雅思写作批改范例
雅思5.5分作文批改范例
一．The table shows the total length of high speed train track in three countriesThe table presents the information about the total length of high speed train track in China,France and Japan in 1990,2010 and the projection for 2010.It is clear that Japan had the longest high speed train track in1990,with 1200 kms,while France ranked second position with 700kmsand China had no high train track at this time .However, the next two decade experienced a sharp increase in high speed train tracks in China, reaching up to 5800kms in 2010, while the length of high speed train track was 2600kms and 2500kms in France and Japan respectively in the same year.It is predicted that China will remain on the upward trend in the next decade . In 2020,the length of high train track in China is expected to reach 13400kms, which is over three times the length of the other countries’ .The length of total high train track in France is expected to increase gradually to 3900,while that in Japan, it is predicted to see a relatively slow increase ,reaching only 3600kms in 2020.Overall,since China began the project of high speed train, the total length of high speed train track has increased dramatically in the past few years ,while the industry of high speed train in France and Japan rose relatively steadily.BAND SCORE: 5.5•Pay attention to detail: capitalization, spacing, commas, spelling etc•Improve better word choice for tables•Make sure to complete the details of the numerical data•Write a general statement in the introduction。
雅思作文批改---经典版 (9)
Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?It is admitted that every adult in the world has been allured or misguided, at least once or twice, to spend a lot of money on something that beyond their economical ability or even unneeded. This is a common phenomenon and will not hurt much if everything is still under control. However, there are always some people who cross the limitation and put themselves in a dangers situation such as being involved in debt or credit crisis. In this essay, I will briefly analyze the possible reasons of this severe phenomenon and suggest a few solutions to tackle this problem.The most important reason is obvious to everyone. Influenced by the pictures or videos showing the exaggerated rich life of certain milliniors on social websites, some people may lose their mind due to the jealousness and desire to own same life and same things. These people, who only attracted by the glorious face of the rich and ignore their talent and effort on work, are apt to fulfill their thirst by purchasing expensive things that they cannot afford, instead of working harder to pursue financial power. Besides, lacking confidence and under stress also contribute to the misbehaviour.In order to address this problem, what is needed is education. This phenomenon is the result of improper self-consciousness, while a good education, starting form pregnancy all the way to adulthood and beyond, means raising people to be responsible. Moreover, a proper educated people would acquire sufficient skills to hunt a proper job and a variety of decent habits to better their life. Undoubtedly, people who enjoy a happy life would not tend to be allured by the other people’s lives.To sum up, the either real or fictional rich life stories in the mass media do impact some people in a negative way. However, a proper and promptly education could handle the problem from the root.总点评：本篇文章得分: Good。
雅思作文批改英语
雅思作文批改英语Absolutely, here's a sample of how to correct an IELTS essay:Original Paragraph:In today's world, technology plays a vital role in our lives. It has made our lives easier and more convenient. For instance, we can use the internet to find information quickly and easily. Also, we can use smartphones to communicate with our friends and family. This is why I believe that technology is very important for us.Corrected Paragraph:In the contemporary era, technology has become an integral component of our existence, significantly enhancing the quality and convenience of our daily routines. For example, the internet serves as a powerful tool for instantaneously accessing a wealth of information. Additionally, smartphones have revolutionized the way we maintain contact with our loved ones, facilitating communication across vast distances. Consequently, I am of the opinion that the significance of technology in our lives cannot be overstated.Corrections and Justifications:1. Word Choice: Replaced "today's world" with "contemporary era" for a more formal tone. "Vital role" was changed to "integral component" to convey a stronger sense of importance.2. Sentence Structure: Varied sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of the paragraph. For example, "It has made our lives easier and more convenient" was split into two sentences to clarify the benefits of technology.3. Grammar: Corrected the verb tense consistency by changing "plays" to "has become" to match the past participle "enhanced".4. Clarity and Detail: Added specific examples such as "instantaneously accessing a wealth of information" and "facilitating communication across vast distances" to provide clear evidence of how technology enhances our lives.5. Concluding Statement: Strengthened the concluding opinionby using "the significance of technology in our lives cannotbe overstated" instead of a simpler "very important for us".Remember, when correcting an IELTS essay, it's crucial tofocus on enhancing the coherence, vocabulary, grammar, and overall structure of the essay to better align with the expectations of the IELTS scoring criteria.。
专业外教批改雅思作文范例
TA/TR 5 ♦ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places♦ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn♦ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detailCC 5 ♦ presents information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression ♦ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices♦may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution♦ may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequateLR 6 ♦ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task♦ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy♦makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communicationGRA 6 ♦ uses a variety of complex structures♦ produces frequent error-free sentences♦ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errorsScore 22/5.5Other Items Affecting ScoreUnder length √No. of words 249 Penalty .5 Off-topic x Memorized ——Illegible ——Overall BandScore5.5-.5=5band range band range9 [35-36] 4 [15-17)8.5 [33-35) 3.5 [13-15)8 [31-33) 3 [11-13)7.5 [29-31) 2.5 [9-11)7 [27-29) 2 [7-9)6.5 [25-27) 1.5 [5-7)6 [23-25) 1 [3-5)5.5 [21-23) 0.5 [1-3) 5 [19-21) 0 [0-1) 4.5 [17-19) ————Hello dear student, it’s time to check your writing. You may notice some minimal or maximal changes in your essay which will help you improve your writing abilities, to meet the standards of IELTS writing.First we will review the questionThis is an argument type of questionViewpoint Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school Task Discuss if the advantages outweigh the disadvantagesMy article:Now, let us review your introductionNowadays, the problem whether children should accept foreign language courses at primary school or secondary school is under debate. People’s point varies from person to person. Personally, I prefer to the former view that children should begin learning foreign language at primary school. Structure You were able to present a social background, aviewpoint and your opinionCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your introduction with the providedmodifications to make it more profound and clearMoving forward, let us review your body paragraphsNo one can deny that starting learning foreign language at secondary school has plenty of merits. The main reason of that is junior students’studying ability is much better than of primary schools’students. As age increases, their advanced comprehension makes a difference to grasp keys of other languages.Additionally, the possibility of cultural discrepancy is evident. Children may get confused on what their real culture is; they might even neglect their native culture and entirely adapt the foreign culture. Finally, native language speakers are the most effective teachers to help primary students learn a new language; however there are few native speakers or most of them are also just taught. Thus, they may struggle with helping children learn to speak the language comfortably.This paragraph discuss the side you do not slantStructure You were able to present the generalization, and you alsoprovided one necessary contention and supportingdetails, but still needs to provide two more contentionswith their supporting detailsCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evident, despite the errorswith the structureV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your paragraph with the provided two morenecessary contention along with their supporting detailsto complete your paragraph and also make it profound.However, benefits of learning early outweigh that of learning late. First of all, it is widely accepted that children whose age are under 10 is at their best stage of language study according to countless surveys. Children who access to foreign language at the informative stage of their age are fast learners. Secondly, the earlier we start learning, the longer time can be spent on foreign language’s study. Those who accept language at primary school would have more years to get better commandof foreign language. Last but not least is about their interest. Children exposed toforeign language at primary school tend to cultivate more enthusiasm which isbeneficial for their following study.This paragraph discuss that learning foreign language at early age brings more advantagesStructure You were able to present the generalization, and you alsoprovided enough contentions and supporting ideas, Coherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your paragraph with the provided modificationsand alterations to make it more profoundLastly, let us review your conclusionIn summary, the positive sides of learning foreign language from primary school outweigh its negative sides. I personally believe that training from primary school is a better choice. It is high time that we should create a foreign language learning atmosphere for children as early as possible.Structure You were able to ingeminate your stand, and put forwarda suggestionCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Conclusion is okayTo teacher:Could you please tell me my mistakes as detailed as possible?I have almost no idea about the whole structure of the article,the length of every paragraph,the vocabulary’s diversity and whether my bullet points are appropriate and clear or not.Thank you so much.Yours sincerely,SerenaDear Serena,You got the topic, although your ideas are not enough. Basically, your essay should have 250 words or more but you had less, you typically lack idea on the other point of the topic, so that is where I really needed to add two more necessary contention to make your essay and paragraph complete. A friendly reminder advice dear, every time you make your essay, you should research on former essay having the same topic to gather information and details. Or do what I do sometimes, I search for the basics, like for example, in this topic I search for the disadvantages/advantages of learning foreig n language at early age… there I will read and form my ideas… ☺practice more dear, and reading is really essential… the more you read the more ideas you will have… ☺Keep Learning,Larigen。
雅思大作文批改范例5
What are the advantages and disadvantages of Internet?You should write at least 250 words. advantages:its convenient, in many aspect its has make things easier, we can find almost any information we need . You can exchange with you’re friends or family and it doesn't matter where you are or where you go. It’s almost feel like the world evolve around internet. We can watch the movie online anywhere anytime, we can buy daily things on online. So I think internet more and more be like we cant leave without it.disadvantages:in term of knowledge , people don’t take time to read or learn properly .they would rather spend time on social network, a lot of people rely too much to the internet .they don't have friends on real life .only on internet and that sometimes can be bad because you can meet some people who are fake and can be really bad influence on youwithout even knowing and make your life difficult -specially children education and social life .there are so fascinated by what they see on internet and time they spend on playing games. Its not only good for their mind or body but also have big influence dail y life.总点评：本篇文章得分: fair。
雅思大作文批改例子
【Written by Ray in 38 minutes】Nowadays, numerous people claim that humans can do whatever they want to animals. Others, including myself, strongly protest this ridiculous notion.The argument in its favor may involve the recognition that there are no better alternative ways than live animal experiments in carrying out medical research that will benefit researchers greatly, in terms of testing efficiency and overall costs. However, these experiments do bring damages. As a result, a clear line must be drawn somewhere to achieve desired test results on one hand, and to ensure the safety of animals on the other. At least, researchers should at least seek methods on how to alleviate animal’s suffering during their tests. Ideally, a risk evaluation should be conducted by doctors and zoologists before such experiments are performed, which could effectively help to prevent those animals from being killed or tortured.Furthermore, there are various organizations and individuals who are performing cruel operations on live animals to make money, which is completely inhumane. Mostly, such illegal act is implemented in the name of a medical research or an academic exploration. Unfortunately, few of those people are brought to justice because there is no such law in place that can sentence them guilty.In conclusion, it is about time for the entire community to rethink critically and rationally about cruel animal experiments and, measures should be taken. More specifically, a law or some regulations could be made to uphold animals’ right to262 wordsTeacher Kristine ☺。
英语作文,批改范例
英语作文,批改范例篇一：雅思大作文批改范例8Some people think that personal happiness s directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion What is the key to access to happiness has aroused people's interest. Some people claim that money plays a vital role in gaining happiness, while others think that there are a variety of elements constricting to it. Personally, I agree with the latter opinion. Money provides people with more opportunities to pursue happiness, because economic success can make it possible for people to enhance their quality of life. By purchasing expensive jewels, luxury house, sports car, etc. without worries of monetary pressure, wealthy person can enjoy better living standards than that of ordinary people. When financial pressure and life stress do not existinone’slife, he or she is likely to have less worry and have rich entertainment, thereby achieving the access to happiness. Although fortune is significant to obtain happiness, there are also many other factors form important parts of eudemonia. An active lifestyle can prompt people's spiritual treasure. This meansthat people can receive happiness by having a healthy life, warm relatives and intimate friends. These valuable factors enable people have a positive attitude to tackle difficulties and enjoy a happy Iife. As far as I am concerned, happiness cannot always be purchased by money.Rich material life sometimes could cause negative impact on achieving happiness. It isnoteworthy that numerous of wealthy people who have affluent possessions, in contrast, have often ended up in a sick lifestyle. This makes them suffer from sickness, lonely and desperation, in the light of fact that money is no guarantee of happiness.To summarize, financial success could give people an ease Iife to enjoy happiness. However, without an active lifestyle and spiritual treasure, happiness willnot be sustainably maintained.总点评：本篇文章得分: 6.5篇二：英语作文批改几法英语作文批改几法目前，许多教师普遍重视英语作文的写作训练，从书写要求到内容点拨，可谓精细之极，但作文的最后一个环节，即作文批改，却忽略了方式方法的改革。
雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析
雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析雅思7分大作范文批改和解析雅思写作提高第一步：结构(5.0 - 5.5)问题：出国留学的优点(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)同学：One reason for those who decide to go overseas to get a higher degree is that they believe they can get better education in certain fields. That is to say, different universities in different countries have their specialized courses and rich resources can be provided according to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in an all-round English environment and being affected by local culture make people quick learners.解析：出国留学和高学历完全是两回事(出去读初中和高中都算出国);出国就是better education，在国内就不是better? 出国留学可不仅仅是上大学，而该同学认为出国留学就是去上大学的(因为她可能就是去上大学的，所以觉得所有人也都如此)，偏激。
此外，第四句论述变成了英语环境了(因为大家都去英语国家，所以主观认为，所有出国的人就是去学英语的)，再次带来了内容偏激。
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Some people think government should pay for public libraries in every town, while others think it is a waste of money because people can access information from the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.It is argued that government should invest more money in public libraries; the other people believe that we can search the information from the internet, so government should not cost money in public libraries. I agree with this idea.Surfing on the internet is the fashion way to search information in modern life, there are a lot of people use computer or mobile phone to find some information on the internet. It is because people believe that internet is the most convenient platform to find the key. People can get all the information they want effectively, rather than go to the library cost a large amount of time to read book.On the other hand the books in libraries are though many times of check and reserve, that can ensure the authority of every book. So some people would like to go to library to read the book and find the truth. Especially in medical book, if doctor find some information is wrong, it will affect the patient who was saved by the doctor. Considering the reality some people also go to the library to read book.In my opinion the book in library cannot follow the pace of the times, although the information in book is more authoritative, the new research will replace the old knowledge, but the book in library cannot update like the internet.In sum, government is unnecessary to spend more money into public libraries. Because of the development of the times, an increasing number of people will use internet to get information.———————————————————大作文修改————————————————————小马过河雅思作文批改老师给出的修改意见：Some people think government should pay for public libraries in every town, while others think it is a waste of money because people can access information from the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.It is argued that government should invest more money in public libraries; the ( 不需要the) other people believe that we can search the information from the internet, so government should not cost （cost主语一般是物，后面经常跟双宾语cost sb money，如this book cost me 5 yuan.你这里应该用spend，与on 搭配，或者是pay 与for搭配） money in public libraries. I agree with this idea.总体评价就是模板痕迹太过严重，这个开头得分是5.5分左右，这个内容虽然有自己的，但是句式太多太多人用了。
建议你可以看看我们的题目改写练习，看看回复后出现的思路，再加上一些复杂结构和好的单词，就能得到7分开头的精髓了。
Surfing on the internet is the fashion way to search information（这个词出现第二次了，建议你在相近的地方运用同义词替换，我看到你后面吧search换成find和get,建议你上网查查看看有什么意思一样但比较高级的词汇，可以来告诉我喔~然后把他们背下来吧~） in modern life, there are a lot of people use（作定语用动词ing形式using） computer or mobile phone to find some information on the internet. It is because people believe that internet is the most convenient platform to find the key. People can get all the information they want effectively, rather than go to the library (这里的先行词不能丢which )cost(这是一件事s) a large amount of time to read book s.用词简单了，语法结构也有错误，还有单复数拼写的错误。
还要加强练习~On the other hand， the books in libraries are though（这里是想表达经历了吗？首先，穿过是through though是尽管的意思，再就是经历了不这么用，have experienced ） many times of check and reserve, that can ensure the authority of every book. So some people would like to go to (a/the) library to read the book and find the truth. Especially in (a)medical book, if (a) doctor find (out that) some information is wrong, it will affect the patient who was saved by the doctor. Considering the reality some people also go to the library to read book. (这里的理由没有交代清楚，是说有些人比较拮据不能上网所以去图书馆看书吗？)In my opinion， the book in （the）library cannot follow the pace of the times,(这里句子结束了用点号)A although the information in （the）book is more authoritative, the new research will replace the old knowledge, but(although不能喝but连用，前面用了although这里就不要用but，根据你的句子结构这里应该用and 或者while) the book in (the) library cannot update like the internet.In sum, government is unnecessary to spend more money into（on）public libraries. Because of the development of the times, an increasing number of people will use internet to get information.总体思路还可以，但是定冠词的运用存在很多问题，我觉得骑士的原因是你用中文去翻译英文，多以就会漏掉很多单复数的表达，英文我们中文里面是没有这个表达的，建议你注意一下，因为这是一个很基本的点，很可能会留下不好的印象。
再就是在常识运用一些复杂句子的时候，语法会出现一些问题，希望能再加强锻炼，背一些长单句，或者再看看标准的语法结构。
总体评价，这篇文章在5.5分左右，但是如果碰见严格的老师可能会只有5分The bar chart presents information about the different ages for using internet in Taiwan from 1998-2000.The young people who were less than 15 ages use the internet accounted for 2% of the all age group in 1998, after which it increased to 8% in 1999. In contrast the proportion of 16-30 years old people saw a decline to 45% in 1999, although the proportion of 16-30 years old people was the largest during 1992 to 2000.The proportion of older people who were 31-50 years old use the internet saw a light decline from 1998 to 1999, after which it dropped to 37%. But there was a stead increased trend in people who more than 50 years old, rising from 4% in 1998 to 10% in 2000.Overall both the youngest and oldest people who used the internet saw an upward trend from 1998 to 2002, but the people who were 31-50 years old remained constant from 1998 to 2000.——————————————————小作文修改—————————————————————小马过河雅思作文批改老师给出的修改意见：The bar chart presents information about the different ages for using internet in Taiwan from 1998-2000.The young people who were less than 15 ages(15岁是15 years old) use（定语using） the internet accounted for 2% of the all age group（s）in 1998, after which it increased to 8% in 1999. In contrast, the proportion of 16-30 years old people saw a decline （建议加上from 53%）to 45% in 1999, although the proportion of 16-30 years old(其实这里可以直接用一个those) people was the largest during 1992（8这里应该是失误） to 2000.The proportion of older(elder通常于名词前作定语用，而不能用在be动词或系动词后作表语,即This is my elder brother,而older作“年长的”解时，则正好与之相反，它用作表语，而不用作定语形容词,即He is older. ) people who were 31-50 years old use(using) the internet saw a light decline from 1998 to 1999, after which it dropped to 37%.（这里描述虽然是对的，但是把一个一直下降的分开来写还是有点奇怪，稍微改动的话建议把dropped改为continued dropping） But there was a stead increased trend (steady increasing trend) in people who (were )more than 50 years old, rising from 4% in 1998 to 10% in 2000.Overall , both the youngest and oldest people who used the internet saw an upward trend from 1998 to 2002, but the people who were 31-50 years old remained (为了使逻辑更精确，建议加almost) constant from 1998 to 2000.小作文，词的替换有点少，比如说最后from 1998 to 2002, 两句用的都是这个，建议把类似这种的用法都给替换一下，比如说这句，就可以吧后面一个改成among this years。