耶鲁大学心理学导论(第九课)

心理学导论第九课

很高兴为大家介绍I'm delighted to introduce the first guest lecture

心理学导论课程的首位客座讲师for this introduction to psychology course, 彼得·萨洛维院长Dean Peter Salovey.

彼得是我的一位老朋友老同事Peter is an old friend and colleague.

在座许多人我想应该是在座所有人Many of you--I think everybody here

都知道他是耶鲁学院的院长knows through his role of him as dean of Yale College.

在介绍中我想提一下I'll just, in this context of this introduction,

关于他的另外两件事mention two other things about him.

首先无论是做院长之前 One is prior to being dean

还是当了院长之后and in fact, still as a dean,

他一直是个活跃的科学家he's an active scientist

尤其是作为一位社会心理学家and in particular, and in particular, a social psychologist

他积极地参与对健康心理学的研究actively involved in studying health psychology,

以及对如何适当运用心理学方法the proper use of psychological methods

来确定健康信息to frame health messages,

他还创立并发展了and also is the founder and developer

情商这一概念of the idea of emotional intelligence,

他对情商进行了大量研究an idea he's done a huge amount of research on.

其次彼得一直以来都是耶鲁学院的Secondly, Peter is or was an active and extremely well-known teacher

一位活跃的非常知名的教师at Yale College.

他曾讲授过耶鲁学院有史以来He taught at one point, the largest course ever 人数最多的课程in Yale College,

一门关于法律中心理学的课程a course on psychology in law

这门课打破了这里的所有记录which broke every record ever had here.

他可以说是一位前无古人后无来者的And before that, during that, and after that, 具有传奇色彩的心理学导论老师he was a legendary introduction to psychology teacher.

说他是传奇人物是有一定道理的 And I think--and he had some reason for why he was so legendary

今天就欢迎他来为我们讲述爱情with his lecture today on the topic of love.

非常感谢Thanks very much.

好了吗Is that ok?

好的 Okay.

非常感谢布罗姆教授Thank you very much, professor Bloom.

很高兴今天能来这里给大家做讲座It really is a pleasure to come and lecture to you today

今天是情人节我们的主题是"爱"on Valentine's day on the topic of love.

我的主要研究领域是人类情感My main area of research is human emotion.

爱是一种情感 And love is an emotion.

但我并不是针对个人进行研究It's not one that I study personally,

至少不是在实验室里进行研究 at least not in the lab, and

不过聊起来很有意思--but it is fun to talk about.

这个主题也适用于理解And it is a topic that lends itself to

许多社会心理学现象many social psychological phenomena.

能来这里进行客座演讲也很棒It's also great to be able to come in and guest lecture.

自从当了院长我很怀念的一件事One of the things I very much miss since serving as dean

就是讲授心理学110课程is the opportunity to teach psychology 110.

尽管我喜欢当院长And although I love being dean,

但我真的很怀念讲授心理学导论课的日子I do miss teaching introductory psychology,

怀念让人们接触到the feeling of exposing people to ideas

他们从未听过的观点时的那种感觉that maybe you hadn't heard before.

我估计这场讲座中要谈到的一些观点Well, I suspect some of the ideas in this talk 你们可能从未听说过 you'll have not heard before

而由于种种原因and for a variety of reasons,

大家在今天的讲座中要注意几点a couple of the things you'll notice is

今天我谈到的一些实验that some of the experiments I'll talk about today

现在已经不能再进行了are not the kinds of experiments that can be done anymore.

这些实验在伦理上被认为是不可接受的They're not considered ethically acceptable

但在五六十年代及七十年代早期都有进行but they were done in the fifties and sixties and early seventies

因为当时伦理标准不同 when ethical standards were different

因此我们可以讲授那些实验and so we can teach them.

但我无法让你们像We just can't give you the same experiences

当时那些大学生一样that some of the college students that

进行同样的实验we'll talk about today in these studies had.

我还要提到的一点就是The other thing I will mention is that

许多有关浪漫爱情的心理学研究there is a certain androcentric and heterosexual quality

都是以男性为中心且具有异性恋的特点to much of the social psychological research on romantic love.

在实验中你们会看到这一点You'll see that in the experiments.

通常被试为男性Usually, the participants are men and

而女性往往是实验目标usually the targets are women in these experiments.

我并不认为这是研究爱情的唯一方法I'm not endorsing this as the only way to study love.

只不过恰巧这些实验都是这么做的It just happens to be the way these experiments

were done

所以我在开始前提醒大家注意这点and so I mention this caution right from the beginning.

我们必须思考We'll have to think about

大家需要思考的一件事就是one of the things you should think about is

你们认为这些实验能否推广到do you think these experiments generalized to 其他类型的二人关系之中呢other kinds of dyadic relationships.

这个问题And that's a question that

整场演讲中你都应该进行思考I think you can ask throughout this lecture.

好的那我们开始吧Okay. So let's get started.

首先我想And to start things off I think

我们需要思考一个定义what we need to do is consider a definition.

我将会给爱一个定义I'm going to define what love is

不过接下来要谈到的大部分实验but then most of the experiments I'm going to talk about

其实主要是关于吸引而不是爱are really focused more on attraction than love 两人互相感兴趣who finds each other of romantic interest

进而可能会发展成一段恋爱关系that might then develop into a love relationship.

不过我们还是从对爱的定义开始吧But let's start with a definition of love.

我将采用一位前同事的定义And I'm going to pick a definition from a former colleague,

罗伯特·斯滕伯格 Robert Sternberg,

他现在是塔夫斯大学的院长who is now the dean at Tufts University

不过他曾在耶鲁任教在心理学院这里but was here on our faculty at Yale

教了将近三十年for nearly thirty years or so.

他所提出的爱的理论认为And he has a theory of love that argues

爱由三个成分组成that love is made of three components

亲密激情与承诺intimacy, passion, and commitment,

承诺有时也称决心或承诺or what is sometimes called decision/commitment.

这个定义相对来说很直白And these are relatively straightforward.

他认为如果你没有同时具备这三要素He argued that you don't have love

你并没有体验到爱if you don't have all three of these elements.

亲密就是亲近的感觉Intimacy is the feeling of closeness,

与某人沟通相互结合of connectedness with someone, of bonding.

从行为上说亲密就是你们分享秘密Operationally, you could think of intimacy as you share secrets,

你只和这个人分享信息You share information with this person that

而不和别人分享you don't share with anybody else.

这就是亲密Okay. That's really what intimacy is,

结合源于你们之间信息的分享the bond that comes from sharing information

而这些秘密是你不会与他人所分享的that isn't shared with other with many other people.

第二个因素是激情Second element is passion.

激情的定义因人而异Passion is what you think it is.

激情就是我们可以说是Passion is the--we would say

把我们引向浪漫爱情的驱力the drive that leads to romance.

你可以当它是生理吸引或者是性爱You can think of it as physical attraction or sex.

斯滕伯格认为And Sternberg argues that

这是恋爱关系中必不可少的一个因素this is a required component of a love relationship.

当然在卡尔洪学院洗澡It is not, however, a required component

可没必要非得有激情of taking a shower in Calhoun College.

斯滕伯格的爱情理论中第三个因素是The third element of love in Sternberg's theory is

他所说的决心或承诺what he calls decision or commitment.

决心就是一个人处于一段恋爱关系中The decision that one is in a love relationship,

愿意为这段关系贴上恋爱标签the willingness to label it as such,

做出承诺来维持这段关系and a commitment to maintain that relationship

至少持续一段时间at least for some period of time.

斯滕伯格认为 Sternberg would argue

如果你不称这种感情为爱情it's not love if you don't call it love,

如果你没有保持这段关系的欲望and if you don't have some desire

那这种感情就不是爱情to maintain the relationship.

因此如果你具备了这三个因素So if you have all three of these,

亲密激情和承诺 intimacy, passion and commitment,

按斯滕伯格的理论你就有爱情了in Sternberg's theory you have love.

该理论有趣的地方就在于Now what's interesting about the theory is

如果你只有三要素中的一点what do you have if you only have one

或只有两点又算什么呢out of three or two out of three?

如果你具备三点中的两点What do you have

那会是什么感情and how is it different

又与爱情有什么不同if you have a different two out of three?

这些就是这种理论These are--what's interesting about

有趣之处就在于this kind of theorizing is it give

它能形成许多不同的排列组合it gives rise to many different permutations that 当你把它们加以分类when you break them down and start to

仔细研究就会很有意思look at them carefully can be quite interesting.

我所做的就是采用So what I've done is I've taken

斯滕伯格的爱的三要素Sternberg's three elements of love,

即亲密激情和承诺intimacy, passion and commitment,

然后列出当一个人完全没有and I've listed out the different kinds of relationships

有一种两种或是三种因素时one would have if you had zero, one, two or three 可能拥有的各种不同的关系out of the three elements.

我会使用斯滕伯格在他的理论中And I'm using names or types

所使用的名称和类型that sternberg uses in his theory.

这些的确是按照他所说的去讲 These are really from him.

有些类型是显而易见的Some of these are pretty obvious.

如果你没有亲密感没有激情If you don't have intimacy, if you don't have passion,

没有承诺那你就没有爱情if you don't have commitment, you don't have love.

斯滕伯格称之为无爱这是个术语Sternberg calls this non-love. That's the technical term.

实际上他想说的是And essentially what he's saying

现在你和坐在身边的人的关系is the relationship you now have to the person sitting next to you,

假设你身边坐的是随便一个人presuming that you're sitting next to a random person

不是你大学里认识的that you didn't know from your college,

你们的关系可能就是"无爱"is probably non-love.

如果还存在别的关系 If it's something else,

我们可以在讲座结束时讨论一下we could talk about it at the end of the lecture 或者是一会我提到时再说or perhaps when I get to it in a moment.

现在让我们加入一些要素 Now let's start to add elements.

让我们加入亲密感Let's add intimacy.

这是在分享秘密 This is sharing secrets,

是种亲近感联系感结合感a feeling of closeness, connectedness, bonding.

如果我们对某人拥有这种感情 Let's say we have that with someone

但没有激情but we don't have passion,

也就是说没有性唤起that is, no sexual arousal,

也没有承诺要维持这段关系And no commitment to maintain the relationship.

这就是喜欢斯滕伯格称之为喜欢This is liking. Sternberg calls it liking.

大多数典型的友谊中And liking is really what is happening

都有着这种感情in most typical friendships,

这里指的不是密友 not your closest friendship

而是普通朋友but friendships of a casual kind.

你感到亲近你会和这个人分享一些You feel close, you share certain information with that person

并不会和其他的许多人分享的信息that you don't share with other- many other people,

但你并没有生理上的吸引but you're not physically attracted

也没有想要长期维持这种关系and there's no particular commitment to maintaining this

的某种承诺for a long period of time.

如果你并未感受到亲密Now, what if you're not intimate,

也没作出承诺you're not committed,

但却充满激情你感到性唤起but you're passionate; you feel that sexual arousal.

这就是斯滕伯格所称的"迷恋"This is what Sternberg would call infatuation.

这个术语可能同样适用于你And that term probably works for you too,

痴迷的爱也就是一见钟情infatuated love, and this is love at first sight.

"我不认识你"I don't know you,

我们从未分享过任何秘密 We've never shared any secrets

因为我们并不相识because I don't know you,

我没有义务界定我们的关系I'm not committed to defining this as anything, 我对未来也没有承诺I'm not committed to the future.

事实上我对未来连想都没想过In fact, I'm not thinking about the future.

我想的只有当下 I'm thinking about right now

可是我深深地被你吸引"but boy, am I attracted."

是的这就是迷恋Right. That's infatuation and

也就是斯滕伯格所说的"痴迷的爱"that's what Sternberg means by infatuated love.

第三种只含单一要素的关系是The third kind of one-element relationship is 没有亲密感there's no intimacy, right,

没有结合感没有亲密没有秘密no bonding, no closeness, no secrets,

没有肉体吸引也没有性唤起no physical attraction, no sexual arousal,

但天呐我们竟要维持这段关系but by gosh, we are going to maintain this relationship,

我们要始终对此负责we are committed to it for all time.

斯滕伯格称之为"空洞的爱"Sternberg calls that "empty love."

"空洞的爱"挺有意思的empty love is kind of interesting.

这通常是长期关系恶化的最终阶段It's often the final stage of long-term relationships that have gone bad.

"我们互不交流"We don't share information with each other anymore

没了亲密感so there's no intimacy.

我们对彼此不再有肉体上的吸引We don't feel physically attracted to each other anymore,

没有了激情 there's no passion,

但为了孩子我们最好还是在一起but we'd better stay together for the kids, right?

或为了保存脸面我们最好还是在一起Or we've got to stay together for appearance's sake

或者我们最好在一起or we'd better stay together

否则经济状况就会出大麻烦"because financially it would be a disaster if we don't"

等等各种亲密或者激情以外的原因or all of the reasons other than intimacy and passion

都可以使人们对对方作出承诺that people might commit to each other.

这就是斯滕伯格所称的"空洞的爱"That's what Sternberg calls empty love.

有趣的是Now what's interesting is

在婚姻包办的社会里in societies where marriages are arranged

这种状况往往是恋爱关系的第一阶段this is often the first stage of a love relationship.

这两个人可能从未谋面These two people who have maybe never seen each other before,

从未分享过秘密因此并无亲密感可言who have never shared secrets so there's no

intimacy,

他们从来他们并不知道who have never--don't know

是否会被彼此的身体吸引if they're physically attracted to each other

到了婚礼当天他们才见面and on their wedding day revealed to each other

并彼此根据法律作出承诺and committed legally

有时这种承诺还带有宗教色彩and sometimes religiously to each other.

对吧于是双方有了承诺Right? The commitment is there

但除此之外还什么都没有But at that moment nothing else might be there.

当然有趣的是What's interesting of course is that

这类关系的离婚率such relationships don't seem to have any greater chance of ending in divorce

并不比因爱情而结婚的人离婚率更高than people who marry for love.

但这有一点混淆视听But there's a big confound,

对这类关系进行的研究中有一个大问题there's a big problem in studies of those kind of relationships.

是什么问题呢有人回答吗What might it be? Anybody.

所述情况可能会有什么问题呢What might be the problem in the statement

我刚说过这种关系I just made that these kind of relationships

和因爱情而结合的婚姻一样are just as likely to survive

都能维持下去as people who marry for love?

请讲Yes.

对了这种情况可能会发生在Yeah. So they may occur;

包办婚姻更可能会发生在they're more likely to occur in societies

不赞成离婚的社会里that frown on divorce.

这些社会中离婚的社会成本很高 They make it very costly, socially costly, to divorce,

所以人们会出于种种原因在一起so then they stay together for all kinds of reasons,

但不总是什么好的原因not always such good ones.

好的 "三选二也不坏"是谁唱的呢All right. Now who was it who sang the song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"?

是"肉块"吗 [美国摇滚音乐人]Was that Meat Loaf?

是谁就是"肉块"Who was it? It was Meat Loaf.

好的布朗教授说是"肉块"All right. Professor Bloom says it was Meat Loaf.

那就是"肉块"了It was Meat Loaf.

你们都说 "有歌手叫'肉块'吗"You're all saying, "there was a singer called Meat Loaf?"

"肉块"唱的"三选二也不坏"Meat Loaf sang the song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad."

让我们看看三选二Let's see

是不是真的还不坏if two out of three ain't bad.

如果你有亲密感What if you have intimacy,

"我们分享秘密 "we share secrets,

充满激情彼此吸引passion, we feel physically attracted to each other,

但我们并不会相互承诺"but we're not making any commitments here."

斯滕伯格称之为"浪漫式爱情"Sternberg calls that "romantic love."

这种关系有着肉体吸引 This is physical attraction

紧密联系却没有承诺with close bonding but no commitment,

罗密欧和朱丽叶初次相见时就是如此Romeo and Juliet when they first met.

一段恋爱关系开始时都类似于这样This is all familiar when relationship starts.

"我们彼此喜欢被对方的身体吸引"We like each other, I'm physically attracted to each other,

我喜欢和你在一起的时光I--to you, I enjoy spending time with you

但我不会做出任何长期承诺but I'm not making any long-term commitments.

因此我甚至不愿意用'爱'这个词来描述So I'm not even willing to use the 'L' word in describing

我们之间的关系" 对吗what it is we have." Right?

你们中可能有不少人都经历过这种关系Many of you might have been in relationships of this sort.

这就是浪漫浪漫式爱情That's romance. That's romantic love.

如果你们之间有亲密感Now, what if you have intimacy,

"我们彼此分享秘密"We share secrets with each other,

但肉体上没有什么特别的吸引but there's no particular physical attraction 不过我们都对这段关系都有承诺but we are really committed to this relationship."

斯滕伯格称这种关系为"友谊之爱"This is what Sternberg calls "companionate love."

这就是密友之间的关系This is your best friend.

"我们承诺彼此坦诚"We are committed to sharing intimacy,

承诺永远做朋友"to being friends forever,"

但是这里不含肉体吸引But physical attraction is not part of the equation here.

这种关系在某种程度上可能是This is sort of the--maybe

古希腊对某种恋爱关系的理想型the Greek ideal in relationships of some kind.

好的如果我们有激情All right. What if we have passion,

"你对我有性吸引力" "I'm sexually attracted to you,"

但我们并不亲密but no intimacy.

"我不怎么想了解你"I don't want to really know that much about you,

也不怎么想让你知道我的事情I don't want to really share anything of me with you, 不过我一心想要but I am committed to maintaining

保持我们之间肉体上的相互吸引this physical attraction to you"

这种感觉被斯滕伯格称为"愚昧的爱"Well, that's what Sternberg calls "fatuous love."

这种求爱就如旋风一般 It's a whirlwind courtship.

仿佛好莱坞电影里的浪漫情节It's a Hollywood romance.

这可能会导致一场闪婚It might lead to a shotgun wedding.

也许你会发现自己在拉斯维加斯Maybe you find yourself in Las Vegas

结婚了一天半and you get married for a day

然后意识到这并不是个好主意and a half and then realize that this wasn't such a good idea.

也许你叫布兰妮你是个歌手And maybe your name is Britney and you're a singer.

不管怎么说你们懂的 Well, anyway, you've got the idea.

这就是"愚昧的爱"That's fatuous love.

"可以说我们只在性方面互相承诺""We are basically committed to each other for sex"

但这种关系很难持久but it's very hard to make those relationships last a long time

因为我们可能毫无共同点because we might not have anything in common,

我们可能什么也不交流we might not share anything with each other,

我们可能互不信任we might not trust each other,

彼此之间也没有特殊的联系we are not particularly bonded to each other.

另一方面如果你三要素兼备On the other hand, if you have all three,

亲密激情和承诺都有intimacy, passion, commitment,

这就是斯滕伯格所称的"完整的爱"This is "consummate love" according to Sternberg.

是一种完整的爱Complete love.

这就是斯滕伯格对爱的定义This is how he defines love.

好了现在你们知道了爱的定义Okay. So now you have a definition of love and you can now,

我们的家庭作业就是今晚坐下来as a homework assignment, sit down tonight 列张单子写上所有你认识的人and make a list of every person you know

再写上爱的三要素by the three elements of love

在表格的小格子里打钩and just start putting the check marks in the boxes 再计算你个人与别人之间的爱的分数and tallying up your personal love box score.

这作业不用上交And we don't want to collect those.

也不检查不过这个作业很有趣We don't even want to see those but you can have fun with that.

你还可以让别人做Then you can ask the other people to do it too

相互比较and you can compare with each other.

如果你能通过这个练习 And if you all survive this exercise

你就会因此变得更好you'll be better for it.

是那些未能将你杀死的事物使你变得更强What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

这就是练习背后的意义That's the idea behind that exercise.

好的如今社会心理学对"爱"的研究All right. Now the social psychology of love really

实际上已经成了对"吸引"的研究has been a social psychology of attraction.

是什么让人们感到彼此吸引呢What makes people find each other attractive?

什么让人们想要亲近What makes them want to be intimate?

什么让人们会对彼此有身体欲求What makes them physically desirable to each other?

什么可能会导致承诺What might lead to a commitment,

作出承诺的决定让一段关系持续下去a decision to make a commitment to make the relationship last?

真是太好了This is just so nice.

我的讲座主题是"爱"I'm giving this lecture on love

而你们俩坐在前排手拉着手and the two of you are holding hands here in the front row.

真是而且It's really-- and--

三要素兼备吗亲密感激情All three elements present, intimacy, passion, and...

嗯好啦好的 Yeah. Okay. Good.

只是检测一下啦 Just checking.

好的Okay.

有趣的是在社会心理学中的"吸引"So what's interesting about the social psychology of attraction

会关注七个变量is it has focused on seven variables.

我把它们分为两组And I've divided these into two groups,

三大变量和另外四个更有趣的变量the big three and the more interesting four.

我所指的"三大变量" And I call them the big--the big three are

是指这三个非常有影响力的变量three variables that the effects are so powerful that

几乎没必要详细讨论they almost don't need to be discussed in much detail.

而更有趣的四点变量才是The more interesting four are

我这次讲座要重点讨论的 the ones I'm going to focus on in this lecture 因为它们更为微妙because they're a bit more subtle

而且你们可能闻所未闻and they may be things that you've never heard of before.

但我们先大致说一下三大要素But let's quickly talk about the big three.

要理解三大要素The way to understand the big three is

就要理解"一切其他条件同等的情况下"with the phrase "all other things being equal.

在"一切其他条件同等的情况下""all other things being equal,"

人们发现自己与空间距离较近的人people who find themselves in close spatial proximity to each other,

例如在参加讲座时共用一个椅子扶手的人like sharing an armrest in a lecture, 更容易相互吸引will be more likely to be attracted to each other

也更容易发展为恋爱关系and form a romantic relationship.

这是在"一切其他条件同等的情况下"Okay, all other things being equal.

这一点已经通过许多有趣的方法得到证明Now this has been tested in lots of interesting ways.

在纽约市曾进行过一些研究Studies have been done in the City of New York 如果你生活在曼哈顿where you can if you live in Manhattan

你就能很好地了解到you can actually get a very nice metric of

在城区里人们住所间的相对距离how far apart people live from each other in city blocks.

对吧你可以使用一个网格图Right? You have a nice grid pattern

还可以用一个城市街区的度量表and you can use a city block metric

计算每个人的住所相隔多远to add up the number of blocks between people's doors.

住得更近的人And people who live more closely together are

更容易形成恋爱关系more likely to end up in romantic relationships with each other.

这似乎很明显对吧It seems kind of obvious. Right?

大学校园里情况也一样This even works on college campuses.

我们可以按英尺计算你的宿舍We can measure in feet the distance between the door to your room

离校园里任何一个同学宿舍的距离and the door to every other room of a student on campus

这种可能性之间会有相关性and there will be a correlation between the likelihood of

这是一种负相关 It's a negative correlation

即和一个人发展为恋爱关系的可能性--the likelihood of getting into

与你和此人的房间距离a romantic relationship with a person and the number of feet

之间的相关性between your door and that person's door.

离得远近越有可能发展为恋爱关系The fewer feet, the more likely a romantic relationship,

一切其他条件同等的情况下All other things being equal.

"一切其他条件同等的情况下"Now, all other things being equal

是个很强的限制is a big qualifier.

是吧不过如果我们能在统计上Right? But if we could statistically

控制每个其他变量control for every other variable,

那我所要做的All I'd need to do is measure the distance

就是测量你的房间from your door to

到学校里其他人房间的距离everybody else's door on campus,

然后我就能在图表上标出and I could chart out who's going to fall in love with 耶鲁大学校园内谁会爱上谁whom on the Yale campus.

但这个想法有点儿Now, this idea in a way is

我也不知道I don't know.

也许有点儿违反直觉Maybe it's a little counterintuitive.

有一种关于陌生人的文化传说认为There is a kind of cultural myth around the stranger,

你不认识的人the person you don't know,

才是你会爱上的人who you will, who you fall in love with.

在身边的人And that is not likely to be the case

反而不太可能有感觉if it's the person who is nearby.

对吗 Right?

你会发现随着我们了解到另一个And you'll see as we go through the other big "三大要素"中的另外两点the other two "big three" that

这个主题有些重复there is a kind of repetition of this theme.

你爱上的并不是陌生人It isn't the stranger you fall in love with.

好的我们继续说说相同点 All right. Let's continue down. Similarity.

你可能听过这句话You've probably heard the phrase

"物以类聚人以群分""birds of a feather flock together"

在爱情上的确就是这样And that's true when it comes to romance.

无论心理学家们在此类实验中On any dimension that psychologists

所测量的是哪个维度have measured in these kinds of studies,

当人们更为相似时when people are more similar,

会觉得更受彼此吸引they are more likely to find each other attractive.

可能是一些明显的因素相似This could be obvious things

例如身高或是年龄like height or age

但也可能是别的诸如对于死刑的看法but it also could be things like attitudes toward capital punishment,

更喜欢红袜队而非洋基队 [棒球队]preference for the Red Sox over the Yankees.

对吧这些都是相似性的维度Right? All of these are dimensions of similarity.

一切其他条件同等的情况下越是相似All things being equal, the more similar 越容易彼此吸引the more likely you'll find each other attractive.

所以说相异不一定相吸So, opposites don't really attract.

人可能会以类聚Birds of a feather may flock together

但不同的人其实并不相互吸引but opposites don't really attract each other.

一般我说到这里的时候Now, usually at this point

讲堂里都会有人举手说somebody in the lecture hall raises their hand and says, "我男朋友或女朋友和我"Well, my boyfriend or my girlfriend and I

是完全不同的两种人"are complete opposites

萨洛维教授你又怎么解释呢And how do you account for that, professor Salovey?"

我通常会看着他们说"祝你们好运"And I usually look at them and I say, "good luck."

当然所有其他条件可能并不相同And of course all things might not be equal.

可能会有其他的变量在起作用There may be other variables at play but,

但是一切其他条件同等的情况下all things being equal,

相似性不会产生蔑视 similarity does not breed contempt.

相似使人互相吸引Similarity breeds attraction.

对吗这不是很有意思吗 Okay? Isn't it interesting?

我们有许多俗谚相互矛盾 We have all of these common sayings that contradict each other

然而通过实证发现and then empirically,

比起其他谚语some of them turn out to have more

有些谚语证据更为充分evidence supporting them than others.

没证据显示"相异者相吸"So "opposites attract?" not much evidence.

没证据显示"相似性产生蔑视""Similarity breeds contempt?" not much evidence.

"物以类聚人以群分"呢"Birds of a feather flock together?"

对这个谚语是有些证据的Yeah, there's some evidence for that anyway.

最后一点是熟悉程度 Finally, familiarity.

熟悉程度是指Familiarity--

我们往往会爱上在我们周围We tend to fall in love with people in our environment with

已经熟悉的人whom we are already familiar.

那种"在迷人夜晚与陌生人邂逅"的想法The idea that some enchanted evening we

will see a stranger

你需要的时候新蓝乐队去哪儿了where are the new blue when you need them?

"某个迷人的夜晚你看到一个陌生人"some enchanted evening you will see a stranger

穿过拥挤的房间"across a crowded room."

对吧那个音乐剧叫什么来着 Right? What musical is that from?

"南太平洋" 很好"South Pacific." Very good.

你会看到一个陌生人穿过拥挤的房间You will see a stranger across a crowded room.

这是一个文化之谜That's kind of a cultural myth.

它当然有可能发生但更多时候Of course it happens, but much more common

是你认识的人is somebody you already know,

你经常见到的人突然把你迷住了Somebody you have seen repetitively you suddenly find attractive

于是一段关系产生了对吧and a relationship forms. Okay?

那么三大要素So the big three:

与你相似的人people who are similar to you,

你熟悉的人people who are already familiar to you,

在你周围的人people who are nearby in space.

这就是一切其他条件同等的情况下These are the people, all things being equal, 会吸引你的人that you will find attractive.

这就是三大要素主要的影响因素Okay? So those are the big three. Those are big main effects.

很容易在实验室里Those are big, easy to observe

将他们从各种角度观察出来in various ways in the lab.

顺便一说熟悉因素并不只对人起作用By the way, the familiarity idea doesn't just work for people.

我可以举些你不懂的语言之中的某些单词I can show you words in a language that you don't speak

我很快地说给你and I can flash those words to you very quickly

过会儿我会重复这些单词中的某些and I can later repeat some of those words 加入一些你之前从未见过的的新单词and mix in some new ones that you've never seen before

然后我说 "我不知道and I can say, "I don't know,

我知道这些单词你一个都不认识I know you don't know what any of these words mean.

我知道你们念不出这些字符但至少I know you can't read these characters but just,

如果你要告诉我你喜欢哪个词if you had to tell me, which ones do you like 不喜欢哪个或者有多喜欢and which ones don't you like or how much do you like each one?"

你喜欢的将会是你之前见过的单词The ones you will like are the ones you saw earlier,

那些你已经产生熟悉感的单词the ones that you already have familiarity.

即使你不记得你见过Even if you don't remember having seen them,

即使这种熟悉感是在瞬间爆发even if that familiarity was generated with such

quick exposures

你甚至不记得曾经见过任何一个that you don't remember even having seen anything,

你也会受这种熟悉感影响好吧 you will get that familiarity effect. Okay?

很好Good.

有趣的四小点要素The more interesting four.

它们更有趣是因为These are more interesting because

它们有点复杂they're a little bit complicated,

有点微妙a little bit subtle.

让我们从我最喜欢的一个开始Let's start with actually the one that is my favorite.

"能力" This is "competence".

想想你生活中的其他人Think about other people in your environment.

想想你认为有能力的人Think about people who are competent.

再想想那些能力差的人Generally--and think about people who are incompetent.

通常我们更容易被Generally, we are more attracted to people

有能力的人所吸引who seem competent to us.

这可不那么有趣Now, that isn't very interesting.

而且事实并非总是如此And it turns out that's not really the effect.

没错相比能力差的人而言Yes, we're more attracted to people who are competent than

我们更喜欢有能力的人people who we think are incompetent,

但是能力太强的人but people who are super competent,

那种在各个方面都很出色的人people who seem competent on all dimensions,

会让我们感到有威胁They're kind of threatening to us.

他们让我们感到不自在对吧They don't make us feel so good about ourselves. Right?

与他们的对比让我们自惭形秽They make us feel a bit diminished by comparison.

所以我们真正喜欢的So, what we really like

我们真正为之所吸引的The kind of person we're really attracted to

是偶尔也会犯错的有能力的人is the competent individual who occasionally blunders.

这点被称之为出丑效应And this is called the pratfall effect,

我们对这些能力强的人的喜爱That our liking for the competent person grows 会因他们犯的小错误做的尴尬事when they make a mistake, when they do something embarrassing,

或者失败的经历而增加when they have a failure experience. Okay?

这点可以从公众人物的身上看出来You can see this with public figures.

能力强但也会出丑Public figures who are viewed as competent but who pratfall, 和犯错的公众人物who make a mistake,

有时他们在犯错后会变得更受欢迎 sometimes they are even more popular after the mistake.

对吧Okay?

比如比尔·克林顿在任期间I think of Bill Clinton when he was president.

他在执政末期的支持率His popularity at the end of his term,

不管公众舆论despite what everyone would agree,

或者你个人是否喜爱比尔·克林顿whether you like Bill Clinton or not,

他与莫妮卡·莱温斯基的关系是个大错误was a big mistake with Monica Lewinsky, 但他的支持率并未因此而受太大影响his popularity didn't suffer very much.

许多人在媒体上评价他说A lot of people in the media would describe him,

"他只是这证明他也只是个普通人""Well, he's just--it just shows he's human."

他像我们一样会犯错He makes mistakes like the rest of us,

即便那是个很大的错误对吧Even though that was a pretty big mistake. Right?

你还能从小一些的糗事中看出And you could see this even with smaller pratfalls.

有时公众人物Sometimes public figures are liked

在他们出糗之后更受欢迎even more after their pratfall.

现在有个很经典的实验Now, the classic experiment,

经典的出丑实验the classic pratfall experiment,

这么说更合适is just a beautiful one to describe.

它能称得上是件艺术品 It's a work of art.

所以我要跟你们讲讲So, let me tell you a little bit about it.

在实验中你被带进实验室You're in this experiment. You're brought to the lab 听一组面试录音and you're listening to a tape recording of interviews

录音中是你们学院参加with people who are described as possible representatives 竞猜比赛的代表候选人from your college to appear on a quiz show.

这个比赛叫做"学院杯"The quiz show is called "college bowl,"

我想现在已经没有了which I don't think is on anymore

但我上大学的时候是有的but was on when I was in college.

在听耶鲁准备参加学院杯的And you're listening to interviews with possible contestants

参赛候选人面试录音时from yale who are going to be on "college bowl."

你需要描述有多大的可能You have to decide how much--what

你被要求去决定you're told is you have to decide

谁将会被选中去参加学院杯who should be chosen to be on "college bowl."

你去听那些面试录音and you listen to these interviews.

有意思的是有两种人Now what's interesting is there's two types of people, 近乎完美的人和平庸的人The nearly perfect person and the mediocre person.

近乎完美的人答对了The nearly perfect person answered

百分之九十二的问题92% of the questions correctly,

还低调地承认自己是学校精英团队的一员admitted modestly to being a member of the campus honor society,

是年鉴的编辑 was the editor of the yearbook,

社交广泛and ran varsity track.

这是近乎完美的人That's the nearly perfect person.

平庸的人只答对了百分之三十的问题The mediocre person answers only 30% of the questions correctly,

承认他们成绩一般admits that he has only average grades,

只是年鉴的校对he worked on the yearbook as a proofreader,

参加过田径队的选拔但落选了and he tried out for the track team but didn't make it.

所以他们有许多共通之处So, you see, they're keeping a lot of the elements consistent

只是一个表现平平but in one case he's kind of an average performer

另一个则近乎完美And in the other case nearly perfect.

现在你在听录音的时候Now, which of these two people do you find

会认为谁更有魅力more attractive in listening to the tape?

所以当问到你So, when they ask you questions about

谁将参加竞猜比赛时which person should be on the quiz show,

人们选择了能力更强的人people say the more competent person.

但还会被问到But they also ask questions like,

"你认为这个人有多大魅力""How attractive do you find this person?"

你只是听了听录音Now, you're only listening to an audiotape.

你会认为这人有多大魅力How attractive do you find this person?

答案显而易见And the results are pretty obvious.

能力强的人被认为更有魅力The competent person is rated as much more attractive, 明显比平庸的人更具吸引力对吧considerably more attractive, than the mediocre person. Okay?

如果这就是结局If this were the end of the story though,

那就太没劲了it would be a kind of boring story

这还没完and it's not the end of the story.

现在一半参与实验的人Now, what happens is half of the participants in the experiment

只听各自的录音who have listened to each of these tapes

你只能听一盘带子You only get to listen to one tape.

一半的人被分到去听出糗的场景Half of them are assigned to the blunder condition.

在出糗的场景中And what happens in the blunder

录音带继续播放condition is the tape continues and

你会听到盘子摔碎的声音What you hear is the clattering of dishes,

一个人说这个人说A person saying--the person saying,

"哦天呐 "oh, my goodness.

我把咖啡洒到新西装上了"I've spilled coffee all over my new suit."

这是出糗尴尬Okay? That's the blunder. That's the pratfall.

现在你被问到 "你认为谁更有魅力"Now you're asked, "who do you find more attractive?"

结果是你给能力强的人的And look what happens. Your rating of the attractiveness

魅力分数更高了of the competent person grows even higher.

有点瑕疵的能人The competent person who blunders,

这是我喜爱的人this is the person that I love.

不幸的是平庸者出糗Unfortunately, the mediocre person who blunders,

你会认为他更不怎么样You now think is even more mediocre.

对吧这就是这个实验悲哀讽刺的地方Right? This is the sad irony in these experiments.

这种影响朝两个方向发展 The effect works both ways

所以平庸者在你心目中更没地位so the mediocre become even more lowered in your esteem,

更得不到你的尊重in your regard.

现在我给你们讲一个我个人的小故事Now, I'll tell you a little personal story 关于我如何来到耶鲁 About my coming to yale

这与这个实验有关系that relates to this experiment.

这是社会心理学史上This is one of the most famous experiments

最有名的实验之一In the history of social psychology.

并不是我夸大I wouldn't quite put it up there.

今后你们会知道You'll hear maybe later about,

或者你们已经知道米尔格拉姆or maybe you've already about Milgram and

阿希的从众实验还有盗贼洞穴Maybe Asch conformity and maybe Robber's Cave.

它们比这更有名Those are even better known than this,

但它依然非常经典but this is right up there.

名列五大经典实验之一This is a top five experiment.

是由已经退休的埃利奥特·阿朗逊做的What--so--and it was done by Elliot Aronson who has retired now,

在加利福尼亚大学圣克鲁兹分校but for many years taught

被用作教材许多年at the university of california at santa cruz.

名字你们不需要记了The name is not one that you need to know.

不管怎样 In any case,

我一九八一年来耶鲁念研究生I came to yale in 1981 as a graduate student

希望找到一个导师 And I was looking for an adviser

我同一位叫朱迪·罗丹的耶鲁教员面谈and I was kind of interviewing with a faculty member at yale at the time named Judy Rodin.

你们可能知道她 Some of you may know that name

因为她后来去了宾夕法尼亚大学当校长because she went on later to become the president of the university of pennsylvania and

现在是洛克菲勒基金会的主席Now is the president of the Rockefeller Foundation.

但她要对我面试并约定了一次见面But I was interviewing with her and set up a meeting.

我在那次见面中试图说服她And what I was trying to persuade her in this meeting was to

收我为她的学生做我的导师take me on as one of her students, to let--to be my adviser.

那是我在研究生院的第三或第四周And it's about my third or fourth week of graduate school and

我对此非常紧张I'm pretty nervous about this.

而对一个研一的学生来说她很恐怖And she could be intimidating to a first-year graduate student.

我记得我端着杯咖啡And I remember I was holding this mug of coffee

恳求她and I was pleading with her,

试图说服她把我收为她的学生trying to convince her to take me on as her student, 我说 "朱迪我能做许多事and I was saying, "Judy, I'll get a lot done.

我会努力学习我能分析数据I'll work really hard. I can analyze data.

我能写作" 我边谈论自己I can write." and I'm talking about myself and

边手舞足蹈我边说边比划I'm swinging--I'm using my hands as I talk.

我到处晃着这杯咖啡I'm swinging this cup of coffee around.

很快在谈话中And fairly soon into the conversation

我证明了一些你们在物理课上I demonstrated some principle that you've probably learned in your

学到的原理比如physics class having to do with

无外力作用下静止的物体会始终保持静止an object at rest remaining at rest unless acted upon by a force.

静止的物体就是我手中的咖啡Well, the object at rest was the coffee in the cup and

当我举起杯子的时候when I pulled the coffee cup out from

咖啡正好洒在她桌子上 under the coffee it landed right on her desk and began-- 我看着咖啡像慢镜头似的以抛物线I watched in slow motion as this wave of

从我这边的桌子coffee just moved from my side of

落到她那边the desk to her side of the desk.

她跳起来向后跳开 She jumped up and jumped back

并把纸四处挪开and started moving papers around

给我的表情是And really was giving me this look

"你为什么还不走"like "why don't you just leave?"

我尽力挽回局面So, I was trying to save the moment as best as I could,

我看着她说and I looked at her and I said,

"朱迪你还记得以前那个"Judy, do you remember that old experiment

埃利奥特·阿朗逊做的that Elliot Aronson did

有关吸引力的实验吗"on attractiveness?"

她用揶揄的眼神看着我She looked at me kind of out of the corner of her eye 我说 "这就是我的瑕疵 and I said, "well, that was my blunder.

现在你会更喜欢我了"Now you're going to like me even more."

她只是摇摇头说And she just shook her head and she said,

"彼得彼得彼得"Peter, Peter, Peter.

你知道这只会在You know that effect only works if

我认为你很有能力时起作用"I think you're competent first."

不管怎样这就是我如何进入耶鲁的Anyway, that was my introduction to yale, 耶鲁的研究生院graduate school at yale.

好了 All right.

瑕疵所以只有在你能力强时So blundering. Only blunder if you're competent first

出丑才会让你更有魅力and it will make you more attractive.

这就是出丑效应That is the pratfall effect.

我们继续我会讲的快点Let's move on and I'm going to move a little bit quickly

through all this

因为我想在下课前留一点because I want to leave time for a few questions

提问时间at the end of the lecture.

我们来讲讲身体吸引Let's talk about physical attractiveness

作为那有趣的四小点里的第二点as number two of the more interesting four.

身体吸引是很困扰我们的一点Now physical attractiveness is one that really bothers us.

我们不愿相信We don't like to believe that

身体吸引在生活中非常重要physical attractiveness accounts for much in life.

这看起来不公平 It seems unfair.

通常情况下Except at the margins,

我们无法改变身体吸引力there isn't much we can do about physical attractiveness.

我们上不了《喧闹》杂志也的确让人伤心And when we're not pictured in The Rumpus it can really hurt.

所以我们都承认身体魅力很重要So, we all like to believe that physical attractiveness matters.

有趣的是And the interesting thing is

如果你在大学生中做个调查对他们说if you do surveys of college students and you say to them,

"请对影响你交往的"rate how important different characteristics

不同因素的重要性打分"are in relationships that you might be involved in,"

他们会说they will say

热情很重要 That warmth is important,

敏感很重要sensitivity is important,

智慧很重要 intelligence is important,

同情心很重要compassion is important,

幽默感很重要a sense of humor is important,

他们会说外表不重要And they'll say that looks aren't important.

但如果你重新测量这些因素But if you measure all of those things

让我们来换一种方式Let's do it in a different order.

如果你让他们都去参加速配相亲 If you send everybody out on a blind date 然后观察and then you look at,

相亲后有多少人after the blind date, how many of those people

速配后会进行第二次约会who are matched up blindly actually go on a second date, 再走到一起actually get together again,

是什么决定人们会再次相见what predicts who gets together again?

是热情吗 Was it the rating of warmth?

不 No.

敏感 Sensitivity?

不 No.

智慧Intelligence?

不 No.

同情心 Compassion?

不 No.

幽默感 Sense of humor?

不No.

那是什么呢 What was it?

外貌Looks.

所以我们以为外表不重要So we believe that looks don't matter

但其实不然and unfortunately they do.

现在好消息是Now, the good news in all of this is the studies that

对身体吸引力的研究looked at physical attractiveness

只是针对在第一次约会后in this way were just looking at

什么因素决定人们是否会有第二次约会what predicts a second date after a first date.

显然决定长期关系的因素Obviously, what predicts a long-term relationship 也许不会像外表这么肤浅are probably things less superficial than looks,

或者至少不仅仅是外表那么简单or at least other things in addition to looks.

但它对预测是否有第二次约会却很重要But it is a great predictor of a second date.

大学生们年复一年地说And college students year after year say,

"但这不重要""but it's not important."

这也是我们认为不重要And it's one of those classic disassociations

但事实上非常重要的between what we think is unimportant

几个经典分离之一and what empirically turns out to be more important.

那么有几项非常有意思的研究Alright well, there are very interesting studies that

涉及到身体吸引力have been done with physical attractiveness.

在明尼苏达大学At the university of Minnesota,

有个电脑程序能够将人们配对a computer algorithm paired people up.

这并不复杂It couldn't have been a very complicated algorithm

因为它只是把学校里的人随机配对because it basically paired people up randomly on the campus.

但这台电脑收集了许多在校生的数据but a lot of data about all the students on campus were collected

然后这些学生被随机配对去参加舞会and people were then randomly paired up and sent to the dance.

他们会被跟踪调查一段时间And then they were tracked over time.

就和我之前讲的假想实验一样And just as in the thought experiment I just gave you,

明尼苏达大学的学生们也是那样做的the University of Minnesota students acted in the same way.

如果他们认为自己的舞伴很迷人if they rated their partner as attractive,

这对随即组合的伴侣the randomly assigned partner,

则会更乐意继续这段关系they were more likely to continue the relationship.

为什么会这样呢这很有意思 Now it's interesting to ask, "why?"

于是我们着手进行其他实验来试图搞清楚and we have to start to look at other