经典幽默英语故事(30个)-(1)

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幽默简短的英语小故事

幽默简短的英语小故事幽默简短的英语小故事（精选16篇）在平时阅读幽默又简短的一些英语小故事，是可以帮助提高我们的英语水平的。

一起来看看店铺为大家整理幽默简短的英语小故事，欢迎大家阅读!幽默简短的英语小故事篇1The Old Cat：An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."幽默简短的英语小故事篇2Everybody dreams of doing something important. As a boy Raymond dreamed of being a scientist,infact, he is a postman now.Raymon d is an active young man. He livesby the saying“If you can't live the life you love, love the life you live”He greets everyone with a big smileand afriendly“Hi, howare you?”And he really wants to know! It's hardto feel unhappy when we hear him whistling happily up and down the street.幽默简短的英语小故事篇3Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.Theguests had not been invited to the wedding, so when the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to t he church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar."I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!""I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?""Just m y old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. ""Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.“"Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.”At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture.幽默简短的英语小故事篇4A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, oldman，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇5One day, Robin Hood went hunting alone in the forest. He had told his men that if he should fall into any danger and could not escape he would blow his horn so that they might know and come to help him. When he was crossing a river by a long bridge he met a huge man at the middle.And neither of the two would give way to the other. Robin Hood got angry and put an arrow to his bow and made ready to shoot. The stranger said it was unfair for Robin Hood to shoot a man who had only a staff in his hand. Hearing this Robin Hood lay down his bow and pulled up a small tree and returned to the stranger.幽默简短的英语小故事篇6A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master."So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?""40," replies the dog."How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!""I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."幽默简短的英语小故事篇7Many years afterreceivingmygraduatedegree, I returned tothe State University of New York at Binghamton as afacultymember. One day in a crowdedelevator, someone remarked on itsinefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt acompassionatepaton my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," shewhispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 幽默简短的英语小故事篇8A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry.I was ironing your new suit andburned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same.""Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.幽默简短的英语小故事篇9A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."幽默简短的英语小故事篇10The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tic kets.”About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇11A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"幽默简短的英语小故事篇12Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before ， so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?""Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."幽默简短的英语小故事篇13A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”"Not really，”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇14Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he re- quested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came run- ping up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar!I just saw someone driving off wit h your new Mercedes!”"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?""No,”she said，"I did better than that! I got the license plate number”幽默简短的英语小故事篇15A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give aseries of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For thetask, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highlytechnical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to theeconomist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I coulddeliver it myself." Theeconomist found this idea intriguing and decided toswitch places with him at his next lecture.The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some onein the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had noidea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, andthen replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."幽默简短的英语小故事篇16The miserly millionaire ca lled a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”The family respected his wishes. After his death, the milli onaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”。

小学生英语幽默故事(超全版,中英双语)

Ten CandiesMother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”“Ten.” Jim says.“Then,” Mother asks.“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six i s ten, isn’t it right?”故事2 十块糖妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”“10块。

”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。

因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”小学生英语故事包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。

激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。

最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的O(∩_∩)O英文幽默故事：There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That’s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don’t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call h im ‘The Boss.’”老板最大有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。

简单搞笑的英语小故事

简单搞笑的英语小故事（经典版）编制人：__________________审核人：__________________审批人：__________________编制单位：__________________编制时间：____年____月____日序言下载提示：该文档是本店铺精心编制而成的，希望大家下载后，能够帮助大家解决实际问题。

文档下载后可定制修改，请根据实际需要进行调整和使用，谢谢!并且，本店铺为大家提供各种类型的经典范文，如职场文书、合同协议、总结报告、演讲致辞、规章制度、自我鉴定、应急预案、教学资料、作文大全、其他范文等等，想了解不同范文格式和写法，敬请关注!Download tips: This document is carefully compiled by this editor. I hope that after you download it, it can help you solve practical problems. The document can be customized and modified after downloading, please adjust and use it according to actual needs, thank you!Moreover, our store provides various types of classic sample essays for everyone, such as workplace documents, contract agreements, summary reports, speeches, rules and regulations, self-assessment, emergency plans, teaching materials, essay summaries, other sample essays, etc. If you want to learn about different sample essay formats and writing methods, please stay tuned!简单搞笑的英语小故事简单搞笑的英语小故事（通用9篇）有很多孩子都喜欢听英语故事，特别是一些简单又很搞笑的小故事是很受欢迎的。

30则英语经典幽默故事（一）

30则英语经典幽默故事（一）下面是店铺整理的30则英语经典幽默故事，希望大家喜欢!经典英语幽默故事1.During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire.. No matter what happened on the field, she continually yelled, “Kill the umpire!” This went on for an hour. “Lady,” another fan called out, “ the umpire hasn’t done anything wrong.”“He’s my husband,” she replied, “ Last night he came home with lipstick on his collar. Kill the umpire!”经典英语幽默故事2.Frank, a friend of mine, often entertained clients at a local eatery, but he could never remember the name of the hostess, who always treated him wonderfully. One day, exasperated by his horrible recall, she said, “My name is Janet, and I’m from another planet,” hoping the mn emonics device would help him retain the information.The next time Frank went to the restaurant, he walked up to the hostess and told his guest, “ I want to introduce you to my friend Venus.”经典英语幽默故事3.At midnight, a judge was waken up, arrested and put into jail by a policeman. The next day, the head of the police head-quarters met with “ the prisoner”, set him free at once.It turned out that the judge wrote his own name when he signed the arresting list.经典英语幽默故事4.Suffering from students’ treading on the grassland, a wooden sign is set up beside it. It reads: “ Love the grass. Noroad No walking.”Several days later, the wooden sign disappeared without trace, another one replaced it, which reads: “There’s originally no road in the world, and a road is being formed with more and more people walking.”经典英语幽默故事5.As new students at a university in Boston, many of us were unfamiliar with the campus and consequently late for class. One professor, however, was particularly intolerant of tardiness, making it clear that no excuse would be acceptable. So when a student stumbled into his class one morning late, we expected the worst.Obvious upset, the professor demanded the reason for the student’s tardiness. “ I was waiting on line to buy your new textbook, “ sh e replied nervously. Gazing out at the rest of the class, the professor asked, “Well, why weren’t the rest of you late?”经典英语幽默故事6.A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.“ How old are these bones?” the tourist asked an elderly native American, who served as a guide.“Exactly one hundred million and three years old.”“ How can you be so sure?” inquired the tourist.“ Well,” replied the guide, “ a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.经典英语幽默故事7.A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn in the road. The farmer who lived nearby came to investigate. “ Hey,Willis, “ he called out, “ forget your trouble for a spell and co me on in and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”“ That’s mighty nice of you, “ Willis answered, “ but I don’t think Pa would like me to. ““ Aw, come on , son!” the farmer insisted.“ Well. Okay,” the boy finally agreed. “ But Pa won’t like it.”After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host, “ I feel a lot better now, but I just know Pa is going to be real upset.”“ Don’t be foolish!” exclaimed the neighbor, “ By the way, where is he?”“ Under the wagon.”经典英语幽默故事8.While coaching a group of five-and six-year-olds, learning to play soccer, I asked the kids what they should do when the referee blows his whistle. One boy, John answered, “ Stop and listen.” From the stands John’s mother yelled, “ Where can I get one of those whistles?”经典英语幽默故事9.My roommate was trying to convince her father she needed a sweat suit for jogging around campus. “ Why can’t you just run in your other clothes?” her father reasoned.“ You have to run in a sweat suit, “ she explained, “ otherwise no one knows you’re exercising---they just think you’re late!”经典英语幽默故事10.A student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: “ Mom-flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop.”Two days later he received a response: “ Pop prepared.Prepare yourself.”经典英语幽默故事11.“ I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class, “ observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses. “ when I say, ‘ Good morning,’ the undergraduates respond, ‘ Good morning,’ but the graduate students just write it down.经典英语幽默故事12.The philosophy finals in a college had many blank pages for the answer to one question: What is courage? Most of us wrote frantically, giving examples on theories. But one of my classmates turned in his essay with just two words on it –THIS IS. He received an A.经典英语幽默故事13.At the formal Sunday lunch at a university, the host at each table receives the food, passes it to the right and then serves himself last. One host soon found that a way to ensure that he received the biggest piece of dessert. Before passing the tray he would stick his finger in the piece he wanted and said, “ this one’s mine.”One day the students ganged up on him. As the dessert tray was passed around with the host’s finger mark in the piece of cake he desired, eac h student said, “ This one’s his,” and stuck another finger in it.经典英语幽默故事14.He used to sit on the front door step and whistle at every young woman that went by. “ Why do you let him get away with that? “ asked the woman next door.“ It’s no problem, “ said his wife. “ I’ve seen dogs chase cars, but they can’t drive. “经典英语幽默故事15.Chemistry teacher:” Robinson, give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze.”R: “ Hot water, sir.”经典英语幽默故事16.A: What is the longest night of the year?B: A fortnight.经典英语幽默故事17.A: What is a net?B: Holes tied together with string.经典英语幽默故事18.A: Why does the conductor put a hole in your railway ticket?B: To let you pass through.经典英语幽默故事19.A little boy was saying his go-to-bed prayers in a very low voice.“ I can’t hear you, dear,” his mother said.“ Wasn’t talking to you. “ said the small one.经典英语幽默故事20.An insurance agent talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the mantel. “ Do you keep anything in it?” he asked.“ Yes, my husband’s ashes.”“ I’m sorry,” apologized the agent, “ I didn’t know he was deceased.”“ He isn’t. He’s just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray.”经典英语幽默故事21.My wife and I got on a bus with our seven children to go sightseeing. When we reached our stop, I used my most commanding voice to speed the children off the bus, sayingsternly, “ Everybody off!”I had collected the last little one from the bus before I noticed that, with unquestioning obedience, all the other passengers had also left the bus, and the driver was going on his way with an empty bus.经典英语幽默故事22.Recently our college authorities require that all the students should wear their cards on the breast.Li M ing, a student, looks at his student’s card now and then. Feeling puzzled, one of his classmates asked, “ Why do you constantly look at your card? Are you proud of wearing it?”“ No,” Li answered, “ just because I’m always afraid of losing it.”经典英语幽默故事23.A boy saw many people in the street flock together looking at something one day. Curiously, he went there and wanted to see what had happened. There was a crowd and it’s difficult for him to get inside. Since the boy was quick-witted, a good idea suddenly occurred to him. He shouted to the crowd, “ The one killed is my father.” The crowd parted immediately and he got inside at once. However, to his great surprise, he found that lying in the center of the crowd was a dead donkey.经典英语幽默故事24.A: Why did the old lady throw the butter out of the window?B; Because she wanted to see butter fly.经典英语幽默故事25.T: Name the two pronouns.S: who? Me?经典英语幽默故事26.A: Today’s problems are all due to ignorance andindifference. Don’t you agree?B: Well, I don’t know. Besides, I don’t care.经典英语幽默故事27.A priest was walking down a street when he saw a little boy jumping up and down to try to reach a doorbell. So the priest walked over and pressed the button for the youngster. “ And now what, my little man?” he asked.“ Now, “said the boy, “ Run like hell.”经典英语幽默故事28.A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “ Don’t be angry,” the mother said. “ Your sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother said, “ Now she knows.”经典英语幽默故事29.A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “ I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name ’Marylou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “ You had better have an explanation.”“ Calm down, honey, “ the man replied. “ Remember last week when I was at the races? That was the name of the horse I bet on.”The next morning his wife sneaked up and again whacked him. “ What was that for? “ he complained.“ Your horse called last night!”经典英语幽默故事30.Long a widower, my father-in-law was getting remarried. Before the service, the minister instructed him on the ritual,emphasizing the “repeat-after-me” vows. The ceremony proceeded smoothly until after the ring exchange when the minister, who had started to read the wrong passage, corrected himself. We heard my father-in-law obediently repeated aloud, “ Oh, my, I’ve gone wrong.”。

英语幽默小故事10篇

英语幽默小故事10篇【引言】学习英语的过程中，阅读幽默小故事不仅能够提高我们的语言能力，还能让我们在轻松愉快的氛围中领略到英语文化的魅力。

下面，就让我们一起来欣赏10篇英语幽默小故事，并在快乐中学习吧！【故事1】Once upon a time, there was a man named Jack who had a peculiar habit of always forgetting his keys.One day, he locked himself out of his house again.Instead of calling a locksmith, he decided to break into his own house through the window.As he was climbing in, he suddenly realized that he had left his keys inside the house!幽默点：Jack忘记带钥匙的习惯以及他试图通过窗户进入自己家的荒谬行为让人捧腹大笑。

【故事2】Mike was a terrible cook.One day, he decided to make dinner for his girlfriend.He spent hours in the kitchen, and when he finally served the meal, it was completely inedible.His girlfriend asked him, "What did you make?" Mike replied, "Well, it"s not quite soup, and it"s not quite stew, but you can call it "soupstew"!"幽默点：Mike的创新菜名“soupstew”让人忍俊不禁，体现了他的幽默感。

英语双语幽默小故事33篇

1. A secondA man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says: "In a second"一秒钟一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。

他问："主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少？""一便士"上帝回答,男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟"。

最后男子请求道："上帝,我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟"2.Cat and MiceMrs. Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top." What's in your box?" asked the friend."A cat," answered Mrs. Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them.""But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend."So is the cat," whispered Mrs. Brown.猫和老鼠布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友,她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。

英文幽默笑话故事大全

英文幽默笑话故事大全guardian angle守护天使A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:有一名男子正走在街上的时候听到一个声音："Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step,a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."“停!站住不要动瞅口果你再走一步，就会有一个砖块掉到你的头上砸死你。

”The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.这名男子停住了，一个大砖块就掉在他的面前。

The man was astonished .这名男子非常惊讶。

He went on,and after a while he was going to cross the road.他继续向前走：不久后，他要穿越马路。

Once again the voice shouted;那个声音再次叫说：Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step a car will over you and youwill die."“停!站住不要动，如果你再走一步，就会有一辆汽车辗过你，你就会死掉。

”The man did as he was instructed,这名男子因为曾被指示过，所以就照着做，just as a car came careening around the corner,barely missing him.此时正好有一辆汽车左摇右晃地冲过转角处，差一点撞上他。

"Where are you? " the man asked,"Who are you? "这名男子问说：“你在哪里?你是谁?”"I am your guardian angle," the voice answered.这个声音回答说：“我是你的守护天使。

英语幽默小故事10篇

英语幽默小故事10篇摘要：1.英语幽默小故事概述2.故事1：聪明的狗3.故事2：迟到的理由4.故事3：误解的笑话5.故事4：幸运的数字6.故事5：咖啡店的对决7.故事6：调皮的孙子8.故事7：语言障碍9.故事8：购物趣事10.故事9：意外的礼物11.故事10：简单的幸福12.总结：英语幽默小故事的启示正文：【英语幽默小故事概述】在这个世界上，幽默无处不在，英语幽默小故事更是让人忍俊不禁。

这里，我们为您精心准备了10篇英语幽默小故事，它们涵盖了日常生活、工作和人际交往等多个方面，不仅让您在轻松愉快的氛围中学习英语，还能领悟到人生哲理。

接下来，让我们一一领略这些故事的魅力吧！【故事1：聪明的狗】一天，一位主人带着他的狗去散步。

突然，狗发现了一个美味的骨头，于是它决定偷偷拿走。

主人发现了狗的意图，于是对它说：“如果你能用英语告诉我这个骨头的价值，我就让你拿走。

”狗想了想，用英语回答：“This bone is worth a lot.”主人听后笑了笑，把骨头给了狗。

这个故事告诉我们，学习英语是有好处的。

【故事2：迟到的理由】一个人因为迟到被同事嘲笑，他解释说：“我今天起床后发现家里的钟停了，所以我以为是早上7点。

结果，我以最快的速度赶到公司，结果还是迟到了。

”这个故事告诉我们，有时候，迟到的理由也能带来幽默。

【故事3：误解的笑话】一位外国游客在中国餐馆点了一份“狗不理包子”，结果服务员端上来一盘狗肉。

游客大怒，喊道：“我点的不是狗肉，是狗不理包子！”这个故事告诉我们，语言误解会导致笑话。

【故事4：幸运的数字】一位迷信的同事对公司里的每个人都说：“我的车牌号是168，意味着一路发，所以今天我一定会走运。

”结果，当天他出了车祸。

有人问他：“你的车牌号不是意味着一路发吗？怎么还会出车祸？”他回答：“是啊，可是我忘了，168还意味着一路傻瓜。

”【故事5：咖啡店的对决】一位顾客在咖啡店点了一杯咖啡，服务员问他：“您要加糖吗？”顾客回答：“不用，我已经够甜了。

经典幽默英语故事(30个) (1)

经典幽默英语故事（50个）要求：1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。

23、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语老师。

老师会根据你的完成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。

姓名：_________ 班级：_________ 学号：_________ 成绩：_________第一篇My First and My LastWhen George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned tofly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds oftricks.George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to takeMark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big planeseveral times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did allkinds of tricks in the air.When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, andhe said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank youvery much for those two trips in your plane."Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?""Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第二篇First FlightMr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents,so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson wasvery worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?""Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第三篇A Nail Or A Fly?An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第四篇I'll See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!""Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back."You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第五篇Chaude and ColdA patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第六篇A Soldier's Brilliant IdeaMr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第七篇New DiscoveryA hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________第八篇A Bad ImpressionSix people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment!" Then he closed the window again.The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, "What did I leave behind?"As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!"故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第九篇Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescrib ed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第十篇CreativeApplying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第11篇ReminderIn the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten d ays. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assume d they'd come in because of our reminder."We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第12篇Imitate BirdsA man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer."Imitate birds," the man said."Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen.""Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第13篇How Did You Ever Get HereOne winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?""I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第14篇Three SurgeonsThree famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist.""That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.""I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第15篇One Side of the CaseA judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand."I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge."Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head."You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."故事大意：______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第16篇A SmugglarThe suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams."What's in here?" he asked."Dirt," the driver replied."Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck."What's in the bags this time?" he asked."Dirt, more dirt." said the man.Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第17篇Early ShopperIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked."Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.故事大意：______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第18篇WingsThe fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第19篇Keep the ChangeSelling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第20篇Three WhistlesI promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle. "And how much are they then?" Iasked, pointing to another tray."You, sir," replied the jeweler, "about three whistles."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第21篇Too PoliteA woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always foun d fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman' s grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman.A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, "Perhaps it's because we're too polite."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第22篇Good Points and Bad Points"This house," said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.""What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer."The good thing about it," said the agent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第23篇CameraOn our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?""Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第24篇Quick ReactionMy battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a position as reconnaissance sergeant in our artillery unit. The selected soldier needed to have keen eyesight, plus the ability to react quickly. During one interview, the commander pointed to a hill about a mile away and asked a young sergeant, "Can you see that hill over there?""Yes, sir." he replied."Can you see the radio antenna on that hill?" Again, the soldier said that he could. "Well, then," the commander went on, "Can you see that bird sitting on the antenna?"The sergeant leaned forward and squinted. "No, sir," he said, "but I can hear it is singing."He got the job.故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第25篇Visual TrainingThe squad were having "visual training". One smart recruit was asked by the officer to c ount how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far a way that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied: "Sexteen men and a sergeant, sir.""Right; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?""He's not doing any digging, sir."故事大意：______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第26篇Speed LimitThe British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h. Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h. I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly. "I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed," he explained, "and as I passed the jeep, I noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第27篇West PointMy father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Bo ston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed unifor ms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________West PointMy father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第29篇I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided th at the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming tow ards him. The officer stopped him and said, "Where are you going?""I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir." the soldier answered."Do you know who I am?" the officer said to him angerly. "I'm your commanding officer. "The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, "My God, I didn't know that I was so far back already!"故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________None Other Than a SoldierAs a newly commissinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean."Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with," the soldier said."They do," piped up a sergeant."Really," I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool."Yes, sir," replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier."故事大意：_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________。

英语小幽默（热门46篇）

英语小幽默（热门46篇）写写帮会员为你精心整理了46篇《英语小幽默》的范文，但愿对你的工作学习带来帮助，希望你能喜欢！篇一：英语幽默小故事Don't Pick Up the Money on the GroundAn economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them.The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.Why not?If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.Everything that can be invented has been invented.别捡地上的钱一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。

学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。

“为什么不捡?”“假如那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。

”“该发明的都已经被发明出来了。

”篇二：英语幽默小故事The Less You Know, the More Money You MakeTheorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.Postulate 2: Time is Money.As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time.Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we haveKnowledge=Work/Money.Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Workdone.Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.知识越少挣钱越多定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。

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经典幽默英语故事（50个）要求：1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。

23、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语老师。

老师会根据你的完成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。