雅思大作文点评多文化社会的优缺点

雅思大作文点评:多文化社会的优缺点

Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?

Multi-cultural（这是形容词，怎么作主语了？！）has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays（多余）that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged（这个句子很晦涩，as在这里是作连词吗？如果是的话，它应该引导一个句子，那么后面只有that引导的同位语从句，却没有主句的谓语动词了！！！）.People at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together(同样地，这个句子没有谓语动词), which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. （80words）

结构分析：前面写了n句话，都是在引题，但是内容显得有点啰嗦。最后一句是作者的观点，即主题句，写得还行。

语言方面：句型是很多，错误就更多了！！！大家要注意，拿高分必须要有一定量的句型，但是如果连基本的句子都写不对就去大胆写长句的话，结果可能更惨！！！此段，虽然明显看得出作者掌握了一定的句型，可是似乎掌握的还不是特别好，基本上都有错，这就使得，现在这篇文章最高的起评分只有5分！！！得不偿失啊！！！

I am in favor of the Multi-cultural(干吗大写，且形容词这里也不能作宾语呀！！！); first, because it promotes a climate of peace and prosperity, misunderstanding would not be occurred（occur没有被动语态！！！）between nations with the reason of（直接说for不就行了）racial differences and cultural differences（改成racial and cultural differences是不是更好呢）. Take it（这个it指谁啊？！）for example, in the past of China, because of the semi-colonial and semi-feudal economy（中式英语，改成due to the semi-colonial and

semi-feudal economy of China in the past是不是更好呢）, the government close the country to international intercourse（这句话也太。。。完全不

对）,people’s life was very monotonous,（这里却连词！）they could not understanding the occidental civilization .but now, in nowadays ,as the

government implements its reform and opening to the outside world, people could（整个句子缺谓语动词，明显是按照中文来写的，through是介词！）through all kinds of rode to acknowledge the other country’s cultural, they will adapt and absorb the western literature,custom,and the viewpoint with the things ,it will advance national unity.(几个句子之间都没有连词连接的！！！)（116words）

语言方面：看了这段发现，作者在内容的安排上太有问题！没有详略得当，前两段写得很多，到后面越写越少！其次，写得那么多，错得更多！给人的感觉是写到后面很混乱！明显感觉到中文的痕迹和口语式作文的痕迹！

I am approve（绝对低级的错误！！！）of the Multi-cultural ,second（这个词怎么放在这里）,because it will be favorable to the global integrated. as a saying goes “survival of the fittest”, a multi-cultural social must have the

multi-language, multi-lifestyle ,even multi-managing method ,competing would inevitable ,and the most adapt the social developed will be leave behind. The human beings would elaborate the abilities as far as they could, the government will find a best way to administer the society, and to build it more harmoniously.

Opponents of the argue ,the unique heritage, languages and artistic expression will become scattered and lost .Some linguists are fully aware of the loss of languages ,there is not much they can do.

All in all, the fact that multi-cultural society will becoming a global trend in the future ,unquestioned, it must be advanced, but at the same time, while striving to develop the diverse cultures, we also should to protecting the local culture ,to uphold ethnic and cultural identity.

总评：后面几段太多低级错误了，感觉作者越写越没有感觉了，这个说明平时写作练得不够，写到后面就乱写！我把明显错误的地方标了出来，其他其实还有很多错误，就不标了！

此文4分

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雅思大作文开篇如何让人眼前一亮

雅思大作文开篇如何让人眼前一亮雅思写作除了词汇量要达到以外，还有很多提分点的哦。出guo 为雅思栏目大家带来雅思大作文开篇如何让人眼前一亮，希望对大家备考雅思有所帮助! 正所谓好的开始是成功的一半，雅思大作文的写作也一次次验证了这个道理。很多同学往往不重视雅思大作文开头段的写作，只是简单套用一些现成的模板，殊不知这样已经给考官留下“背诵模板”的印象，这样一来，不仅给后面的主体段带来了巨大压力，而且人的第一印象往往是很难改变的。大作文开头段往往要包含如下几个关键内容，即，介绍背景，引出有争议的话题，阐述对立观点和陈述作者自己的观点。无论使用还是不使用模板，这几个关键信息是一定要包含在开头段落当中的，不然云里雾里，只能是适得其反。根据这些信息，备战过的考生们一定都熟悉下面这一套开头写作流程，首先It is quite mon these days...介绍背景，或者用The issue of ... is a plex and sensitive one.这样的句型来引出有争议话题，然后千篇一律地分别介绍对立双方观点，如Some individuals believe that..., while others hold the view that...最终用Personally, I agree with...至此，内容上完美无

瑕，但恐怕考官心中已经大大打下“模板”两个字的烙印，这无疑对于想取得6分及以上的同学最不利的事情。例如，一道雅思写作高频题目，讨论到底大学应该教授实用性课程(如计算机和商科课程)还是传统课程(如历史和地理)。我们依然按照开头段应该包含的关键信息开始写作，但是却可以这样轻松突破：These day there is a growing tendency for college students to have difficulties in finding jobs when they graduate.(介绍背景)A large number of people hold the opinion that lack of practical knowledge, among other things, contributes to this situation. In light of this, they contend that college teachers should lay more stress on practical courses than on traditional ones. (引出有争议的话题，并阐述大多数人的观点)For my part, I am in favour of their viewpoint.(作者观点)这一段写得非常灵巧，第一句结合题目背景，介绍现如今有一种趋势，即大学毕业生很难找到工作，紧接着作者陈述有许多人认为这是由于学生缺少实用性的知识，并因此提出大学应该更多关注于教授实用性的知识，这一句将有争议话题的其中一方观点用因果链条清晰阐述。最后一句表达作者自己的立场，就是支持前面大多数人的想法。总的来看，这一段只提及了对立双方的其中一方观点，然后表达自己支持这一方观点。这就是一种对于开头段模板的超越，简单可行，只对其中一方观点清晰论

雅思大作文点评 多文化社会的优缺点