初中英语幽默小故事
初中英语幽默小故事:
奖赏
A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
The Bad Check
One day a middle-aged woman telephoned her doctor.
“Doctor,” she said, “I'm having a lot of trouble with my shoulder. It hurts all the time and I can't sleep at night.”
“Come in this afternoon.” said the doctor, “and I'll have a look at it.”
That afternoon the woman went to the doctor's office. He gave her a very thorough examination, asked a lot of questions, and listened carefully to her answers.
“Well, my dear,” he said, “It looks like you have arthritis.”
“Arthritis?”she said.“Oh, no! What am I going to do?”
“Don't worry,” he answered, “I'll give you a prescription and the pain will go away．”Then the doctor too k out his pen, wrote a prescription, and handed her his bill for fifty dollars. The woman opened her pocketbook, wrote out a fifty-dollar check, said goodbye, and left.
The doctor mailed the check to his bank, but a week later he was surprised to find that the check was returned to him, marked “Insufficient Funds”. He telephoned the woman immediately.
“I'm very sorry to have to tell you this.” he began, “but your check came back this week.”
“Oh, really?”said the woman,“That's quite a coincidence.”
“What do you mean?”asked the doctor.
“Well,”said the woman,“so did my arthritis.”
You're Right
Once Mr Henry went to a small town with high mountains all around it. It was a quiet and cool place and some rich people liked to go there for their holidays. A week later, before Mr Henry left the town, he paid thirty pounds for a parrot. When he came back, he began to teach the bird to speak. He tried his best, but it learned only one sentence,“You're right.”He was disappointed and sai d to the bird angrily，“How foolish you are!”
“You're right,”said the parrot.
The next day Mr Henry took the bird to the market and wanted to sell it for eighty pounds. Before long a fat man came and looked at the parrot carefully. Then he asked,“How much is it, sir?”
Mr Henry didn't hurry to answer and said,“It's a clever bird, you know. It can speak and sing.”Then he said to the bird,“Are you really worth eighty pounds, my dear?
“You're right,”said the parrot.
The fat man liked it at once and bought it. When he took it home he asked it a lot of questions, but it could only say,“You are right.”
He felt very sorry for it and said to himself angrily,“Why did I spend eighty pounds on such a foolish bird? What a fool I am!
“You're right, answere d the parrot.
Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing and set it free．
伊索寓言——牧童和狼
A Shepherd-boy, who tended his flock not far from a village, used to amuse himself at times in crying out"wolf !wolf!"Twice or thrice his trick succeeded .The whole village came running out to his assistance when all the return they got was to be laughed at for their pains .At last one day the wolf came indeed .The boy cried out in earnest. But his neighbors, supposing him to be at his old sport, paid no heed to his cries, and the wolf devoured the sheep. So the boy learned, when it was too late, that liars are not believed even when they tell the truth.
译文：
一个放羊的孩子在离村子不远的地方放羊。
他为了开心寻乐常喊："狼来了！狼来了！"他的恶作剧有两三次达到了目的。
全村的人都跑来帮忙，而他们所得到的回报却是一顿嘲笑，白费了心力。
最后，有一天狼真的来了。
这个孩子认真地大喊起来。
但是他的邻人们却以为他又在耍把戏，谁都不理会他的喊叫，于是狼把羊吃了。
因此这牧童得到了教训：爱说谎的人，甚至在他说真话的时候，也没人相信他，但是他知道得太晚了。
词汇：
Shepherd-boy 牧羊童
trick 诡计
at his old sport 耍他的老把戏。
初中英语小笑话三分钟
初中英语小笑话三分钟出差订酒店就用趣出差，单单有返现，关注微信小程序或下载APP立即领取100元返现红包自古以来,我们中国人就有幽默的传统,而笑话作为一种流传最广的幽默形式,一直为人们喜爱。
下面是我带来的初中英语小笑话，欢迎阅读!初中英语小笑话篇一Make a Wish许个愿吧!Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread.每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都会经过一户人家，他总是看见一个女人用一条面包打她儿子的头部。
But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake.但今天却比较特别，他发现她正用一块巧克力蛋糕打他的头。
Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .他忍不住好奇，便按了那户人家的门铃。
女人听了铃声，出来开门。
"Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . "“这位太太，每天经过这里我都忍不住会注意到你用一条面包打你儿子……”"That's true .""那倒是不假……""And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ',"可是今天我却看见你用一块巧克力蛋糕打他。
关于初中的英语笑话带翻译
关于初中的英语笑话带翻译笑话是幽默的一个属概念,具有幽默的一切特征。
笑话是民族特有幽默的一种形式。
本文是关于初中的英语笑话带翻译，希望对大家有帮助!关于初中的英语笑话带翻译篇一How Did You Ever Get HereOne winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?""I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."你是怎样来的?一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。
“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。
”老板狐疑地看着他。
“噢，是吗?那你是怎样到这里来的?”“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。
”关于初中的英语笑话带翻译篇二Three SurgeonsThree famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist.""That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.""I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."三个外科医生三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。
幽默简短的英语小故事
幽默简短的英语小故事幽默简短的英语小故事（精选16篇）在平时阅读幽默又简短的一些英语小故事，是可以帮助提高我们的英语水平的。
一起来看看店铺为大家整理幽默简短的英语小故事，欢迎大家阅读!幽默简短的英语小故事篇1The Old Cat：An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."幽默简短的英语小故事篇2Everybody dreams of doing something important. As a boy Raymond dreamed of being a scientist,infact, he is a postman now.Raymon d is an active young man. He livesby the saying“If you can't live the life you love, love the life you live”He greets everyone with a big smileand afriendly“Hi, howare you?”And he really wants to know! It's hardto feel unhappy when we hear him whistling happily up and down the street.幽默简短的英语小故事篇3Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.Theguests had not been invited to the wedding, so when the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to t he church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar."I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!""I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?""Just m y old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. ""Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.“"Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.”At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture.幽默简短的英语小故事篇4A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, oldman，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇5One day, Robin Hood went hunting alone in the forest. He had told his men that if he should fall into any danger and could not escape he would blow his horn so that they might know and come to help him. When he was crossing a river by a long bridge he met a huge man at the middle.And neither of the two would give way to the other. Robin Hood got angry and put an arrow to his bow and made ready to shoot. The stranger said it was unfair for Robin Hood to shoot a man who had only a staff in his hand. Hearing this Robin Hood lay down his bow and pulled up a small tree and returned to the stranger.幽默简短的英语小故事篇6A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master."So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?""40," replies the dog."How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!""I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."幽默简短的英语小故事篇7Many years afterreceivingmygraduatedegree, I returned tothe State University of New York at Binghamton as afacultymember. One day in a crowdedelevator, someone remarked on itsinefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt acompassionatepaton my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," shewhispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 幽默简短的英语小故事篇8A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry.I was ironing your new suit andburned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same.""Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.幽默简短的英语小故事篇9A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."幽默简短的英语小故事篇10The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tic kets.”About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇11A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"幽默简短的英语小故事篇12Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before ， so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?""Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."幽默简短的英语小故事篇13A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”"Not really，”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇14Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he re- quested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came run- ping up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar!I just saw someone driving off wit h your new Mercedes!”"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?""No,”she said，"I did better than that! I got the license plate number”幽默简短的英语小故事篇15A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give aseries of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For thetask, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highlytechnical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to theeconomist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I coulddeliver it myself." Theeconomist found this idea intriguing and decided toswitch places with him at his next lecture.The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some onein the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had noidea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, andthen replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."幽默简短的英语小故事篇16The miserly millionaire ca lled a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”The family respected his wishes. After his death, the milli onaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”。
初中幽默英语小故事
初中幽默英语小故事从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。
笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。
下面店铺为大家带来初中幽默英语小故事，欢迎大家阅读!初中幽默英语小故事1：不要动A friend of mine was giving an important dinner party for her husband's business associates.She put guest towels and soap in the bathroom, and, not wanting her teenagers to use them first, attached warning notes that read:"Use these, I'll kill you."When the guests left after a successful evening, she went into the bathroom and found towels and soap untouched…with her warning notes still on them.我的一位朋友为他丈夫举办了一次很重要的业务往来交往招待会。
他把客人用的毛巾、香皂都放在洗澡间。
为了不让她的小孩们先把这些东西用了，她在上面贴了张条子。
上面写着：用一下，我就杀了你们。
当客人们度过一个很愉快的晚上满意而去后，她来到洗澡间，发现毛巾和香皂都无人用过…因为她贴的条子还在上面。
初中幽默英语小故事2：真情We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I has delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?""No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."我们和一大群人在橄榄球比赛散场时纷纷撤离比赛场。
初中英语有趣的故事短文
初中英语有趣的故事短文初中生活是每个人都要经历的阶段，这个阶段是人生中的一大转折点，它不仅是学习知识、掌握技能的阶段，更是让我们懂得了如何生活、如何与人相处的阶段。
而学习英语也是初中生活中必须经历的一个环节，在这个环节中，我们会学到很多的知识，也会听到很多的笑话、故事。
下面，笔者将为大家讲述一些初中英语有趣的故事，希望让大家在学习英语的同时，也能够享受生活的美好。
故事一：Art Show我们班要举行一次艺术展览，每个同学都要在展览上展示自己的作品。
有一个同学名叫汤姆，他总是很懒惰，从不喜欢画画。
可是当老师让他参加展览时，他却意识到自己必须要画一幅画。
于是，他想了一个办法，他买了一本名为“艺术基础”的书，画了一只熊猫，然后将它送去展览。
汤姆的作品很快就引起了观众的注意，大家都围着他的画看个不停，汤姆很自豪，他觉得自己的作品一定是最好的。
可是，当评委宣布获奖人的时候，汤姆却没有被选中。
汤姆感到非常失望，可是他还是拍了拍自己的肚子，说：“我非常开心我画的熊猫能得到大家的认可。
”这个故事告诉我们，不要把自己的努力和成就过分渲染成别人的评价，要相信自己，自己的价值不是别人能够衡量的。
故事二：The big snow有一年的冬天，一场大雪覆盖了整个小镇。
在这个小镇上住着一个名叫米奇的男孩，他非常喜欢雪，因此他准备在雪中玩得尽兴。
他先和家人一起堆雪人、扔雪球，然后和朋友们一起滑雪、堆雪堡。
在玩得兴高采烈的时候，突然间他发现一个老妇人在雪地上滑倒了，于是他跑过去帮老妇人站起来。
老妇人很感激，她说：“你真是一个好孩子。
” 米奇很开心，他意识到即使是在大雪的天气里，他依然可以做好事。
这个故事告诉我们，无论在何时何地，我们都应该尽力去帮助别人，通过自己的小行动，让这个世界变得更美好。
故事三：The sports day学校要举行运动会，玛丽是参赛队伍的一员，她报名参加了跑步比赛。
比赛的那天，玛丽准备了充分，并期待着自己的表现。
初一英语笑话小故事精选
初一英语笑话小故事精选笑话作为一种特殊的交际策略，它能够帮助人们缓解尴尬的气氛，从而保持和谐的人际关系。
小编精心收集了初一英语笑话小故事，供大家欣赏学习!初一英语笑话小故事篇1大脑袋Big Head“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”“Where's the shopping bag?”“I haven't got one,use your hat.”大脑袋“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。
”“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。
好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。
”“购物袋在哪?”“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。
”初一英语笑话小故事篇2Husband: Did you sew the button on my shirt, darling?Wife: No, dear. I couldn't find the button, so I just sewed up the buttonhole.丈夫：你给我把扣子缝好了吗，亲爱的?妻子：没有，亲爱的。
我找不到扣子，所以我只把扣眼儿给缝上了。
初一英语笑话小故事篇3懂得一门外语的重要性 A cat and her four kittens ran into alarge dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."一只大猫带着四只小猫，突然路遇一只大狗，小猫吓的往后退缩，这时大猫对着狗一阵大吠，把狗吓跑。
初一英语简单笑话故事
Word 文档1 / 1初一英语简单笑话故事初一英语简洁笑话故事笑话是日常生活中人们消遣娱乐的一种常见语言现象,其目的在于在会话过程中传递和激发幽默感。
初一英语简洁笑话故事篇二：他赢了Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。
他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
初一英语简洁笑话故事篇三：他赢了Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurthimself.Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?约翰尼：他害病卧床了。
他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
初一英语简洁笑话故事篇四：Which Month Did He Go Away When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldnt wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away? 杰克给人鞠躬，飞速地一点头，就算完了。
简单搞笑的英语小故事
简单搞笑的英语小故事（经典版）编制人：__________________审核人：__________________审批人：__________________编制单位：__________________编制时间：____年____月____日序言下载提示：该文档是本店铺精心编制而成的，希望大家下载后，能够帮助大家解决实际问题。
文档下载后可定制修改，请根据实际需要进行调整和使用，谢谢!并且，本店铺为大家提供各种类型的经典范文，如职场文书、合同协议、总结报告、演讲致辞、规章制度、自我鉴定、应急预案、教学资料、作文大全、其他范文等等，想了解不同范文格式和写法，敬请关注!Download tips: This document is carefully compiled by this editor. I hope that after you download it, it can help you solve practical problems. The document can be customized and modified after downloading, please adjust and use it according to actual needs, thank you!Moreover, our store provides various types of classic sample essays for everyone, such as workplace documents, contract agreements, summary reports, speeches, rules and regulations, self-assessment, emergency plans, teaching materials, essay summaries, other sample essays, etc. If you want to learn about different sample essay formats and writing methods, please stay tuned!简单搞笑的英语小故事简单搞笑的英语小故事（通用9篇）有很多孩子都喜欢听英语故事，特别是一些简单又很搞笑的小故事是很受欢迎的。
初中英语幽默故事带翻译故事阅读
初中英语幽默故事带翻译故事阅读一些幽默的英语故事，能提高我们阅读英语的兴趣，从而提高英语的阅读能力，今天店铺在这里为大家分享一些初中英语幽默故事带翻译，欢迎大家阅读!初中英语幽默故事带翻译1：当敌兵袭击你时The first sergeant was holding a class on combat for his company. He said, "Jose, what would you do if you saw 700 enemy soldiers coming at you?"Jose said, "I would shoot them all with my rifle."The sergeant asked, "On the fight you see 400 enemy soldiers charging at you. What would you do?"Jose said, "I would shoot them with my rifle."The sergeant continued, "Okay! On your left, Jose, you notice 1,000 enemy soldiers heading straight at you. What would you do?"Jose answered. "I would shoot them all with my rifle."The sergeant yelled, "Just a minute, Jose. Where are you getting all those bullets?"The soldier smiled and said, "Where are you getting all those enemy soldiers in the same place?"警官正在给他的连队上一堂战斗课，他问：“约瑟，假如你看到有700名敌兵正朝你冲过来，你会怎么办?“约瑟说：“我会用我的枪打死他们。
30则英语经典幽默故事（一）
30则英语经典幽默故事（一）下面是店铺整理的30则英语经典幽默故事，希望大家喜欢!经典英语幽默故事1.During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire.. No matter what happened on the field, she continually yelled, “Kill the umpire!” This went on for an hour. “Lady,” another fan called out, “ the umpire hasn’t done anything wrong.”“He’s my husband,” she replied, “ Last night he came home with lipstick on his collar. Kill the umpire!”经典英语幽默故事2.Frank, a friend of mine, often entertained clients at a local eatery, but he could never remember the name of the hostess, who always treated him wonderfully. One day, exasperated by his horrible recall, she said, “My name is Janet, and I’m from another planet,” hoping the mn emonics device would help him retain the information.The next time Frank went to the restaurant, he walked up to the hostess and told his guest, “ I want to introduce you to my friend Venus.”经典英语幽默故事3.At midnight, a judge was waken up, arrested and put into jail by a policeman. The next day, the head of the police head-quarters met with “ the prisoner”, set him free at once.It turned out that the judge wrote his own name when he signed the arresting list.经典英语幽默故事4.Suffering from students’ treading on the grassland, a wooden sign is set up beside it. It reads: “ Love the grass. Noroad No walking.”Several days later, the wooden sign disappeared without trace, another one replaced it, which reads: “There’s originally no road in the world, and a road is being formed with more and more people walking.”经典英语幽默故事5.As new students at a university in Boston, many of us were unfamiliar with the campus and consequently late for class. One professor, however, was particularly intolerant of tardiness, making it clear that no excuse would be acceptable. So when a student stumbled into his class one morning late, we expected the worst.Obvious upset, the professor demanded the reason for the student’s tardiness. “ I was waiting on line to buy your new textbook, “ sh e replied nervously. Gazing out at the rest of the class, the professor asked, “Well, why weren’t the rest of you late?”经典英语幽默故事6.A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.“ How old are these bones?” the tourist asked an elderly native American, who served as a guide.“Exactly one hundred million and three years old.”“ How can you be so sure?” inquired the tourist.“ Well,” replied the guide, “ a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.经典英语幽默故事7.A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn in the road. The farmer who lived nearby came to investigate. “ Hey,Willis, “ he called out, “ forget your trouble for a spell and co me on in and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”“ That’s mighty nice of you, “ Willis answered, “ but I don’t think Pa would like me to. ““ Aw, come on , son!” the farmer insisted.“ Well. Okay,” the boy finally agreed. “ But Pa won’t like it.”After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host, “ I feel a lot better now, but I just know Pa is going to be real upset.”“ Don’t be foolish!” exclaimed the neighbor, “ By the way, where is he?”“ Under the wagon.”经典英语幽默故事8.While coaching a group of five-and six-year-olds, learning to play soccer, I asked the kids what they should do when the referee blows his whistle. One boy, John answered, “ Stop and listen.” From the stands John’s mother yelled, “ Where can I get one of those whistles?”经典英语幽默故事9.My roommate was trying to convince her father she needed a sweat suit for jogging around campus. “ Why can’t you just run in your other clothes?” her father reasoned.“ You have to run in a sweat suit, “ she explained, “ otherwise no one knows you’re exercising---they just think you’re late!”经典英语幽默故事10.A student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: “ Mom-flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop.”Two days later he received a response: “ Pop prepared.Prepare yourself.”经典英语幽默故事11.“ I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class, “ observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses. “ when I say, ‘ Good morning,’ the undergraduates respond, ‘ Good morning,’ but the graduate students just write it down.经典英语幽默故事12.The philosophy finals in a college had many blank pages for the answer to one question: What is courage? Most of us wrote frantically, giving examples on theories. But one of my classmates turned in his essay with just two words on it –THIS IS. He received an A.经典英语幽默故事13.At the formal Sunday lunch at a university, the host at each table receives the food, passes it to the right and then serves himself last. One host soon found that a way to ensure that he received the biggest piece of dessert. Before passing the tray he would stick his finger in the piece he wanted and said, “ this one’s mine.”One day the students ganged up on him. As the dessert tray was passed around with the host’s finger mark in the piece of cake he desired, eac h student said, “ This one’s his,” and stuck another finger in it.经典英语幽默故事14.He used to sit on the front door step and whistle at every young woman that went by. “ Why do you let him get away with that? “ asked the woman next door.“ It’s no problem, “ said his wife. “ I’ve seen dogs chase cars, but they can’t drive. “经典英语幽默故事15.Chemistry teacher:” Robinson, give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze.”R: “ Hot water, sir.”经典英语幽默故事16.A: What is the longest night of the year?B: A fortnight.经典英语幽默故事17.A: What is a net?B: Holes tied together with string.经典英语幽默故事18.A: Why does the conductor put a hole in your railway ticket?B: To let you pass through.经典英语幽默故事19.A little boy was saying his go-to-bed prayers in a very low voice.“ I can’t hear you, dear,” his mother said.“ Wasn’t talking to you. “ said the small one.经典英语幽默故事20.An insurance agent talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the mantel. “ Do you keep anything in it?” he asked.“ Yes, my husband’s ashes.”“ I’m sorry,” apologized the agent, “ I didn’t know he was deceased.”“ He isn’t. He’s just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray.”经典英语幽默故事21.My wife and I got on a bus with our seven children to go sightseeing. When we reached our stop, I used my most commanding voice to speed the children off the bus, sayingsternly, “ Everybody off!”I had collected the last little one from the bus before I noticed that, with unquestioning obedience, all the other passengers had also left the bus, and the driver was going on his way with an empty bus.经典英语幽默故事22.Recently our college authorities require that all the students should wear their cards on the breast.Li M ing, a student, looks at his student’s card now and then. Feeling puzzled, one of his classmates asked, “ Why do you constantly look at your card? Are you proud of wearing it?”“ No,” Li answered, “ just because I’m always afraid of losing it.”经典英语幽默故事23.A boy saw many people in the street flock together looking at something one day. Curiously, he went there and wanted to see what had happened. There was a crowd and it’s difficult for him to get inside. Since the boy was quick-witted, a good idea suddenly occurred to him. He shouted to the crowd, “ The one killed is my father.” The crowd parted immediately and he got inside at once. However, to his great surprise, he found that lying in the center of the crowd was a dead donkey.经典英语幽默故事24.A: Why did the old lady throw the butter out of the window?B; Because she wanted to see butter fly.经典英语幽默故事25.T: Name the two pronouns.S: who? Me?经典英语幽默故事26.A: Today’s problems are all due to ignorance andindifference. Don’t you agree?B: Well, I don’t know. Besides, I don’t care.经典英语幽默故事27.A priest was walking down a street when he saw a little boy jumping up and down to try to reach a doorbell. So the priest walked over and pressed the button for the youngster. “ And now what, my little man?” he asked.“ Now, “said the boy, “ Run like hell.”经典英语幽默故事28.A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “ Don’t be angry,” the mother said. “ Your sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother said, “ Now she knows.”经典英语幽默故事29.A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “ I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name ’Marylou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “ You had better have an explanation.”“ Calm down, honey, “ the man replied. “ Remember last week when I was at the races? That was the name of the horse I bet on.”The next morning his wife sneaked up and again whacked him. “ What was that for? “ he complained.“ Your horse called last night!”经典英语幽默故事30.Long a widower, my father-in-law was getting remarried. Before the service, the minister instructed him on the ritual,emphasizing the “repeat-after-me” vows. The ceremony proceeded smoothly until after the ring exchange when the minister, who had started to read the wrong passage, corrected himself. We heard my father-in-law obediently repeated aloud, “ Oh, my, I’ve gone wrong.”。