北京市高考英语二轮复习专题精讲 第21讲 书面表达二2(下)(1)

第21讲书面表达二经典精讲（下）开篇语（一）情景作文---以内容和语言定档定分2011 老师受伤稿件叙述2010 安排旅游周记叙述，开头写好2009 植树活动稿件叙述2008 春游稿件叙述2007 竞选班长信叙述，开头结尾写好2006 王珊个人简介2005夏 Jeff中国生活安排信描述，开头写好2005春李明的变化稿件叙述，开头写好2004夏课余活动图表描述，看法2004春过去现在生活变化稿件叙述，开头写好2003夏树的故事稿件叙述，开头写好2003春学雷峰活动日记叙述，开头结尾写好题一：假设你是红星中学高二(1)班的学生李华，下面四幅图描述了近期发生在你们班的一个真实故事，请根据图片的先后顺序，为校刊“英语园地”写一篇短文，词数不少于60。

1. 老师滑倒2. 学生送老师看病3. 学生看望老师4. 老师回班上课_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________情境作文一、审题要到位：两个关键词：近期 / 校刊二、评分原则：要点+细节+语言质量一档：18-20二档：15-17三档：12-14四档：6-11五档：1-5要点四个要点不可缺少，如缺少一个要点就直降到四档。

（6—11）老师滑倒/摔倒学生送老师看病学生看望老师老师回班上课细节每个要点下面都要有至少一个细节的支撑。

图一：粉笔飞出；学生吃惊 / 担心；老师穿高跟鞋（不宜多说）图二：同学们的陪伴 / 背着老师扶着老师/ 给老师把鞋脱掉图三：鲜花和水果；聊天；右脚打绷带图四：老师坐轮椅；右脚打绷带；同学们的反应（鼓掌欢迎）几点说明图二：从clinic到图三hospital的地点转换，不交代也认可。

图四：只要表明老师返回班里甚至是学校就可以了。

不强调回来上课也可以接受。

对于细节的认定较宽泛。

学生的普遍问题◆要点几乎都可以写全，不会漏掉。

但要点下面细节的支撑少。

◆语言的质量不高。

◆学生擅长抒发感情，但动作描写欠缺（在第四幅图后，写一堆的情感套话，如赞扬老师或者师生和谐）开放作文---以内容和语言定档定分2011 跨河摘苹果 describe and explain2010 树与建筑 describe and explain2009 文化差异 describe and explain2008 圆规与铅笔 describe and explain2007 大鸟小鸟 describe and explain2006 城市雕塑 describe and explain2005 夏照镜子 describe2005 春交通建议 2-3 suggestions2004 夏丢钱的可能性 3-4 possibilities2004 春找路 2-3 different ways2003 夏暑期计划≥1 examples，fun立意明确，逻辑清晰(立意-----细节描述）语言达意请根据下面提示，写一篇短文。

词数不少于50。

In your spoken English class, your teacher shows you the following picture. You are asked to describe the picture and explain how you understand it.立意1：勇于克服困难（小树在不规则大楼中间顽强生长）立意2：成功来自于不懈的努力（小树努力克服各种困难，最终获取了阳光）立意3：多给孩子成长的空间（楼房的不规则造成了小树的扭曲）题二：请根据下面提示，写一篇短文。

词数不少于50。

In your spoken English class, your teacher shows you the following picture. You are asked to describe the picture and explain how you understand it._______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________立意1：要学会选择（隔着河摘苹果很累，旁边有桥，应学会选择）立意2：创新，尝试新方法（有桥不走，尝试隔河摘苹果，更省事）立意3：不要冒险（隔着河摘苹果很危险，做事要稳妥）开放作文描图+释图评分原则：是否扣题/切题逻辑是否清晰内容是否充实语言是否准确一档：13-15二档：9-12三档：4-8四档：1-3是否扣题描述要源自画面中，是基于画进行的描述, 对于图画的理解和对于画面的主题没有特别的规定。

不刻意强调哪个立意对，哪个立意不对，最重要的是能自圆其说。

学生们的主题：懒惰；头脑灵活，富于创新；不要冒险；要富于冒险精神，增加挑战性；学会选择；不要走捷径…逻辑是否清晰后面的释图是从前面的描图引申出来的。

描述为议论打基础（埋下伏笔：What’s in the picture? What’s going on in the picture? 与下文阐述产生关联性），议论的基础是描述的内容，否则议论就是无源之水。

关注谋篇布局的整体把握，形成语篇的连贯性。

描述和阐述是一个有机的整体。

The boy wants to save time and energy, but actually he wastes time. He makes a stupid choice. So when we do something, we should think it over and don’t be lazy and do well preparation.内容是否充实论述部分要看阐述时是否能围绕中心展开，不是简单的句式变换或表层的思维，更不要停留在一句话上说来说去。

When we find a proper method, we will succeed. Without a proper method, we will fail. Only when we find a proper method, can we succeed.语言是否准确注意词汇的选取，适当用简单句直接阐述中心，满足主题和逻辑的双重考察 (句子多样性）, 看句与句之间能否形成意思。

In our life, we should work hard. Faced with difficulties, we should find a proper way to solve the problem. It is important for us to think twice before we take action. 学生的普遍问题◆套话过多，影响写作质量（不能投机）◆逻辑不清晰：逐层深入◆内容不充实◆语言不准确名师寄语第21讲书面表达二经典精讲（下）题一：媒体公布范文Last Monday, we were having our Chinese class when the teacher suddenly slipped and fell. We were all worried about her. One of the boys carried her on the back, with the help of some others, to the clinic immediately. It turned out that her right leg was broken and she had to stay in the hospital. The following day, we went to visit her with flowers and fruit. Seeing her lying in bed with her leg wrapped in bandages, we felt sorry for her and hoped that she would recover soon. This Thursday she returned to the class on a wheelchair to give us lessons. We were all deeply moved and proud of having such a responsible teacher.（119）学生作文Last Friday, an accident had happened suddenly in our class. While we were having our English class attentively, our teacher missed a step and fell to the ground. One of my classmates shouted “Watch the step!” but it’s too late. Without any delay, our monitor and two other students carried her to the school clinic. To our great relief, the problem wasn’t serious. Since we were all loved our teacher, all of my classmates went to see our teacher after class with some beautiful flowers. We chatted happily and we all hoped that our teacher will soon be all right. After a few weeks in the hospital, our teacher finally came back in a wheelchair. We clapped our hands and gave her a warm welcome. Seeing the teacher, we all had a sense of happiness. What a united class we are! (141)学生作文We believe in the philosophy that offering others help makes ourselves satisfied and here is what happened recently in my class.When our teacher was giving a class, she suddenly lost her balance by the edge, fell down and hurt her legs. Everyone was astonished at that time. However, we quickly calmed ourselves down, and swiftly carried her to the clinic. On the way, we asked anxiously whether it hurt a lot and told her not to worry.Having been diagnosed as a severe bone hurt, she had to stay in hospital for weeks. In order to ease her feeling of loneliness, we paid a visit to her. Several days later, there we sent her flowers, wishing her a quick recovery, some held her hands and delivered our care for her, while others promised to study hard. We chatted happily, and I saw her tears of satisfaction and pleasure. Yesterday was the big day—our teacher returned “home” from the hospital. Seeing her smiling face, we clapped our hands as a warm welcome. She, though sitting in a wheelchair, showed her pleasant smile like an angel, as if she was expressing her thanks. Again I saw tears shining in her eyes, they were the symbols of happiness rather than tiredness.This was just a simple thing in our school life, but something meaningful. Our teachers never fail to offer us their meticulous(小心翼翼的；一丝不苟的) care, so when they need help, it’s our duty as well as honor to lend a helping hand. In this way, we can create a harmonious teacher-student relationship! （261）题二：媒体公布范文：In the picture, there stands a tree full of fruit on one side of the stream.Across the stream, a man is trying to reach out on the edge of the bank for the fruitwith a net attached to a pole. Not far away there is a bridge that can lead him tothe tree for more fruit.The message conveyed in the picture is clear. In pursuing a dream, we might focuson only one way of making it come true, forgetting that there may be alternatives(可供选择的事物). As indicated in the picture, if the man is willing to look for otherpossibilities, he can find a better and more rewarding way to achieve his goal. Allhe has to do is to turn around, cross the bridge and walk to the tree.（140）学生作文In the picture, there is a valley between the two steep mountains. In the valley,there is a river beating the mountain fiercely. On the mountain lies a tree withlots of apples. On the other side stands a man, trying to reach the apples with aknot tied to a long stick above the v alley. Although he tries hard, he can’t getone apple because he doesn’t find a bridge across the valley, which leads to theapple tree.I think what this picture wants to convey to us is that we should find the mostefficient and easiest way to tackle the problems. The man in the picture takes greatpain in vain because he doesn’t think of all the possible ways or the situationhe is in.In our daily life, we may meet all kinds of problems and we should know among thenumerous ways there is always a solution that is most efficient and easiest. As longas we find it, solving the problem will become a piece of cake. Confronted(面对)with challenges, we are required to use our brain to think thoroughly before takingaction rather than conduct(实施，处理) the first idea appearing in our mind, whichmay end up to be the most difficult solution.Choosing the most efficient solution can prevent us from doing in vain, whichcan also save our valuable time and energy. （232）学生作文As is vividly shown in the picture, the man is sparing no effort to reach forthe fruits on the tree across the river with a long net, neglecting a bridge nearby.Hard as he is trying, all his effort seems in vain.According to my understanding, what the picture intend to mirror(反射；映射) to usis the significance of finding the best possible method. What getting the fruitsis to the man is exactly what achieving our goals is to us. Rather than just steppingforward without consideration, it is acquiring a clear understanding of the presentsituation first that is top on the agenda (a list of matters to be taken up). Only if all the ways leading to our destination are clearly realized can we furtherchoose the best one and reach for our dream with least meaningless effort. Wheneverfaced with a dilemma(进退两难), blindly fighting will no doubt lead to a waste ofenergy and wisdom, while choosing the best method before acting can ensure a betterresult.There is no denying that trying hard also work, however, why not take actions andfollow an easier way to avoid unnecessary pains? Therefore, always think twice and chose the best method before set out for a brighter future! (202)。