初中英语演讲幽默故事
英语幽默小故事(共8篇)
英语幽默小故事〔共8篇〕篇1：英语幽默小故事 Don't Pick Up the Money on the GroundAn economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.Why not?If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.Everything that can be invented has been invented.别捡地上的钱一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。
学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。
“为什么不捡?”“假设那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。
”“该创造的都已经被创造出来了。
”篇2：英语幽默小故事 The Less You Know, the More Money You MakeTheorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.Postulate 2: Time is Money.As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we haveKnowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.知识越少挣钱越多定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。
初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】
初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】演讲稿是作为在特定的情境中供口语表达使用的文稿。
随着社会不断地进步，演讲稿对我们的作用越来越大，如何写一份恰当的演讲稿呢？以下是小编帮大家整理的初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】，希望能够帮助到大家。
初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】1Love Your Mother爱你的母亲Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈."Because I'm a woman," she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他."I don't understand," he said.我不明白.他回答His Mom just hugged him and said,"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?""All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的..The little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him,he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"GOD answered......上帝回答:"When I made woman,I decided she had to be special.I made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet,made her arms gentle enough to give comfort..."当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...I gave her the inner strengthto endure childbirthand the rejectionthat many times will comeeven from her own children.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛,也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...I gave her a hardnessthat allows herto keep going and take careof her family and friends,even when everyone else gives up, through sickneand fatigue withoutcomplaining....我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all yanjianggao/ircumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的'时候...她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧...I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错.我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏...I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心.For all of this hard work,I also gave her a tear to shed.It is hers to usewhenever needed andit is her only weakness....When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even thoughshe may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，我也同样赐她流下眼泪，这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处...当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰.She is special!Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special women in their lives.她是独特的!请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人.But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物.每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松.Love your Mother Always永远爱你的母亲，and keep her Smiling并且使她微笑常在初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】2One of the most popular hobbies among people is readingbooks. More and more people spend their spare time in reading the books they are interested in.There are so many books in the world that it is impossible for any one to read all of them, even if he spends his whole life in reading. Before we start reading, we should find out whether it is valuable for us to read.Reading good books is one of the greatest pleasures in life. It can enrich our knowledge. It makes us learn lots of things we did not previously know. We can be aware of what had happened in the past as well as what is happening in the present time. The more books we read, the more knowledge we get. No matter how much education we receive or how much expensive we have, we can not become a full man unless we keep reading.Reading bad books will lead you to a wrong way and prevents you from progressing. It’s worse than reading nothing. So we know how important it is to read good books.book can be read at random time if you have leisure, and there never be a time limitation. Also, you can read a book to achieve a more really history. Through a book, you can communicate with its author without other’s transmission. All these rarely can be easily achieved by a television.Furthermore, book is a treasure that has developed centuries. As we know when written language appeared, human beings became use it to record their lives, and this action leaves us a lot of historic precious mineral. We can absorb intelligence and wisdom, and we can also be taught lessons. I love book from my heart, form book I know how to communicate with others, and I learn my homeland is the place I love best, and also I know my parents are the very inpiduals who I love through my life. What about the television? Television, sometimes, show violence, sex,drugs beyond our choice.初中幽默英语演讲稿【精选3篇】3Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town."Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long time."Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything. "They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane."Fun flights!" the notice said, " $$ 10 for 10 minutes.Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he di dn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well."I’ve only got $$ 10, " he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, "I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight."Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.When the plane landed, the pilot said, "0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free.""Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."。
幽默英文演讲稿范文5篇
幽默英文演讲稿范文5篇演讲稿可以用来交流思想和感情，表达主张和见解;也可以用来介绍自己的学习、工作情况和经验等，具有宣传、鼓动、教育和欣赏等作用。
下面是小编整理的幽默英文演讲稿，欢迎大家阅读分享借鉴。
幽默英文演讲稿1Good morning everybody, I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech. We all know that Bingxin has a famous saying “we always admire the beauty of flowers but its sprout was watered by tears of struggle and rained by blood of sacrifice”. So for the majority, behind their success, are filled of sweat and tears. Eagle flying in the vast firmament, must be experienced the pain of countless times fall under the cliff, then hammered out a pair of volley wings. A shinning of pearls, inevitably suffered countless body friction and numerous waves’ shock. In this view, a real successful people, and he must experienced numerous times to stand up again and agin after failed, because without sweat and tears on the life road ,no one can casually get the beautiful flowers. Alfter a heavy fall Shi Tiesheng lost his legs, it must be a heavy blow for anyone. But he didn't lose faith in life, but use his brain and hands to show the infinite love of life;Beethoven was blind and deaf, but he still had written the "Hero""Destiny"nd so on a large number of music works, in his unfortunately life, he doggedly gripped the "fate of the throat. They all had a fall, but they are strong enough to stand up, fight against fate and misfortune, finally they succeed. So for each of us, wrestling is not terrible, lose confidence and courage in life is the most terribe thing. In my opionion, the sweat and tears during the life’ journey are very important for us, they hone ourwill, and enrich our experience. As the saying goes, how can you see the rainbow without a rainy day, while you don't work hard and not struggle, how can you gain the successful flowers. All in all, the sweat and tears on the struggling road is inevitable, don’t look for shortcuts anymore, steadfast walk every step, we will succeed in the end. So belief yourself, nothing is impossile, just do it. Thank you for taking your time to listen to my speech, I hope in the near future we all can be successful.幽默英文演讲稿2The hours of a wise man are lengthened by his ideas as those of a fool are by his passions. The time of the one is long, because he does not know what to do with it; as is that of the other, because he distinguishes every moment of it with useful or amusing thoughts, or in other words, because the one is always wishing it away, and the other always enjoying it.How different is the view of past life, in the man who is grown old in knowledge and wisdom, from that of him who is grown in ignorance and folly? The latter is like the owner of a barren country, that fills his eye with the [1] prospect of naked hills and plains, which produce nothing either profitable or [2] ornamental; the other [3] beholds a beautiful and spacious landscape, divided into delightful gardens, green meadows, fruitful fields, and can scarce [4] cast his eye upon a single spot of his possessions, that is not covered with some beautiful plant or flower.幽默英文演讲稿3Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town."Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long time."Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything. "They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane."Fun flights!" the notice said, " $$ 10 for 10 minutes.Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well."I’ve only got $$ 10, " he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, "I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight."Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.When the plane lan ded, the pilot said, "0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free.""Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."幽默英文演讲稿4There is a wonderful word which expresses the most original motions and desires among human-beings. With solving any kind of imperfections, our world has moved ahead. This is the word “innovation” that we cannot afford to lose.We chicaned every detail of the innovation. Thousands years before, we created fire when we took a stone to knock anotherone. Since Han Dynasty, four great inventions had been created and it is one of the greatest signs that China become to the ancient civilized country. And nowadays, thousands of software, products, architectures and public facilities have upgraded more than that about 100 years ago. So how did these happen? What will you do if you are not satisfied with your tools anymore? What will you do if old mode cannot afford to develop in a company? There is no doubt that we should innovate no matter where we are and what we do. Not because of the design itself, but actually for its intended purpose.If there was no Apple, everyone could not imagine how to contact others easily and enjoy a better Internet surfing.If there was no Microsoft, perhaps we still worked in a dim office and duplicate some troublesome documents. If there was no Newton, and no theory of gravity, maybe I will win the Nobel Prize like Newton rather than just standing here. I have heard that three apple changed the world. The first one seduced Eve. The second one awakened Newton. The third one was in the hands of Steve Jobs. We sort of think the innovation of the world began with apple. I imagine lots of people want to become another Newton or Jobs right now with just one hand to change the world, right? Have the innovation to follow your heart. It somehow already reflects what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.Via questioning, we can start to innovate. Via innovating, we can start to create better lives. No innovation, no improvement. No improvement, no success. And no success, no civilization. Now, our time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life! Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice! Don't let yourself down! It is the innovation that wecannot afford to lose!幽默英文演讲稿5Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.My favorite book is (Italian: Cuore). This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten "monthly" stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word "love". From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.This novel taught me how to love, and how to learn from love.I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book?My favorite book is . Have you read it before?Oh, I haven’t read this book before. What is it about?Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.Can you tell us why you love this book so much?Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannot wait to read this book as well.。
幽默英语讲话稿(精选多篇)
幽默英语演讲稿(精选多篇)第一篇：幽默英语演讲稿loveyourmother爱你的母亲whyareyoucrying,ayoungboyaskedhismom?你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈."becausei'mawoman,"shetoldhim.因为我是女人,她告诉他."idon'tunderstand,"hesaid.我不明白.他回答hismomjusthuggedhimandsaid,"andyouneverwill,butthat'so.k.".......妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."laterthelittleboyaskedhisfather,"whydoesmomseemtocryfornoreason?".后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?""allwomencryfornoreason,"wasallhisdadcouldsay......"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...thelittleboygrewupandbecameaman,stillwonderingwhywomencry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finallyheputinacalltogodandwhengodgotbacktohim,heasked"go d,whydowomencrysoeasily?"最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"godanswered......上帝回答:"whenimadewoman,idecidedshehadtobespecial.imadehershouldersstrongenoughtocarrytheweightoftheworld,yet,madeherarmsgentleenoughtogivecomfort..."当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...igavehertheinnerstrengthtoendurechildbirthandtherejectionthatmanytimeswillcomeevenfromherownchildren.我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛,也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...igaveherahardnessthatallowshertokeepgoingandtakecareofherfamilyandfriends,evenwheneveryoneelsegivesup,throughsicknessandfatiguewith outcomplaining....我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...igaveherthesensitivitytoloveherchildrenunderanyandallcirc umstances.evenwhenherchildhashurtherbadly....shehastheveryspecialpowertomakeachild'sboo-boofeelbetterandtoquellateenager'sanxietiesandfears....我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．igaveherstrengthtocareforherhusband,despitefaultsandifashionedherfromhisribtoprotecthisheart....我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．igaveherwisdomtoknowthatagoodhusbandneverhurtshiswife,but sometimestestsherstrengthsandherresolvetostandbesidehimunfalt eringly....我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．forallofthishardwork,ialsogaveherateartoshed.itisherstousewheneverneededanditisheronlyweakness....whenyouseehercry,tellherhowmuchyouloveher,andallshedoesforeveryone,andeven thoughshemaystillcry,youwillhavemadeherheartfeelgood.因为这些种种的困难，我也同样赐她流下眼泪，这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．当你看到她哭泣的时候，告诉她你有多么地爱她，告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，但你会使她的心里得到安慰．sheisspecial!pleasesendthistowomenyouknow,andthosewithmothers,sisters,andspecialwomenintheirlives.她是独特的！请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．but,alsosendthistomensotheywillunderstandaboutwhatawonder fulthingawomanis.eachdayisamountainthatmustbeclimbed;withcourageeachstepge tseasier.但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松．loveyourmotheralways永远爱你的母亲，andkeephersmiling并且使她微笑常在第二篇：新初中幽默英语演讲稿新初中幽默英语演讲稿loveyourmother爱你的母亲whyareyoucrying,ayoungboyaskedhismom?你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈."becausei'mawoman,"shetoldhim.因为我是女人,她告诉他."idon'tunderstand,"hesaid.我不明白.他回答hismomjusthuggedhimandsaid,"andyouneverwill,butthat'so.k.".......妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."laterthelittleboyaskedhisfather,"whydoesmomseemtocryfornoreason?".后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?""allwomencryfornoreason,"wasallhisdadcouldsay......"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...thelittleboygrewupandbecameaman,stillwonderingwhywomencry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finallyheputinacalltogodandwhengodgotbacktohim,heasked"go d,whydowomencrysoeasily?"最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"godanswered......上帝回答:"whenimadewoman,idecidedshehadtobespecial.imadehershouldersstrongenoughtocarrytheweightoftheworld,yet,madeherarmsgentleenoughtogivecomfort..."当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,第三篇：七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿七年级五班英语幽默故事大赛演讲稿doyoulikestories?iwanttotellyouatruestory.ithappenedtoafriendofmineayearago.whilemyfriend,george,wasreadinginbed,twothievesclimbedint ohiskitchen.aftertheyhadenteredthehouse,theywentintothediningroom.itwasverydark,sotheyturnedonatorch.suddenly,theyheardavoicebeh indthem.‘what’sup?what’sup?’someonecalled.thethievesdroppedthetorchandranawayasquicklyastheycould.georgeheardthenoiseandcamedownstairsquickly.heturnedonthelight,buthecouldn’tseeanyone.thethieveshadalreadygone.butgeorge’sparrot,henry,wasstillthere.‘what’sup,george ?’hecalled.‘nothing,henry.’georgesaidandsmiled.‘gobacktosleep.’第四篇：幽默英语英语幽默对话buyyouadrink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女:actuallyi'dratherhavethemoney.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱.) 经典对话二：男：canihaveyourname?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）女：why?don'tyoualreadyhaveone?（为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）经典对话三：男：i'maphotographer.i'vebeenlookingforafacelikeyours.（我是摄影师。
三分钟英语有趣小故事演讲(优秀3篇)
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英语演讲稿1分钟幽默（范本）
英语演讲稿1分钟幽默英语演讲稿1分钟幽默此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get ne rvous hengiving a s peeh but t hen i read that it h elps to th ink of the entire au diene as b eing naked. and so,at this ve r moment,i’m standi ng up here imagining ever onein this au diene as b eing naked. and it r eall orks. i no suff er from ne rvousness. eestrain. es幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
pe rsonall, i have neve r been one ited --- a nd i an’ttell ou ho muh i adm ire mselffor that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me pu t this int o plainen glish. i’l l translat e it for t he laers l ater. 幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
初中英语搞笑脱口秀稿子
初中英语搞笑脱口秀稿子I remember back in my middle school days how much I loved watching funny stand-up comedy shows. They never failed to make me laugh and brighten up my day. The comedians would share hilarious stories and crack jokes that had the entire audience in stitches.我还记得在初中的时候我有多么喜欢看搞笑脱口秀节目。
它们总是能让我笑个不停，让我的一天变得更加愉快。
那些喜剧演员会分享一些令人捧腹大笑的故事，讲些笑话，整个观众都笑得前仰后合。
One of my favorite comedy routines was about a clumsy student who always seemed to get into the most ridiculous situations. The way the comedian acted out the scenes had everyone doubled over with laughter. It was pure comedic gold.我最喜欢的喜剧节目之一是关于一个总是陷入荒唐局面的笨拙学生。
喜剧演员表演场景的方式让每个人都笑得前仰后合。
那简直就是纯粹的喜剧之金。
Another hilarious skit involved a teacher who was always trying to impress his students with his quirky sense of humor. He would tellthe corniest jokes and puns, but somehow his charm and enthusiasm made them absolutely hysterical. It was a masterclass in comedic timing.另一个滑稽的短剧涉及一个老师，他总是试图用他古怪的幽默感给学生留下印象。
英文笑话演讲带翻译
英文笑话演讲带翻译Title: A Funny Speech in English with Translation。
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Today, I want to share some funny jokes with you. I hope they can bring some laughter to your day.First, let me tell you a story. One day, a man went to a barber shop to get a haircut. After the haircut, the barber asked the man if he wanted some aftershave. The man replied, "No, thanks. My wife doesn't like the smell of alcohol." The barber then asked, "How about some hair tonic?" The man replied, "No, thanks. My wife doesn't like the smell of chemicals." The barber was puzzled and asked, "Then what does your wife like?" The man replied, "Shelikes money."笑话翻译，晚上好，女士们先生们。
今天，我想和大家分享一些有趣的笑话。
我希望它们能给您带来一些欢笑。
首先，让我给您讲一个故事。
一天，一个男人去理发店理发。
理完发后，理发师问男人是否需要一些须后水。
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Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。
”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。
好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。
”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。
”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。
”
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the
children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。
”
An Alarm Clock
A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
Before going to bed, he went to th e owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. ”
“ Oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. ”
The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. ”
“ Yes, here it is, young man. ”
The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
“ Does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.
“ Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. ”
一只闹钟
一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。
那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。
上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。
”
“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。
”
年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。
”
“我有，给你，年轻人。
”
年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。
但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。
“它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。
“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。
”
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。
但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。
只是我们要因此晚到一小时。
” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。
但请你们相信好了。
只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。
” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
”。