21世纪大学英语课文翻译unit1教案资料

21世纪大学英语课文翻译u n i t1

Unit 1 Book 3

Do you remember your first love? All those exciting and wonderful new emotions – the way your heart raced when that special person was near –those anxious, awkward moments when you didn't know what to say or do? And then (for most of us) that sad moment when for one reason or another it all came to an end … Ernest Hemingway once said, "Every love story ends as a tragedy" – but the authors of the texts in this unit have a different point of view. Text A focuses on the unexpected side effects of the author's first venture into romance, while Text B recalls the ups and downs of the author's great love for … his car! Finally, the authors of Text C offer some fascinating advice about how to successfully navigate romantic relationships.

Text A How I Got Smart

A common misconception among

youngsters attending school is that their

teachers were child prodigies. Who else but a

bookworm, with none of the normal kid's

tendency to play rather than study, would

grow up to be a teacher anyway?

I've tried desperately to explain to my students that the image they have of me as an enthusiastic devotee of books and homework during my adolescence was a bit out of focus. On the contrary, I hated compulsory education with a passion. I could never quite accept the notion of having to go to school while the fish were biting.

But in my sophomore year, something beautiful and exciting happened. Cupid aimed his arrow and struck me right in the heart. All at once, I enjoyed going to school, if only to gaze at the lovely face in English II.

My princess sat near the pencil sharpener, and that year I ground up enough pencils to fuel a campfire. Alas, Debbie was far beyond my wildest dreams. We were separated not only by five rows of desks, but by about 50 I.Q. points. She was the top student in English II, the apple of Mrs. Larrivee's eye.

Occasionally, Debbie would catch me staring at her, and she would flash a smile that radiated intelligence and quickened my heartbeat. It was a smile that signaled hope and made me temporarily forget the intellectual gulf that separated us.

I schemed desperately to bridge that gulf. And

one day, as I was passing the supermarket, an idea

came to me. A sign in the window announced that

the store was offering the first volume of a set of

encyclopedias at the special price of 29 cents. The

remaining volumes would cost $2.49 each.

I purchased Volume I -- Aardvark to Asteroid -- and began my venture into the world of knowledge. I would henceforth become a seeker of facts. I would become Chief Brain in English II and sweep

my princess off her feet with a surge of erudition.

I had it all planned.

My first opportunity came one day in the

cafeteria line. I looked behind me and there she

was.

“Hi,” she said.

After a pause, I wet my lips and said, “Know where anchovies come from?”She seemed surprised. “No, I don't.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “The anchovy lives in salt water and is rarely found in fresh water.” I had to talk fast, so that I could get all the facts in before we reached the cash register. “Fishermen catch anchovies in the Mediterranean Sea and along the Atlantic coast near Spain and Portugal.”“How fascinating,” said Debbie, shaking her head in disbelie f. It was

obvious that I had made quite an impression.

A few days later, during a fire drill, I casually

went up to her and asked, “Ever been to the

Aleutian Islands?”

“Never have,” she replied.

“Might be a nice place to visit, but I certainl y wouldn't want to live there,” I said.

“Why not?” said Debbie, playing right into my hands.

“Well, the climate is forbidding. There are no trees on any of the 100 or more islands in the group. The ground is rocky and very little plant life can gro w on it.”

“I don't think I'd even care to visit,” she said.

The fire drill was over and we began to file into the building, so I had to step it up to get the natives in. “The Aleuts are short and sturdy and have dark skin and black hair. They live on fish, and they trap blue foxes and seals for their valuable fur.”

Debbie's eyes widened in amazement.

One day I was browsing through the library. I

spotted Debbie sitting at a table, absorbed in a

crossword puzzle. She was frowning, apparently

stumped on a word. I leaned over and asked if I could

help.

“Four-letter word for Oriental female servant,” Debbie said.

“Try amah,” I said, quick as a flash.

Debbie filled in the blanks, then turned to stare at me in amazement. “I

don't belie ve it,” she said. “I just don't believe it.”

And so it went, that glorious, joyous, romantic sophomore year. Debbie seemed to relish our little conversations and hung on my every word.

Naturally, the more I read, the more my confidence

grew.

In the classroom, too, I was gradually making my

presence felt. One day, during a discussion of

Coleridge's “The Ancient Mariner”, we came across the

word albatross.

“Can anyone tell us what an albatross is?” asked Mrs. Larrivee.

My hand shot up. “The albatross is a large bird that lives mostly in the ocean regions below the equator, but may be found in the north Pacific as well. The albatross measures as long as four feet and has the greatest wingspread of any bird. It feeds on fish and shellfish. The albatross has an enormous appetite, and when it's full it has trouble getting into the air again.” There was a long silence in the room. Mrs. Larrivee couldn't quite believe what she had just heard. I sneaked a look at Debbie and gave her a big wink. She beamed proudly and winked back.

What I failed to perceive was that Debbie all this

while was going steady with a junior from a

neighboring school -- a basketball player with a C+

average. The revelation hit me hard, and for a while I

felt like forgetting everything I had learned. I had saved

enough money to buy Volume II --Asthma to Bullfinch -

- but was strongly tempted to invest in a basketball instead.

I felt not only hurt, but betrayed. Like Agamemnon, but with less drastic

consequences, thank God.

In time I recovered from my wounds. The next year

Debbie moved from the neighborhood and transferred to

another school. Soon she became no more than a memory.

Although the original incentive was gone, I continued

poring over the encyclopedias, as well as an increasing number of other books. Having tasted of the wine of knowledge, I could not now alter my course. For:

“A little knowledge is a dangerous thing:

Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.”

So wrote Alexander Pope, Volume XIV -- Paprika to Pterodactyl.

斯蒂夫· 普罗迪

上学的孩子们中间有一种普遍的错误想法，即认为他们的老师当年都是些神童。不管怎么说，除了不像一般孩子那样生性贪玩、不愿学习的书呆子之外，还有谁愿意长大后当老师呢？

我竭力向我的学生们解释我在他们心目中的形象 ---- 一个在青春期热衷于书本和作业的人 ---- 有一点被扭曲了。相反，我极为憎恨义务教育。我永远都无法接受在鱼儿上钩时不得不去上学的想法。

但是，在我中学二年级的时候，发生了一件美妙而又激动人心的事。爱神丘比特瞄准他的箭，正好射中了我的心。突然间，我喜欢上学了，而这只是为了能够凝视英语二班里那张可爱的脸。

我的公主坐在卷笔器旁边，那一年我削的铅笔足以点燃一堆篝火。可黛比却远远超出了我的期望。将我们隔开的不仅有五排课桌，还有约50分的智商。她是英语二班的尖子，拉里维太太的掌上明珠。

偶尔，黛比会发觉我在盯着她看，这时她便会露出一个闪烁着智慧光芒，令我心跳加快的微笑。这是一个标志着希望、使我暂时忘记将我们分开的智力上的鸿沟的微笑。

我想尽办法去跨越那条鸿沟。有一天，我经过超市，突然想到了一个主意。橱窗里的一块广告牌称商店正以29美分的特价供应一套百科全书的第一卷。其余各卷则为每卷2.49美元。

我买下了第一卷 ---- 从Aardvark（土豚）到Asteroid（海星）---- 然后开始了在知识世界中的冒险历程。打那以后，我将成为一个事实探寻者。我将成为英语二班的首席智者，以渊博的知识使我的公主倾心于我。我全都计划好了。

一天，在自助餐厅排队时，我的第一个机会来了。我往身后一看，她正好在那儿。

“嘿，”她说。

我犹豫了一下，然后润了润嘴唇说，“知道凤尾鱼是从哪儿来的吗？”

她显得有点惊讶。“不，我不知道。”

我松了口气。“凤尾鱼生活在咸水里，淡水里很少见。”我不得不讲得很快，以便在我们到达收银台之前，道出所有的细节。“渔民们在地中海和邻近西班牙、葡萄牙的大西洋海岸捕捉凤尾鱼。”

“真有意思，”黛比一边说一边疑惑地摇着头。显然我已经给她留下了一个挺深的印象。

几天之后，在一次消防演习时，我装作不经意地走到她身边，问，“去过阿留申群岛吗？”

“从来没去过，”她答道。

“也许是一个旅游的好去处，但我肯定不愿意住在那儿，”我说。

“为什么不愿意呢？”黛比说，这正中了我的计。

“呃，那儿的气候太险恶。在群岛的100多座岛屿中，没有一座有树木。地上遍布岩石，几乎没有植物能在上面生长。”

“我想我连去旅游也不愿意，”她说。

消防演习结束了，我们开始排队进入大楼，所以我不得不赶紧再谈谈土著居民。“阿留申人身材矮小，体格健壮，有着深色的皮肤和黑色的头发。他们以鱼为主食，他们设陷阱捕捉北极狐和海豹，以获得它们珍贵的毛皮。”

黛比惊讶地睁大了眼睛。

一天，我正在图书馆里浏览书刊。我发现黛比坐在一张桌子旁，正专心致志地做着一个填词游戏。她皱着眉头，显然被一个词难住了。我弯下身去问我是否能帮上忙。

“一个意为东方女佣的四字母词，”黛比说。

“试一试amah,”我以闪电般的速度说。

黛比填入空格，然后转过头惊讶地盯着我。“我真不敢相信，”她说。“简直不敢相信。”

那个光辉灿烂的、充满欢乐的、富有浪漫色彩的二年级就这样继续着。黛比似乎很喜欢我们的简短交谈，全神贯注地听着我的每一句话。自然，我读得越多，信心也越强。

在教室里，我也渐渐让别人感到了我的存在。一天，在一次关于柯尔律治的《古舟子咏》的讨论中，我们碰到了albatross（信天翁）这个词。

“有谁能告诉我们信天翁是什么吗？”拉里维太太问。

我立刻举起了手。“信天翁是一种大鸟，主要栖息在赤道以南的海域，不过也有可能在北太平洋发现它们。信天翁身长达4英尺，翼幅是鸟类中最大的。它以鱼类和带壳的水生动物为食。信天翁胃口很大，吃饱后便很难再飞上天。”

许久，教室里鸦雀无声。拉里维太太无法相信她刚刚所听到的内容。我偷偷地瞥了黛比一眼，对她使劲眨了眨眼。她自豪得笑容满脸，也对我眨了眨眼。

我未能察觉到的是那一阵子黛比正同一个邻近学校的三年级学生约会 ---- 一个平均分为C+的篮球运动员。这一发现对我打击很大，有一度我真想忘掉所

有学过的东西。当时我已攒够了钱买第二卷 ---- 从Asthma（哮喘病）到Bullfinch（红腹灰雀）---- 但我真想去买一只篮球。

我觉得自己不仅受到了伤害，而且还遭到了背叛。就象阿伽门农一样，不过感谢上帝，后果并没有那么严重。

最终我从伤痛中恢复了过来。第二年，黛比搬离了这个街区，转到了另一所学校。很快，她便成了记忆中的人物而已。

虽然最初的动力没有了，但我却继续钻研百科全书，以及越来越多的其它书籍。已经品尝过知识的美酒，此时我已无法改变我的前进方向了。因为：

“一知半解，为害匪浅：

开怀畅饮吧，否则就不要品尝埃里亚圣泉。”

亚历山大· 蒲柏如此写道，见第十四卷 ---- 从Paprika（红灯笼辣椒）到Pterodactyl（翼手龙）。

Before you read Text B, have a look at some of the figures of speech the author uses to convey his ideas. Examine the italicized words and phrases in the sentences below. What comparisons are being made? What mental pictures do they bring to your mind? What ideas is the author trying to convey? Put in your answer before clicking for the answer key.

1. A young man's first car is less a means of transportation than a monument to his discovery of youthful freedom.

A young man's first car is compared to a monument - something that

is_______________. (fairly permanent, admirable, noble, significant, etc.) 2. Before long, that car and I had become the best of friends.

The mental picture the best of friends brings is that the car and the wtiter are_____.(emotionally linked, inseparable, enjoying one another and willing to do a lot for each other)

3. I piled ten friends into the car.

The writer pushed his friends into the car in a__________(disorderly/ careless/ thoughtless) way perhaps as if they were _________ (objects).

4. The car was far from a beauty, but she was mine.

The word she is used to convey the writer's affection for his car, as if it was a ____ (delicate, sensitive emotional) being.

5. I've never questioned my youthful emotions that day when the mechanic delivered his sad verdict.

The word verdict conveys a feeling of ________ (inescapable doom -- a life-changing statement).

Text B Coming of Age

Sam Walker

Okay, I'll admit it. Sitting behind the wheel of my first car before it was towed off to the junkyard, I cried. You can tell me a car is only so much glass and steel, but I'll never apologize for losing my cool that day. A young man's first car is less a means of transportation than a monument to his discovery of youthful freedom. At least mine was.

It had all started two years earlier: Soon after my 16th birthday, my parents retired the old red family car and passed it on to me. Before long, that car and I had become the best of friends. We gave rides to just about anyone who asked, anytime, anywhere, and had all sorts of adventures.

Some of those adventures were pretty hair-raising. One famous afternoon after school, I piled ten friends into the car, including Eric, who opted to ride in the trunk rather than be left behind. We were just driving around, feeling good, talking about everything and nothing. And although I had been going only about 20 miles an hour, the collision with a school bus full of seven-year-olds crumpled the front of my car. My first thought was of Eric in the trunk. I rushed over and opened it to find him lying there motionless. I gasped. He opened his eyes and laughed: “You're the worst driver on the planet.”

Bystanders stared as, one by one, ten dazed high-school sophomores crawled out of my car. No one on the bus was hurt, though one little girl was crying because she had to go to the bathroom. As far as the little boys were concerned, I was a hero. They crowded around me in admiration. Even the police officers managed to smile.

My parents -- furious, of course -- settled on my punishment: I would use my upcoming summer wages to pay for the repairs. To lessen the financial blow, I insisted that the mechanic fix the car with used parts. So when the work was completed, the old red car had a green hood, a yellow fender and a blue door. I didn't care. The car was far from a beauty, but she was mine.

That summer, once school was out, I found my freedom expanded hugely. On days when my friends and I would once have ridden bikes to the public

pool, we drove my car along the river road to explore an old abandoned train station. Instead of riding to baseball games in the coach's van like little kids, we now rode in my car as sophisticated adults. We wore sunglasses, and spit sunflower seeds out the window, and felt as good as if we'd already won the game.

One night while I was washing dishes at the restaurant where I worked, my friends removed the wheels from my car and left it standing disabled and awkward on concrete blocks in the parking lot. Deciding the best reaction to their trick was to ignore it, I walked home. The next morning I found the car in front of my house, covered with a two-inch layer of shaving cream.

One by one, my friends got driver's licenses and brought different automotive options to our fold. But after a few days trying out whoever was the newest, we always wound up back in my old car. Even then, I wondered why. It wasn't flashy - except for those multi-colored parts, it looked just like the sensible family car it had once been. It wasn't fast - 55 miles an hour was a stretch. And it certainly wasn't comfortable - there was no air conditioning, and on hot days our bare legs stuck to the seats.

Not until its engine died did I realize what had made the car so special. While most of my friends invested in car stereos that could rattle windows a block away, I stuck with the old original radio that barely picked up two stations on a good night. Mostly, we just left it turned off. There were no bored silences or demands that I buy a better radio, though. We filled the musical void by arguing about girls, making up silly songs about one another, or telling stories.

But the moments that truly stand out were more sober. I'll never forget the silence as we drove home from the playoff game in which our team was eliminated. Nor the nights when Charlie talked about his parents' financial troubles, Tom spoke sadly of his father's absence, and Eric told us of his dream of playing professional hockey.

Since we graduated from high school, my friends and I have spread out across the country and grown into adults. Yet I've never forgotten my youthful emotions that day when the mechanic delivered his sad verdict. In that old car of mine, we had stockpiled memories like firewood, knowing that someday, somewhere, we would gather as gray-haired men to re-light the blaze of our friendship.

长大成人

塞姆·沃克

好吧，我承认。在我的第一辆汽车被拖到废品旧货栈之前，我坐在驾驶座上哭了。你可以对我说一辆车只是一堆玻璃和钢铁而已，但我永远不会为那天的失态而抱歉。一个年轻人的第一辆车与其说是一种交通工具，还不如说是他发现年轻人之自由的一种纪念物。至少我的车是这样。

一切都是从那时的两年前开始的：我的１６岁生日过后不久，我的父母报废了家里那辆红颜色的旧车，把它传给了我。很快，我和那辆车便成了最好的朋友。我们几乎在任何时候、任何地方让任何提出要求的人搭车，经历了各种各样的奇遇。

其中有些奇遇真有点让人毛骨悚然。众所周知的一次是在一天下午放学后，我把10个朋友塞进汽车里，包括宁愿坐在行李箱里也不愿被丢下的埃里

克。我们只是驾着车得意洋洋地兜风，海阔天空，东拉西扯。虽然我仅仅以２０英里的时速开着车，但跟一辆载满７岁孩子的校车相撞仍把我的车头给撞瘪了。我首先想到的就是行李箱里的埃里克。我冲过去，打开箱盖，发现他躺在那儿一动不动。我倒吸了一口冷气。他却睁开眼睛，大笑着说：“你是这个星球上最差劲的驾驶员。”

当１０个神情恍惚的高二学生一个一个从我的车里爬出来时，站在一旁观看的人都看呆了。校车上没有人受伤，只有一个小女孩因为急着要上厕所而在哭。在那些小男孩的眼里，我是个英雄。他们钦佩不已地围在我身边。连警察们也勉强露出了笑容。

我的父母当然非常生气，他们决定了对我的惩罚：我得用我那年夏天打工赚来的工资支付修理费。为了减轻这一经济上的打击，我坚持要汽车机修工用旧零件修车。所以在车子修好时，那辆旧的红车便有了一个绿色的发动机罩，一块黄色的挡泥板和一扇蓝色的车门。这我倒不介意。这辆车绝非美轮美奂，但她却是我的。

那年夏天，学校一放假，我便发现我的自由空间大大扩展了。以前，我和我的朋友们得骑着自行车去公共游泳池，现在我们却可以驾着我的车，沿着河边的路，去踏勘一座废弃的老火车站。我们现在可以象谙于世故的成人一般驾着我的车去参加棒球比赛，而不再象小孩子一样坐教练的面包车去了。我们戴着太阳眼镜，把葵花子壳吐到车窗外，感觉好得就象已经打赢了比赛一样。

一天晚上，我正在打工的餐馆里洗碟子，我的几个朋友趁机将我的汽车轮胎卸了下来，让车子无能为力地难堪地躺在停车场的水泥地上。我认为对于他们的恶作剧最好的反应就是置之不理。于是我走回了家。第二天早上我在家门口发现了我的车，上面涂满了两英寸厚的剃须膏。

我的朋友一个接一个地拿到了驾驶执照，我们这帮人便有了不同的车辆选择。但是不论谁的车最新，试过几天之后，最终我们总是又回到我的旧车里。

即使在那个时候，我也不懂这是为什么。它毫不花哨---除了那些多种颜色的部件，它看上去就象过去一样，是一辆实用的家庭汽车。它跑得不快---５５英里的时速是极限。它当然也不舒适---没有空调，大热天我们光着的腿就粘在座位上。

直到它的发动机寿终正寝时我才意识到是什么使这辆车如此特别。当我大多数的朋友买了能将几条街区以外的玻璃窗震得格格作响的汽车立体声音响时，我一直在继续用原来那台即使在晴好的夜晚也只能勉强收到两个电台的旧收音机。通常，我们只是让它关着。不过，车里从来没有百无聊赖、默不作声的时候，也没有人要求我去买一台更好的收音机。我们谈论女孩子，相互乱编一些无聊的歌曲，或者讲故事，以此来填补没有音乐的空白。

但是真正令人难忘的还是更为严肃的时刻。我永远不会忘记我们的球队在季后赛中被淘汰后我们开车回家一路上的沉默无语。也永远不会忘记在那些夜晚，查理谈论他父母的经济困难，汤姆忧伤地谈起他父亲的离家出走，以及埃里克告诉我们他要打职业曲棍球赛的梦想。

自从我们高中毕业后，我和我的朋友们已经分散到全国各地，并已长大成人。然而，我一直不曾忘记那一天，当汽车机修工作出令人悲哀的裁决时，我那种年轻人的激动情绪。在我的那辆旧车里，我们已经堆积了如同火种般的记忆，并且知道在某一天，某一个地方，白发苍苍的我们会聚在一起重新点燃我们的友谊之火。

Text C

Romance can be dangerously seductive (引诱的,诱人的). A full moon, soft candlelight -- the mood is complete. Add an attractive partner and some soft background music, and who can resist feeling “in love”? This, after all, is what the magazine ads say love is supposed to look like. If you find a partner who provides this setting and invites you in, it's natural to think of love.

Romance is both an atmosphere and a state of mind. It's great to relish it for a while, but as a steady diet romance is dangerously under-nourishing. Ideally, romance will be woven through a loving relationship, and reviving it now and then is an excellent way to express affection (爱,感情) and commitment (承诺,许诺). But if you insist that your relationship be in a constant state of romance, you're asking the impossible. Not only that, but the pressure of your demands may end up destroying your chances for success as a truly loving couple.

This doesn't mean that we should automatically be suspicious of romantic behavior or keep our own romantic feelings under lock and key. It's natural to expect, and to express, some degree of romance in a new relationship. That's part of what makes a relationship fun and exciting – but only if both partners understand the role that romance is playing. In true love, the purpose of romance is not to deceive (欺骗,蒙骗), but to express real affection and enrich an ongoing relationship. It's sincere. It pleases both partners and renews their commitment to each other. It gives them a brief break from the daily grind, an opportunity to focus on each other and the relationship in a positive way.

Once you've determined that you and your partner both are prepared to accept true love, you need to make sure the ties are there to hold the two of you together as a couple. These strengths will form the basis for your love, supporting your relationship through the challenges to come. They fall into the following eight general categories (种类, 类别):

1. Physical attraction. The attraction need not be electric. With many loving couples, it builds gradually and gently, sometimes taking years to ripen. All that's really required in the beginning is some attraction, mutual openness, affection, and desire for intimacy (亲密).

2.Shared goals, interests, and belief systems. Couples with similar religious, cultural and political beliefs tend to be more united than those with differing backgrounds, but differences can be overcome if there's a solid foundation of shared goals and interests.

3.Mutual (相互的) respect, acceptance, and the desire to please each other. In relationships based on false love, these attitudes often flow from one partner only. In true love, there must be balance, and both partners must accept the responsibility of living up to each other's expectations.

4. Mutual honesty and trust. Dishonesty has no place in true love; it can only lead to mistrust and division. From the very start, you and your partner must be truthful, both with yourselves and with each other.

5. Realistic expectations for each other and the relationship. Your expectations should be based both on the requirements for true love and on your individual personalities and needs. Discuss them openly, recognizing that some are nonnegotiable (无法协商的) while others need to remain flexible.

6. A balance of dependence and independence. True love requires a connection, but not the submersion of two individuals. Mature lovers don't melt completely into each other, as obsessive couples do, nor do they remain disconnected. Rather, they interlock (结合), so that parts of their lives become shared. In diagram form, the three possibilities look like this:

Obsessive couple

Disconnected couple

Loving couple

To succeed in love, you and your partner must be able to rely on each other for comfort and support without expecting all your needs to be met within the relationship. Part of your life must remain separate. You need some friends, activities, and interests that your partner does not share. In addition to the personal benefits you get from these outside sources, they provide ideas, energy, and information that keep the relationship open and developing.

7. A cooperative approach to problems. Conflict and struggle are necessary to life and therefore also to love. You and your partner must accept this fact from the start and figure out how to deal with problems when they arise. The process of working through difficulties should help you understand each other and bring you closer together.

8. A shared life. True love does not occur without effort and it does not develop overnight. For most of us, it takes years to reach fulfillment. Through the routine of daily life, you and your partner come to know each other's deepest hopes, fears and feelings, and discover and become part of each other's inner rhythms.

斯坦利· J·卡兹博士艾米· E ·刘

浪漫可以是一种危险的诱惑。一轮满月，柔和的烛光--氛围完美无缺。加上一位迷人的伴侣和一些轻柔的背景音乐，又有谁能抵挡住“情意绵绵”的感觉呢？但这毕竟是杂志广告上描述的爱。如果你找到一位能提供这样一种环境并邀请你进入的伴侣，很自然就会想到爱。

浪漫既是一种氛围也是一种心态。享受一段时间的烂漫固然美妙，但作为家常便饭，浪漫便会有导致营养不良的危险。理想的做法是，将浪漫编织在充满爱的关系之中，而不时地唤醒它则是一种表达爱意和承诺的极佳方式。但如果你坚持要让你们的关系处于一种永恒不变的浪漫的状态，那你就是在企求不可能的事。不仅如此，而且你的要求所带来的压力可能最终会破坏你们成为一对真正相亲相爱的夫妇的可能性。

这并不意味着我们应该不经思索就对浪漫的行为表示怀疑或者把我们的浪漫情怀锁藏起来。人们自然会在一种新的关系中期待并表达某种程度的浪漫。这正是使一种关系情趣盎然，激动人心的部分原因--但双方一定都要懂得浪漫所扮演的角色才行。在真正的爱中，浪漫的目的不是欺骗，而是要表达真正的感情并充实一种不断发展的关系。它是真诚的。它使双方都感到愉快，使彼此间的承诺得到加强。它使他们得已暂时忘却单调的日常琐事，有机会以一种积极的态度关注对方和这份关系。

你一旦认定你和你的伴侣都准备接受真正的爱，你就需要确保有那种将你们作为情侣联结在一起的纽带。这些力量将构成你们爱的基础，在未来的挑战中支撑着你们的关系。它们分为以下八大类：

1．身体的魅力。这种魅力不必让人有触电般的感觉。对许多相爱的情侣来说，它是逐渐而缓慢地建立起来的，有时需要几年才能成熟。最初所真正需要的只是某种吸引力，相互间的坦诚，柔情和对亲昵言行的渴望。

2．共同的目标、兴趣和信仰体系。有相同的宗教、文化和政治信仰的情侣往往比那些背景不同的情侣更和睦，但如果有共同的目标和兴趣作为坚实的基础，差异是可以克服的。

3．相互间的尊重、认可和取悦对方的欲望。在以虚假的爱为基础的关系中，这些情感通常只从一方流露出来。在真正的爱中，必须有平衡，双方都必须承担不辜负对方期望的责任。

4．相互间的真诚与信赖。真爱容不得虚假；谎言只能导致不信任和分歧。从一开始，你和你的伴侣就必须对你们自己和对方诚实。

5．对对方和这份关系的切合实际的期望。你们的期望既应该以真爱的要求为基础，也应以各自的性格和需求为基础。坦率地讨论你们的期望，要承认有些期望是没有协商余地的而其它期望则需要变通性。

6．依赖与独立的平衡。真爱需要一种沟通，但并不是两个个体的湮没。成熟的爱人不会象沉溺于爱中的恋人那样全部融入对方，他们也不会毫无交流。相反，他们结合在一起，从而共享他们生活的几部分。以图表形式表示，这三种可能性看上去是这样的：

沉湎于爱中的情侣

疏远的情侣

相爱的情侣

要在爱情上成功，你和你的伴侣必须学会相互依靠以寻求舒适和支持，而又不指望在这种关系中满足你所有的需求。你生活的一部分必须保持独立。你需要一些和你的伴侣并不共有的朋友、活动和兴趣。这些外部来源不仅使你个人受益，还能提供使这种关系保持开放和发展的思想、能量和信息。

7．解决问题的合作态度。生活需要冲突和斗争，因此爱也是如此。你和你的情侣必须从一开始就接受这一事实，并想好出现问题时处理的办法。渡过难关的过程应有助于你们相互了解，使你们关系更加密切。

8．共同的生活。真爱需要经过努力才能获得，并不是在一夜之间就能产生的。对我们大多数人来说需要几年实现真爱的时间。你和你的伴侣通过日常生活的常规，可以逐步了解对方内心最深处的希望、恐惧和感情，发现对方的内心节奏，并成为它的一部分。