笑得停不下来的英文笑话

笑得停不下来的英文笑话
Of Course There Are Limitations 当然，凡事总有例外
A musician had taken to heart the old saying,"Music hath charms to soothe savage beast,"and traveled to the darkest corner of Africa in an effort to prove it.
一位音乐家牢记一句格言在心：“音乐有安抚野兽心灵的魅力。

”为了证实这句话，他前往非洲最深处的内陆丛林旅游。

No sooner had he begun to play his violin in a jungle clearing than it was full of savage beasts,swaying in rhythm and tapping their paws to the delightful sounds.
在丛林的一块空地上，他一拉起小提琴，四处就挤满了各种猛兽，跟着旋律，拍着脚掌，手舞足蹈起来。

Sunddenly,however,a huge lion emerged from the jungle,pounced on the violinist and made a hearty meal of him.
可是丛林里突然跑出一头大狮子，扑向小提琴家，把他当作盛餐吃掉了。

The other animals cried out in dismay,"Hey!We were enjoying that."
其他野兽大失所望，说道：“我们正在欣赏音乐哩!”
"Eh?"said the lion,cupping its hand to its ear.
“呃?”狮子弯曲手掌成杯子状靠着耳朵说道。

Ancient Chinese Wisdom 古老的中国智慧
Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemed physicians could find a cure, until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foo bird
could restore the imperial health.
很久很久以前在古老的中国，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御医都没办法医治，直到后来才有一位智者透露，只有活福鸟的血才能恢复皇帝的健康。

Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary, and the greatest hunters in the land were assigned the task of capturing a specimen—but before
they left on their quest, the ancient
sage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should on no account clean of change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.
问题是福鸟本来就很少见，几乎只是传说而已，于是全国各地最好的猎人都被指派进
行捕捉福鸟的工作。

但在他们出发之前，那名智者警告他们，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鸟
的话，无论如何在送到皇帝手中之前，绝不可以清洁或换掉身上的衣服。

The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted a magnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill,
the huntsman snuck up on the bird and
managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blob of excrement on the hunter’s shoulder.
猎人们搜遍了整个帝国，几个月后，其中一名本领最好的猎人不经意看见了一只福鸟
栖息在一棵树上。

他用尽所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鸟并抓住了它的脚爪，但那只受到惊吓
的福鸟马上在他的肩膀上拉了一大团臭气熏人的鸟粪。

Though the stench was almost unbearable, the woodsman remembered the
sage’s injunction and carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had only become worse,
and the hunter was deeply embarrassed. Finally, he felt that he could
not enter the emperor’s presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from his shoulder.
虽然臭味难当，但猎人仍记得智者的训示，便连同身上的鸟粪护送福鸟回宫。

那时鸟
粪的味道更难闻了，猎人也觉得非常尴尬。

最后他觉得不能那个样子去见皇帝，于是他把
肩膀上令人作呕的东西擦拭掉了。

Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, the emperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunter was clapped in irons.
就在那一刻福鸟便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加恶化，而那名猎人则立刻被关进牢中。

And the moral of the story: If the Foo shits, wear it!
这个故事的寓意就是“：福鸟在你身上拉尿，你就扛着。

”
face it! 用脸去敲钟!
quasimodo had just died, so the rector was looking for a new hunchback to ring the great bell of notre dame cathedral.
钟楼怪人刚去世，因此教区的神父正在找一位驼背的人来敲巴黎圣母院的大钟。

but the first man who applied for the job was not only a hunchback, but armless as well.
但是第一个去应征的不仅是驼背，而且连手也没有。

“of course, i’d like to give you the job,” said the priest, “but how
will you manage it?”
“当然，我愿意给你这个工作机会，”神父说道“，可是你怎么去敲钟呢?”
“never fear,” replied the dauntless paraplegic. “just watch!”
“别怕，”勇敢的残疾者答道“。

待会看了你就知道。

”
the two men went up to the bell tower and there the applicant took a run
at the great bell, striking it with his face. the effect was magnificent, and the hunchback repeated his performance
several times. however, he soon became dizzy and at the next run, missed the bell completely and went hurtling out of the bell tower to crash to his death in the courtyard below.
两个人走上钟楼，应征者用脸撞那个大钟，响了好一阵子，效果良好。

驼子又撞了几次。

可是不久他就觉得头晕目眩，下一次竟然落了空，掉到钟塔外，跌死在下面的庭院里。

感谢您的阅读，祝您生活愉快。