雅思作文-带修改批注2

Task1: School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As competition in work more and more furious, some people hold that schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects which will be useful for their future careers, and subjects such as music and sports are useless. I don’t agree the point at a certain extent.
From short term of view, more attention paid on the academic subjects will help students to develop well in their careers, and time and energy spent on “entertainment subjects” is a waste. To get a decent job or start his own business, a student should make full use of his time to improve his ability and expand his academic knowledge. And one of the most relatively and short-cut way is acquire academic knowledge and skills as more as possible. So rather than teaching sports, music and etc, schools should pay more attention on academic subjects which can get a direct effect.
However, from long term, subjects such as sports and art may influence our life as well. It’s very common sense in the modern life that one may change his work frequently, and even do some jobs which have little relationship with his academic subjects which he learned at school. And on the other hand, music and sports could bring him more benefit, such as health body, optimistic mind and wide view of the world. Albert Einstein, one of the most preeminent physical scientists, who achieved climax of his career, said that he get the spirit of theory of relativism when he played violin. That’s to say the courses such as sports and music values our attention as well.
To sum up, though attention paid to academic subjects may get some fruit quickly, schools should also share some time with other subjects such as music and sports which may reward students more in future.
2010-7-26
评：
审题准确，结构明晰，语言流畅，但是要把握语句前后之间的推理，防止产生思维跳跃让考官看不懂；
6.5
Task1: some high school leavers tend to go traveling or working for a period of time rather than directly attending university. What do you think of the advantages and disadvantages of doing so and state your opinions on it.
The issue of whether high school leavers go traveling and working for a period or attending university directly is of great interest to the public. From my point of view, the advantages and disadvantages of doing so depend on students’ majors.
For the students, who will devotes to social science such as history, sociology, business, management and etc, will get benefit from their traveling and working experience which they gained before they go to study in university. In period of traveling and working, students can get information vividly compared to require it from books and classes. A scientific survey revealed that human beings could acquire and cognize knowledge better from their directly contact. From the traveling and working, the eye shot and mind of students could be widen, then they will appreciate and comprehends lessons better in university than their counterparts who don’t have the experience.
However, it is not the same case for students who will involve in areas of natural science. I believe it is better for them to go to university directly. The students graduated from senior high schools don’t have essence skills and suitable abilities to acquire a relatively job but just do some simple tame things which not only can’t improve their special knowledge but also waste lots of time. What’s more, during traveling and working, student’s may lost their interest in study which could cause serious problems in the future. And subjects, such as mathematics, physics and engineering, require students to keep reading books, thinking themselves and asking teachers. So instead of traveling or working for a period of time, it’s better for them to directly attending university.
In sum, the choice of traveling, working or attending university directly depends on what kinds of subjects the students will devote into.
2010-7-27 评：
对比的结构运用的很好，
遣词造句都比较到位
最好有更好，更详实的例子
7。