your
mate becomes obsessed. Either one of you can become totally obnoxious.
But you can't both go wild at the same time. One of you has to stay in
adult mode. The real thing has to do with love. And it isn't always
glamorous-or easy. Love helps you get to the bathroom when you're sick.
Love agrees to disagree on serious subjects. When you walk out the door
in a rage, love trails after you, shouting, 'You can't get away from me!
I love you, and I'll follow you wherever you go !'
(89) And so in my sleepless hours, Robby and Johanna, I wish for you
that moment when you look up and find someone watching you as if you were
a candle—as if you were the only light in a world of darkness.