成长的烦恼第七季8
成长的烦恼第七季15
Abe: Hey, the seniors guys day out was one great idea.Ben: Yeah, it was four guys, out on the town.Mike: Eating anything we want...Jason: Walking past discount jewelers without missing a beat...Ben: Hey, you guys remember last month, when mom and Carol came to that Bulls game?Mike: Oh yeah, remember what she said? It's just not fair because some of the guys were so much taller than the others.Jason: Guys...Ben and Mike: What?Jason: Something is wrong; our train is leaving on time.Barney: Any of you fellas care to chase your luck? A dollar will get you two.Jason: No thank you.Barney: Hey all you got to do is find the queen.Abe: Barney?Barney: Abe Hey man, I have been worried sick about you.Where have you been?Abe: Oh I'm fine, I've been living with the family in the suburbs.Barney: Oh that's great.Have they found out yet?Jason: Excuse me, I'm Jason Seaver.Barney: Oh, Barney Papadakis.Boy you clean up good. You're gone!!Abe: You look good too Barney'Barney: Yeah well, it's this new exercise program. Every time I see a transit cop I run a quarter of a mile. Speaking of which.Mr. Anderson.love the outfit! Blue is your color.Mr. Anderson: You wouldn't be running any illegal gambling here now would you?Barney: No, you see actually I was playing 52 card pick up.Mr. Anderson: With three cards?Barney: I'm not very good.Mr. Anderson: Beat it Barney.Barney: Gotcha...Well so long fellows. I got enough quarters to go to the bus station to walk the whole mily dud. Nice seeing ya Abe.Abe: See ya Barney.Jason: So, you know this guy hm?Abe: Everybody on this street knows Barney. If you need a place to sleep and some food, Barney is the guy to see.Jason: and if he's good, I guess he can do all right running a cards scam.Abe: It's not a scam. Barney is New York's only 3 card Monty player. He's got faster hands than warren batty. Ben: Why does he call you Abe?Abe: Well, it's because my birthday's the same as Lincoln's.Mike: Your birthday is December 25th?Jason: February 12th.Abe: Right.Mike: Wait a minute. your birthday is next week? And you didn't tell us about it?Ben: What are you nuts? How do you expect to get any good presents?Abe: Hey I don't need any presents.Ben: Oh Luke.... He's Just kidding now...Actually he wants a leather jacket in my size.Abe: How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want you guys throwing me a party.Mike: Luke I'm just talking about some potato chips and a balloon or two.Chrissy: I have a great idea!!Mike: What?Chrissy: Go to Chucky cheese.Ben: Yeah right. Luke really wants to spend his 16th birthday throwing pepperoni at six foot mechanical mice. Chrissy: Now that's a party!Ben: The secret to a great party is who isn't there when you have it.Abe: Hu?Ben: You know, a more private gathering.Abe: You mean just you and me?Maggie: What Ben is trying to say is that you should wait until Jason and I are out and have a wild party here in the house.Ben: Or we could do that.Jason: Forget it.Ben: Hey it was mom's idea.Abe: Ok,ok,ok, I give up. You can throw me a party.Mike: All rightAbe: But please, don't make it a big deal, all right?Mike: How can we? Mom and dad insist on being there.Ben: Look, the party is going to be a dud. But we can still make out like a bandit on the gifts.Abe: But I don't want any gifts.Ben: would you quit thinking of yourself?Maggie: Ok Chrissy, time for .... C hrissy ..... were you playing in my jewelry box again after I toldyou not to?Chrissy: Why would you think that?Maggie: Because Mr. Blowhole is wearing my good pearl earrings.Chrissy: Bad whale!! Bad whaleMike: You know guys, I'm going to make this the best birthday party ever. I've got an idea. This idea is so great, it even scares me.Jason: Last time he said that, I lost my eyebrows.Maggie: Hi Dwight.Dwight: Here's the keys to the wagon.Maggie: Did carol's plane get off safely?Dwight: Unfortunately yes. Don't get me wrong.I'm glad she's alive and all but what the heck am I going to do for a month while she's away doing research at the British museum?Jason: Oh don't take it so hard Dwight, she's going to be back before you know it. Which reminds me, her plane left 6 hours ago.Where have you been?Dwight: Well I stood there and I watched the vapor trail from her plane evaporate.Maggie: For 6 hour?Dwight: No, for five minutes. And then I did what any red blooded American man would do.Jason: Dwight have you been drinking?Dwight: Well, I'd be a liar if I didn't confess. I went down and I knocked back a few yuhus at the bleaker's street cinema.Maggie: You went to the movies?Dwight: And I saw the avant-garde film festival winner, death of an avocado.Jason: Let me just guess here, but the ending had something to do with guacamole?Dwight: We see this blue lawn chair. Then this old man comes, and he sits down on it and he plays the xylophone, and then he dies.Maggie: That's it?Dwight: It's a statement about mans tautological search for metaphysical comfort.Maggie: Where's the avocado?Dwight: There is no avocado. Well, that would be a little bit obvious don't you think?Maggie: My little pony? Is this the banner Luke wanted us to get?Chrissy: It's Luke's favorite.Maggie: Are you sure?Chrissy: It's someone's favorite.Jason: Hey…you know I don't know why more people don't shop down at Morts party warehouse. They have some great deals down there...Look at this.Maggie: What's that supposed to be?Jason: It's pin the tail on the hamster. I got it for free with the purchase of 20 party hats.Maggie: Jason, this is Greek. Does it say happy birthday?Jason: Well the salesman wasn't sure. It's either that or Dukakis in 88.Maggie: Oh honey I'm sorry to insinuate that you were cheap.Jason: All right apology accepted. No where's Ben? He was supposed to help me find last years candles. Maggie: Oh he and Dwight went to get more ice cream.Jason: Dwight 's here again?Maggie: Well honey he misses Carol and he's lonely.Jason: Yeah but it seems the last couple of days every time I turn around I there's Dwight.Maggie: Jason, you are exaggerating.Jason: Last night he was reading the newspaper over my shoulder, in the bathroom.Maggie: Leave him alone.besides he and Ben are really starting to get along.Dwight: So you see the lawn chair symbolizes the anthropological conundrum that is this very existence. Ben: That's great Dwight. I never thought I'd hear my self say these words, but get Carol back now. Dwight: Dr. Seaver I got lickerish pineapple crunch ice cream if that's not too much of a cliche. Jason: Well maybe we can find something exotic to put on top.Dwight: Oh, I'm way ahead of you. Creamed cornMike: Luke get down here. Everybody else, come here, quick.Dwight: Whoa, you got cream corn, you got a party.Mike: Luke, you ready for your birthday present?Chrissy: Mommy, daddy, Barney showed me how to do a card trick.Maggie: Oh great, sweetie.let's see.Chrissy: Find the queen, where's she hiding? feeling lucky today, buddy?Barney: Come on kid, maybe we should talk to them a little later...Abe: No come on Barney, show them how you do it.Barney: Nooo...Chrissy: He's a lot better than I am.Maggie, Jason: Oh come on Barney let's see...Barney: Well, ok. Find the queen, where's she hiding? Tower eleven, Buckingham palace, motel 6?Ben: No offense Barney but you got to get up pretty early in the morning to fool Ben Seav How did you do that?Barney: Well, ill tell ya.this is a lot better than your last birthday uh Abe?Maggie: Why what happened?Abe: Oh, Barney and some of the guys snuck me into the zoo after-hours. Boy, did we eat well that night! Jason: What did you eat?Abe: Hot dogs. The dumpster was full of them. No matter what, you always helped us out. He can always get us a place to sleep and some food.Barney: It's a gift.Jason: It sounds like Luke was pretty lucky to have you looking out for him.Barney: Yeah, well.you are gom a have to excuse me; I have to answer natures call.Mom: Oh, Barney, why don't you go upstairs, second door on the right.Barney: Force of habit.Mike: So everybody, what do you say we play some games?Everybody: Yeah all right.Dwight: Oh I have a great one.Ben: What? Spin the duffus?Dwight: Maybe later. This is called semantics. Someone names a word, and then we all try to give it subtle shades of meaning.Jason: Stay back ladies. Carol saw him first. That' sounds like the kind of game that usually ends a party. Dwight: I've noticed that.Jason: Maybe we can build up to that, but now how about a rousing game of pin the tail on the hamster. Maggie: Where's the camera? I want to get a picture of this.Jason: Upstairs, our closet.Abe: Oh I'll get it.Dwight: Uhm, I just have one question about this hamster thing. How do we hold the little guy down?Abe: What were you doing?Barney: Uh, just seeing how the other half lives. You know this statue thing pulls this whole room together? Abe: What were you doing in Mrs. Seaver's jewelry box? Barney we're you going to take something? Barney: Abe, how could you say something like that? I was on my way to the bathroom and the door was opened. I know I shouldn't have come in here but.. ..I saw the jewelry box on the dres ser.I used to look through my moms all the time. Hers had this little dancing ballerina in it. And I just wanted to see if this one had one too.Abe: Barney I'm sorry. Yeah, you know I shouldn't have jumped to a conclusion like that. Hey, you forgive me? Barney: Yeah sure.. .come on let's go back down stairs. By the way, what's with the Dukakis hats? Mike: You're warm. Really really warm.Maggie: Dwight, Dwight...Dwight: In here Mrs. Seaver...Maggie: No no no.Dwight: I can't leave now, I'm winning.Mike: Luke what do you say we open up the presents huh?Dwight: This one is from me and Carol.Abe: The complete works of Schopenhauer.Dwight: I knew it.you already read it.Abe: Even not in its original German.Ben: All right, now mine.Abe: Mega slime, hammer and sickle, the nurses?Ben: Yeah, it's got their hit single, "turn your head and cough"Abe: Can I borrow your walkman sometime?Ben: Sure.Abe: All right.Jason: Hey, you wanna open ours next.Abe: Hey my own walkman.thanks.Jason: Happy birthday.Maggie: Uh.Jason: Hey are those the pearls I gave you for our anniversary?Mom: No honey they are the real ones. Someone broke them and glued them back together with rubber cement. Chrissy: Uh, open mine next.Maggie: I'll be right back.Chrissy: It's the whole fam ily.that's you.Abe: thanks, this is the best present I have ever gotten.Chrissy: will you put it on your wall?Abe: I'll do it right now, ill even move my Christina apple gate poster.Chrissy: I made it off the refrigerator. Finally the big time.Abe: Is something wrong Mrs. Seaver?Mom: Oh no Luke, I'm just looking for an old ring my grandmother gave me, its usually right in here. The box was open; Chrissy must have been playing with my jewelry again. Luke, Barney wasn't in here at all was he? Abe: Barney?Maggie: Oh my god, what a horrible thing to say, I'm sorry. I mean I know just because he's homeless doesn't mean he would steal.Abe: That's ok Mrs. Seaver.Mom: No it isn't and I'm very sorry. I mean Carol loves that ring. I bet she borrowed it to take it to England, how silly of me. Come on birthday boy. Let's go back down stairs.Abe: I'll be down in just a second, I'm just gonna hang this up.Mom: Ok.Mike: You got three words, third word is.. ..uuuhh.. .sounds like.. ..Big!Ben: Hugh!Chrissy: Hair.Dwight: Big huge hair, a dolly parton movie.Ben: If it was a dolly parton movie it be big huge.Jason: Ben!Ben: Ok, ok, sounds like hair..Dwight: Oh hair stair, old contrair, smoking hair.. ..Sunny in chairChrissy: Time!Jason: Already? It was truth or dare. And you wait until it's your turn Dwight.Ben: All right, my turn.Mike: Planet of the apes. Sorry, just popped out.Jason: Moving.Mike: You are stealing, you are a robber.Jason: A layer.Abe: Thief. To catch a thief.Everybody: All right!Abe: Hey Barney it's getting a little chilly in here, want to help me go start a fire?Barney: Sure, where do you keep the trash can?Chrissy: My turn.Ben and Mike: No no.Mom: No, come on, it's only fair that Chrissy gets her turn.Ben: Come on she always reads them wrong. Last time we spent half an hour truing to figure out the sound of mustard.Barney: Boy, you could cook a lot of potatoes with that.Abe: I want the ring you took out of Mrs. Seaver's jewelry box.Barney: Not that again, I told you I was just looking around.Abe: I want the ring.Barney: No.Abe: I don't believe this, how could you just steal something like that?Barney: Well, it's to feed my addiction. I'm going through a food withdrawal.Abe: But how could you do it to the people who were nice enough to take me in? Hey you don't need that ring; you do fine playing 3 card Monty.Barney: Hey come on, there probably wondering where we are.we could have chopped the whole tree down by now, let's go.Abe: Don't make me call the cops.Barney: I don't believe you. You stand there in those designer clothes, and now you tell me it's wrong to steal? What do you think is going to happen to you when you turn 18? They got four kids. Think they are going to get you a car? Think that they are going to send you to college? Two years from now, you are going to be back out on the street. Your not one of them, you're one of us. You know it, and I know it. And that's why your not going to call the cops, are you?Abe: No.Barney: Abe, come on, I don't like to see you like this. I'll tell you what were going to do. We will play 3 card Monty for the ring. And maybe you can win it back from me fair and square.Abe: What's fair about that? You always win.Barney: I'll up the odds. I'll give you three tries. Find the queen just once, you get the ring.Abe: And if I don't?Barney: I get to eat regular for a few months.Abe: No, I can't gamble with you for Mrs. Seaver's ring.Everybody: Uh, big nose...big nose, bob hope, Barbara Streisand...Mike: Pinocchio. Yeah, I got it.Jason: Wait a minute, this says dangerous liaison.Chrissy: I like Pinocchio better.Barney: Well folks, I hate to eat and run but I got to get back into town.Abe: Hey Barney, I thought we were going to play a little three card Monty.Barney: You wanna play?Abe: I said so.Barney: Well, all right.Maggie: Oh good.Ben: Oh no offense, but my money is on Barney.Jason: Me too.Barney: Ok, once upon a time there was a sleeping beauty, and a handsome prince had to open the right door, to wake her with a kiss. Sorry, wrong door. Find the queen, where's she hiding, upstairs downstairs, in my lady's chamber? Tough luck kid, try again.Mike: Face it Luke, you said it yourself, nobody can beat this guy.Abe: I choose this one, because if this is the two, and this is the seven, then this must be the queen. Everybody: Hey, all right, yeah.Maggie: So if everybody is finished playing games, in the kitchen. Everyone except Luke.Jason: I'll get the forks.Mike and Ben: Right.Dwight: I'll get the plates and the cream corn.Barney: You knew the whole time?Abe: Actually I really thought you were the worlds only honest three card Monty player.Barney: Yep, here's your ring. Hey look, kid it's part of life on the street. See there comes a time when you have to put your priorities at work.Abe: That still doesn't change the fact that this kind of stuff is wrong. Hey, why don't you get a job, you know? Start over.Barney: That's easy for you to say, I don't exactly have the look the employment agencies want.Abe: Here.Barney: What's this for?Abe: Something to remember me by.Barney: Hmm, this should impress the guys. Mind if I...Abe: Go ahead and pawn it. It should get you a few weeks downtown and some food. Hey, and some clothes for job interviews.Barney: Thanks Abe. Take care of yourself, happy birthday.Everybody: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Luke, happy birthday to you.Jason: Did Barney leave already?Abe: Yeah he just left.Maggie: Well come on birthday boy, blow out your candles.Abe: Oh no thanks, I'm not really that hungry.Jason: Something wrong?Abe: No.Dwight: Oh, I know what it is. I always get depressed after parties, the balloons start to deflate, the guests all leave, water picks all get put away・・・Excuse me; I have something in my eye.Maggie: Oh come on its not over yet, Luke you haven't even finished opening your presents.Abe: Yes I have.Jason: Not this one.Abe: Well, what is it?Jason: That's a savings bond, for college.Abe: You guys don't have to do this for me.Jason: Well we didn't do it because we have to Luke, we did it because you are part of this family. Maggie: Happy birthday.Everybody: Happy birthday Luke.。
《成长的烦恼》(八)
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了父 母 的 谈 话 ， 他 们
成长的烦恼--美国大型情景喜剧片（共7季166集）
成长的烦恼--美国大型情景喜剧片（共7季166集）影片主演：杰森·西佛艾伦·锡克迈克·西佛柯克·卡梅隆发行年份：1990年【片名】Growing Pains/成长的烦恼【地区】美国【语言】国语【类型】情景喜剧【播出】1985/09/24～1992/04/25【集数】7季共166集(每集约28分钟)主要演员◎杰森·西佛(Jason Seaver)～艾伦·锡克(Alan Thicke) 饰父亲，心理医生，对家人感情很好，对子女用启发式的教育。
◎麦琪·梅龙(Maggie Malone)～乔安娜·科恩斯(Joanna Kerns) 饰母亲，一位电视台记者，与丈夫杰森结婚后不随丈夫姓，仍用家姓梅龙。
◎迈克·西佛(Mike Seaver)～柯克·卡梅隆(Kirk Cameron) 饰长子，对未来怀有梦想，却经常把事情搞砸，对读书不在行。
◎卡罗尔·西佛(Carol Seaver)～特蕾茜·格尔德(Tracey Gold) 饰长女，读书很好，却经常出现冒傻气的想法，有点书呆子气。
◎本恩·西佛(Ben Seaver)～杰瑞米·米勒(Jeremy Miller) 饰次子，稚嫩却古灵精怪。
◎克瑞斯·西佛(Chrissy Seaver)～阿什丽·约翰逊(Ashley Johnson) 饰幼女，机灵可爱。
◎卢克·鲍尔(Luke Bower)～莱昂纳多·迪卡普里奥(Leonardo DiCaprio) 饰养子，受到西佛一家人如亲人般的照顾。
主要内容本剧主要讲述住在纽约长岛的西佛一家(The Seavers)的日常生活故事，是中国大陆较早引进的国外情景喜剧，在中国从1990年一直播出至1994年。
1990年代初期一经播出就引发了收视高潮，片中迈克开朗调皮的形象为广大观众所喜爱。
成长的烦恼6季剧本(中英对照)a008
608万圣节(下)上次在成长的烦恼中…爸爸我们每次都吃糖果消磨时间。
我想有了雨，这才像一个古老的清教徒的节日。
他们做什么？他们讲恐怖故事。
如果是关于愚蠢的约会告诉他我不在家。
喂！告诉他我和一个很迷人的帅哥出去了。
是Eddie，Mike该半个小时前接他去的结果现在还没到。
雨小了。
把门关上，Chrissy，你哪也别去。
该死，真掉了。
来吧，把门关上，把灯打开，再讲一些恐怖的故事。
我的脸还没化好妆。
对，也许到明年奥运会，你就会化好妆了。
好了，谁接下去说，Carol。
我不说什么故事，我在等那个傻瓜。
看来她请谁来帮忙了，Ben。
Carol，你快点讲个故事，快点。
不，Ben，我是说你来讲一个。
好吧，从前有个万圣节，人们穿湿衬衫比赛。
Ben，万圣节的故事要恐怖。
好吧，恐怖。
有一个万圣节，我放学回到家里，妈妈爸爸，儿子回来了，是Ben。
算了，我回我的房间复习功课去了，非常奇怪，没人招呼我，没人摸我的头发，忽然我听到有声音，声音很奇怪，从来没听到过。
怎么了，我又怎么了。
Ben，我要听恐怖故事，真正的恐怖。
好，这下我明白了。
我听南瓜的故事，Ben。
谢谢你，Chrissy，可是这个故事很好听，这故事说明我为什么不再去要礼物了，过万圣节，我跟别的孩子差不多，你知道有好孩子，也有坏孩子，我在附近转悠过几次，我是说我也去要过糖果，当时还没号召少吃糖，我要了那么多年，有家人家我从来没去过，大家都说别去伯威克的家，谁也没有看过他，可大家都听到传说，你一走进去就出不来了，朗威特一家就在那失踪了，一家十口人，各个都无影无踪，我必须弄清楚，即便这是我一生最后的事。
我不弄出声音，我可以奔跑，我可以吓个半死，可是我决心勇敢地面对他，我非常奇怪，我的心嘣嘣直跳，可我心里非常平静，我想这是因为那种气味，这气味我在哪闻到过，那很温暖，诱人，带点奶酪香，还带点酒味，耐心听完结尾。
Carol，你有故事要讲吗？我不想讲什么愚蠢的万圣节故事。
不一定讲万圣节，只要恐怖就行。
成长的烦恼第一部105superdad
Maggie: Carol, Carol. Jason: I'm here mum. *** Maggie: Hi sweetheart where's Carol? I got a message she wants to talk to me Jason: she's over the %someone's name%'s Maggie: Ah! Jason: How was your day? Maggie: Oh another last minute rewrite I never type so fast in my life my fingers are still ***ing Jason: oh don't be wasting those *** fingers and try to *** below the shoulder *** Maggie: Oh Jason. Jason: Perfect thank you Maggie: So what did carol want to talk about. Jim said she sounds very upset Jason: yes well it seems she has reasons to believe that Kevin thought that she looks like a gummy bear. Maggie: Kevin? The one in the german club? Jason: My dear the *** of the German club Maggie: oh no. she's had a crush2 on him since… Jason: Yeah since the October %a name% party Maggie: wow, kids must be ***, eh I'll talk to her when she get home Jason: But she's fine now Maggie: she is? Jason: Yeah we've talked it over *** Maggie: You did? Jason: I did Maggie: Honey you don't have to say that *** i won't feel guilty Jason: oh no Maggie we've talked the whole thing over through and through
成长的烦恼第七季12.
Loudspeaker: Ben Seaver get your hollow head in here!Mr. Dewitt: M-i-s-t-e-r Seaver? Do you think that I'm a fool?Ben: Sir, I was just repeating what everyone else was saying.Mr. Dewitt: Oh, don't smart-mouth me. You have requested an application for the advanced placement exam. What are you planning to do? Stage a fake fire drill? Fire a smoke bomb? Hire a stripper?Ben: Sir, if I could afford a stripper, I like…Ben: I am not playing anything. I signed from the test because I really wanna take it.Mr. Dewitt: Hold you promise. You expect me to believe that you, Ben Seaver, are college bound? Ben: Yes! I am, that's why I wanna take the test.Mr. Dewitt: But Mr. Seaver, you're a pathetic student. And the only person with worse grades than you is that kid who got hit by lightning.Ben: Sure I am doing much better than Sparky!?Ben: Please, check my grades!Mr. Dewitt: A three point O (3.0)?Mr. Dewitt: Ms. Dexter, put down that bottle. Someone has cracked the computer security code. Ben: All I've been cracking are these books, if you don't believe me, please ask my teachers.Mr. Dewitt: Lachaim!Mr. Dewitt: Well, yeah, Mr. Seaver, I am going to give you the application for the exam… But if I find out that you've been tampering with your grades…Ben: Sir, I haven't tampered with anything! I swear that I Ben Seaver am a 3.0 student. Believe me!Carol: Brianne! What are you doing?Brianne: Carol, I'm tired of being selfish, I have made a decision that will change both of our lives!Carol: You're gonna pick up your toe nails after you clipped them?Brianne: No! I finally realize this time I give a little back. So I am talking a job in Africa. Carol: You are going to work in a third world country?Brianne: I'm not sure what number it is.Carol: Well, will you be working in hospitals? Building homes? Farming?Brianne: Better: I'll be teaching low-impact aerobics at a Club made in Senegal!Carol: Brianne, I don't know what to say?Brianne: Oh, you're gonna miss me!Carol: That hardly describes it!Brianne: I got a plane to catch!Carol: Brianne, I will never forget you!Brianne: Don't you cry. Oh I'll be strong.Carol: It's over! She's gone! L-ladies and gentlemen, Brianne has l-e-f-t the building.Luke: Hey what's shaking?Ben: I am playing a game of hide-n-eat with Chrissy.Luke: Isn't it hide and seek?Ben: Well, you play your way I'll play mine.Luke: The advanced placement exam. Whooo smart guy!Ben: Keep it down, I don't want mom and dad to know. If I fail, nobody will be the wiser.Mike: Hey guys, where is dad? I need to hit him up for a loan before he meets with his account. Jason: Do you think I am made of money?Mike: Phew. Too late…Carol: You guys will never guess what happened. Brianne moved out and I am gonna be alone for the rest of this semester.Mike: Carol wake up, you're gonna be alone for the rest of your life.Carol: You guys can laugh if you want but I am here to pack up and leave this place forever. You've seen this face for the last time.Luke: Does anyone wanna feel that one?Mike: Great, we will play numb! May I remind you that Carol is very important to us?Luke: Er, You're right, she is your sister.Mike: Well, to heck with that, she's got a room that you could have.Carol: Absolutely, it's yours! Carol does not live here anymore.Mike: Great. Hey you better get the car, we'll just throw your jacket out the window.Luke: This is great, as soon as I get back from the library I am moving in.Chrissy: I think you never find me.Ben: I think so, too.Chrissy: Ok, Ben. Now turn to you hide.Ben: Oooh, really? Oooh, coats!Chrissy: Ten, twenty, thirty, thirty, thirty, hundred! Aw, I am not falling for that.CPA: I realize I am a licensed CPA, but I'll try to explain it in layman's terms: If you don't send bills you don't get paid!Jason: Well, Carol used to input my data on computer, now she's away at college.CPA: Can't one of your other kids help?Jason: Ugh yeah, Mike's too busy, Chrissy's five, and Ben, he's a sweet kid but let's face it, he's no Einstein.Jason: Oh, you're driving a Lamborghini?CPA: I am not behind in my billings.Jason: Can I honk the horn?Chrissy: Alright he wouldn't. He might?! This is where I hid! How stupid can you be?Ben: Ask dad.Mike: Hello, excuse me. Can I help you?Dwight: I was just admiring the pitch of your roof. It's been said, people have been stating up there all this time.Mike: Uhm, believe it or not, you're the first! Hehe, uh, are you a uh roofer?Dwight: Oh no! It's only a hobby.Mike: I see.Dwight: I am your new neighbour! Do you know the neo-Victorian House?Mike: The what?Dwight: With the renaissance influence!Mike: What're you talking 'bout?Dwight: This tree, three houses down…Mike: Oh! Oh, uh, I um, a little advice, if you ever order pizza, just give'em your address. Dwight: hahaha.Mike: Hehehe, let me take a wild shot, you're a friend of Carol's right?Dwight: Carol? Carol? Uh-haah , ooooooooh, I can say that name for hours.Mike: Well, please don't, uh, I just ate. Ok?Mike: Hey, Go down, the librarian!Carol: Dwight?Dwight: Ru-hoo. You're still the prettiest girl I've ever seen.Carol: Dwight, where did you come from?Dwight: This tree, three houses down…Carol: The neo-Victorian House with the renaissance influence?Dwight: Yes! I rented a month ago to be near you while I work on my PhD in medieval studies. Carol: But we have not even spoken since the dance of the Catskills.Dwight: Don't you remember that I told you then that I'd be moving to Long Island so that we could be together!Carol: You said, "See you around!"Dwight: Right, and then the next day I moved here.Carol: You moved here a month ago to be near me, and this is the first time that you've come over?Dwight: I didn't wanna appear to forward.Carol: Wow. You know, nobody has ever changed their zip code for me.They probably went out the door for me. I don't know what to say!Dwight: I knew it. I am arsing you. Pushee pushee pushee! I'll come back next month!Carol: No, wait, I think it's sweet! And I'm glad you tracked me down.Dwight: Groovy, hehe.Dwight: Would you like to come to my house and listen to some Gagarian Chants?Carol: You have them on CD?Dwight: No, I sign them.Carol: Groovy.Ken: Hey, yo, Ben, What's up?Ben: Nothing.Ken: You look like you fell outta your twin bubble-a-zaggin. Did you know I got this study guide for advance placement exam and it's not as hard as we thought, listen to this:Ken: Three boys share three quart canteen of oar. If the first boy drinks twice as much as the other two what do they each gain.Ben: A mouth full of backwash.Ken: What's with you? Yesterday you were all pumped up about taking the test.Ben: Yeah, well, that was before I played hide-n-seek.Luke: Okay, first time we'll move all the killed-stuff animals to the attic, I am gonna get rid of all those dead flowers, and then we are gonna get one of those pictures of dogs playing poker. Mike: Oooh, oooh, oooh, don't get too light, I need a birthday present for Kate.Mike: Hey, hehe, guys, what's this?Black Dude: This is my ticket to a good university, I don't wanna end up Alf Landen Junior College. You know their entrance exam is guessing the number of beans in a jar!Luke: Um, Mike, quit the Alf Landen.Mike: For your information, that bean thing isn't half as easy as it sounds!Ben: Teet-eet!Jason: Hey guys, I could use some assistance for firewood.Mike: Sorry no can do, Luke and I got a few minutes to get Carol's room.Jason: Oh Ben, could pick four or five good dry logs please?Jason: Ken, you wanna come in for some hot chocolate?Ken: Oh no thank you Dr. Seaver I gotta go home, and study.Jason: Awww, study, but to my boys study is just a room where Mrs. Peacock killed girl Mustard with a lead pipe.Ken: Well, you wanna get together and review this tomorrow?Ben: We'll see.Carol: (chuckles) We can't believe we just spent the last six hours together!Dwight: I know I know it only seemed like two hours and thirty eight minutes!Carol: It's amazing how much we have in common. I can't believe somebody actually knows all the presidents' birth stones.Dwight: I have to be honest with you; Millard Fillmore's Turquoise was just a lucky guess. Dwight: Carol, I've never felt such an intense connection with anyone else before. I am on fire. Carol: Me too. I can feel the electricity flowing through my body. I can't wait another minute. (smooch)Dwight: Oh-hoo.Carol: Me too.Dwight: From now on, this will be our drive-way. Can we meet right here tomorrow?Carol: Oh no! I just packed up all my stuff for them to give-away, I am telling my family they'd never see me again. To-mo-rrow it is.Maggie: Carol, I thought you'd gone to New York!Carol: Mother, the most amazing thing has happened. Do you remember Dwight Halliburton from the Catskills?Maggie: The one who kept hitting himself in the head?Carol: Right, and guess what: Now he's doing it in our neighbourhood. He has uprooted his whole life to move near me.Maggie: Well that sounds very romantic. Bizarre, but romantic.Carol: So, I have to stay here tonigntMaggie: I heard you gave your room to Luke today.Carol: Oh, well that's ok, I ,uh, I'll sleep on a foldable, sleep on a roof, If I can get any sleep at all.I am soaring like a bird, dancing like a breeze.Maggie: Chattering like a baboon.Carol: Oh Mike, you are so funny!Jason: Oh, no no no Ben not like that. I thought I told you to get dry ones Ben? Go get a couple more please, use your head.Maggie: Hey Ben, just the guy to test-taste the hot chocolate.Ben: I am not thirsty.Chrissy: I'll take his. He should not have all that sugar anyway.Maggie: Jason, what's wrong with Ben?Jason: Maggie that's such a broad question.Maggie: No, tonight, first he did not touch his dinner, then he passes up hot chocolate! For Ben that's quiet.Jason: He's fine, I saw him on the ground goofing up with Kenny just a couple of minutes ago. Jason: Aw, perfect, yes, dry ones! Now, they'll go like that. Right, that, that's a fire.Carol: Hi, I could not help by admire the pitch of your roof. Care to nibble on my muffins? Blondie: Can I help you?Carol: Is D-wight here?Blondie: Oh, he, he's in the shower. Can I take a message?Carol: Well, roof, pitch, nibble, Well I hope you both chew!Jason: Oh ho ho, what happened here?Maggie: Carol made muffins for her new boyfriend.Jason: Ah, Carol's got a new boyfriend, Boo, muffins? So who's this new boyfriend of Carol's? Maggie: Well you remember Dwight, the one I fox-trotted with at Catskill's?Jason: Oh, haha the one who hits himself a lot.Maggie: Uhm, I got a hunch this could be the one. I've never seen Carol act this way over a boy before?Jason: Hey, Morning sweetheart? Oh you didn't tell me about this new boyfriend?Carol: Boyfriend? I have no boyfriend.Jason: I thought Dwight?Carol: Dwight? Please! Just give me a little credit, since when does Carol Seaver have to lower her standards for a fork-tongued medieval maggot!Jason: Sorry my mistake.Carol: And another thing: As of this moment, Carol Seaver does not live here anymore.Ich bin ein New Yorker!Jason: Jawohl!Ben: Carol, can I ask you something?Carol: Ben, this is not a good time.Ben: Do you think I'm dumb?Carol: Yes!Ben: Well, it's a serious question. Do you think I am stupid?Carol: Ben, you're dumber than used chewing gum, you have the IQ of a saw, doesn't even your dryer set to fluff, you need anymore I'll have to get back to you.Mr. Dewitt: Mister Seaver!Mike: Heh!Mr. Dewitt: Long time no see.Mr. Dewitt: I guess my rash was stress-related.Mike: Well, it's nice to see you too. Why, you're dressed like Tuxedo Banana.Mr. Dewitt: Mr. Seaver, when you were under my tutelage I was prohibited by law from inflecting bodily harm; Now that you've matriculated, I can wail the totter outta ya.Mike: Hey, dad, it's for you!Jason: Mr. Dewitt, what's wrong? And why are you dressed like some big Banana?Mr. Dewitt: Oh I was cycling in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd swing by to check on why Ben didn't apply for the advanced placement exam.Jason: Ben! He hates tests. He'll even look for Waldo.Mr. Dewitt: Just as I thought.Mr. Dewitt: This was obviously about smoke bombs and strippers.Jason: Obviously.Mike: Dad, Where is the Banana.Jason: He went that way.Mike: Thanks, just get ready for big bucks!Jason: Hey Be-en!Ben: Yah!Jason: Our principal Mr. Dewitt was just here. Were you taking some advanced placement test? Ben: Yeah right, dad, but what would I do with that? We both know I'm no Einstein.Jason: What do you mean by that?Ben: Well, what did you mean by it. I heard you when you told your accountant. Let's face it Ben is no Einstein.Jason: Well obviously, I did not mean that way Ben?Ben: Yeah, well you said it!Ben: And I know you meant it cuz you didn't even knew I was listening. You think I am dumb and you've known me my whole life. I must be dumb!Jason: No, Ben, No.Mr. Dewitt: I have a confession to make. I did not tell you before because I did not wanna appear foolish in your eyes. It's my fault Ben's not taking that test. He expressed interested and I scoffed, I belittled, I had a great time. I did everything but call him stupid. Oh, since then I've talked to his teachers. Ben has a 3.0 average.Jason: A 3.0?Mr. Dewitt: I know. Pigs are flying. I have ruined your son. People trust me with their children and I, I break'em. Monday morning I am turning in my resignation.Jason: Mr. Dewitt, it's not your fault it's mine!Mr. Dewitt: Oh thank God. Oh to think I almost quit! Guess I better get my Schwinn in motion. Mike: Smile!Mr. Dewitt: That, that, that, doesn't..Dwight: Hi Carol?Carol: Hello.Dwight: The strangest thing happened this morning. A woman in blue plaid came to my door, threw muffins at my sister, threatened her and then ran.Carol: Your sister?Dwight: Yeah, Elaine's a stewardess, she visits whenever she flies into Kennedy, and my question is why muffins.Carol: Uhhm.Dwight: You positively blew with this hour of the morning.Carol: I do?Dwight: I'd love for you to come meet Elaine, wanna come over for some muffins? They're not very good, but what the heck they're free.(SING) Mark Rice: "Mustang Sally… Guess you better slow mustang down…"Jason: Mustang Sally, it's one of my old-time favorites. Ben I had no business say something likethis, like a stranger.Ben: Alright, you didn't mean it anyway.Jason: No, I meant it. I really did think you were no Einstein.Ben: Thanks a lot Dad.Jason: Neither was I.Ben (reads Jason's score card): D, C, F, C minus, D. Is this you?Jason: Uh-hum.Ben: You really were no Einstein. You were barely a Trigger.Jason: Boy it is Ben, even Einstein was no Einstein, you know he grew up that at school? Some of us don't' show our potential until later.Ben: So you're saying that some day I'll start showing my potential?Jason: You already have Ben. Last year when you started studying at home with your mother. Ben: Well, that's fine when she was working with me.Jason: That's not true. Your mother gave you confidence she got you started. But then you went out you took over by yourself. You became a 3.0 student on your own.Ben: I did, didn't I?Jason: And I almost blew the whole thing with that dumb remark.Ben: But then why did you say that?Jason: Oh you live in a family Ben, you tend to put labels on people. You know Carol was the smart one, Mike was the charming one, and then you, you're the one who goofy-glued sticky saliva into the dog-house.Jason: You got through this change these whole last few months Ben, well and it happened right under my nose, and I did not even see it I am so sorry. I missed it, please. I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. Will you forgive me?Ben: I guess.Jason: Like you start over, clear the slate?Ben: Sure.Jason: Right.Ben: Hey, look, would you be interested in helping me input some data into the computer?Ben: You're kidding. You trust me to do something like that?Jason: Sure I would.Ben: Dad, this means so much, coming from you. Will you pay me?Jason: I'll pay you.Ben: Oh, Dad, this means so much! Coming from you.Screen: November 29th, 1991. Ben Seaver arrived to take the New York state advanced placement exam, unfortunately the test was scheduled for the 30th. Red-faced, the boy returned the next day and passed with flying colors. That same day a smoke bomb was detonated in the faculty lounge. To date, no suspects have been apprehended.The end.。
成长的烦恼6季剧本(中英对照)a010
610 欧洲之行(中)你好，Seaver太太，再次充满激情吗？去欧洲旅行吧，价格绝对便宜。
要想你爸去欧洲，除非猪能够飞起来。
Jason，头等舱，真没想到。
不，不，伙计们，你们还没到，这是我的。
Mike要去欧洲旅行？你有没有发现，根据日程安排，我们不去凭吊梵高墓了。
祝他健康。
你瞧，埃菲尔铁塔，哦，亲爱的，我还想住凯瑞饭店。
哦，对，我也这么想，上哪去找这么价廉物美的饭菜。
你就是在那向我求婚的。
你为什么到欧洲来？因为这六千八百万妇女对说的话一窃不通，我想这个挺有趣的。
（非英文）结婚纪念日快乐。
哦Jason，哦，哦，哦。
我们现在被困在欧洲了，只有两张六天以后从巴黎起飞的回程票，而且是在500英里以外。
是阑尾炎，亲爱的，去了医院一切都会好的。
我妈要是知道他的乖儿子在受苦，可以想象她有多着急啊。
哦……哦，哦。
呼吸亲爱的，呼吸，呼，呼。
Jason我又不是生孩子。
啊，孩子？快来，快来呀。
哦，根本没人，你别犯傻了。
犯傻？嘿！我又不是诈骗他们的储蓄来这旅游的，我是免费来的。
Amy，嘿！Amy，行了，你去哪儿啊？巴黎。
怎么去？步行去。
你有两条腿？不过是500英里，我有一周时间就能走到，尽管还会遇到一些小山。
好，有什么了不起的，你只会给我添乱，你给我记住，我真不该对你那么好。
我不需要她，我会很好的，可是我又没钱，现在情况又那么糟，怎么办呢？凭我的口才，什么也难不倒我。
哦，先生。
怎么？哦，哈。
法国。
谢谢你。
看来我可以上路了。
哦，嘿Amy，嘿Amy，等等，我不能这样让你一个人走啊，嘿，慢点，你需要我。
外婆，现在是早上两点，这玩意儿还得敷多久？哦，亲爱的，这是密西西比河的瘀泥，敷只要一分钟，干要一小时，它能把皮肤里的垃圾都吸出来，到早晨你的脸就像Ben的屁股一样的光滑。
这比喻真让人恶心。
哎，你就在沙发上稍歇一会儿，我去准备一把电动镊子。
好，臭蛋，明天晚上老时间，我父母都不在，我杀人也没关系。
你们刚才是在干什么？Ben杰米，你怎么到这个时候才回来，你才9岁是吗？我14了外婆，可以应征入伍了。
成长的烦恼第七季18
Public Announcement: Attention people; those interested in testifying at Nurse Downer's parole hearing should report to the office. Have a nice day.Luke: All right, there she is. The time to strike is now.Ben: Nothing weird hanging out of my nose?Luke: Just the usual.Ben: What? That's it! I'm not going!Luke: Just get over there and talk to her.Ben: Hi, Becka.Becka: Hi, Ben.Ben: Listen…Razor: Hey! Four eyes! Did I say that you could talk to Becka?Ben: Actually, my name's Ben.Razor: Shut up! You know, I don't like your attitude. I don't like the way you talk. I don't even like the way you breath.Ben: Less nasal? More nasal? A little more through the mouth?Razor: In fact, the only thing I do like about you is your cap.Ben: Thanks, I just got it.Razor: Give it to me.Ben: What?Razor: Take it off your head, and put it in my hand by the time I count to three. One! Two...Chicken. Why don't you cluck?Ben: Look, Razor, I know you're a tough guy, but there are certain things I will not do. Uh, so what are we talking here? Like, Rhode Island red, which is kind of a…(clucking)? Like a Jersey giant, which is kind of ….(clucking)?Maggie: Chrissy, I told you to get in the bath.Chrissy: I don't want to.Jason: (clearing throat)Chrissy: Okay, daddy! Whatever you say!Maggie: Wait a minute. She ignores me totally, and you just clear your throat? What is this, some kind of psychological minimalist type of thing?Jason: No, no. Just kind of a, you know, choking on a Chik-let kind of thing.Ben: That's it! I've made my decision, and you're not talking me out of it. I want a gun.Jason: (gasping) Forget it!Ben: Okay, you talked me out of it. Here's plan B; I want to take karate lessons.Jason: Karate?Maggie: Why?Ben: You guys remember my brand-new $27 cap? Well, this punk at school named Razor made me give it to him in front of Becka and everybody.Jason: Come on, Ben, you've had to deal with bullies before…$27 cap?Ben: This kid is dangerous. He is certified USDA mean.Jason: Well, I think you should report this to the vice-principal.Ben: Yeah? A kid tried that last year. Now he's living in Nevada under an assumed name. Jason: There's gotta be a better way to handle this, Ben. Why don't you just go…?Ben: What's so about karate? I mean, it's philosophical, it's graceful, and it teaches you how to putyour foot through somebody's brain.Maggie: Oh! Ben, if that's why you want to learn karate, you can forget it.Ben: Fine! Then let me go look in my closet to see if I have anything else in Razor's size. Jason: Ben! Wait a minute, Ben. Maggie, maybe it's not such a bad idea to let him take a few karate lessons.Maggie: No way.Jason: Well, you don't know what it's like. You've never had somebody bully you around at school. Maggie: Well, as a matter of fact, Didi Ribozo tried to keep me from using the girl's bathroom the entire junior year.Jason: So what did you do?Maggie: I gave up liquids during school hours.Jason: See, you gave in. That's not the way you want Ben to solve this.Maggie: Well, I know that, Jason. But I also don't want him putting his foot through someone's brain.Jason: Well, right now, someone's brain is inside Ben's cap. I don't like violence any more than you do, but we're both gonna feel better if he knows how to protect himself.Maggie: Yeah, but I just wish there was some way he could reason with this boy.Jason: Maggie, it is my experience there are two kinds of people; those you reason with, and those named Razor.Dwight: Mike, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me sell my car.Mike: Oh, how could I not help? And Dwight, you could be the man that marries Carol, and takes her far, far away. I'm just thanking you in advance.Car buyer1: Excuse me. I'm her about the car.Mike: Oh, yes! I'm telling you, they broke the mold when they made this baby.Dwight: Oh, I sure hope so. It's got a faulty heater hose, the fan belt's worn out, it doesn't start in the rain, the starter kinda goes ruhn-ruhn, and when you turn the radio on the lights go off.Car buyer1: Good luck!Mike: Dwight! What are you doing?Dwight: Telling the truth.Mike: To sell a used car?Dwight: Mike, you aren't suggesting that I lie, are you?Mike: No! I'm ordering you to lie.Dwight: Mike, I've only lied once in my whole life. I told my mother that I'd washed my hands before dinner when I hadn't. The words were barely out of my mouth, when a very large piece of Skylab came crashing down through our roof. It was an omen, Mike.Mike: Okay, Chicken Little. Well, then we won't call it lying. We'll just call it accentuating the positive. You know, try to think of the good things you can say about the car with a clear conscience.Dwight: If you get hit from behind, there's a pretty good chance it won't explode.Mike: Great! You see, that's not so hard, is it?Dwight: No.Mike: Okay.Dwight: But I will not lie.Mike: Dwight, I'm with you 110 percent. Okay, let's talk about it while we roll back the odometer.Maggie: Okay, Ben, we have to go in back to get your uniform.Ben: Oh, I'll be right there.[Dream sequence: The Five Fingers of Ben]Villian leader: Hey, there, you! Blond boy! People say you are looking around to find me.Ben: Correct! I hate you with great hatred.[gang noises]Villian leader: While you are looking for us, we have decimated your little town.Villian: (laughing) And pistol-whipped your goldfish.Ben: Prepare for a very painful death.Villian leader: Silence! I am tired of this snappy patter. Let us fight and make snappy patter. [fighters yelling]Ben: You fight like my aunt Bertha.Ben: It's a pity there are only five of you. I was hoping to break a sweat. Swamp-dwelling insects. Villian leader: Destroy him.[fighting sounds]Ben: (laughing)Villian leader: Blond boy! You are not bad, but you must fight with greater dexterity, if you want to challenge me.[fighting sounds]Villian leader: And now, I shall laugh in your face. (laughing)Ben: Nobody laughs in my face. It is I who shall laugh in yours. (laughing) And now, prepare yourself to taste my fist.Ben: Ai-yah!Maggie: Ben, are you okay?Ben: Oh, yeah!Sim: Faster! Again! One, two, three, four!Maggie: Uh, uh, excuse me, excuse me, uh, Master Sim, Master Sim…Sim: Tell me, Ben. Have you ever seen a fight between cobra and mongoose?Ben: Uh, just Mike and my dad when the rent's due.Sim: Same principal; attack, counter-attack. Get ready! We're gonna go faster now. Go! One, two, three…Maggie: No! No! Master Sim, please! You might hurt him.Ben: Aw, mom.Sim: Ben, take a break.Maggie: I'm sorry, Master Sim, but this is all much too violent.Sim: Karate is not about violence, Mrs. Seaver. Karate is about control. Control of yourself first, and then control of someone who may be trying to hurt you.Ben: Look, mom, no one's getting hurt. Come on, I'll show you.Maggie: No, the only hand-to-hand combat I do is at the Macy's white sale.Ben: No, mom. I'll just be showing you how I'm learning to defend myself. Is that all right Master Sim?Sim: Yes, but remember your mother has had no lessons, so block her blows, but don't counter-punch.Ben: Okay, mom. Just try and punch me.Maggie: Ah! Oh!Ben: Mom, a punch, not a slap. Come on.Sim: Good footwork, Ben.Ben: Okay, mom. Now really let me have it this time.Maggie: Okay, Ben. If you're sure.Ben: Ai-yah!Maggie: (hitting Ben) Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, Ben! Are you all right, sweetheart? Oh! Oh, honey!Mike: Hey, you know, Ben, I've been thinking about your problem. And I really think that if you keep up this karate, and you study real hard for the next three years, you could take mom. After that, who knows; grandma, Carol, probably most of the girls at school.Ben: My mother clocks me. My brother makes fun of me. How much worse can this get? [Dream sequence: Enter The Wimp]Maggie: Hey, you, little blond boy. I see you are depressed and humiliated.Ben: Oh, please, mom. Don't make fun of me.Maggie: Don't be silly, little blond boy. I would never do such a thing. Unless I had help of course, from family and friends.Jason: You are so very weak. I have replaced your CD's with….Perry Como records.Mike: And painted your guitar.Luke: And stolen your girlfriends.Jason: And put new sheets on your bed decorated with tiny hearts and flowers.Ben: Come on, you guys.Entire family: (karate sounds)Maggie: I grow weary of these attacks. Let his friends at school attack him.Ben: No, please, mom, don't make me go to school.Maggie: Have no fear, little blond boy. We shall send you to school with a fearsome bodyguard. Chrissy: Ai-yah! I will protect you, little blond boy. And then I shall laugh in your face. (laughing) Maggie: Hey, Ben. You didn't finish your breakfast.Ben: Mom, I made my decision. I'm quitting karate.Maggie: You want to quit?Ben: Yeah. I'd quit school but it's illegal. I'd quit the family but I'd starve. Look, you mind if I stay home from school today? I'm not feeling so good.Maggie: I guess it's all right.Ben: Thanks.Car buyer2: Well, it certainly looks fine. I'll take it!Dwight: Oh, there are a couple of problems that you should probably….Mike: Uh, say, Dwight, uh. Do you happen to have the same craving for some port wine cheese balls as I do?Dwight: Why, yes I do. I thought it was just me.Mike: Boy, I say, why don't you go whip us up some, and I'll, uh, close the deal.Dwight: Sure.Car buyer2: What are these problems he's talking about?Mike: Oh, oh, nothing ma'am. That's just Dwight. He, he happens to think that we're not charging enough. But since when is selling a car about making money? It's about people helping people,right?Car buyer2: (sighing) Isn't that sweet! (gasping) Say, what's that black puddle under there? Mike: Oh, uh, th-that's perfectly normal. Uh, it's, well, just the same way that your body sweats, uh, a car releases moisture. It's, uh, a sign of health.Car buyer2: Well, my friends say I should have it checked by a mechanic, but you have such an honest face. Shall I make the check out to you?Mike: Yes. No! Uh, yes. No, no! Ma'am, it's a rolling death trap. Quick! Get out of here before I sell it to you again.Dwight: Well, well, well. You told the truth.Mike: Well, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out.Dwight: Cheese ball?Mike: Dufus! Oh, sorry.Dwight: Well, Mike, I guess you're right. We'll never sell the car by telling the truth.Mike: Oh, yeah? Well, I got an idea. Dwight, you pop the hood. I'm gonna get my tools. You and I are gonna fix this car.Mike: Dwight, that's the trunk.Dwight: Oh, my God! Where have I been putting the oil?Jason: Okay. All right. We'll deal with Ben your way.Maggie: Trust me, Jason, it'll work.Jason: Last time you said that we had to get married.Maggie: Oh! He's coming.Jason: Hey, Ben. Your mom says you want to give up karate lessons.Ben: Look, dad. I tried; I failed; my life is ruined.Jason: C'mon, that eye's gonna be fine. But there's no reason why you can't go right back to karate class.Maggie: Jason, what are you talking about? The next person he fights might not love him like I do. Jason: Well, I don't want our son to give up just because he got hurt, Maggie.Maggie: Jason, he wasn't just hurt. He was taken out, flattened, destroyed! By his mommy! I'm sorry, pookie, does it still hurt?Ben: No! I've made peace with being a four-eyed geek, whose butt was kicked by his mother. Jason: Ben, I don't want you to quit, and I'm gonna tell you why.Ben: Oh, please, dad. No pep talks.Jason: Oh, come on. I mean, you've been down before, Ben, and every time you've been down before, you've reached down deeper for some of that "heck, I can do it" Seaver spirit, right? Ben: And I thought you were gonna give me a pep talk.Jason: And what about the cap thing?Maggie: Oh, it's very simple. From now on, we dress him in plain, generic clothes that no other kid would be caught dead in.Ben: Wait a minute….Maggie: Jason, let him quit.Jason: Oh, we still gotta eat the cost of those karate lessons.Maggie: Well, Chrissy can take them.Jason: Ah.Maggie: Honey, we should just face it. It's obvious that Ben doesn't have the talent, the drive, orthe ability.Jason: God knows, he's a klutz.Ben: Okay, okay. I'm starting to feel that "heck, I can do it" Seaver spirit. Mom, dad, I'm going back to karate. And you know, you guys used to be much better at this "good cop, bad cop" thing. Maggie: So, would you glad trust me?Jason: Both times.Sim: Let's go! Huh!Sim: Recall your kicks.Maggie: That's great! Great!Car Buyer3: She's kinda old. How's she holding up?Mike: Just like brand new, because I have, and may a satellite strike me if I'm lying, not only tuned it up, but I have changed the brakes, I've checked the alignment, fixed the fuel pump, I have replaced all the hoses, and preset all the radio stations.Car buyer3: Sounds great! Will you accept a personal check?Dwight: No!Car buyer3: Even with two forms of ID?Dwight: No!Car buyer3: All right, I'll offer you cash.Dwight: No! We're not selling.Mike: Dwight! We're not what?Dwight: Mike, I only wanted to sell it cause it went (car noises), and now that's gone! It's going vroom-vroom! And my heart's going thawagada-thawagada-thawagada.Mike: Dwight, will you join me for a minute in this time zone?Dwight: Mike, thanks to you I love my car again. And we're not selling!Mike: Dwight! You cheese-eating, tangle-haired, medieval moron! I put over $500 of labor into this hunk of junk!Dwight: Thank you.Luke: Woo! Hey, Ben! Looking fresh.Ben: Thanks.Ben: Well, it's Becka. Finally I'm ready to talk to her.Luke: If Becka's around, so is Razor.Ben: Don't worry about it. I know what to do.Ben: Hi, Becka.Becka: Hi, Ben.Razor: Hi, geek.Ben: The name's Ben.Razor: Oh, that's right. You had it written inside my new hat.Ben: Look, I don't want any trouble.Razor: Oh, yeah? Well, you know what I want? I want that nice, new jacket you've got on.Ben: Okay, he's facing me three-quarters to the left. That leaves him wide open for a fake jab, step in, back-kick to the ribs, and I can finish him off with a palm thrust to the nose.Razor: What are you staring at, geek? Am I gonna have to bust you one? I said give it to me now. Luke: Somebody get the nurse, quick, this guys hurt.Razor: What are you staring at, geek? Am I gonna have to bust you one? I said give it to me now.Luke: No. I'm not giving you this jacket, or anything else ever again.Razor: Whoa! Big man, huh? Big words. All right, geek, c'mon, let's throw. Show me what you've got, tough guy, huh! C'mon, let's go for it right here, right now! Go for it!Luke: He's wide open. The dude will never see it coming. Control. Don't touch him unless you have to.Razor: C'mon, geek, let's go for it. Huh! Huh! (clucking)Ben: I'm not gonna fight you.Razor: Did you hear that? He said he's not gonna fight me, huh. What am I supposed to do, huh? Stand on his feet, and use him like a punching bag? (laughing) Look at the dude, he's frozen. Come on, babe, let's get out of here.Luke: Hey, man, you were amazing.Ben: Thanks. I came real close to getting ugly.Luke: Well, speaking of ugly, you can forget about Becka. She's not worth it.Gail: Excuse, me. Ben?Ben: Yeah?Gail: I really like the way you handled that creep.Ben: Thanks.Gail: Save you a seat at lunch?Ben: Sure. I'm always hungry.。
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Carol: I can tell without seeing them, the new neighbors are stuck up and pretentious.Maggie: Carol, you can't judge them by their car, lots of people have BMW's.Carol: With a bumper sticker that says 'you couldn't afford my other car either'.Maggie: Honey as you get older you'll realize you can't make snap judgments about people. Jason: Well I just met the jerks next door.Maggie: Jason you've only been out there three minutes.Jason: Yes Maggie and in that time the CreedMoors' manage to tell me their net worth that they were personal friends of Donny Trump, and when I mentioned I was a psychiatrist, they wanted me to drop everything and to make an appointment with Lance.Maggie: Their son?Jason: Their dog.Chrissy: Who's dog?Carol: Our new neighbours, they moved in last night.Chrissy: How come all the good stuff happens after I go to bed?Maggie: Chrissy, we've been over this a hundred times, nothing happens after you're asleep. Chrissy: And how come breakfast is ready when I wake up?Mike: Good morning loyal subjects.Jason: Hey.Mike: Oh mom you know I woke up last night just craving your fabulous home made fudge. Maggie: Really?Mike: Yeah.Maggie: I should make it for you sometime.Mike: Oh that would be great, could you make about forty pounds of it and have it cut up and wrapped in coloured cellophane by Saturday?Maggie: No Mike I couldn't, now what's going on?Mike: Well Botens Date Teacher's College is having this fund raiser on Saturday and I promised that you'd make forty pounds of fudge.Maggie: Oh, why didn't you promise I'll play show toons on a musical saw?Mike: Well, cause I'm not on the entertainment committee.Maggie: Oh aw, Mike you want fudge, the recipe is in the draw, multiply by forty. Come on Chrissy, let's get ready for school.Ben: Oh man, are the new neighbours cool or what? Well them carry some trash for the curb they slipped me five bucks.Carol: I can't believe you accepted cash for doing a neighbourly gesture.Ben: Why not? Do you know what their bank balance is?Jason: Nothing compared to their net worth.Mike: Listen Benny I need you to do a favour for me? It's Luke's first day at Duwee High, so I just want you to stick around with him you know show him the ropes a little bit.Ben: Oh come on Mike, you know how tough they are on new kids, I mean if I hang out with him I'll be the grand pooh ball of geek dumb.Mike: Yeah well listen pooh, you hang out with Luke today or I'll tell mom where her Victoria's secret catalogues were.Ben: Luke my home boy, stick close to me today and I'll show you the ropes.Luke: Oh, so that means if I see you I can say hi?Carol: So Luke, are you nervous about starting regular classes?Luke: I should get the hang of it; Mike here has been tutoring me.Carol: Be nervous, be very nervous.Jodi: Rap tap tap.Carol: Oh, can I help you?Jodi: Oh, you speak English, is your employer home?Maggie: Or you must be Mrs. CreedMoor, I'm Maggie Sever.Jodi: Oh kill for Paul, please call me Jodi.Jodi: My goodness, what are you doing Maggie?Maggie: I'm cleaning the oven Jodi.Jodi: Oh, those things get dirty?Maggie: Yes they do, usually we just throw them out but I thought I'll give this a tryJodi: I just came by to give you this.Maggie: Ah, oh an invitation?Jodi: Ah Elli and I are just having a little house warming suore on Friday and we said what the heck let's just invite everybody.Maggie: Well I'll have a check with my husband.Jodi: Oh, so you'll come, please, please, please neighbour?Maggie: Alright we'll be there.Jodi: Oh Maggie, well I don't know when I've have a better time well I must fly I have to go meet my colour consultant in half an hour. I should give you her number; well she can make a silk purse out of a sowzier.Maggie: I hope so.Ben: Luke, my man, how was your first day?Luke: Fine, my first day is gone.Ben: Oh, first day in new school can always be tuff. May take many body know she name. Sasha: Hi Luke.Luke: Sasha Saracsky smiled to me today I can die I a happy manBen: You kidded with Sasha Saracsky?Jerk: Hey, Luke, my star.Luke: Jerk streak.Jerk: Hu, after practice the whole gang is going down to the mall to go body surfing down the escalator rails, you want to come?Luke: Great, can I bring Ben?Jerk: Who?Ben: Me, Ben Sever, Benno, Benny boy. You tried to kill me in the fourth grade with a thunder ball.Jerk: Yeah well any friend of Luke's, wait a minute, Sever, you're the geek that's president of the chess club.Ben: I was drafted.Jerk: You're a very powerful man.Ben: Actually I burst quite easily.Jerk: You're on the nominating committee for the home coming queen?Ben: No I'm not and I say that with the deepest respect and fear.Jerk: Yeah you are all club presidents are on the committee.Ben: Eh, ok.Luke: Way to go Ben.Jerk: I think that you should vote for Donna Kent.Ben: Donna 'wild thing' Kent?Jerk: She's my girl friend.Ben: And sweetheart too.Jerk: Don't get me wrong you see somebody who is better vote for her you just make sure you give me your number.Luke: Ben, you're gonna meet all the hottest girls in school.Ben: No I won't, all the presidents of the cool clubs will be upfront I'm gonna be stuck in the back with the audio visual club in the Arachnid society.Luke: Whoa, maybe I could get you a front row seat.Kate: Ok, here is the shopping list for the fudge; carrot powder, barley malt, arrowroot.Mike: Wow wow wow Kate, are we making fudge or are we paving the drive way?Kate: Mike the ingredients in regular fudge will ruin your system.Mike: Kate, oh come on if we use your ingredients we might as well buy lettuce paint it brown and call it fudge.Maggie: It's probably for me I am expecting a shipment of drills to test for my column.Ben: Sever's residue, Donna Kent , ah yeah hello Donna may I say what a pleasure, yeah Luke's here.Luke: Wild thing what's shaking?Maggie: Ok Chrissy, eight o'clock bed time.Chrissy: I want to see if the Chayote catches the road runner.Maggie: Honey, the chayote never catches the road runner.Chrissy: Thanks you ruined it for me.Jason: Come on sweetheart you heard your mother.Chrissy: But I need a snack.Maggie: You had a snack.Chrissy: Can I have a drink?Maggie: You had a drink.Chrissy: Not in my Mickey Mouse cup.Jason: Chrissy.Chrissy: It's not fair how come I have to go to bed and everyone else gets to stay up and have fun, I hear you laughing, I know what you do, wait till Chrissy goes to bed and then party, party party. Maggie: We'll be right up to tuck you in.Jason: Well listen to this one, our new neighbours the Greedmoors.Maggie: That's Creedmoor.Jason: Yeah whatever, they want us to come to their house warming party, good luck.Maggie: Jason.Jason: Maggie it's a costume party for crying out loud, you couldn't pay me to set foot on their over priced property much less wear some stupid…you said yes didn't you?Maggie: I couldn't say no they are neighbours.Jason: Oh Maggie.Maggie: Oh come on Jason it'll be fun I called the costume shops and here are the costumes that are available in your size, you can be a porcupine, Freddie Krueger, heappy loupyu.Jason: Maggie I am a respected professional I refuse to wear anything with furs, finger nails or quills.Maggie: Ah that rules out Libber Rochie.Luke: But you'll ah probably go right?Jason: Not if I have anything to say about it.Luke: Come on, then you'll probably go right?Maggie: Right.Luke: Great, well I mean that costume parties are always so festive.Jason: Festive, you've ever tried sitting down in quills?Maggie: Let's talk about it after we tuck Chrissy in.Luke: Ben, what are your plans for this Friday?Ben: I'm doing nothing, I'll be home alone sitting in my room looking at the same spot on the sealing, listening to the clock ticking away the minutes of my pathetic existence.Luke: Good, don't make any other plans alright?Maggie: Honey, would you like a sip of water?Chrissy: No.Jason: How about a quick story.Chrissy: No.Maggie: How about a good night kiss?Chrissy: If you must.Maggie: Sweet dreams honey.Jason: Good night sweet heart.Chrissy: Well it seems like its me and you again Mr. Bogel, everybody's downstairs having fun without me, wait a minute, this time I'm going see for myself.Jason: Well I guess Chrissy must be asleep by now.Maggie: What do you want to do tonight?Jason: Woo I don't know, you want to play barbies?Maggie: Ok guys we are gonna play barbies, you all want to join us?Luke: Chrissy is asleep and the party is starting.Maggie: Boys if you are going to jump hard on the sofa you need to jump harder the spring needs the exercise.Ben: Where did you get these they're gorgeous.Jason: Santa Claus brought them, I was just waiting for a special occasion.Ben: I know let's watch TV and stay real close to the screen.Luke: No we do that every night.Maggie: I want to play something else, I know tea party.Kate: I want to play dress up.Luke: Ah jump rope, jump rope.Jason: We have time for everything, we have all night.Mike: What difference does it make what we do? As long as we do it without Chrissy.Maggie: I know, I know, let's have something from the basic four groups; pizza, popcorn, ice cream and candy.Ben: I can't this chips open can somebody pass me some scissors?Luke: Why do you need scissors for, you got feet don't you?Ben: Yeah.Maggie: Who wants cavities? Ok I brought you some vegetables.Mike: Oh mom are you crazy?Katie: Not for eating for throwing.Jason: Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey, those sofa cushions are not for hitting. they're making for feet.Luke: Grape, my favorite.Ben: There were never come out.Luke: Let's blame it on Chrissy. Yeah.Carol: Hey are you guys playing without Chrissy again?Everyone: YeahCarol: Well that's great because look what I brought pony rides for everyone.Chrissy: I knew it I caught you.Jason: Ah, what should we do?Mike: Put her back to bed.Everyone chanting: Put her back to bed.Chrissy: Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.Maggie: Chrissy, what is it?Chrissy: That's it I'm never going to sleep again.Maggie: Now she sleeps.Jason: I don't think she closed her eyes once one night Maggie, maybe it's time we tried something different.Maggie: Like what? Make her do military push ups until she passes out?Jason: Or like ah why don't we let her stay up as late as she wants one night and let her see that nothing happens.Maggie: That sounds like a interesting idea with another child and another family and another country perhaps in a separate but parallel universe.Jason: Her bed time is eight o'clock she needs to sleep.Jason: Is this how you want her to get it tasting table?Maggie: Well what if she likes staying up? What if she wants to do it all the time?Jason: She won't Maggie; we would make sure that is the most boring, un event full night of your life?Maggie: And how would we do that?Jason: Come on I don't have to tell you how to make a night boring, I mean you are very you are exciting and dynamic and tingly but you're an adult but to a kid she wouldn't understand, and its because come on what do you have to say? Let's give it a shake.Maggie: Ok Jason you sweet talk me into it but if it back fires nothing happens after your bed time either.Jason: Come on Chrissy sweet heart come on time for school come on.Chrissy: Is a pony here?Jason: No there's not, I am gonna make you a deal I want you to go to bed on every school night and then the first non-school night you can stay up as long as you want.Chrissy: Really?Jason: Really yes. We want you to see what we all do after you go to bed.Chrissy: Do you pinky swear?Jason: I pinky swear.Maggie: Ok Chrissy go get your sweater and I'll take you to school.Chrissy: Ok.Jason: I call that an auspicious beginning.Maggie: And I call it caving in and another thing Doctor Floyd and that the next non-school night is Friday and that's the CreedMoors' costume party.Jason: That's great a little disappointing to me Maggie we'll have to cancel.Maggie: Jason.Jason: Maggie, come on what can I do? I pinky swore.Katie: This looks like night mare on Fudge Street.Mike: Hey relax, we are done.Katie: I can't believe I help you make forty pounds of this stuff do you know how much fat is in this? Why didn't I just go to the Big Sale set up a booth and sell lard?Mike: Kate come on remember this is for a very very good cause.Katie: Which is?Mike: Putting a new candy machine in the student union.Katie: For that I shelled twenty five pounds of walnuts?Mike: Hey hey hey, I was the one who wanted to leave them in the shell you were the one worried about cracking people's teeth. Right now listen up I'll go the wagon so we can load it up ok? Katie: Where do we have to deliver all of this?Mike: Hey I got the address right here.Katie: Mike do you think there might be some important information you've overlooked here? Mike: Ah, bring it on recycled paper?Katie: The big sale is next month.Mike: You know a lesser woman would be mad honey, I got to hit it to you.Kate: I spent the entire afternoon cooking liquid deft because you can't read instructions?Mike: Honey look I am sorry I've never been good with dates, you forgive me?Kate: Eat fudge and die.Maggie: I want to talk to his supervisor, yes I'll hold, Chrissy it's eight o'clock the TV goes off. Chrissy: Great time to party.Jason: Look the reason we made you stay up so late tonight is to see that there is no party. Now come on just sit back and let's enjoy the quiet.Maggie: Listen to me Mr. on time every time you've been giving me that sorry song for over a week now and it is Friday night, you get me those drills tonight or else I am coming down there with a pair of hedge clippers and I'm gonna open your mail, that's right I play rough.Chrissy: This is boring, Can we order pizza?Jason: No Chrissy, on normal nights we don't have any special treats.Mike: Ok, fudge for everyone.Chrissy: Wow.Maggie: Chrissy, this is unusual.Chrissy: Right, can I have some?Jason: Only if you have some milk to go along with itChrissy: No problem.Luke: What are you parents doing here?Ben: Well we have to put up with them they own the place.Luke: I thought they were going out tonight.Ben: It doesn't look like it, so what's the big deal? We'll go out then.Luke: You can't.Ben: Why not?Luke: Because you're a mess, it's for you.Ben: If there's a flaming bag out there you're dead meat.Lady: Hi does Ben Sever live here?Ben: Yeah, I'm Ben.Donna: I'm Donna Kent, you may know me as 'Wild Thing'. You sit I'll dance.Ben: Ok.Katie: What's going on here?Donna: This is the talent competition for home coming queen.Ben: It is? I thought that was next week at school?Mike: Well don't argue with the 'wild thing'.Donna: It's definitely here tonight.Ben: It says alright I just can't figure out, Luke, Luke must have done this.Kate: I can't believe they'll go through all this trouble to get girls.Mike: The kid's got talent.Chrissy: I guess she must have figured out I was in bed.Maggie: Chrissy I don't know what's goi ng on here but I'm sure there's…,Jason: I'll get it, Ah haChrissy: Look that!Maggie: May I help you?Jodi: Say what? Your new neighbour Jody Creedmoor.Maggie: Oh I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, You remember my husband Jason?Jason: Yeah nice to see you again, I like that Marge Simpson thing you got going?Jody: I felt just awful that you weren't gonna come to my little doo so I brought popo platter Chrissy: Pizza roll?Jody: Sun dried tomatoes and goat cheese in a tortilla skin.Chrissy: Right, pizza roll.Jason: This is just a coincidence.Maggie: Oh this is so sweet of you Jodi.Jody: Oh, it's the least I could do, by the by our plumbing has gone kerfluee, would it be alright if a few of my very closest friends could used your bathroom?Maggie: Oh sure.Jody: Fluuuy.Maggie: It's upstairs.Chrissy: Ohhhh.Luke: Excuse me, Aw.Jason: Upstairs on the right follow the porcupine .Man: I got a delivery here for Maggie MalonMaggie: Oh great, my drills are finally here.Man: Drills, Lady you just signed for a truck load of dolls, bring them on in.Maggie: Oh wait guys they must be some.Man: In here or on the lawn it's your choice.Chrissy: I'm here I'm here, thank you, have some fudge.Chrissy: Bo bo bo.Maggie: Chrissy this is all a big mistake.Jason: Nothing like this has ever happened before.Chrissy: Ah ha, ah cool.Kate: Mike, what are you doing?Mike: Gotta ….spirit, what did you like that ah thing?Girl: Is Ben Sever here.Ben: Yow.Girl: Pristo.Luke: Mr. Sever is busy right now, have a seat and wait until your name is called.Girl: No way they started without us.Maggie: I give up.Jason: Carol,Carol: I finish mid terms pull two all night up all I want to do is sleep in my own bed. Maggie: Carol, you're not gonna get any quiet around here.Carol: That's ok I'm totally wrecked.Man: Oh could we use the bathroom?Carol: Sure follow me.Chrissy: Pony, Mummy daddy everything I've ever dreamed, I'm never going to bed again. Maggie: What a coincidence, neither are you.。