英语幽默小故事10篇
英语幽默小故事10篇
【引言】
学习英语的过程中，阅读幽默小故事不仅能够提高我们的语言能力，还能让我们在轻松愉快的氛围中领略到英语文化的魅力。
下面，就让我们一起来欣赏10篇英语幽默小故事，并在快乐中学习吧！
【故事1】
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jack who had a peculiar habit of always forgetting his keys.One day, he locked himself out of his house again.Instead of calling a locksmith, he decided to break into his own house through the window.As he was climbing in, he suddenly realized that he had left his keys inside the house!
幽默点：Jack忘记带钥匙的习惯以及他试图通过窗户进入自己家的荒谬行为让人捧腹大笑。
【故事2】
Mike was a terrible cook.One day, he decided to make dinner for his girlfriend.He spent hours in the kitchen, and when he finally served the meal, it was completely inedible.His girlfriend asked him, "What did you make?" Mike replied, "Well, it"s not quite soup, and it"s not quite stew, but you can call it "soupstew"!"
幽默点：Mike的创新菜名“soupstew”让人忍俊不禁，体现了他的幽默感。
【故事3】
John went to a restaurant with his friend Bob.They were browsing the menu when John noticed that the waiter was standing nearby.He decided to play a prank on his friend Bob.John whispered to the waiter, "Don"t tell Bob, but I"m allergic to peanuts." The waiter nodded and served them their meals.A few minutes later, Bob started choking and went into shock.John couldn"t help but laugh as he watched his friend being rushed to the hospital.
幽默点：John的恶作剧以及他在Bob发病时忍不住笑出的情景让人忍俊不禁。
【故事4】
Tom was an avid golfer.He was so obsessed with the sport that he even practiced in his backyard.One day, his neighbor knocked on his door and said, "Tom, you"re driving me crazy! I can"t sleep because of your constant golfing." Tom replied, "But I"m only hitting imaginary golf balls!"
幽默点：Tom坚持在backyard 练习高尔夫，并声称自己只是在击打“想象中的球”，这种幽默的解释让人捧腹。
【故事5】
Lucy was an excellent painter.One day, she decided to display her artwork at a local gallery.To her surprise, her paintings sold out within hours.Lucy was overjoyed until she realized that the buyers had
mistaken her artwork for wrapping paper!
幽默点：Lucy的画作被误认为包装纸，这种反转让人忍俊不禁。
【故事6】
Bill was a compulsive liar.He often found himself in awkward situations because of his habit.One day, he went to the store and bought a hat.When he got home, he told his wife, "I bought the hat for $100, but the store owner gave me a discount for being a good customer." His wife replied, "That"s strange, because I was at the store today, and the hat was only $50." Bill was caught in another lie, but he managed to stay calm and replied, "Well, I guess I was lying about the discount, but the hat is still mine!"
幽默点：Bill面对妻子的质疑，以另一种幽默的方式承认了自己的谎言。
英语幽默小故事(共8篇)
英语幽默小故事〔共8篇〕篇1：英语幽默小故事 Don't Pick Up the Money on the GroundAn economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.Why not?If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.Everything that can be invented has been invented.别捡地上的钱一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。
学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。
“为什么不捡?”“假设那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。
”“该创造的都已经被创造出来了。
”篇2：英语幽默小故事 The Less You Know, the More Money You MakeTheorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.Postulate 2: Time is Money.As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we haveKnowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.知识越少挣钱越多定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。
英语幽默小故事
英语幽默小故事故事1：The Mischievous ParrotOne day, a man named John went to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper showed him a beautiful parrot, which could speak many languages. Impressed, John decided to take it home.However, as soon as John reached home, he realized that the parrot was quite mischievous. It would imitate John's voice and play pranks on him. The parrot would hide his keys, steal his wallet, and even mimic his wife's voice to confuse him.Despite the trouble, John found the parrot's antics amusing and couldn't help but laugh. He decided to name the parrot Charlie, as it perfectly suited its cheeky personality.One day, John's friend came to visit. Charlie, being the clever parrot he was, decided to have some fun. As John and his friend sat down to chat, Charlie imitated their voices and pretended to have a conversation, switching back and forth between their voices flawlessly. John's friend was astonishedand couldn't figure out how both of them were speaking at the same time.Soon, Charlie realized that his prank had gone too far. He feared that John's friend would get upset or angry, so he quickly revealed his trick by saying, \。
幽默简短的英语小故事
幽默简短的英语小故事幽默简短的英语小故事（精选16篇）在平时阅读幽默又简短的一些英语小故事，是可以帮助提高我们的英语水平的。
一起来看看店铺为大家整理幽默简短的英语小故事，欢迎大家阅读!幽默简短的英语小故事篇1The Old Cat：An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."幽默简短的英语小故事篇2Everybody dreams of doing something important. As a boy Raymond dreamed of being a scientist,infact, he is a postman now.Raymon d is an active young man. He livesby the saying“If you can't live the life you love, love the life you live”He greets everyone with a big smileand afriendly“Hi, howare you?”And he really wants to know! It's hardto feel unhappy when we hear him whistling happily up and down the street.幽默简短的英语小故事篇3Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.Theguests had not been invited to the wedding, so when the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to t he church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar."I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!""I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?""Just m y old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. ""Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.“"Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.”At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture.幽默简短的英语小故事篇4A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, oldman，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇5One day, Robin Hood went hunting alone in the forest. He had told his men that if he should fall into any danger and could not escape he would blow his horn so that they might know and come to help him. When he was crossing a river by a long bridge he met a huge man at the middle.And neither of the two would give way to the other. Robin Hood got angry and put an arrow to his bow and made ready to shoot. The stranger said it was unfair for Robin Hood to shoot a man who had only a staff in his hand. Hearing this Robin Hood lay down his bow and pulled up a small tree and returned to the stranger.幽默简短的英语小故事篇6A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master."So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?""40," replies the dog."How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!""I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."幽默简短的英语小故事篇7Many years afterreceivingmygraduatedegree, I returned tothe State University of New York at Binghamton as afacultymember. One day in a crowdedelevator, someone remarked on itsinefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt acompassionatepaton my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," shewhispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 幽默简短的英语小故事篇8A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry.I was ironing your new suit andburned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same.""Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.幽默简短的英语小故事篇9A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."幽默简短的英语小故事篇10The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tic kets.”About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇11A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"幽默简短的英语小故事篇12Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before ， so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?""Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."幽默简短的英语小故事篇13A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”"Not really，”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”幽默简短的英语小故事篇14Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he re- quested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came run- ping up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar!I just saw someone driving off wit h your new Mercedes!”"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?""No,”she said，"I did better than that! I got the license plate number”幽默简短的英语小故事篇15A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give aseries of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For thetask, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highlytechnical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to theeconomist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I coulddeliver it myself." Theeconomist found this idea intriguing and decided toswitch places with him at his next lecture.The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some onein the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had noidea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, andthen replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."幽默简短的英语小故事篇16The miserly millionaire ca lled a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”The family respected his wishes. After his death, the milli onaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”。
英语幽默小故事14篇
Gardening Gloves For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an
allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare." Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves. 园艺手套 几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在 干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。” 那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的.礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
英语幽默小故事 篇8
Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for seve Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wound Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
超级搞笑英语笑话小短文
超级搞笑英语笑话小短文【篇一】超级搞笑英语笑话小短文给予与提取M.friend’.preparation.fo..visi.fro.he.childre.incl ude..tri.t.th.bank.Waitin.i.lin.a.th.teller’.windo mente.t.th.middle-age.ma.behind.her,”M.childre.ar.i.thei.20’s，an.I’.stil.givin.the.money.Whe.doe.i.end?”我的朋友为其子女的光临做着一些准备工作。
这些工作当然包括要到银行去一超。
当她在出纳员的窗外排队等候时，她对她身后的一位中年男子说:“我的孩子们都20多岁了，可我仍然得给他们钱。
这种事什么时候才算完呢?””I’.no.sure，”th.ma.replie.whil.glancin.uncomfortabl.a..pape.i.hi .hand，”bu.I`.no.th.on.t.ask.I’.her.t.deposi..chec.m.mothe .gav.me.”“我可不知道。
”那位男子边回答边不安地看着手里拿着的那张纸。
“我可不是你该问的人，我到这儿是来支取我妈妈给我的支票的。
”【篇二】超级搞笑英语笑话小短文妻子的欲望.woma.an.he.husban.wer.ou.shoppin.whe.sh.realiz e.tha.sh.neede.t.purchas.som.hai.colo.fo.he.grayin. hair.一位女士在与他的丈夫购物时，她意识到她该为她的灰白头发买些染发水了。
”Whe.ar.yo.goin.t.sto.buyin.tha.expensiv.stuf.,”complaine.th.husband.”an.le.you.hai.g.gra.lik.Barbar.Bush?”她丈夫抱怨说:“你什么时候才能停止买那些昂贵的东西，而让你的头发长成像芭芭拉.布什(总统夫人)的头发那样灰白呢?””Th.da.tha.you’r.inaugurated,”th.wif.replied.“那就要等到你就职的那天了。
幽默英语小故事16篇笑死人的
幽默英语小故事16篇笑死人的在小学英语教学期间,英语小故事能够为学生的学习提供良好的背景。
幽默英语小故事有哪些呢?本文是店铺整理的幽默英语小故事16篇，欢迎阅读。
幽默英语小故事1.Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.慎重许愿一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。
他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。
她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。
仙女招了招手。
“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。
小学生英语幽默故事(超全版,中英双语)
Ten CandiesMother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”“Ten.” Jim says.“Then,” Mother asks.“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six i s ten, isn’t it right?”故事2 十块糖妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”“10块。
”吉姆说。
“10块？”妈妈问。
“是的，妈妈。
因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”小学生英语故事包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。
激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。
最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的O(∩_∩)O英文幽默故事：There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That’s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don’t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call h im ‘The Boss.’”老板最大有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。
简单搞笑的英语小故事
简单搞笑的英语小故事（经典版）编制人：__________________审核人：__________________审批人：__________________编制单位：__________________编制时间：____年____月____日序言下载提示：该文档是本店铺精心编制而成的，希望大家下载后，能够帮助大家解决实际问题。
文档下载后可定制修改，请根据实际需要进行调整和使用，谢谢!并且，本店铺为大家提供各种类型的经典范文，如职场文书、合同协议、总结报告、演讲致辞、规章制度、自我鉴定、应急预案、教学资料、作文大全、其他范文等等，想了解不同范文格式和写法，敬请关注!Download tips: This document is carefully compiled by this editor. I hope that after you download it, it can help you solve practical problems. The document can be customized and modified after downloading, please adjust and use it according to actual needs, thank you!Moreover, our store provides various types of classic sample essays for everyone, such as workplace documents, contract agreements, summary reports, speeches, rules and regulations, self-assessment, emergency plans, teaching materials, essay summaries, other sample essays, etc. If you want to learn about different sample essay formats and writing methods, please stay tuned!简单搞笑的英语小故事简单搞笑的英语小故事（通用9篇）有很多孩子都喜欢听英语故事，特别是一些简单又很搞笑的小故事是很受欢迎的。
英语小幽默笑话
英语小幽默笑话一、教室里的笑话一天，小明走进教室，发现黑板上写着一行字：“I'm very good!（我很好！）”于是他皱了皱眉，拿起粉笔在旁边写了一行字：“I'm good too, thank you!（我也很好，谢谢！）”当小明坐下时，他才发现旁边的黑板上写着：“I'm a blackboard!（我是一个黑板！）”二、动物园里的笑话John 去动物园里参观。
他走到狮子旁边，然后用手指挖狮子笼子外面一点点的土。
突然，狮子怒吼一声，跳到笼子外面。
John 吓得立刻跑了起来。
然而，狮子并没有追赶他，反而开始用爪子挖土，好像在等待什么。
John 一边跑一边回头看，这时突然明白过来，原来狮子是在等着他掏出足够多的土，这样狮子就可以把他的手指当早餐了。
三、医院里的笑话将军身体不适，于是他去了医院。
医生给将军把脉后说：“将军，您需要多休息，少工作。
”将军愤怒地说：“我是将军，我必须站在最前线，为国家效力！”医生点点头，继续说道：“我明白了，将军。
那么我们就把床移到最前线吧！”四、旅行的笑话一个美国人，一个英国人和一个中国人一起参加了一个环球旅行团。
当他们来到一个孤岛时，他们被困在那里了。
他们决定每人去找各自国家的救援。
一个月后，美国人挨饿了，但看到了一点希望。
他用信号枪向天空发出了SOS。
几天后，一架直升飞机来把他救走了。
两个月后，英国人饿得快死了，但他坚信救援一定会来。
于是他写了一封希望的信并抛入大海。
几天后，一个军舰把他救了起来。
而中国人一直没有食物，他只好靠椰子充饥。
六个月后，他终于爬到了岛的最高峰，大喊一声：“我是第一批到达这个岛屿的人！”五、餐厅里的笑话一位顾客走进餐厅，服务员领他坐下，然后递给他菜单。
一会儿，服务员走过来问：“先生，您想点什么？”顾客犹豫了一下，然后说道：“给我请一个有人性的厨师。
”服务员笑笑，离开了。
等了一会儿，服务员回来了，手上端着一个镜子。
他把镜子递给顾客说：“先生，这是我们厨师的倒影。
30则英语经典幽默故事（一）
30则英语经典幽默故事（一）下面是店铺整理的30则英语经典幽默故事，希望大家喜欢!经典英语幽默故事1.During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire.. No matter what happened on the field, she continually yelled, “Kill the umpire!” This went on for an hour. “Lady,” another fan called out, “ the umpire hasn’t done anything wrong.”“He’s my husband,” she replied, “ Last night he came home with lipstick on his collar. Kill the umpire!”经典英语幽默故事2.Frank, a friend of mine, often entertained clients at a local eatery, but he could never remember the name of the hostess, who always treated him wonderfully. One day, exasperated by his horrible recall, she said, “My name is Janet, and I’m from another planet,” hoping the mn emonics device would help him retain the information.The next time Frank went to the restaurant, he walked up to the hostess and told his guest, “ I want to introduce you to my friend Venus.”经典英语幽默故事3.At midnight, a judge was waken up, arrested and put into jail by a policeman. The next day, the head of the police head-quarters met with “ the prisoner”, set him free at once.It turned out that the judge wrote his own name when he signed the arresting list.经典英语幽默故事4.Suffering from students’ treading on the grassland, a wooden sign is set up beside it. It reads: “ Love the grass. Noroad No walking.”Several days later, the wooden sign disappeared without trace, another one replaced it, which reads: “There’s originally no road in the world, and a road is being formed with more and more people walking.”经典英语幽默故事5.As new students at a university in Boston, many of us were unfamiliar with the campus and consequently late for class. One professor, however, was particularly intolerant of tardiness, making it clear that no excuse would be acceptable. So when a student stumbled into his class one morning late, we expected the worst.Obvious upset, the professor demanded the reason for the student’s tardiness. “ I was waiting on line to buy your new textbook, “ sh e replied nervously. Gazing out at the rest of the class, the professor asked, “Well, why weren’t the rest of you late?”经典英语幽默故事6.A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.“ How old are these bones?” the tourist asked an elderly native American, who served as a guide.“Exactly one hundred million and three years old.”“ How can you be so sure?” inquired the tourist.“ Well,” replied the guide, “ a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.经典英语幽默故事7.A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn in the road. The farmer who lived nearby came to investigate. “ Hey,Willis, “ he called out, “ forget your trouble for a spell and co me on in and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”“ That’s mighty nice of you, “ Willis answered, “ but I don’t think Pa would like me to. ““ Aw, come on , son!” the farmer insisted.“ Well. Okay,” the boy finally agreed. “ But Pa won’t like it.”After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host, “ I feel a lot better now, but I just know Pa is going to be real upset.”“ Don’t be foolish!” exclaimed the neighbor, “ By the way, where is he?”“ Under the wagon.”经典英语幽默故事8.While coaching a group of five-and six-year-olds, learning to play soccer, I asked the kids what they should do when the referee blows his whistle. One boy, John answered, “ Stop and listen.” From the stands John’s mother yelled, “ Where can I get one of those whistles?”经典英语幽默故事9.My roommate was trying to convince her father she needed a sweat suit for jogging around campus. “ Why can’t you just run in your other clothes?” her father reasoned.“ You have to run in a sweat suit, “ she explained, “ otherwise no one knows you’re exercising---they just think you’re late!”经典英语幽默故事10.A student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: “ Mom-flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop.”Two days later he received a response: “ Pop prepared.Prepare yourself.”经典英语幽默故事11.“ I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class, “ observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses. “ when I say, ‘ Good morning,’ the undergraduates respond, ‘ Good morning,’ but the graduate students just write it down.经典英语幽默故事12.The philosophy finals in a college had many blank pages for the answer to one question: What is courage? Most of us wrote frantically, giving examples on theories. But one of my classmates turned in his essay with just two words on it –THIS IS. He received an A.经典英语幽默故事13.At the formal Sunday lunch at a university, the host at each table receives the food, passes it to the right and then serves himself last. One host soon found that a way to ensure that he received the biggest piece of dessert. Before passing the tray he would stick his finger in the piece he wanted and said, “ this one’s mine.”One day the students ganged up on him. As the dessert tray was passed around with the host’s finger mark in the piece of cake he desired, eac h student said, “ This one’s his,” and stuck another finger in it.经典英语幽默故事14.He used to sit on the front door step and whistle at every young woman that went by. “ Why do you let him get away with that? “ asked the woman next door.“ It’s no problem, “ said his wife. “ I’ve seen dogs chase cars, but they can’t drive. “经典英语幽默故事15.Chemistry teacher:” Robinson, give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze.”R: “ Hot water, sir.”经典英语幽默故事16.A: What is the longest night of the year?B: A fortnight.经典英语幽默故事17.A: What is a net?B: Holes tied together with string.经典英语幽默故事18.A: Why does the conductor put a hole in your railway ticket?B: To let you pass through.经典英语幽默故事19.A little boy was saying his go-to-bed prayers in a very low voice.“ I can’t hear you, dear,” his mother said.“ Wasn’t talking to you. “ said the small one.经典英语幽默故事20.An insurance agent talking to a prospective client at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on the mantel. “ Do you keep anything in it?” he asked.“ Yes, my husband’s ashes.”“ I’m sorry,” apologized the agent, “ I didn’t know he was deceased.”“ He isn’t. He’s just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray.”经典英语幽默故事21.My wife and I got on a bus with our seven children to go sightseeing. When we reached our stop, I used my most commanding voice to speed the children off the bus, sayingsternly, “ Everybody off!”I had collected the last little one from the bus before I noticed that, with unquestioning obedience, all the other passengers had also left the bus, and the driver was going on his way with an empty bus.经典英语幽默故事22.Recently our college authorities require that all the students should wear their cards on the breast.Li M ing, a student, looks at his student’s card now and then. Feeling puzzled, one of his classmates asked, “ Why do you constantly look at your card? Are you proud of wearing it?”“ No,” Li answered, “ just because I’m always afraid of losing it.”经典英语幽默故事23.A boy saw many people in the street flock together looking at something one day. Curiously, he went there and wanted to see what had happened. There was a crowd and it’s difficult for him to get inside. Since the boy was quick-witted, a good idea suddenly occurred to him. He shouted to the crowd, “ The one killed is my father.” The crowd parted immediately and he got inside at once. However, to his great surprise, he found that lying in the center of the crowd was a dead donkey.经典英语幽默故事24.A: Why did the old lady throw the butter out of the window?B; Because she wanted to see butter fly.经典英语幽默故事25.T: Name the two pronouns.S: who? Me?经典英语幽默故事26.A: Today’s problems are all due to ignorance andindifference. Don’t you agree?B: Well, I don’t know. Besides, I don’t care.经典英语幽默故事27.A priest was walking down a street when he saw a little boy jumping up and down to try to reach a doorbell. So the priest walked over and pressed the button for the youngster. “ And now what, my little man?” he asked.“ Now, “said the boy, “ Run like hell.”经典英语幽默故事28.A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “ Don’t be angry,” the mother said. “ Your sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother said, “ Now she knows.”经典英语幽默故事29.A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “ I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name ’Marylou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “ You had better have an explanation.”“ Calm down, honey, “ the man replied. “ Remember last week when I was at the races? That was the name of the horse I bet on.”The next morning his wife sneaked up and again whacked him. “ What was that for? “ he complained.“ Your horse called last night!”经典英语幽默故事30.Long a widower, my father-in-law was getting remarried. Before the service, the minister instructed him on the ritual,emphasizing the “repeat-after-me” vows. The ceremony proceeded smoothly until after the ring exchange when the minister, who had started to read the wrong passage, corrected himself. We heard my father-in-law obediently repeated aloud, “ Oh, my, I’ve gone wrong.”。