小学四年级英语笑话1

1.we two who and who？咱俩谁跟谁阿

2．how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？

3．you don't bird me,I don't bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你

4．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！together up ！你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！

5．hello everybody! if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!! 有事起奏，无事退朝

6．you me you me 彼此彼此

7．You Give Me Stop!! 你给我站住！

8．know is know noknow is noknow 知之为知之，不知为不知... 9．WATCH SISTER 表妹

10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!!

龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！

11．American Chinese not enough 美中不足

12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die 车祸现场描述13．heart flower angry open 心花怒放

14．go past no mistake past 走过路过，不要错过

15. 小明：I am sorry! 老外：I am sorry too!

小明：I am sorry three! 老外：What are you sorry for?

小明：I am sorry five!

16．If you want money,I have no; if you want life,I have one! 要钱没有，要命一条

17．I call Li old big. toyear。我叫李老大，今年25。

18．you have two down son。你有两下子

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

回答者：893053124|一级| 2009-2-8 11:48

A farmer has five sons.They are Ted,Bob,Tom,John and Bill. John has no elder brother. He was four years older when his first younger brother was born. The number of Tom's elder brothers is equal to his younger brothers. Bill will be twenty-one years old next year, and he is five years older than Bob. Bob is two years younger than Tom. Ted was sad because he has no younger brother. There are twelve years between him and John.

一个农民有5个儿子。他们是Ted,Bob,Tom,John 和Bill。John没有比他大的哥哥，他比第一个出生的比他小的那个弟弟大4岁，Tom哥哥的数量和他的弟弟的数量是一样的（就是他是老三）Bill 明年就21岁了，他比Bob大5岁，比Tom小2岁，Ted因为没有弟弟而难过Ted 和John之间差了12岁

I work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,

护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M 公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说: "恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

Five Hundred Times 五百遍

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写…我开车闯了红灯?500遍。”

Second language

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”

It is half past five, School is over . Vicky comes back. His mother is not at home and the door is closed. His brother Jim likes sports. He is playing football in the school.His sister Becky likes music and she is singing with her friends.

Mrs Hyde comes back with a basket on her arm.Vicky sees his mother and runs to help her carry it.They come in and the girl finds there are three cakes in a bag. They are her favorite food and she wants to eat them.

"The other two are for Jim and Becky,"says his mother. "You can have one." "But I am hungry now,Mum."says the girl,"May I have two?" "Yes,you

can ."Says the mother,"Go and cut yours in half."

现在是5:30,放学了.Vicky回来了.他的妈妈不在家而且门是关着的.他的哥哥Jim 喜欢做运动.他正在学校踢足球.他的姐姐Becky喜欢音乐,她正在和她的朋友一起唱歌.

Hyde太太回来时拿着一个篮子.Vicky看见了他的妈妈然后跑过去帮她拿篮子.他们进来,这个女孩发现包里有3个蛋糕.这是她最喜欢的食物,她想吃.

"另外两个是给Jim和Becky的."她妈妈说."你可以吃一个.""但是我现在饿了妈妈."这个女孩说."我能吃两个么?""是的你可以."妈妈说."去把你的切成两半."

A Supermarket

Near our school there is a supermarket. There are a lot of things in it. You can buy school things, like exercise books, rulers, pens, color pencils, erasers, maps and so on. You can buy drinks, vegetables, fruits, and other kinds of food. Some of them are cheap while some are expensive. On the second floor is the clothing section and there you can find different kinds of clothes.

The supermarket is open twelve hours a day : from 9:00 a. m. to 9:00 p.m. The workers in the supermarket are very friendly and they can help you find what you want.

On Saturdays and Sundays, the market is full of people.

一家超市

我们学校附近有一家超市。里面有好多东西。你可以买到学习用品，比如练习本、尺子、钢笔、彩色铅笔、橡皮和地图等等。你可以买饮料、蔬菜、水果和各种食品。有一些商品很便宜，而有一些却很贵。超市的二楼是服装区。在那儿，你可以见到各种各样的服装。

这家超市每天营业12小时，从上午9：00到晚上9：00。里面的工作人员狠热情，他们可以帮助你找到你要买的东西。

每到星期六和星期天，这里就挤满了顾客。

My childhood was happy with my mother's love. In my young heart, my mother was strong and healthy, and never got sick. She took me to the kindergarten and home every day, in spite of rain and wind.

But one day, after we got home from the kindergarten, my mother went into the bedroom and stayed in bed. I didn't know what had happened. I sat beside her and wanted to cry. My mother said to me, "It doesn't matter, mum has only a stomachache. I will be all right after a while." Although mother said so, I found tears in her eyes because of pain. At that time I knew adults also got ill and cried. I decided I would take care of my mother from then on.

在妈妈的呵护下，我的童年是快乐的。在我幼小的心灵中，妈妈强壮健康，永远不会生病。无论是下雨还是刮风，她每天带我在幼儿园和家之间穿梭。

但是有一天，我们从幼儿园回来后，妈妈进屋就躺在了床上。我禾知道发生什么了，坐在她旁边想哭。妈妈对我说：“没关系，妈妈只是胃疼，一会就会好。”虽然妈妈这么说，但我发现了她疼得眼中含着眼泪。那个时候我才知道大人也会生病，也会哭的。从那时起我决定要照顾妈妈。

Wings

The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."

翅膀

一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！”

Juanita: Hello! My name's Juanita Read.

What's your name?

Song Yang: I am Song Yang.

Juanita: Nice to meet you!

Song Yang: Nice to meet you, too! Where are you from?

Juanita: I'am from Oxford in England.

What about you?

Song Yang: Oh, I come from Xi'an in Shanxi.

Can you speak Chinese?

Juanita: I understand Chinese a little, but I don't speak it very well.

Song Yang: Oh, I understand English a little, but I don't speak it very well! Juanita: Then let's speak Chinglish!

Song Yang: Or Englese!

娟妮塔：你好！我叫娟妮塔.里德，你叫什么名字？

杨松：我叫杨松

娟妮塔：很高兴见到你

杨松：我也很高兴见到你。你从哪儿来？

娟妮塔：我来自英国牛津，你呢？

杨松：我来自陕西的西安，你会说中文吗？

娟妮塔：我懂一点中文，但我说得不是很好。

杨松：哦，我懂一点英语，但我说得也不太好。

娟妮塔：那我们来说中式英语吧~

杨松：或者是英式中文！

Lan and Fred

Lan and Fred were boys. They were both twelve years old, and they were in the same class in their school. Last Friday afternoon they had a fight in class, and their teacher was very angry. He said to both of them, “Stay here after the lessons this afterno on, and write your names a thousand times.” After the last lesson, all the other boys went home, but Lan and Fred stayed in the classroom with their teacher and begin writing their names.

Then Fred began crying.

The teacher looked at him and said,” Why are you crying, Fred?”

“Because his name?s Lan May, and mine?s Frederick Hollingsworth,” Fred said. 易恩和富雷得

易恩和富雷得都是男孩，他们都十二岁了。他们在学校里是同班同学。上周五下午他们在学校里打了一架。为此老师很生气。老师对他们说：“下午下课后留在着把你们的名字写一千遍。”

最后一节课下课，所有的学生都回家了。只有易恩和富雷得被他们的老师留在教师里抄写他们的名字。

接着富雷得哭了起来。

老师看了看他问：“富雷得，你为什么要哭呢？”

“因为他的名字是Lan May, 而我的名字确是Frederick Hollingsworth，”富雷得回答道。

Fox and cock

One morning a fox sees a cock. He think,“This is my breakfast.”

He comes up to the cock and says, “I know you can sing very well. Can you sing for me?” The c ock is glad. He closes his eyes and begins to sing. The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away.

The people in the field see the fox. They cry, “Look, look! The fox is carrying the cock away.” The cock says to the fox, “Mr. Fox, do you understand? The people say you are carrying their cock away. Tell them it is yours. Not theirs.” The fox opens his mouth and says, “The cock is mine, not yours.” Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.

狐狸和公鸡

一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：这是我的早餐。

他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很高兴。他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。狐狸看到这些抓住它放到自己的嘴里走了。

在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看！狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们认为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。”

狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，。公鸡跑到了树底下。

回答者：尐儍鼒|三级| 2009-2-8 22:24

Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's.

"What's the matter with you",asked the doctor.

"I have been broken all!",said the fool .

"Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.

Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……

The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"

从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。

那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M 公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that?s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It?s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That?s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？”

医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。”

Notes

1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹

2. to point at: 对...瞄准

allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased

breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

fool_fox

标题：I'm the boss

内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office https://www.360docs.net/doc/e64721937.html,ter that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

note:staff meeting:员工会议

Wife's picture

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈

martini 马提尼酒

peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看

当我被上帝造出来时，上帝问我想在人间当一个怎样的人，我不假思索的说，

我要做一个伟大的世人皆知的人。于是，我降临在了人间。

我出生在一个官僚知识分子之家，父亲在朝中做官，精读诗书，母亲知书答礼，温柔体贴，父母给我去了一个好听的名字：李清照。

小时侯，受父母影响的我饱读诗书，聪明伶俐，在朝中享有“神童”的称号。小时候的我天真活泼，才思敏捷，小河畔，花丛边撒满了我的诗我的笑，无可置疑，小时侯的我快乐无虑。

“兴尽晚回舟，误入藕花深处。争渡，争渡，惊起一滩鸥鹭。”青春的我如同一只小鸟，自由自在，没有约束，少女纯净的心灵常在朝阳小，流水也被自然洗礼，纤细的手指拈一束花，轻抛入水，随波荡漾，发髻上沾着晶莹的露水，双脚任水流轻抚。身影轻飘而过，留下一阵清风。

可是晚年的我却生活在一片黑暗之中，家庭的衰败，社会的改变，消磨着我那柔弱的心。我几乎对生活绝望，每天在痛苦中消磨时光，一切都好象是灰暗的。“寻寻觅觅冷冷清清凄凄惨惨戚戚”这千古叠词句就是我当时心情的写照。

最后，香消玉殒，我在痛苦和哀怨中凄凉的死去。

在天堂里，我又见到了上帝。上帝问我过的怎么样，我摇摇头又点点头，我的一生有欢乐也有坎坷，有笑声也有泪水，有鼎盛也有衰落。我始终无法客观的评价我的一生。我原以为做一个着名的人，一生应该是被欢乐荣誉所包围，可我发现我错了。于是在下一轮回中，我选择做一个平凡的人。

我来到人间，我是一个平凡的人，我既不着名也不出众，但我拥有一切的幸福：我有温馨的家，我有可亲可爱的同学和老师，我每天平凡而快乐的活着，这就够了。

天儿蓝蓝风儿轻轻，暖和的春风带着春的气息吹进明亮的教室，我坐在教室的窗前，望着我拥有的一切，我甜甜的笑了。我拿起手中的笔，不禁想起曾经作诗的李清照，我虽然没有横溢的才华，但我还是拿起手中的笔，用最朴实的语言，写下了一时的感受：

人生并不总是完美的，每个人都会有不如意的地方。这就需要我们静下心来阅读自己的人生，体会其中无尽的快乐和与众不同。

“富不读书富不久，穷不读书终究穷。”为什么从古到今都那么看重有学识之人？那是因为有学识之人可以为社会做出更大的贡献。那时因为读书能给人带来快乐。

自从看了《丑小鸭》这篇童话之后，我变了，变得开朗起来，变得乐意同别人交往，变得自信了……因为我知道：即使现在我是只“丑小鸭”，但只要有自信，总有一天我会变成“白天鹅”的，而且会是一只世界上最美丽的“白天鹅”……

我读完了这篇美丽的童话故事，深深被丑小鸭的自信和乐观所折服，并把故事讲给了外婆听，外婆也对童话带给我们的深刻道理而惊讶不已。还吵着闹着多看几本名着。于是我给外婆又买了几本名着故事，她起先自己读，读到不认识的字我就告诉她，如果这一面生字较多，我就读给她听整个一面。渐渐的，自己的

语文阅读能力也提高了不少，与此同时我也发现一个人读书的乐趣远不及两个人读的乐趣大，而两个人读书的乐趣远不及全家一起读的乐趣大。于是，我便发展“业务”带动全家一起读书……现在，每每遇到好书大家也不分男女老少都一拥而上，争先恐后“抢书”，当我说起我最小应该让我的时候，却没有人搭理我。最后还把书给撕坏了，我生气地哭了，妈妈一边安慰我一边对外婆说：“孩子小，应该让着点。”外婆却不服气的说：“我这一把年纪的了，怎么没人让我呀？”大家人你一言我一语，谁也不肯相让……读书让我明白了善恶美丑、悲欢离合，读一本好书，犹如同智者谈心、谈理想，教你辨别善恶，教你弘扬正义。读一本好书，如品一杯香茶，余香缭绕。读一本好书，能使人心灵得到净化。书是我的老师，把知识传递给了我；书是我的伙伴，跟我诉说心里话；书是一把钥匙，给我敞开了知识的大门；书更是一艘不会沉的船，引领我航行在人生的长河中。其实读书的真真乐趣也就在于此处，不是一个人闷头苦读书；也不是读到好处不与他人分享，独自品位；更不是一个人如痴如醉地沉浸在书的海洋中不能自拔。而是懂得与朋友，家人一起分享其中的乐趣。这才是读书真正之乐趣呢！这所有的一切，不正是我从书中受到的教益吗？

我阅读，故我美丽；我思考，故我存在。我从内心深处真切地感到：我从读书中受到了教益。当看见有些同学宁可买玩具亦不肯买书时，我便想到培根所说的话：“世界上最庸俗的人是不读书的人，最吝啬的人是不买书的人，最可怜的人是与书无缘的人。”许许多多的作家、伟人都十分喜欢看书，例如毛泽东主席，他半边床上都是书，一读起书来便进入忘我的境界。

书是我生活中的好朋友，是我人生道路上的航标，读书，读好书，是我无怨无悔的追求。

一个人的谈吐有没有“味道”，完全要看他的读书方法。如果读者获得书中的“味”，他便会在谈吐中把这种风味表现出来；如果他的谈吐中有风味，他在写作中也免不了会表现出风味来。

所以，我认为风味或嗜好是阅读一切书籍的关键。这种嗜好跟对食物的嗜好一样，必然是有选择性的，属于个人的。吃一个人所喜欢吃的东西终究是最合卫生的吃法，因为他知道吃这些东西在消化方面一定很顺利。

读书跟吃东西一样，“此人吃来是蜜糖，他人吃来是砒霜”。教师不能以其所好强迫学生去读，父母也不能希望子女的嗜好和他们一样。如果读者对他所读的东西感不到趣味，那么所有的时间全都浪费了。

所以，永远记得，这世间上没有什么一个人必读的书，只有在某时某地，某种环境，和生命中的某个时期必读的书。读书和婚姻一样，是命运注定的或阴阳注定的。

纵使某一本书，如《圣经》之类，是人人必读的，读这种书也一定应当在合适的时候。当一个人的思想和经验还没有达到阅读一本杰作的程度时，那本杰作只会留下不好的滋味。

孔子曰：“五十以学《易》。”便是说，四十五岁时候尚不可读《易经》。孔子在《论语》中的训言的冲淡温和的味道，以及他的成熟的智慧，非到读者自己成熟的时候是不能欣赏的。

四十学《易》是一种味道，到五十岁，看过更多的人世变故的时候再去学《易》，又是一种味道。所以，一切好书重读起来都可以获得益处和新乐趣。

多读书，可以让你觉得有许多的写作灵感。可以让你在写作文的方法上用的更好。在写作的时候，我们往往可以运用一些书中的好词好句和生活哲理。让别人觉得你更富有文采，美感。

多读书，可以让你全身都有礼节。俗话说：“第一印象最重要。”从你留给别人的第一印象中，就可以让别人看出你是什么样的人。所以多读书可以让人感觉你知书答礼，颇有风度。

多读书，可以让你多增加一些课外知识。培根先生说过：“知识就是力量。”不错，多读书，增长了课外知识，可以让你感到浑身充满了一股力量。这种力量可以激励着你不断地前进，不断地成长。从书中，你往往可以发现自己身上的不足

之处，使你不断地改正错误，摆正自己前进的方向。所以，书也是我们的良师益友。

多读书，可以让你变聪明，变得有智慧去战胜对手。书让你变得更聪明，你就可以勇敢地面对困难。让你用自己的方法来解决这个问题。这样，你又向你自己的人生道路上迈出了一步。

多读书，也能使你的心情便得快乐。读书也是一种休闲，一种娱乐的方式。读书可以调节身体的血管流动，使你身心健康。所以在书的海洋里遨游也是一种无限快乐的事情。用读书来为自己放松心情也是一种十分明智的。

读书能陶冶人的情操，给人知识和智慧。所以，我们应该多读书，为我们以后的人生道路打下好的、扎实的基础！

“书籍是全世界的营养品, 生活里没有书籍, 就好象没有阳光; 智慧里没有书籍, 就好象鸟儿没有翅膀。”（[英] 莎士比亚）。“一本新书象一艘船, 带领着我们从狭隘的地方, 驶向生活的无限广阔的海洋。”（[瑞士] 凯勒）。“不读书就没有真正的学问,没有也不可能有欣赏能力、文采和广博的见识。……不读书的人就不是一个完人。”（[俄] 赫尔岑）。多读书, 可以开阔视野, 增长见识, 启迪智慧, 可以使自己在工作中有所创造, 有所成就; 多读书, 可以丰富自己的知识宝库, 进一步懂得生活, 可以提高自己的文采和对艺术的欣赏能力, 可以变“下里巴人”为“阳春白雪”, 从而使自己的生活更加丰富多采, 充满情趣。“书是随时在近旁的顾问, 随时都可以供给你所需要的知识, 而且可以按照你的心意,

重复这顾问的次数。”（凯勃司）。知识就是力量, 科学技术就是生产力。要想建设一个具有高度精神文明的社会主义强国, 没有一定的科学技术水平是不行的; 科学技术仅为少数人所掌握, 也是不行的, 尤其是在科学技术高度发达的今天, 更是如此。而要想让所有的人都上学学习, 是不可能的。那么, 就只有在工作中学习,利用一切可以利用的时间和条件自学。在自学过程中, 不可能人人都能得到指导老师, 那么, 最好的老师就是书籍。“书籍蜿蜒伸入我们的心灵, 诗人的诗句在我们的血流里舒缓地滑行。我们年轻时诵读它们, 年老时仍然铭记它们。我们读到他人的遭遇, 却感到身历其境。书籍到处可得, 而且价廉物美。我们就象呼吸空气中的氧一样吸收书中的营养。”([英] 哈慈利特)。读书有这样多的好处, 而书籍又可随时随地买到, 并且花钱不多; 时间, 工作之余也是足够的; 精力, 20岁左右的小伙子和姑娘们是充沛的。这种年龄, 记忆力旺盛, 分析判断能力也已达到一定程度, 且无家室之累, 正是集中精力学习知识的黄金时代, 千万不要白白地浪费掉。中国有句古话: “少壮不努力,老大徒伤悲”。待到自己在曲折的人生中悟出应该多学本事的道理, 想学的时候, 由于年龄的增长, 记忆力衰退, 由于家庭的重负, 精力集中不起来, 那时想学也学不好了。与其那时悔恨终生, 倒不如现在就努力学习。“学海无涯勤是岸, 云程有路志是梯”, “勤奋能点燃智慧的火苗, 懒惰是埋葬天才的坟墓”。“业精于勤, 荒于嬉; 行成于思, 毁于随。”（[唐] 韩愈）。成功的喜悦, 永远都是只属于那些勤奋好学, 勇于攀登的人们。“如果你们, 年轻的人们, 真正希望过‘很宽阔, 很美好的生活’, 就创造它吧, 和那些正在英勇地建立空前未有的、宏伟的事业的人手携手地去工作吧。”（[苏] 高尔基）。为了能够工作得更好和生活得更美好, 读书学习吧, 年轻的朋友! 古人云：“书中自有黄金屋，书中自有颜如玉。”可见，古人对读书

的情有独钟。其实，对于任何人而言，读书最大的好处在于：它让求知的人从中获知，让无知的人变得有知。读史蒂芬?霍金的《时间简史》和《果壳中的宇宙》，畅游在粒子、生命和星体的处境中，感受智慧的光泽，犹如攀登高山一样，瞬间眼前呈现出仿佛九叠画屏般的开阔视野。于是，便像李白在诗中所写到的“庐山秀出南斗旁，屏风九叠云锦张，影落明湖青黛光”。对于坎坷曲折的人生道路而言，读书便是最佳的润滑剂。面对苦难，我们苦闷、彷徨、悲伤、绝望，甚至我们低下了曾经高贵骄傲的头。然而我们可否想到过书籍可以给予我们希望和勇气，将慰藉缓缓注入我们干枯的心田，使黑暗的天空再现光芒？读罗曼?罗兰创作、傅雷先生翻译的《名人传》，让我们从伟人的生涯中汲取生存的力量和战斗的勇气，更让我们明白：唯有真实的苦难，才能驱除罗曼谛克式幻想的苦难；唯有克服苦难的悲剧，才能帮助我们担当起命运的磨难。读海伦?凯勒一个个真实而感人肺腑的故事，感受遭受不济命运的人所具备的自强不息和从容豁达，从而让我们在并非一帆风顺的人生道路上越走越勇，做命运真正的主宰者。在书籍的带领下，我们不断磨炼自己的意志，而我们的心灵也将渐渐充实成熟。读书能够荡涤浮躁的尘埃污秽，过滤出一股沁人心脾的灵新之气，甚至还可以营造出一种超凡脱俗的娴静氛围。

英文幽默笑话

1.猫和老鼠 ——Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top. ——" What's in your box?" asked the friend. ——"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them." ——"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend. ——"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown. 布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。 2.Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸 A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to

英语小笑话(带翻译)).

1 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 2，Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。 3. My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 4. 反正我太太明天会来换的 My Wife Will Exchange Them A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasper ated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow t o exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。

英语笑话集锦

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "Y ou're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了92 条金鱼。弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？斯丹：浴室。弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？病人：我认为我是一只鸡。精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

初中英语小笑话三分钟

初中英语小笑话三分钟出差订酒店就用趣出差，单单有返现，关注微信小程序或下载APP立即领取100元返现红包自古以来,我们中国人就有幽默的传统,而笑话作为一种流传最广的幽默形式,一直为人们喜爱。下面是我带来的初中英语小笑话，欢迎阅读! 初中英语小笑话篇一 Make a Wish 许个愿吧! Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread. 每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都会经过一户人家，他总是看见一个女人用一条面包打她儿子的头部。 But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. 但今天却比较特别，他发现她正用一块巧克力蛋糕打他的头。 Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .

他忍不住好奇，便按了那户人家的门铃。女人听了铃声，出来开门。 "Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . " “这位太太，每天经过这里我都忍不住会注意到你用一条面包打你儿子……” "That's true ." "那倒是不假……" "And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ', "可是今天我却看见你用一块巧克力蛋糕打他。" “Well, today's his birthday. ” “今天是他生日嘛。” 初中英语小笑话篇二 A Remarkable Talent 一位了不起的天才 "Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.

英语笑话带翻译短一些的

英语笑话带翻译短一些的篇一：超简短的5个英文笑话超简短的5个英文笑话1. Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. 老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。 One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。 Teacher: who just threw that?! 老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了? Boy: Me! I’m going home now. 男孩：我!我现在要回家了。 2. What dog can jump higher than a building? 什么狗比大楼跳的还高? Anydog, buildings can't jump! 任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。 3. What has a head, a tail, and no body? 什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体? A coin! 硬币。 4. What has one eye but cannot see? 什么有一只眼睛，却看不见? A needle. 针。 5. Wife: "How would you describe me?" 妻子：你会怎么形容我呢? Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: "What does that mean?" 妻子：那是什么意思? Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。 Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" 妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢? Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

超简短的5个英文笑话

超简短的5个英文笑话 1. Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。 One boy throws his bag out the window. 一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。 Teacher: who just threw that?! 老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了? Boy: Me! I’m going home now. 男孩：我!我现在要回家了。 2. What dog can jump higher than a building? 什么狗比大楼跳的还高?

Anydog, buildings can't jump! 任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。 3. What has a head, a tail, and no body?什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体? A coin! 硬币。 4. What has one eye but cannot see? 什么有一只眼睛，却看不见? A needle. 针。

5. Wife: "How would you describe me?" 妻子：你会怎么形容我呢? Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: "What does that mean?" 妻子：那是什么意思? Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。 Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

最搞笑的英语小笑话十则

最搞笑的英语小笑话十则篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话（一）老师在黑板上写了一句：Timeismoney.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”小明上英文课时跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：Iamhongtaoliu，外宾曰：我Tm 还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："missJiang,youareverybeautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："where?where?"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："everywhere,everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不

见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："Youarenotallowedtosee,youarenotallowedtosee." 英语笑话（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「IAm后羿！」 b神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「IAm丘比特！」轮到c了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...Am...soRRY...」英语笑话（五）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：Iamsorry.老外应道：Iamsorrytoo. 某人听后又道：Iamsorrythree. 老外不解，问：whatareyousorryfor? 某人无奈，道：Iamsorryfive. 英语笑话（六）一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，ToKoTA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：“oh，nIssAn！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，honDA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”

英语幽默笑话故事带翻译

英语幽默笑话故事带翻译篇一：英语短文笑话(带翻译) 1、How much English can you speak? "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" 中文翻译 "法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。" 法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！" 2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。他问："什么？" 3 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 4、 "Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying." "Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any." "But has he finished his own cake?" "Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that." "汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。" "没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。" "他已经吃完自己的了么？" "是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

关于英语小笑话简单爆笑

关于英语小笑话简单爆笑篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话（一）老师在黑板上写了一句： Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道： “汤姆是玛丽。 ” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我 TM 还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 英语笑话（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。 A 神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A 高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿！」 B 神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特！」轮到 C 了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」英语笑话（五）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 英语笑话（六）

适合高中生的英文笑话

1. The Reason of Being Late Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'. 2. Does He Bite Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out. 3. Sharing the Apples Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said. So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one. His sister said, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself. Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about? 4. Stupid Question Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?" After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so. “Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?” 5. The Choice of Word One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby. During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep. 6. A Girl's Name When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） . Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles,

八年级英语笑话带翻译

八年级英语笑话带翻译导读：我根据大家的需要整理了一份关于《八年级英语笑话带翻译》的内容，具体内容：冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象，它以网络为主要的传播方式。本文是，希望对大家有帮助!：一双非常大的手Question: If you have five appl... 冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象，它以网络为主要的传播方式。本文是，希望对大家有帮助! ：一双非常大的手 Question: If you have five apples in one hand and six oranges in the other hand, what do you have? Answer: Very BIG hands! 问题：假如你一只手拿了五颗苹果，另一只手握着六颗柳橙，那你有什么? 答案：一双非常大的手。：我只要跑过你 Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I dont have to out run it, I just have to

简单幽默英语小故事及翻译

1 I Don?t Like Her Bob goes to a new school. One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.“I don?t like her, Mother. Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 我不喜欢她鲍勃的去了所新学校。一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？” “不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.” 2 Ten Candies Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says. “Ten？” Mother asks. Yes, Mum. Four candies are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?” 十块糖妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。 “是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？” 3 Where is the egg? Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday. Teacher: Then where is the “egg"? Student: In the cake, sir. 鸡蛋在哪里？老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生 4 Count Tomorrow Morning It?s a night. John is looking at the sky. Tom is John?s younger brother. He asks John “What are you doing?” John says, “I?m counting stars.” Tom laughs and says, “It?s really dark now. Why not count them tomorrow morning?” 明天早上数

英语笑话一则

寒冷的沈阳又下了一场雪，温度直降至零下20度，一大妈在道边等车，被寒风吹得瑟瑟发抖. 正好一个小伙开了一辆拉雪的卡车过来，好心的小伙就把大妈拉上了，但大妈太胖，车里坐不下，就坐到后面拉雪的地方了，好心的小伙还把自己的军大衣披给了大妈。半小时后，车到了目的地，而小伙忘了大妈还在后面，直接一动按钮，车斗就自动把雪翻了下来，这会小伙子才想起大妈还在后面坐着呢，赶快拿个铲子挖人去了。挖出来以后刚准备给大妈道歉呢，只见大妈拍拍身上的雪，说：“哎，小伙子，太不好意思了，太胖了么，车都给你压翻了...” The cold Shenyang has another heavy snow, the temperature straight fell to 20 below zero, an aunty stand on the wayside waiting for a bus, who was shiver with cold by the wind blowing. Exactly, there was a truck coming which was filed up of snow and drove by a young man, the kind man call the aunty to take his truck, but the aunty, who was too fat to sit in, forced to sit in the trunk which was filed with snow, and the warmhearted man also put his cotton-padded jacket to the aunty. Half an hour later, the car reached the place of its destination, while the young guy forget the aunty yet to sit behind, press the direction button without any slightest hesitation, the car hopper which is automatic to pulled the snow down, at this time the careless young man suddenly remembered the aunty who was still sitting behind, and he quickly took a shovel to dig her out. Then he want to make an apologize to the aunty after whom was dug out from under the snowdrift, the aunty pat her coat which was stained with snow, and said, "Hey, boy, I’m so embarrassed that I was too fat to make your truck tumbled over..." 一个同学的亲戚来沈阳，同学给亲戚了一张沈阳e卡通，上公车，此人给司机看了一下e 卡通，就想去找位置了，司机叫住他，说："读卡啊"，他就拿起e卡通，大声念到："沈阳e卡通～～"，司机说："到那边读"，这人居然直接走到司机指的地方，用尽全力念道："沈阳e卡通"，……车子当场失控吃饭的时候舅舅舅妈因为生意上的事情吵嘴最后舅妈说：“我懒的听你埋怨，你再说我就上长白山里住去，你们谁都别找我。” 舅舅撂下饭碗说：“找你干啥，你是高丽参哪～～～” 我们喷饭而出。。。一个美国人一个日本人一个中国人在丛林探险结果全被吃人部落抓去了可部落酋长说："我今天心情好不吃你们但你们都得挨一百板子但在挨板子前你们可以有一个愿望实现。"先挨板子的是美国人他说："挨板子前先给我屁股上垫10个坐垫。"垫罢板子雨点般落下先前70板还凑合70板之后坐垫被打烂然后就是板板见血……打完，美国老摸着屁股走了日本人见状后也要求10个床垫1，2，3……100打完日本人起身拍拍屁股没事然后张着臭嘴对自己的模仿能力和再创造能力吹嘘一番，并想坐一边看中国人的好戏中国人慢慢趴下悠哉悠哉地说："来把日本人给我垫上,要面朝上"……

英语笑话100篇【简单易懂英语笑话阅读】

竭诚为您提供优质的服务，优质的文档，谢谢阅读/双击去除英语笑话100篇【简单易懂英语笑话阅读】笑话是民族文化及社会生活中不可缺少的一环,从古至今都拥有广大的受众,深受人们喜爱。这其中的原因,不仅在于笑话能够折射出社会生活中的方方面面,而且在于,笑话可以在说笑中蕴含着人们对于美好生活的期盼和诉求。小编精心收集了简单易懂英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习! 简单易懂英语笑话篇1 Iwasoncetoldbyajapanesestudentthatthisisanoldstory.

onesaturdayafternoonthegrasshopper,thesnail,andthec entipedeweresittingaroundthegrasshopper'shousedrink ingbeer. Theyranoutofbeerbeforetheywerereadytoquitdrinking,s otheydecidedoneofthemshouldgooutformorebeer. Thesnailsaid,"I'dgo,butI'mkindofslow.besides,grassh opper,thisisyourneighborhoodsoyouknowwheretogo." Thegrasshoppersaid,"Idon'tmindgoing,butmyhoppingwil lshakeupthebeerandwe'llgetsprayedeverytimeweopenone ."

sotheydecidedtosendthecentipede;andthegrasshopperex plainedhowtogettothenearestliquorstore. Anhourorsopassedandstillthecentipedehadn'treturned, sothesnailandthegrasshopperdecidedtogolookforhim. Theygotasfarasthethefrontdoorandfoundthecentipedesi ttingthereputtingonhisshoes. submittedbyrodneyA.hoiseth-rothcorporation 简单易懂英语笑话篇2 Thisjokeneverfailstogetalaugh.