英语趣味故事(R)

趣味英语故事阅读

1．Honesty诚实

A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.

“Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five.”

“I am very sorry,”said the manager,“we cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy.”

As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk, who had overheard the conversation.

“You must not be so frank and tell the truth,”said the clerk,“no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little.”

The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.

“Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died?”

“Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football.”

2. An American on a British Train

A young American entered a railway compartment on a British train, to discover that all seats were occupied, Including one on which was seated a small dog. To its owner, a middle-aged lady wearing a large hat, he said politely,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I sit down?”

She said nothing, but merely sniffed and turned over the pages of her newspaper.

Again he said,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I have this seat, please? And again she ignored him.

For a third time the young American said,“Ma'am, would you please remove your dog so that I may sit down?”

And for the third time the snooty matron totally ignored him, so he opened a window, picked up the dog, threw it out, and then sat on the empty seat.

There was a stunned silence, and then an Englishman sitting opposite said,“You know, you Yanks are the strangest people. You drive on the wrong side of the road. You eat with the fork in the wrong hand, you name the floors in the wrong numbers, and now you've just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”

3．A Bad Foot受伤的脚

There was a bookseller who did not like to pay for anything. One day a big box of books fell on his foot.

“Go to the doctor,”said his wife，“show that foot to him.”

“No,”he said,“I'll wait until the doctor comes to our shop next time. Then I'll ask him about my foot. If I go to see him, I shall have to pay.”

The next day the doctor came to the shop to buy some books. The bookseller told the doctor about his bad foot. The doctor looked at it and promised to help.

He took out a piece of paper and wrote something on it.“Buy this and put it on the foot before you go to bed every night.”he said.

“Thank you.”said the bookseller.“And now, sir, here are your books.”

“How much?”asked the doctor.

“Two pounds.”

“Good,”said the doctor.“I shall not have to pay you anything today.”

“Why?”asked the bookseller.

“I have examined your foot. I want two pounds for that. If people come to my house, I ask them to pay one pound for a small thing like that. But when I go to their houses, I usually charge two pounds. And I came here today, didn't I? Bye-bye!”

4.The Gold and the Fur Coat

A young man and an old man were waiting for a bus at a station. They sat next to each other.

“What's that in your bag?”asked the young man, pointing to a big bag beside the old man.

“Gold, nothing but gold,”answered the old man.

The young man could hardly believe his own ears,“What?”he said to himself in surprise.“So much gold? My God! How I wish to be able to get so much gold!”Then he began to think about how to get the gold.

The old man looked tired and sleepy and it seemed that he could hardly keep his eyes open.“Are you sleepy, sir?”asked the young man.“Then you'd better lie down on the chair and have a good rest. Don't worry about the bus. I'll wake you up in time.”

“All right. It's very kind of you, young man.”The old man lay down and before long he fell asleep.

The young man took the big bag gently. But when he was about to run away, he found a corner of his fur coat was under the old man's body. Several times he tried to pull it out, but he couldn't. At last he took off his coat and went away with the bag.

The young man ran out of the station as quickly as his legs could carry him. When he reached a place where he thought the old man couldn't find him, he stopped and quickly opened the bag. To his surprise, there was nothing but a lot of small stones in it. He hurried to the station at once. But when he got there, he found the old man was gone.

5．Shave Me First

A barber was in his shop, busily cutting a man's hair, when a handsome young stranger came in. He had a small boy with him. They sat down together and waited until the barber had finished. Then the young man told the barber to shave him and to cut the small boy's hair.

The barber said,“Do you want me to cut the boy's hair first, or to shave you?”

“Oh, shave me.”said the young man.“Then I'll go down the road and have a glass of wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

The young man sat down in the barber's chair, and the barber began to shave him.

When he had finished, the young man got up and said,“I'll go down the road now and have my wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

“All right, but I won't take long.”the barber warned him. The young man went out, the small boy obediently sat down in the barber's chair，and the barber began to cut his hair.

As he had said, he soon finished, and then the boy sat down and waited. At the end of half an hour, when the young man had still not come back, the barber said to the boy,“It is a pity that your daddy's taking such a long time. Where is he likely to be n ow?”

“I can't guess,”answered the small boy.“And that man wasn't my daddy. I've never seen him before in my life. I was playing in the street this morning, and he came up to me and asked me whether I'd like to have my hair cut without having to pay anything. I said I would, because my hair was rather long, so he brought me here.”

6.“You Failed!”

When I was at the university I studied very hard. But a lot of my friends did very little work. Some did just enough to pass exams. Others didn't do quite enough. Tim was one of them. He spent more time playing games in the club than working in the library.

Once, at the end of term, we had to take an important test in chemistry. The test had a hundred questions. Beside each question we had to write“True”or “False”.While I was studying in my room the night before the test, Tim was watching television. Tim usually worried a lot the night before a test. But on that night he looked perfectly calm. Then he told me of his plan.“It's very simple. There are a hundred questions and I have to get sixty correct to pass the test. I'll take a coin into the examination room. I haven't studied a chemistry book for months, so I'm sure I'll just toss the coin. If the coin comes down on my hand with the right side up, I write“True”.If it rests with the other side up, I write“False”.That way, I'm sure I'll get sixty questions right.”

The next day Tim came cheerfully into the examination room. He sat tossing a coin for half an hour and handed in his paper one hour earlier than the rest of us.

The next day, he saw the chemistry professor in the corridor.

“Oh, good,”he said.“Have you got the results of the test? What mark did I get?”

The professor looked at him and smiled.

“Ah, it's you, Tim. Just a minute.”

Then he reached into his pocket and took out a coin. He threw it in the air, caught it in his hand and looked at it.

“I'm terribly sorry, Tim,”he said,“You failed.”

7．Elena Was Taught a Lesson

Elena was not a good student. Her head was in the clouds most of the time. She wanted to listen in class and to study，but other things were more important, like her boyfriend, her clothes, and television. Every time she tried to concentrate on her lesson, her mind wandered.

One day, her English teacher, Mrs Green, said she was going to give an important test. She reviewed all week. Where Was Elena? She seemed to be there, but her mind was absent.

“Did you copy the questions? Did you do the exercises? Did you write your homework? Elena, wake up! You're going to fail the test,”warned Mrs Green.

The day of the test arrived. Elena didn't study very much, and she didn't know many answers. She tried to guess but soon gave up.

Next to Elena sat Ivan, a very hardworking student. Elena didn't want to fail the test, so she decided to cheat. She knew it was wrong, but she had no way out. She began to copy all of Ivan's answers.

Ivan noticed Elena cheating and was very angry. Quickly he changed all his answers so that they were incorrect. So did Elena. Then, hiding his paper,he quickly changed his answers back to the way they had been. Elena wasn't quick enough and the bell rang. Ivan turned to Elena and laughed.

“Honesty is the best policy,”he said.“Now all your answers are wrong for sure.”

8.A Guide with Prejudice

In 1861 the Civil War started in the United States between the Northern and the Southern states. The war continued with great bitterness until 1865,when the Northerners were victorious. However, even today, many Southerners have not forgotten their defeat, or forgiven the Northerners.

A few years ago, a party of American tourists were going round one of the battlefields of the Civil War with a guide who came from one of the Southern states. At each place, the guide told the tourists stirring stories about how a few Southern soldiers had conquered powerful forces of Northerners there.

At last, one of the tourists, a lady who came from the North, stopped the guide and said to him,“But surely the Northern army must have won at least one victory in the Civil War?”

“Not as long as I'm the guide here, madam,”answered the Southern guide.

9.It Was Not Enough

A famous doctor once attended a little boy who was dangerously ill. Thanks to his skill and care this young patient recovered, and was soon able to get up and run about again. The child's mother was very grateful, and she called on the doctor to thank him for what he had done for her son.

“Doctor,”she said.“You have saved my little boy's life. I do not know how to thank you enough. I feel that money alone cannot repay you, so I have made this little purse with my own hands, as a sign of my gratitude. I hope you will accept it.”

The doctor drew himself up and said coldly,“Madam, little presents like that are very nice between friends, but a doctor needs to be paid properly for his attentions.”

The lady was too surprised and hurt to reply for a moment. Then she said quietly,“Perhaps you will tell me what your fee is, doctor?”

“Fifty pounds,”he answered.

The lady opened the little purse that she had made and took out four fifty-pound bank notes. She handed one of them to the doctor, and put the other three back into the purse. She put the purse into her handbag, and saying good bye to the doctor, she went out of the room.

10.Behaving Like a Lady

Mr. West intended to buy his wife a Christmas present, but he was always very busy, so he was never able to find time to go to the shops. At last, when it was the week before Christmas, and the shops were very crowded, he decided that he could not wait any longer. He worked in an office, and usually had lunch in a restaurant, but one day he bought some sandwiches, ate them quickly and went out to a big shop near his office during his lunch hour.

The shop was full of women, who were also buying presents during their lunch hour. Mr West stood politely at the edge of a crowd of women who were pushing forward to try to get to the people who were selling necklaces and ear-rings. He tried to move forwards slowly, taking his turn with the others, but more and more women were coming into the shop the whole time and pushing selfishly past him.

After half an hour, he was just as far from the people who were selling the necklaces as he

had been when he came in, and his lunch hour was coming to an end, so he decided to change his way of doing things: he put his head down, gave a sudden loud shout and started to push his way towards the front of the crowd as hard as he could.

The women around him became very angry when they saw what he was doing, and began to scold him.“Why can't you behave like a gentleman?”they shouted．

“Ladies,”he answered them,“I have been behaving like a gent leman for the past half hour, and it has got me nowhere, so now I am starting to behave like a lady!”

11.The Bad Check空头支票

One day a middle-aged woman telephoned her doctor.

“Doctor,”she said,“I'm having a lot of trouble with my shoulder. It hurts all the time and I can't sleep at night.”

“Come in this afternoon.”said the doctor,“and I'll have a look at it.”

That afternoon the woman went to the doctor's office. He gave her a very thorough examination, asked a lot of questions, and listened carefully to her answers.

“Well, my dear,”he said,“It looks like you have arthritis.”

“Arthritis?”she said.“Oh, no! What am I going to do?”

“Don't worry,”he answered,“I'll give you a prescription and the pain will go away．”Then the doctor took out his pen, wrote a prescription, and handed her his bill for fifty dollars. The woman opened her pocketbook, wrote out a fifty-dollar check, said goodbye, and left.

The doctor mailed the check to his bank, but a week later he was surprised to find that the check was returned to him, marked“Insufficient Funds”. He telephoned the woman immediately.

“I'm very sorry to have to tell you this.”he began,“but your check came back this week.”

“Oh, really?”said the woman,“That's quite a coincidence.”

“What do you mean?”asked the doctor.

“Well,”said the woman,“so did my arthritis.”

12.Mr Brown's Four Umbrellas

Mr. Brown worked in a factory of a small town. He had been there for twenty years before one day he was sent to the capital for important business. He was quite excited because he had never been there before. Before he set off. he asked his wife and three daughters if they wanted him to buy something for them in London. Mrs. brown began to think it over and then she said she wished her husband would be able to buy a nice umbrella for her, and so did their three daughters. As he was afraid he would forget it, he drew an umbrella on his hand. To his regret, he lost it at the station.

On the train Mr. Brown sat opposite to an old woman, The woman's umbrella was so nice that he carefully looked at it and said to himself not to forget to buy a few umbrellas like it. When the train arrived at the station in London, he said good-bye to the old woman, took his bag and her umbrella and was going to get off.

“Wait a minute, sir,”shouted the old woman.“That's my umbrella!”

Now Mr. Brown noticed that he had taken her umbrella. His face turned red at once and said in a hurry,“Oh, I'm very sorry. madam! I didn't mean it!”

Seven days later Mr. Brown left the capital. To his surprise, he met the old woman and sat oppsite to her again. Looking at the four umbrellas, the old woman was satisfied with herself.“It seems

that I was luckier than the other four women.”She thought.

13．You're Right

Once Mr. Henry went to a small town with high mountains all around it. It was a quiet and cool place and some rich people liked to go there for their holidays. A week later, before Mr. Henry left the town, he paid thirty pounds for a parrot. When he came back, he began to teach the bird to speak. He tried his best, but it learned only one sentence,“You're right.”He was disappointed and said to the bird angrily，“How foolish you are!”

“You're right,”said the parrot.

The next day Mr. Henry took the bird to the market and wanted to sell it for eighty pounds. Before long a fat man came and looked at the parrot carefully. Then he asked,“How much is it, sir?”

Mr. Henry didn't hurry to answer and said,“It's a clever bird, you know. It can speak and sing.”Then he said to the bird,“Are you really worth eighty pounds, my dear?

“You're right,”said the parrot.

The fat man liked it at once and bought it. When he took it home he asked it a lot of questions, but it could only say,“You are right.”

He felt very sorry for it and said to himself angrily,“Why did I spend eighty pounds on such a foolish bird? What a fool I am!

“You're right, answered the parrot.

Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing and set it free．

14.A Problem in Arithmetic

Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.

One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.

"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.

"Six for five cents."

"But I don't want six apples."

"How many apples do you want?"

"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."

"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.

"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."

Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

15. Things Have Been Okay

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"

"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."