英文小笑话

英文小笑话
英文小笑话

英文小笑话

1.有点想她,就发了条短信:“Think you.她回了一条:“I too.当

时就内牛满面了……多般配的两个银

2.TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sig n says, "School-Go

Slow".

汤姆的借口

老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?

汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校----慢行。"

3.小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?

老师说:Go ahead.

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the

toilet?

老师说:Go ahead.

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?

小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!

带比得好半天,就自告奋勇的上前做翻译,售票小姐说:麻烦你

告诉她,现在坐票售完了只剩下站票,如果要看要站着看。

小强转头就对老外说:No Sit see, Sta nd see. If see sta nd see.

老外回答说:Sorry I don't un dersta nd your En glish.

小强就对售票小姐说:哦,他说他不懂英文。

5.某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,忙

说:I am sorry.

老外应道:I am sorry too.

某人听后又道:I am sorry three.

老外不解,问:What are you sorry for?

某人无奈,道:I am sorry five.

6.英语老师问一个学生,“ How are you是什么意思”

学生想how是怎么,you是你,于是回答怎么是你?”

老师生气又问另一个同学:“How old are you是什么意思?”

这个同学想了想说:怎么老是你。”

一见到江青,立刻拍马屁道:"Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻,江青心花怒放,嘴上还要谦虚一下:“哪里,哪里”

翻译不敢怠慢,把江青的话翻成英文:"Where? Where?" 外宾一愣,还有这样的人,追问哪里漂亮的,干脆马屁拍到底:"Everywhere, everywhere."

翻译:“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了,但总是要客气一下:“不见得,不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文:"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 8、话说某年某月的某一天,叁个神箭手约在一起比箭,目标是十尺

外仆人头上的苹果。A 神箭手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果。A

高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大拇指道:「I AM 后羿!」

B 神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句:「I AM

丘比特!」

轮到C 了,他也挽弓,利箭射出!结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句:「I...I...I...AM...SORRY... 」

9、中国留学生刚出国不久,英语还处在初级阶段。他在国外的高速

公路出车祸了,连人带车翻下悬崖,交警赶到后向下喊话道:

How are yo?u ”

留学生答: “I m f ,inethank

you ! ”

当时店员问: "Can you speak Chinese?," 两个外国友人用中文回答 ” 如果你讲慢一点的话,我们可以听懂! ”,店员接着说:

"Can .. you .. s peak .. C hinese?"

谜语

1. What question can you never answer "Yes" to?

什么问题你永远也不能回答 "是"

Key : Are you dead?(你死了吗?)

2. You have it .You read it .There're some pictures in it?

你拥有它,你可以阅读它,它有些图片在里面,它是什么

Key : book (书)

3. A mouse has a large pocke .t What is it?

然后交警走了, 留学生就死了。 10、前段时间, 我去购物,结账台上有两个外国友人在我前面结账,

一种鼠有一个大袋子,它是什么?

Key: a kangaroo (袋鼠)

4.I t has a head , but no neck. It has a body, but no warmth. NO feet, but can travel?

它有头,但没有脖子,有身体,但不温暖,没有脚,却能旅行。

Key:a car (汽车)

5.依靠农民(打一英文单词)答案:economy经济

该死(打一英文单词)答案:Guess(推测;猜测,臆测)N个耳朵(打一英文)答案: n ear.

有你我死(打一英文单词)答案: uni verse 宇宙

Remember me (打一花名)答案: 勿忘我(Remember,意

为记得”

英语幽默小故事

英语幽默小故事

1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼,看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上,有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿,门开了,电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛,慢吞吞地说:“我应该把我的老婆带来!” hillbilly n. 乡下人,乡巴佬. pudgy adj.矮胖的,矮而粗的 drawl vt, vi慢吞吞地说;拉长语调地说 2、Always Thirsty "I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." "That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" "No, but I am always thirsty!" 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说:“我动了一次手术,手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道:“你觉得疼吗?”

英语小笑话(带翻译)).

1 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩:这个座位是空的么? 女孩:是的,如果你坐下,我的座位也将是空的。 2,Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩:我可以给你买杯饮料吗? 女孩:你不如直接把钱给我得了。 3. My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人:哦, 亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了! 史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊! 布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。” 4. 反正我太太明天会来换的 My Wife Will Exchange Them A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasper ated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow t o exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的 一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的?”售货员问。

英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)

英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下: Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌,上书:“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌,声称:“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌,上面只简单地写着:“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

经典英文笑话故事带翻译大全

经典英文笑话故事带翻译大全 我对她不了解 As a courier for an express delivery service,I tried to deliver a package that required refrigeration, but found no one home. I went to the house next door and told the woman who answered that I had a package for her neighbor."Oh,she works Monday throu gh Friday and every other Saturday,“said the woman,“said the woman, "and some Sundays. She leaves about 7:40 in the morning and gets home around 5:30,unless she goes to the store, in which case it's closer to seven. And she's going to the store tonight because her kids are coming to visit her all the way from California!" 我是一名快件邮递员。我曾一次送一个需冷东的包裹。但主人不在家。我便敲开了邻 居的门,那邻居说我说的包裹是她的邻居的。“噢,她从星期一到星期五,包括每隔一个 星期六工作。”那位女邻居说.“有时她星期天也工作。她每天早上七点四十离家,下午 五点半回来。如果她要去商店,差不多七点才能回来。今天晚上她要去商店的,因为她的 孩于将 特地从加利福尼亚来看她。” When she paused to take a breath, I asked if she would accept her neighbor's package. "Oh,no, I can't do that,“she said. "I don't know her that well.” 她停下喘气的工夫,我问她能否替邻居先把这包裹收下。“峨,不行,我可不能收。”她说:“我对她不怎么了解。” 关心 A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank,dig a hole in his back yard and bury it. 一位顾客站在我的出纳窗口前,埋怨存钱的利率太低。最后,他说他妥把所有的钱从 银行里取出来,在自家后院挖个坑,把钱理了。 The teller next to rne leaned over. "Sir,I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?". 隔壁窗口的出纳员探过身来说:“先生,我实在不怒愉听,但还是听到了,告诉我, 您住在什么地才?”

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛)them! =================================================================== 斯丹:我赢了92 条金鱼。 弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们? 斯丹:浴室。 弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办? 斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛! ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说:“我死后,我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说:“不,在你死后,我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊:“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子:“为什么?” 约翰逊:“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师:你哪里不舒服? 病人:我认为我是一只鸡。 精神病医师:这种情况从什么时候开始的? 病人:从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候,她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后,一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前,说道:“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”

英语短篇幽默小故事

英语短篇幽默小故事 篇一:英语幽默小故事10篇. 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下: Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌,上书:“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌,声称:“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌,上面只简单地写着:“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

超简短的5个英文笑话

超简短的5个英文笑话 1. Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师:谁能回到我下一个问题,谁就可以回家了。 One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。 Teacher: who just threw that?! 老师:谁刚刚把书包扔出去了? Boy: Me! I’m going home now. 男孩:我!我现在要回家了。 2. What dog can jump higher than a building? 什么狗比大楼跳的还高?

Anydog, buildings can't jump! 任何一只狗,大楼又跳不起来。 3. What has a head, a tail, and no body?什么有头、有尾,但是没有身体? A coin! 硬币。 4. What has one eye but cannot see? 什么有一只眼睛,却看不见? A needle. 针。

5. Wife: "How would you describe me?" 妻子:你会怎么形容我呢? Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 丈夫:ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: "What does that mean?" 妻子:那是什么意思? Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 丈夫:迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。 Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

英语笑话带翻译三分钟

英语笑话带翻译三分钟 笑话能反映出一个民族的价值系统及其对周围世界肯定和否定的态度。小编精心收集了三分钟英语笑话带翻译,供大家欣赏学习! 三分钟英语笑话带翻译篇1 Photo of my wife 我老婆的照片 A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, Look, buddy, Ill bring ya martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill. The customer replies, Im peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know its time to go home. 一个生意人走进一家酒馆,在吧台坐下,点了一杯加冰的双料martini。喝完,那生意人往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼,然后又让服务员把杯子满上。喝完,生意人又往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼,然后又让服务生帮他把杯子满上。这时酒馆的服务生说话了,呃,老兄,我整个晚上给你倒martini都没有问题,但你得告诉我,你为什么在点下一杯酒前都要往自己衬衣的口袋里偷偷看那么一眼。生意人

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A Soldier's Brilliant Idea Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it. When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in. Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip. 英语幽默:士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招 由于生意方面的事,罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急,他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时,他喜欢靠窗坐,故而一登机,他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是,这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些,他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。 然而,等到了那儿,他看见座位上有则启事,是用钢笔写的:“为保持装载平衡,特预设该位置,谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过,他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品,于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。 又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上,他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时,一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法,成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

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