英语小故事

Bill, Bingo and Bram 12I handed Bill his specs（眼镜，规格）, and he peered at the dog, tutting to himself as he did so."Aye, Old Bram, lying out in the yard. Waiting for his life to start up again." He shook his head, wistfully."Lay out yonder, just outside the door there. If you could see to the sides of the picture you'd see the yard hasn't changed all that much. Well, my mother kept the flower beds better than me ..."I was surprised, I had always thought Bill's family had lived in Clare Street, a street up from this one."Oh, we did, but we moved when I was a baby. I can't remember ever living there."I looked out of the window into Bill's back yard. I could see the back door. Bram had lain in this yard, just near to the door. Just a couple of feet from the door.On my way home, stepping carefully through the ice and snow, I turned thoughts this way and that.Ross and his patch of dry path in the rain.Cats rarely went into Bill's yard.Bingo's sudden halt in mid attack, and refusal to enter Bill's gate.I thought of all of us.Bill, living in his bubble in time, powered by old steam radio and Woodbines.Bingo - wanting to attack the present, and curl up in his past.I thought of myself, waiting for my life to start.One day, I thought, one day, things will be different for me. But only if I make it so. I was no longer a boy, but I still thought like one. I still thought of myself as one. I took myself terribly seriously, but knew deep within, that no one else did. I kept trying to re-invent myself, but I never created a me that could last more than a few months, then it was back to this ... boy.How far was I willing to let go and move on?Perhaps I might find myself a comfortable place, and lie there, and forever wait for the footfalls（脚步）of my destiny to come and find me. But it could, I thought, take a long time - a lifetime of waiting. Did I want to wait like Bram still did?Because he still did.Through winters, through summers - fifty odd of them.Bram still waited out there.4. Chinese and EnglishI'm an editor of a newspaper. One day a foreigner made a call to me. He said in Chinese that he liked our newspaper very much, which made me very happy. Then I said "Could you tell me some impression about our newspaper?"The foreigner spoke a lot. But I didn't know which language he spoke. It was not Chinese, nor Japanese. Was he speaking Spanish?" Could you speak Chinese? Which language did you speak just now?" I asked. After silence for a while, the foreigner answered with a little disappointment. "I'm an Englishman. I spoke Chinese with you just now." Oh, my god, the tears came out while I was laughing. "You'd better speak English." He began to talk and talked a lot. Considering that his Chinese was really poor, I tried talking with him in English.After a few words, he asked, "Are you speaking Latin? I couldn't catch any word that you said. I can understand a lot if you speak Chinese." Oh, my goodness. "Is my English really poor? No, I don't think so. Maybe he is an Englishman who can not understand standard American English." I said to myself.5. The Amazing PetA man went into a pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buya pet. But, he didn't want your ordinary, garden variety pet! No, hewanted a pet that could do everything!The shop owner suggested a faithful dog.The man replied, "Come on, a dog?"The owner said, "How about a cat?"The man replied, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"The shop owner thought for a minute, then said, "I've got it! A centipede!"The man said, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." So he got the centipede home and said to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."Thirty minutes later, he walked into the kitchen and... it was immaculate! All the dishes and silverware were washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He was absolutely amazed.He then said to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walked into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered.The man thought to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede.By this point the man was wondering what was going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes.45 minutes later... still no centipede! He couldn't imagine what had happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where was that centipede?So he went to the front door, opened it ... and there was the centipede sitting right outside.The man said, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What happened?!"The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!" 6. Book on elephantsThe UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants.The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account."The Germans submited 47 V olumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better thanPeople"The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"。