英语笑话大全
英语笑话大全笑你的肚子

英语笑话大全笑你的肚子英语笑话大全笑你的肚子笑话来源于生活,却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心,现在,一起来开心爆笑下。
英语笑话大全笑你的肚子【1】1、Would you like to be the sun in my life?A: Would you like to be the sun in my life?你想成为我生命中的太阳吗?B: Aww, Yes!哇哦!当然想。
A: Very well, then. Stay XX miles away from me.很好,那么赶紧到距离我XX里远的地方吧。
2、How much do you love me?A: How much do you love me?你有多么喜欢我?B: As many as the stars in the sky.和天上的星星一样多。
A: Good! ... Wait! It’s daytime now...太好了...等等,现在是白天啊!B: T here’s no stars in the sky in the daytime.没错,白天的天空上没有星星。
英语笑话大全笑你的肚子【2】1 Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. You’re a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy.好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
英语笑话爆笑带翻译

英语笑话爆笑带翻译英语笑话大全爆笑带翻译(通用5篇)冷笑话是近几年出现的一个新词,也是一种出现在我们身边的不可忽视的新的语言现象。
下面店铺整理了英语笑话大全爆笑带翻译(通用5篇),希望大家喜欢!英语笑话爆笑带翻译篇1河上漂流(中英)A man is walking past a travel agents office when he notices a billboard announcing, "4 day cruise down the Murray River $40 all inclusive.”一个男人路过旅行社时,看到一个广告栏上面写着“顺着墨累河漂流四天,全部费用只需40美元”。
Impressed by the low price, he races into the shop, slaps $40 onto the counter and announces, "I' m here for the Murray cruise.” Quick as a wink, the travel agent whips out a baseball bat and knocks him unconscious.面对如此低价的诱惑,他大步走进旅行社把40美元往桌上一拍,然后说:“我报名墨累河之游。
”眨眼间,旅行社的店员抽出一根棒球棍,一下就把那个人打昏了。
When the man wakes, he finds himself tied to a floating log and drifting down the river. After a time, he notices another man in same predicament on the other side of the river.当那个人醒来之后,发现自己被捆在一个木筏上,正沿着河水往下漂呢。
20个英语笑话爆笑超短【英语翻译笑话】[修改版]
![20个英语笑话爆笑超短【英语翻译笑话】[修改版]](https://img.taocdn.com/s3/m/a8884e71ec3a87c24128c47c.png)
1.we two who and who?咱俩谁跟谁阿2.how are you ? how old are you?怎么是你,怎么老是你?3.you don"t bird me,i don"t bird you你不鸟我,我也不鸟你4.you have seed i will give you some color to see see,pothers !together up !你有种,我要给你点颜色瞧瞧,兄弟们,一起上!5.hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏,无事退朝6.you me you me彼此彼此7.you give me stop!!你给我站住!8.know is know noknow is noknow知之为知之,不知为不知...9.watch sister表妹10.dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse" son can make hole!!龙生龙,凤生凤,老鼠的儿子大地洞11.american chinese not enough美中不足12.one car e one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die车祸现场描述13.heart flower angry open心花怒放14.go past no mistake past走过路过,不要错过15.小明:i am sorry!老外:i am sorry too!小明:i am sorry three!老外:what are you sorry for?小明:i am sorry five!16.if you want money,i have no;if you want life,i have one!要钱没有,要命一条17.i call li old big. toyear 25.我叫李老大,今年25。
短的英语笑话故事大全(精选10篇)

短的英语笑话故事大全(精选10篇)笑话具有篇幅短小,故事情节简单而巧妙,往往出人意料,给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。
大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象,具有讽刺性和娱乐性。
其趣味有高下之分。
接下来由小编为大家整理出短的英语笑话故事大全(精选10篇),仅供参考,希望能够帮助到大家!短的英语笑话故事1Where is your beard?After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. "But--where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him. "Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard." "But at least you keep the Sabbath?" "Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath." "But kosher food you still eat?" "Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher." The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me--you’re still circumcised?"短的英语笑话故事2They Didnt Have Nikes In Those DaysA young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "Ill make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut, then well talk about it."A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, Im really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didnt get your hair cut!"The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, Ive been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."短的英语笑话故事3Polly Want a WHAT?This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest asked."They only know how to say, Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?""Thats terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.""Thank you," said the lady.The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priests house. The priests two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and screams, "Frank! Put the Bibles away--our prayers have been answered!"短的英语笑话故事4Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to Chinafromher visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directlyfromAmerica."短的英语笑话故事5Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".短的'英语笑话故事6Five Months OlderThe Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s p apers, he was surprised."How old are you?" he said."Eighteen, sir," said John."But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?""Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."短的英语笑话故事7West PointMy father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."短的英语笑话故事8Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then sa id shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.短的英语笑话故事9Napoleon Was IllJack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, n o, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."短的英语笑话故事10He Was Only Wrong by TwoJack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be acce pted by the college.One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."。
英语爆笑小笑话12篇

英语爆笑小笑话12篇下面是店铺整理的英语爆笑小笑话,希望大家会喜欢!英语爆笑小笑话:智力缺陷"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."“医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。
英语幽默笑话

英语幽默笑话英语幽默笑话(精选15篇) 在繁忙的学习⼯作中,适时读⼀些幽默笑话,放松⾃⼰,劳逸结合⼗分重要。
下⾯是⼩编为你整理的⼏则英语幽默精彩段⼦,让你笑到停不下来 英语幽默笑话篇1 ⼀、我是单⾝汉 Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked."Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor." 杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.⼀位年轻美貌的护⼠拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护⼠问."有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单⾝汉." ⼆、死于肝癌的⼈100%都吃饭 Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho. Husband:It's okey.To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals. 妻⼦:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的⼈80%都是喝酒的. 丈夫:那有什么?据我调查,死于肝癌的⼈100%都吃饭的. 三、位置上的冰激凌 "Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine." "Yours?Can you prove it?" "Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it." "请原谅,你占了我的位置." "你的位置?你能征明这点吗?" "能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌." 四、别⽆选择 One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?" Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?" ⼀天,夏娃问亚当:"你当真爱我吗?" 亚当⽆可奈何地回答:"我还有的选择吗?" 五、两个男孩 Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says,"Why are you arguing?" One boy answers,"We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher,"When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. 当⽼师⾛进教室时,两个男孩在争论. ⽼师是说:你们在争论什么? ⼀个男孩回答:‘我们捡到⼀张10块,我们决定把它给⼀个说最⼤的谎的⼈.’ ‘你们应该觉得羞耻’⽼师说,‘当我像你们那么⼤的时候,我连什么是说谎都不知道.’ 两个男孩把钱给了那个⽼师. 六、两只鸟 Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which? Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher:Please tell us. Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. ⽼师:这⼉有两只鸟,⼀只是⿇雀.谁能指出哪只是燕⼦,哪只是⿇雀吗? 学⽣:我指不出,但我知道答案. ⽼师:请说说看. 学⽣:燕⼦旁边的`就是⿇雀,⿇雀旁边的就是燕⼦. 七、鱼⽹ "Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. "你能告诉我鱼⽹是什么做的吗," ⽼师发问道. "把许多⼩孔⽤绳⼦栓在⼀起就成了鱼⽹了." ⼩⼥孩回答道. ⼋、他赢了 Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself. Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won. 汤姆:约翰尼,你⼩弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了.他受了伤. 汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事⼉? 约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把⾝⼦探出窗外最远,他赢了. 选我吧 英语幽默笑话篇2 ⼼不在焉的⽼师 An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street withone foot continually in the gutter,the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said: “Good evening,professor.How are you? “Well,” answered the professor,“I thought I was all right when I left home,but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.” 有⼀天,⼈们看见⼀个有名的⼼不在焉的⽼师在路上⾛,他的⼀只脚⼀直踏在街沟⾥,另⼀只脚踩在⼈⾏道上。
英语搞笑笑话12篇

英语搞笑笑话12篇下面是店铺整理的英语搞笑笑话,欢迎大家阅读!英语搞笑笑话:两颗番茄he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"两颗番茄去逛街,第一颗番茄突然走得很快,第二颗番茄就问:“我们要去哪里?” 第一颗番茄没有回答,第二颗番茄又问了一次。
第一颗番茄还没回答,所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。
第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说:“我们不是番茄吗?我们会说话吗?”英语搞笑笑话:相同的职责The Same DutiesA retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."相同的职责一个退休的四星级将军在曼哈顿的一个酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤务兵,勤务兵也退休在家。
学生英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子的笑话

学生英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子的笑话多看可以帮助我们提高英文阅读能力的哦,下面一起来看看带翻译的英语笑话,希望你喜欢。
1.Are you kidding me?你豁老子哦?2.Dude.哥佬倌3.Long time no see.死哪儿切了喃?那么久没qio到你了。
4.What?啥子喃?5.Don"t worry。
虚啥子啊虚。
6.What do you want?你要爪子嘛?7.I can not hold no longer.老子遭不住了。
8.Stupid.瓜娃子。
9.She"s my girlfriend;wife.她是我老妞儿。
10.You are wele.莫来头;说这些。
11.That"s awesome.简直巴适的板。
12.I have no idea.晓求不得。
13.A little.就那么滴滴儿。
14.I am sure.我呸死了。
打包票。
15.What happened?啥子情况啥子情况?16.It doesn"t make sense. 球名堂莫得。
17.It"s none of your business.管你娃球事啊?18.What a hell? 浪么子搞起在勒。
19.Are you sure.儿豁??20.Are u out of ur mind?你吃醉了所?21.Rock paper scissors. 石千儿。
22.I dont care.管我屁事啊。
23.Kick your ass. 给你娃儿两脚头哦。
24.Dark black。
黢嘛黑。
25.See you.空了吹。
26.Let"s go.撤飘。
27.Shut up.闹啥子。
28.Asshole.斯娃子29.You wanna piece of me.老子给你打燃火。
30.Enjoy!敞欢。
31.I got no money.老子分儿都不分儿了A man went to see his doctor有一名男子去看他的医生,because he was suffering from a miserable cold.因为他正遭到令人难受的感冒之苦。
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Family problems…ﻫﻫTwo men, one Americanand an Indian were sitting in a bardrinking shot aftershot.ﻫﻫThe Indianman said to the American, 'You know my pa rents are forcing me togetmarried to this socalled h omely girl from a village whom I haven'teven met once.'We call this arranged marriage.I don't want t o marry aﻫ
woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and nowhave a hell lot of family problems.'ﻫﻫThe American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. ﻫI married a widowwhom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After acouple of years, my father fell inlov ewith my step-daughter and married her, so my fatherbecame my son-in-lawand I became my father's father-in-law.ﻫﻫLegally now my daughter is my mother and my wife m ygrandmother.ﻫ
More problemsoccurredwhen Ihadason. My son ismy father's brother and so he is my uncle.
ﻫSituations turned worse when my father had a son. No w my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimate ly, I have becomemy own grand father and I ammy ow n grandson.. And you say you have family problems..
1.Count toone HundredBeforeYou Speak
Inclass,theteacher,with hisback leaning againstthestove,said to thestudents,"Before you speak,you should think andcounttoatleast 50,andfor important matters to 100."ﻫﻫNosooner had the teacher stopped talking than thestudentsbegan to count.
ﻫﻫatlast all the studentsshouted together,"1...98,99,100.teacher,your clothes are onfire."
ﻫ数到一百再说ﻫﻫ课堂上,老师背靠火炉站着,对学生们说:“说话前要三思,起码数到50,重要的事情要数到一百。
”
ﻫ老师的话音刚落,学生立刻从“1”开始数起来。
最后一起喊:“98,99,100!老师,您的衣服着火了。
”2ﻫﻫ.The Advantage ofAlcoholﻫﻫInorderto prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacherput a bug intoa glassfilledwit halcohol,soon thebugdied.The teacheraskedastudent,"what doesthisshow?"
ﻫThe studentanswered,"It shows thatpeoplewon't get parasitesi ftheydrink morealcohol."ﻫﻫ酒的好处ﻫﻫ为了证明酒精对生物的危害,老师把一只虫子放入装有酒精的杯子里,虫子很快就死了。
老师问一个学生:“这说明了什么?”
ﻫ学生答道:“说明人多喝酒,就不会长虫子。
”ﻫﻫ3.Exchange the Tortoise for the
Wolf
ﻫTeacher:Some students arebecoming arrogant.Do you remember the storyabout race betweenthe hare andthe tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why theharewasdefeated by thetortoise?ﻫ
Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.
ﻫTeacher:Absolutelyright!Whatshould we do sothatthe hare won'tfall asleep?ﻫﻫXiaoming:Exchange the tortoisefor thewolf.ﻫ
ﻫ把乌龟换成狼ﻫ
老师:有些同学开始骄傲了,大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。
小明,你说说看,兔子为什么输给乌龟?ﻫ
小明:因为它睡觉了。
ﻫﻫ老师:对极了!我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢?ﻫﻫ小明:把乌龟换成狼!
搞笑电脑问题大全:能帮我重启网络吗?
Computer help desks areused tofielding oddball requests but somet imes the questionsleave even the bestof themstumped.ﻫﻫSuch a s: "Why isn't mywireless mouse connected tothecomputer?"ﻫﻫOr:"Can you reset the Internet forme?"ﻫﻫThen there wasthe questionerwhoasked:"WherecanIget softwareto track UFOs?"
ﻫRobert Half Technology,a providerof informationtechnology professio nals basedinMenlo Park, California, asked1,400 chiefinformation officers from companiesacross the United States tocomeup withthe mostbafflingquestions their helpdesksor technical support teams hadever received. Among the moreunusual were:
-- "My computer is tellingme to press anykey to continue.Wher eisthe'any'key?"ﻫ
--"Canyou rearrange thekeyboard alphabetically?"ﻫﻫ-- "My daughter islocked in thebathroom,can you pick the lock?"ﻫﻫ--"Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?"ﻫﻫ--"Canyou install cable TV on my PC?"ﻫ
Then there was thecomputer user who confused theCD-ROM drive with adrinkholderandasked:"HowdoI getmy compute r's coffee-cupholder to comeout again?"ﻫﻫKatherineSpencerLee,executivedirector ofRobertHalfTechnology, said such queries were atestofthe skills of thehelp andtechnical supportde sks.ﻫﻫ"These unusual requests highlight theneedfor technical support personnel toalso demonstrate patience,empathy and a sen seof humor,"she said.ﻫﻫ帮用户解决电脑问题是电脑技术支持的主要职责,但有时用户提的问题甚至把IT精英们都给难倒了。
ﻫ比如:“为什么我的无线鼠标没连在电脑上?”ﻫ
再如:“能帮我重启一下网络吗?”ﻫﻫ还有人会问:“在哪能下载追踪UFO的软件?”。