Listening Skills听力技巧

Listening Skills:One Key to Successful NegotiationThe best listeners almost always turn out to be the best negotiators. Why? Invariably, the best negotiators observe the communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, of their counterparts; they note how other negotiators use word choice and sentence structure for effect; and they study vocal skills like pitch, tonal quality and rate of speech.Experts on listening suggest that we all make at least one major listening mistake each day. For negotiators, such mistakes can be costly.Common Listening MistakesNegotiators tend to run into three pitfalls that hinder effective listening:*They think of negotiation primarily as a job of persuasion—and to them, this means talking. They seem to forget that it is difficult to persuade other people when you don’t kno w what motivates them!*They tend to overprepare for what they are going to say next, and use their listening time just waiting for their next opportunity to speak. In doing so, they may miss information vital to the negotiation.*They fail to hear what they do not want to hear. They may not even be good enough listeners to know when people have no intention of buying their product or using their service—and thus they waste their time in fruitless negotiations.Attentive Listening SkillsLearning to be a great listener is hard work, but the rewards make it worth the effort. The following rules of attentive listening will help you become a successful negotiator.1. Be motivated to listen. Realize that the person with the most information usually receives the better outcome in a negotiation. This fact should be incentive enough to be a better listener! The more you can learn, the better off you will be.2. If you must speak, ask questions. Your questions should have two goals: to get more specific and bet ter refined information, and to uncover your counterpart’s needs and wants. With this in mind when asking questions, move from the broad to the narrow, and eventually you will have the information you need to make the best decision.3. Be alert to nonverbal cues. Although it is critical to listen to what is being said, it is equally important for you to understand the attitudes and motives behind the words. A negotiator doesn’t usually put his entire message into words. His verbal message may convey honesty and conviction while his gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice convey doubt.4. Let the other party tell her story first. A printing salesperson once told me how he had tried to impress a new prospect by mentioning that his company specialized in two- and four-color printing. The prospect then told the salesperson that her primary need was for one-color printing. The salesperson replied that, of course, his company also did one-color printing, but the prospect had already made the decision not to give him her business.5. Do not interrupt when the other party is speaking. When you interrupt a speaker, you are not only being rude, you may also be cutting off information that could help you later in the negotiation.6. Fight off distractions. Try to create a situation in which you can think clearly and avoid interruptions. Interruptions tend to prevent negotiations from proceeding smoothly, and may even cause a setback.7. Write everything down. It is amazing how much conflicting information will come up later in the negotiation. If you are able to correct your counterpart or refresh his memory with facts and figures from earlier in the session, you will earn both credibility and power.8. Listen with a goal in mind. Know what you want to find out, and then listen and look for verbal and nonverbal cues that provide the information you are seeking. When you hear specific bits of information, such as your counterpart’s willingness to concede on the price, proceed to more specific questions.9. Give the other party your undivided attention. Your goal is to create awin/win outcome so your counterpart will be willing to negotiate with you again. Thus, he needs to think you are fair, honest and decent. One way to help achieve this goal is to pay close attention to your counterpart. Look him in the eyes when he is speaking. Also observe his nonverbal behavior--what message is it sending? Does he seem nervous and desperate to complete the negotiation? Is he lying or tellingthe truth? Careful observation will help you determine the true meaning behind your counterpart’s words.10. React to the message, not the person. If you are going to react to something the other party says or does, attack the message, not the person. If you offend your counterpart’s dignity, she will not be willing to negotiate with you again. Try to understand why your counterpart says the things she does. Negotiators are people who are trying to change a relationship. Your counterpart is trying to change it according t o her best interests. If you were in her shoes, wouldn’t you do the same thing?11. Don’t get angry. In the angry mode, you tend to shut out your counterpart, and you are probably not in a frame of mind to make the best decisions. Emotions of any kind hinder the listening process. If you are going to get angry, do it for the effect, but retain control of your emotions so you can keep control of the negotiations.12. Remember, it is impossible to listen and speak at the same time. If you are speaking, you are tipping your hand and not getting the information you need from your counterpart. Obviously, you will have to speak at some point in order to meet your needs and goals, but it is more important for you to learn your counterpart’s frame of reference. Wi th this information, you will be in control of the negotiation.In your next negotiation, make a point of speaking less and listening more. Remember that to achieve a win-win outcome, you must understand your counterpart's needs. To gain this understanding, your listening effectiveness is critical.'Do you hear what I hear?' That's the flashing, neon question mark at crucial moments in our negotiations. When people, and this includes negotiators, gather together after hearing someone speak, we often hear dissimilar versions about what was said. People digest what others tell them and provide their own unique interpretation about what was said to them. It sometimes makes you wonder whether we heard the same speaker.If someone were to tell you that you have to hone-up on your listening skills, you would probably stare wide eyed in disbelief or at least be questioning their suggestion. Truth is we could all do with sharpening up our listening skills. You'd think that your hearing was one of the five senses you've been using since the cradle, so what can we do to improve our listening skills for negotiating more effectively? You'd be amazed how much we can gain in a negotiation through sharpening our ears. This article explores how to go about boosting our negotiating listening powers.What does listening mean?First, listening is actually broken down into two specific functions. The first obvious function is the reception portion where we receive the message from the person speaking.The second function of listening is how we decode or interpret the message that we receive. This is the tricky one.Three categories of listening have been identified. All of us actively engage in these three forms of listening when someone is speaking to us, and it's through dissected each negotiation listening skills that we can effectively take advantage to achieve our negotiation goals. In our negotiation courses, listening skills are an important feedback point, shared afterwards with the aid of our advanced camera equipment, with the video rolling on the big screen.1) Passive Negotiation Listening SkillsJust as the phrase implies, we sit there like a sponge and absorb the message from the sender without any form of active engagement. We do not acknowledge what is being said to us, nor do we provide any feedback that we are absorbing.Clearly, this underscores the importance of paying attention when we are listening. This strikingly illustrates why a negotiator should not be distracted by looking over or rifling through their notes and files, and not giving the speaker their full and undivided attention.We are being disrespectful to the speaker when we allow other things to distract us. Distractions will also cause us to miss some important information, or misunderstand a key section of the message. Passive negotiation listening skills requires single-mindedness and concentration.How else can this blaringly obvious titbit be of use to us?Consider this possibility - there are people who cannot tolerate long silences. They need to fill in a lengthy silence gap with conversation. They simply can't keep quiet. When we encounter this sort of person in a negotiation, we may use the tactic of silence. It highly likely that the person may begin a one way dialogue, or divulge information that we can use to our advantage. We can learn valuable information and perhaps enhance our agreement. Our negotiating counterparty may even talk themselves, into either accepting or deciding against a position, all on their own.This type of negotiator is also susceptible to speak when, not having got a satisfactory response from him, all you need do, is remain silent and stare at the person expectantly. The talkative negotiator can no longer tolerate the silence and will begin to add or provide more information. This technique is also referred to as 'The pregnant pause'.2) Acknowledgement Listening SkillsAcknowldgement listening skills involve a slightly more active role in the listening process. It simply means that we provide a sign of recognition to the speaker, by sending them subtle messages. We accomplish this by telegraphing physical or other non-verbal signals to the narrator, to show that we are involved in the listening process. This is a visual clue that is a form of positive engagement and encourages the person who is speaking.Using this listening skills, it is imperative we make eye contact with the speaker as much as possible. This will give the speaker validity and the confidence that their message is reaching us.Other physical signals to show that we are tracking the relevant points, include nodding our head, saying 'mm-hmm.', or 'I see', or by making other physical gestures such as grinning at a pun.Physical responses, like frowning or shaking our head, also informs the speaker whether we disagree with their position. This signifies that important issues are being resisted or disputed, and should perhaps be addressed immediately before proceeding further.3) Active Negotiation Listening SkillsThe final form of receiving the counterparty's message, involves verbal participation and is also referred to as 'reflective responding'. Essentially, the skilled negotiator listens and then repeats the phrase back to the speaker by re-phrasing what was said, best done using slightly different wording. For example, we might hear the speaker say something like ' I amparticularly puzzled about how we are going to resolve the distribution conflict.' You re-phrase it back to the speaker by saying 'I understand that you're stymied by this distribution challenge'The majority of times that we use reflective statements, we are making personal reference to the other party's feelings, positions or beliefs about something. In a sense, we commiserate with the speaker which acts as a bond or an abstract pat on the back as if to say, ' I hear you - I understand.'These type of active negotiation listening skills allows us to follow the speaker, without pressuring them, while permitting us to further explore this line of thought in greater detail. More importntly, we signal to the speaker that we are fully and actively engaged in what they have to share, and we often do so by responding to their feelings.SummaryThe listening process described above does not mean or suggest a negotiator should remain passive. We have our own business objectives and positions to put forward and persuade or defend. Effective negotiation skills in the arena of listening allows us to gain valuable information, information we can use to our benefit and advantage. At the same time enabling us to learn more about the other party's positions and business objectives. Having more information at our disposal also allows us to reach our negotiation goals without conceding as much along the way. These negotiation skills require training in order to enjoy the results, and most of us develop effective listening skills rather than being born effective listeners.。