朱自清__《匆匆》的翻译对比

对“射进”的处理，朱和张截然不同。朱用了“mark its presence” 以静译 动，体现了静态美，但我觉得并不妥，因为原文”射进“本来就是一个动作 过程，并没有体现出静态结果，且《匆匆》本来体现的就是时光的流逝，是 一个动态过程。较之张的”cast into”则更贴切，体现了动态美，更符合原文 的意境。就一个“方”字，两位的译法也不同。朱的“oblong” 指 any shape that is longer than it is wide（牛津英汉双解词典），由此可指它表示 的方形一般是长方形之类的较规则形状，但揣测原文意义应该是指像方形的 块状物，可能并不很规则，据此，张所用的“squarish patches”似乎更能准 确地表达洒在地上的阳光的形状。且squarish （似方形的）又带有抽象意义， 意境更模糊，更朦胧，符合原文意境。
张译：Counting up 再看slip away:to stop silently, I find that more existing; to disappear than 8,000 days have or die(消失，消亡，死 去）.而slide away:to already slipped away move quickly and quietly, for example in through my fingers. order not to be noticed; 朱译：Taking stock to make sth move in silently, I find that more this way（快捷而悄声 than eight thousand 地移动）.通过比较分析 days have already slid 不难看一点上，朱的译文是相 当好的。
朱译：Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return; willow trees may have died back, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again. 张译：If swallows go away, they will come back again. If willows wither, they will turn green again. If peach blossoms fade, they will flower again. 原文开篇就是一个排比句，句子看似短小，实则翻译起来颇有难度。我们知道，英语是“重形 合”的语言，也就是说它强调句子间的逻辑关系，而汉语重“意合”，更注重传达句子意思而 句式较松散。因此，在翻译次句时，首先要考虑采用一个什么样的英文句式来衔接并体现原文 的逻辑关系。两种译文都采用了相同的句式，力求达到“形似”。朱的译文选择了”but”轻微转 折连词来衔接，且使用了”there is a time of “近于直译原文的句式，但最后一部分却改用”they will bloom again”, 使得整体句式稍未完整；而张培基则全部采用条件句”if” 衔接，既体现了句子 间的逻辑关系，又对应了原文的三个并列句，况且以”if”从句为首，还使人想起英国诗人雪莱的 名句If winter comes, can Spring be far away, 有助于烘托原文的韵味。
在默默里算着，八千多日子已经从我手中溜去。
张译：Counting up silently, I find that more than 8,000 days have already slipped away through my fingers. 朱译：Taking stock silently, I find that more than eight thousand days have already slid away from me.
早上我起来的时候，小屋里射进两三方斜斜的太阳。
朱 译 When I get up in the morning, the slanting sun marks its presence in my small room in two or three oblongs.
张 译
When I get up in the morning, the slanting sun casts two or three squarish patches of light into my small room.
翻译佳作 赏析
第一组
我从小就对自己没信心，这是问题的根 子。这种情绪使我受到一点点表扬都会感 到难为情，使我怎么也说不出一个“不” 字。也是我不敢向父母多要一分钱。此外 ，这种缺乏信心的情况也影响了我对钢琴 的热爱
A
B
I was lack in confidence since childhood, which is the root of prolem. I would feel ashamed even when i was facing a bit praise. I found myself absolutely unable to say "no" , neither dared i ask for one cent more than necessary. Besides lack of confidence prevented me from learning piano. At the root of it is my diffidence, by which i have been enslaved since childhood. It embarrasses me at the mildest flattery, crushed my utmost efforts to say . "no", and prevents me from asking my parents for one cent morn than necessary . Among other things, diffidence has wormed its way into my love of piano
但是，聪明的,告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?
朱译: You the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return?
张译: O You the wise, would you tell me please, why should our days go by never to return?
《匆匆》朱纯深、张培基英译文比较赏析
朱纯深、张培基先生都对朱自清的早期散文《匆匆》进行了翻译，两位大师在充分理解和 把握原文的基础上，运用娴熟的翻译技巧产出的译文各有特色。下面我们将对比分析两位译文 的部分精彩字句，学习其巧妙的翻译技巧，体会翻译中的高深学问。
燕子去了，有再来的时候；杨柳枯了，有再青的时候；桃花谢了， 有再开的时候。
我不知道他们给了我多少日子；但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了。 张译：I don’t know how many days I am entitled to altogether, but my quota of them is undoubtedly wearing away. 朱译: I don't know how many days I have been given to spend, but I do feel my hands are getting empty. 朱用了empty一词，其释义为 have nothing inside, 是一种状态。而 《匆匆》一文原作者更想表达的是一个流逝的过程而张选用 的”wear away” 一词来得非常自然、贴切。wear away 释义为 cause something to become thin, damaged, weak, etc. by constant use. 与原作者想要表达的他们给我的日子就这样渐渐流逝非常贴切。
八千多日子，张直接用阿拉伯数字“8000”来表示，而朱则用了英文 单词来译。从理论上来讲都是可以的。但因为本文是为了表达时间流 逝匆匆，“8000”这个数字更醒目、更能体现这一点。而英文单词 eight thousand 则达不到这样的效果。另外张用了slipped away through my fingers与原文的“从我手中溜去”相呼应，较好地保持了 原文的风姿，又易于被读者所接受。这个是译的比较精彩的。
在默默里算着，八千多日子已经从我手中溜去。两种
译文都能表达出原文意蕴，但细细品味，仍能发现各自的 优势与不足 在牛津词典中count up的准确意思是to calculate the total number of people,things,etc.in a particular group.而 take stock的意思是 to stop and think carefully about the way in which a particular situation is developing in order to decide what to do next.两都相比较，很 显然朱的译文是不太 恰当的。
对于原文中的“去”字,朱译用leave,强调不在原位置;张译用go by, 强调的是时间过去的动作;张译中译者还有意用了O等字样以造成 者能以小译大,从小处着眼,传达出原文中深层次的美。
一种古诗一般的情调,对全篇的“情绪”起到了“定格”的作用。可见
我不知道他们给了我多少日子
张译：I don't know how many days I am entitled to
我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了。 张译：At the thought of this, sweat oozes from my forehead and tears trickle down my cheeks. 朱译：Already sweat is starting on my forehead, and tears welling up in my eyes. 朱选择了 start：to make a beginning on something, 只是一个简单 的开始的动作。张的ooze：come or flow out slowly.慢慢流出,更能 体现”涔涔”的那种动感美。朱的well up：flow or rise like water from a well （像泉水般流出、涌出），well up 用在此处似乎不合 适宜， trickle down：cause something to flow in a thin stream 使 成小股流动，更符合原文意境。