搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本5-7人--心碎
Heart brokenBilling：XiMenchuixueYeGuchengHuaManlouKingPanJinlianNarratage/soldierN：A quiet village is covered with white snow. Birds are dancing in the cold. A man is standing in the street. The wind is coming in silence. Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．Y: Oh , I am sorry to knock into you !X: Ha ha , Never mind, boy. What’s your name?Y: Ha ha , I won’t change my name, no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng. Who are you?X: I am XiMenchuixue.Y:Ah XiMenchuixue?X: Yes, what’s wrong?Y: I heard that you are the best one in Chinese Kongfu.X: Great, you know me !Y: But your wife is my first lover.X: WhatY抱腿: Oh, Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y: I don't want to be killed. There is an eighty-year-old mother and athree-year-old son to be looked after by me!X: Noway! Because we are enemies now! You know?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!X: 拔刀砍向Y(Y拿出一袋牛奶迎上去)X抢过牛奶: Milk, very good! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y: Just drink it!X喝完牛奶: Thanks, ha ha.Y: Do you still want to kill me?X: Sure! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very nice! I hope you won’t forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y: I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1-0!X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach, Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……X可怜状: Help!Help! Where is the washroom?Y: What ?X: Toliet?Y: What ?X: The “WC”?Y: Oh, I see. go along this street to the end and turn left when you see a high building! You can’t miss it.X: Thanks, bye bye.X与J相遇X跑过来J举牌：Ladies roomJ: You saw me!? You animal, monster, bullshit! (一边拉拉锁一边说)I kill you!X: Oh, No! I am sorry honey, but you are so beautiful! What’s your name?J: My first name is Jinlian, and my family name is Pan.X: Oh, PanJinlian So nice name. I love you. You have the most beautiful face, nose and little lips. Would you like to marry me?J: Yes, I’d like to. But do you get married?X: Of course, ah…not! What about you?J: Um…neither am I. But do you have a ring to give me？X: I will get one for you.J: I love you. I will be right here waiting for you.N: Then XiMenchuixue go to find a ring. Let us see what happens to YeGucheng at the same time.Y: You see?? It is really terrible for a person not being good at English.Y掏出纸屑吹:This is XiMenchuixue now!H: Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!Y: Who are you?H: HuaManlou! Have you seen XiMenchuixue?Y: Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” now,ha……H惊讶: So, now, you are the best in the world!Y: Clever girl.H: You are the one my king looking for! Do you want to join us?Y: Yes, my pleasure.H: Ok, follow me. Let’s go to see my king!Y: Ok, Let’s go! My first lover in dreams.H: What?Y: Nothing.H:My dear king ! Let me introduce YeGucheng to you! （指Y）This is YeGucheng.K: Sit down please, YeGucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H: YeGucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , rainstorm or Aids?Y: Yes, I do.K: Gucheng , come closely. 给叶孤城戴上戒指（音乐停）X唱着上: Only you……(看到戒指) this ring will be mine!K: But who are you? Why should it belong to you?Y急切: King! Dear king! I must go now, my mother asks me to go back home to have dinner.X: I am XiMenchuixue. YeGucheng, come here! Give me the ringY: Here you are.(灰溜溜的过去)X转身准备离开K: Arrest him!X: I will kill anyone who is in my way, no matter he is a human being or a Buddha.S: I am the most handsome soldier in the world. My favorite is looking myself in the mirror. I am here. I am here! I am here! You can’t go, boyX拔刀捅个不停，S动作配合但不死X擦汗：I am too tired to kill you, but I will cut down your head.S: Oh, God! Where is my head? Without a head, I will be very, very ugly. World without being handsome, I would rather die. Ah…K: Ah, XiMenchuixue is really rude. You see The handsome soldier’s brain was broken into pieces. Tell Youlai building not to cook tofu brain as breakfast any more.N: Then, XiMenchuixue go to ladies room to meet his lover with the ring. But actually HuaManlou is XiMenchuixue’s wife. So… what will happen next?H: My dear husband, where are you going?X: Something important! Don’t follow me.H: But the ring should be mine. (X找到了金莲, but H 也跟来了.)H: Oh, shit(捂眼). What are you doing? You little bitch, I will kill you. Nine Yin bones claw?J: HaHaHa…! My son is Li Gang, I fear nothing(自信).Who the hell are you?H: I’m his wifeJ: You have a wife? You cheated me!X: But you have a son, named Li Gang. My heart is broken(扭头退场，留下背影)J: My heart is also broken(冲背影，也下场)H:（大喊）My heart is broken into pieces(冲背影)Fuck your sisters.N：At the same time, Ye Gucheng and the king are playing another legend story.Y: 转身准备离开K: Gucheng!? Are you going to abandon me?Y: I will!K: Why ?Y:Because I’m not a gay. Once, there was a sincere love available for me , but I did n’t cherish. Now I regret to die! If the god would give me another chance, I would have said to that girl “I love you” .If there must be a limit for it , I hope it was one night. But now ,my heart is broken(退场)K: Oh ,no. My heart is broken too. (退场)N：Every one is a fraud. Love is not a thing that you can buy whenever you want. At last, These people with broken heart go back to Tang dynasty, and they all become monks. Then……(放西游记的歌，白龙马最后出场，背后贴字“White Dragon Horse”End.。
英语幽默短剧剧本
英语幽默短剧剧本篇一：两个英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket MoneyScene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu ……He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces!另一个白雪公主与七个小矮人Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.篇二：搞笑英语话剧剧本搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
搞笑英语话剧剧本带翻译
《The Unlucky Day》
角色：汤姆、丽莎、布朗先生（汤姆的老板）、詹姆斯（汤姆的朋友）
场景1
（汤姆准备上班。他不小心把咖啡洒在衬衫上。）
汤姆：哎呀！今天真是倒霉！首先，我把脚趾碰在桌子上，现在又把衬衫弄脏了。
场景2
（汤姆到达办公室。布朗先生走了进来。）
布朗先生：汤姆，我需要那些报告在今天中午之前交上来。它们非常重要。
Scene 5
(Tom finally finishes the reports and hands them to Mr. Brown.)
Mr. Brown: Tom, these reports are full of mistakes. You need to redo them immediately.
Mr. Brown: Tom, I need those reports by noon today. They're very important.
Tom: Yes, Mr. Brown. I'll get them to you as soon as possible.
Scene 3
(Tom goes to the copy machine to make copies of the reports. The machine suddenly breaks down.)
汤姆：谢谢你邀请我，丽莎。这绝对改变了我的今天。
丽莎：我很高兴你玩得开心。也许你的运气正在改变呢！
结局
以上剧本是一部简短的搞笑英语话剧，通过汤姆一系列倒霉的事情和最后的转机，向观众传递了积极的情绪。学生们可以通过这样的戏剧形式，轻松愉快地学习英语，提高他们的表演能力和口语表达能力。希望这个剧本能够为英语教学和学生表演活动提供一些启发和帮助。
英语舞台剧剧本,五到十分钟
《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）——金科Wanders every five miles焦仲卿Johnny(J for short) 刘兰芝Lunch(L for short)焦母Johnny’s mother(JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short)太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short) 强盗Burglars(AB and C)Prologue(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J: Everybody says that I’m hen pecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then, I’m afraid of whom?My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All thisI do not care.I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!As you see , people live around here all said that I am not a man. Yes, I am not a man, I am a handsome man.(手撩头发做臭美状)(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)My God! Who can help me?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):I can!(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum?JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“ my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup? （口气很不情愿）JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy……L: But……JM:Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me!（手势）Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny（语气重点头）, I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. I have raised（掰手指头数）ten soft hous and sof pigs and ducks and chicken and……JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L: Mum, I’m back!LM:（惊讶睁大眼）You are back? Why? What happened?L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.（怨愤抱拳在胸前）LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! （手指向兰芝）I have already told you!（咳嗽两声）When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,（咳）I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself…… （咳咳咳）L: But, mum…… （很委屈温声细语）LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to LM(大喜):Nice girl!（竖大拇指）Just now, I met the mayor`s son in the market. He said:“If your daughter h aven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下)L(惊愕):What? （手捂下巴）The mayor`s son? The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done! No, I will not marry a man like that!（扭身子撒娇）LM: But he is really handsome…L: ...ok, go ahead!Act3(J睡眼惺忪上)J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下)Er! How smelly! They are still dirty!(突然想起)Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch? Hasn’t she got up yet?J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone! （手揉眼哭）JM(沉吟片刻):Well, to tell you the truth Johnny, a son without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!Act4(J开心地走着（慢跑状步行），忽然跳出来三个强盗) J往后一跳，手放下巴下面A: Hey you!（指J）Stop and listen to us!（指自己胸口）The road is built by me!(单手人猿泰山状抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)B: And I planted one tree!(竖食指做1状，亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)C: If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)AB&C: Give us all your money! （齐伸手）J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A: What bad luck! This guy is broken!B: If we can not rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss LiuLanzhi next month. We can go and rob the wedding!A&B: Good idea!J(惊讶):What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible!AB&C:Why? A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!J:But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you?I’ll go with you. You take the money and I take the bride.B: Have you got any experience?J: No. But I’ve got thi s!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００强盗头头念出来)Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，L盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)L(to her mother): Dont you say he is handsome? （委屈状手放下巴）LM: no! I just say he has some hands..(J和三强盗跃至台中)ABC&J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!A: The road is built by me!B: And I planted one tree.C: If you want to go by this street---J: Give us all your money!（张开怀抱）(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J，拥抱，并躲到了J的身后，J做老母鸡张翅状护住)(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey ,how are you?L(哭状):I hurt a lot!J: Don’t cry baby. I’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)L(起身去追):Wait for me!(跑下)(音乐起Can You Celebrate)。
四人英语话剧剧本《新梁祝外传》(搞笑版)
Take Me to Your HeartAction（一）旁白：At the airport, Zhu Yingtai is going to study English in America,Liang Shanbo was seeing her off.（机场送别）梁: Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.祝: I love you, too! Don’t worry.Shanbo. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.梁: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.祝: I’ll kiss you from the other side.(抱走，走出几步回头再抱)祝：This time I really should goAction（二）旁：When Zhu Yingtai is studying in America ,her parents are planing to marry her to Mawencai，but liangshanbo doesn't know it…英母：darling darling…（拉住英父）英父：(怒气转身) No matter what you say is useless. The child's wedding can not be so hasty.英母：But dearling, Mr. Ma is so handsome and so rich, There is no doubt that this is matched for marriage. And…(被父亲打断)英父：I have told you many times, it is a new era of reform and opening-up now. We could not decide the wedding of our child.英母：D arling….The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death .But when I am standing in front of you, yet you do not know that Ma Wencai is so handsome.(马文才上，拿折扇，音乐《非》起)马：I love Yingtai so much. It doesn't matter if you accept me or not. It doesn't matter if she loves me or not ,love is right there and it is not going to change.英母：Oh, Wencai，you are coming，sit down please!马：Uncle, here are my presents，50 bottles of Maotai , three Benz and I have a big house and so on .I hope you will like them! If you promise the wedding, I will feel beyond happy .母：There is no doubt that Yingtai must be yours , you are so handsome.（被父亲打断）父：(大怒指着马）NO way !马：Why?英父：Since you asked me so sincerely,let me tell you. Do you know who is张国荣and who is Yaoming? And who is Du Minjun?马：En,…I don’t know.英父：Do you still know who I am and who you are?马：…I don’t know.英父：What do you think of yourself? You even know nothing about modern society！（转向英母）You ask me to marry our daughter to him, how can I trust him?英母：…I have nothing to say...马：But, aunt has accepted my 3 million dollars and presents.父：Money ？You think money can buy everything? True love is priceless！Only 3 million dollars… only 3 million dollars….（逐渐反应过味来）OK,you give me 3 million dollars and I will marry Yingtai to you (掏出钢笔来准备签字)Action(三)旁：A week later, Zhu Yingtai calls Liang Shanbo from America.(一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。
搞笑话剧剧剧本
搞笑话剧剧剧本Title: Hilarious Comedy Play ScriptScene 1: Living RoomCharacters:- Tom: a clumsy and forgetful husband- Linda: Tom's practical and sensible wife- Jerry: Tom's mischievous and witty best friend- Lucy: Linda's energetic and lively sister(As the curtains rise, Tom is sitting on a couch, absentmindedly flipping through a magazine.)Tom: (muttering to himself) Where did I put my glasses? I can never find anything in this house!Linda: (enters the room, holding Tom's glasses) Tom, they were on your head again!Tom: (laughs sheepishly) Oh, right! Silly me.Scene 2: KitchenCharacters:- Chef: an eccentric and passionate cook- Waiter: clumsy and always mixing up orders(Chef is standing behind the kitchen counter, frantically cooking while Waiter is clumsily serving food to the customers.)Waiter: (carrying a tray of food, accidentally spills it on a customer) Oops! Sorry, sir! Let me get you another one.Customer: (laughs) Well, at least this meal comes with a free shower!Scene 3: ParkCharacters:- Jack: an introverted bookworm- Emily: an outgoing and adventurous girl(Jack is sitting on a park bench, engrossed in a book. Emily walks by, noticing Jack.)Emily: (curiously) What's the book about?Jack: (startled) Oh, hi! It's about ancient civilizations and their mysteries. Want to join me?Emily: (smiling) Sure, but only if you promise to take me on an adventure someday!Scene 4: OfficeCharacters:- Boss: a strict and serious manager- John: a clumsy and accident-prone employee(Boss is sitting at his desk, with John nervously standing in front.)Boss: John, I need you to be more careful with your work. We can't afford any more mistakes.John: (nervously) I'm trying, but accidents always seem to find me!(Boss accidentally knocks over a stack of papers, causing both of them to burst into laughter.)Scene 5: PartyCharacters:- Sarah: the party host- Mike: a professional party crasher(Sarah is busy arranging decorations, while Mike stealthily enters the party.)Mike: (approaching Sarah) Excuse me, miss. I believe I've RSVP'd for this party.Sarah: (confused) I don't remember inviting you.Mike: Well, I'm known for crashing parties. Can't resist the fun!(The crowd gathers around, laughing and dancing together.)Scene 6: Theatre StageCharacters:- Performers: a group of talented actors and actresses(The performers are rehearsing a hilarious comedy play. The audience bursts into laughter throughout the performance.)Scene 7: Final Scene -- Wedding(All characters are gathered at a wedding, celebrating the marriage of Tom and Linda.)Tom: (to Linda) I may be forgetful and clumsy, but you always make me laugh. That's why I married you!Linda: (smiling) And you know how to turn any situation into a comedy!(All characters raise their glasses in a toast to love, laughter, and lifelong friendships.)As the curtains fall, the laughter of the audience echoes throughout the theater, leaving them with joyful memories of an unforgettable comedy play.。
4人英语话剧剧本搞笑范文
4人英语话剧剧本搞笑范文《猫和老鼠的那点事》人物：猫（Tom）、老鼠（Jerry）、狗（Spike）、女主人（Jane）场景设定：一个豪华别墅（舞台上只有一张大床，Jerry正在床上睡觉，Tom悄悄地进来）Tom：（小声地）哈哈！终于找到你了，老鼠！Jerry：（懒洋洋地）又来了？你还真不累啊。
Tom：我需要食物，老鼠先生。
Jerry：别来烦我了，我还在睡觉呢。
Tom：那就变成食物，我就不用找了。
Jerry：你有那个本事吗？Tom：我可是猫中之王，什么本事没有？Jerry：那我变成你想吃的食物吧。
（Jerry变成了一盘大沙拉）Tom：哇！我的口水都快流出来了！（Tom伸手去够沙拉，Jerry猛地一跳，从床上跑了出去）Tom：啊！他又跑了！（Spike进来了）Spike：干吗又在这里？还不去工作？Tom：这个……我在查看家里是否有入侵者。
Spike：好吧，我睡觉去了。
（Spike走了以后，Jane进来了）Jane：Tom！你在这里干什么？Tom：我在保卫家园，女主人。
Jane：你不用保卫，这里很安全。
Tom：可是我还是想守着。
Jane：好吧，你可以守着，但是不要吓到我的客人哦。
Tom：我会注意的，女主人。
（Jane走了，Jerry又进来了）Jerry：（笑得前仰后合）哈哈哈哈，你被女主人威胁了！Tom：你这个……（追着Jerry又跑了出去）本话剧以猫和老鼠的故事为背景，融入了现实元素，加入了狗和女主人的角色。
四个角色互相嬉笑怒骂，场面十分欢快。
整个话剧运用生动的语言和夸张的表演，既搞笑又真实，给观众带来了愉悦的感受。
搞笑英文多人剧本
Posts Tagged 搞笑剧本《正义必胜》英语话剧剧本5人短剧。
搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的绑架案，不错的剧本。
人物Bunny Cheng: Bunny ChenEliza Lin: DaughterCeline Tu: Reporter et AsideSano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)——————————————————————————–SCENE IA mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.Mom: Hello~Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy!The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again…Mom: Hello~Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~) Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)But the voice sounds like her dau ghter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…Mom: Eliza~Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?Mom: Ya~ are you ha ppy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.SCENE IIBecause the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangs ters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.At this moment, the girl appears.Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!Big gangster: (Hitting the sm all gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.Eliza: Never mind!Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there? Eliza: Oh… you sh ould go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.Eliza goes with the gangsters.In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.Eliza: What are you doing?Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home!Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!Eliza keeps crying.Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed) Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.SCENE IIIMother is preparing dinner.Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me! It’s not funny. I’m h ungry.As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop. The gangster takes the phone away.Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?Mom: Bargain is my hobby.Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remembe r don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.Mom: O.K. See you then!At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor. Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?Big gangster: Where is the ransom?Mom: Release my daughter first!Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!Mom: No way!And the battle begins.Mom: Justice is always the winner.Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved. Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?Small gangster: I……Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.Eliza: Me! Me!Celine: What do you want to say?Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!Mom: My turn. My turn.Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?Mom: Well……Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle. Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.Mom: Right. And they…Celine: They want to trick you, but…Mom: But… enough. I’m hu ngry. I want to go home with my daughter.Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call wi ll often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.《出租车司机》英语话剧剧本一天出租车司机Tommy遇到了很多奇怪的事情。
- 1、下载文档前请自行甄别文档内容的完整性，平台不提供额外的编辑、内容补充、找答案等附加服务。
- 2、"仅部分预览"的文档,不可在线预览部分如存在完整性等问题,可反馈申请退款(可完整预览的文档不适用该条件!)。
- 3、如文档侵犯您的权益，请联系客服反馈,我们会尽快为您处理(人工客服工作时间：9:00-18:30)。
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow. Birdsaredancinginthecold.
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep.
Windiscominginsilence.
Anothermysteriousmanapproaches.
Y与X相遇．
X：oH,Iamsorrytoknockyou!
Y:,Nevermindbaby.
X:Excuseme，whoareyouonearthCouldyoutellmeyourname？
Y:,Iwon’tchangemyname!’mthemostfamous——？
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar,ximenchuixuethebestMartialArts？
X:Great,youknowme!Todayisyourdeaddate!
Y抱腿：Please,please……Don’tkillme!Letmego!
X:No,Imustkillyou!
Y:I don’!
X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow？
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’tforceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk,verygood!？
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme？
X:Sure,must!Milkismilk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood!verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!？
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfI don’tbeatyout histime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1!
X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach!
Y大笑：HaHa……themilkisexceedthetimelimit
（一人路过，x起身跑过去）
X可怜状:excuseme!Help,help,Whereisthewashroomplease,tellme.
Y:Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye(以胜利者的语气，转头,看见花满楼)
Y:Whoareyou？
H:Hua—man—-lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue？
Y:Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC”.
H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!doyouwantjoininusIfyoufollowmyking,hewillgive
whatyouwant.
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemy king!
第二幕：无间道
H:Mydearest!letmeintroduceyeguchengtoyou!（指Y）thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese,yegucheng.
Y:excuseme,
King:yes,Iwill.
Y:That’？
K:!Hahaha……
Y:ofcourse.
美女出场
M:hello，帅锅..
K:,nowlet’shavearitual.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫
状:Yegucheng!Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascoldheadache,poor,
rich？
Y:Yes,Ido.
K:Huamanlou,!（音乐停）
X唱着上:(看到戒指)thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyouwhyshoulditbelongtoyou？
Y急切:king!Dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme.
X冷酷:yegucheng!Comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿:oldbrother!Forgiveme!
X:ForgiveyouWhy？
Y:Oncetherewasachanc ebeforeme,,I’lltellyou“Iloveyou”,Iftheremustbealimitedperiod,Ihopei
tisthousandyear!
X:Youshallcheatme!allyoudidarewrong!howcanyoutellme thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
X:milkIloveyou.
K:Don’tsaythat“youloveme”.I’llkillyouforyousayingdir tywordtome!
X:What(侧耳装着听不到)You—kill—-mecome,come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
K:!
X:Howcanyoukillmehaha……
Y:Letmehaveatry!3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
M:oh,whathappened（看着X，做惊吓状）areyouok（跑到西门吹雪身边）
Y:doyouwanttogotowc？
X:Yes,I……I……do.
Y:haha,themilkwasadded三聚氰胺beyondstandards.
M:you,stupid,badbehavior!goaway!
K;whywhydoyouhelphim!whoactuallyareyou？
M:actually,I’maspysendedbyLuXiaofeng,andIfellinlovewith ximenchuixue.
K惊讶:!you—you—Youare X’lover？
Y:doyouknow,youarethefirstpersonwhocheatedme!Ihatey ou.(轻声说)letmetellyou,Ｘwilldie.
M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’tdie,youshouldbealive,therearemuchhopein thefutureandtomorrowisagoodbeginnin g!
K:whatamovingstory!Iwasimpressed!
Y:lifeisaprogress,butitisdepressedthatitcannotresume!
M:lifeisaprogress,anditisdelightthatitneedn’tresume!
(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:Ineveranticipateyoutreatmebythis,whytellmewhy(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M:X,oh,no,youcan’tdie,wewillgohometogether.
X:gohome!？
M:Tomorrowisanotherday!evenyouhavethelastsecondtoliv e,youshouldbealive,notonlyforme,butforourlove.
X:promiseme,you’llgetonwell,andyou’llneverletgo.
（X死）,
M:bealive!yeah,bealive!bealivewithoutahendance!。