雅思作文批改范例3
雅思大作文批改之increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others的cause和solution
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:There is a general increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?Write at least 250 words.[There is an unfortunate phenomenon that an increasing number of people tend to behave like antisocialists with little respect to others. There are a multitude of reasons involved in this phenomenon that should be deeply analyzed in order to put forward effective solutions to reserve the trend. ]This undesirable fact is actually a result of mixed reasons. Chief among the causes of this trend is the poverty-stricken life as well as the unfulfilled ambition, which are due to the deficiency of resources themself and the unfairness of society. Consequently, tortured by the long-term impoverishment and frustration, these citizens are apt to transform the pessimistic motion into the accumulating complaints and dissatisfactions towards society.Another contributing factor lies in the apathy and numbness of our society, which has a detrimental effect on intercommunication. The situation is deteriorating with those civilians who pursuit[at]profits and money blindly, which might lead to the ignorance and disrespect to others. In most cases, the citizens in question are probably treated in this way for a period of time, let alone showing respect to other people.It is, therefore, imperative for measures to be taken to reserve this trend. On one hand, the citizens ought to strive to improve their own lives by mastering a specific skill. In addition, those who fail to fulfill the ambition are supposed to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do and how to achieve it instead of endless blaming. On the other hand, it is the responsibility of the authority to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor. Furthermore, the government is obligated to give financial support to the construction of spiritual life of common people.To conclude, there is certain inevitability in this problem owing to civilians’terrible living condition and the defects of society, however, it is hoped that the joint efforts from the citizens and the government can be of positive effects.评分：满分9.0分总分：7.0分评分项评分描述TR(TASK RESPONSE) clearly presents and highlights key features / bullet points but could be more fullextendedC&C(COHERENCE AND COHESION) uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-uLR(LEXICAL RESOURCE) uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocationG&A(GRAMMAR RANGE ANDACCURACY)uses a variety of complex structures;may make a few errors OVERALL good细节错误统计：错误类型句子成分多余其他评语：文章总的来说十分不错，对于高级词汇和复杂句式的把握也是恰如其分的，但是在个别细节处还是要注意避免句式重复的问题。
雅思大作文批改实录
雅思大作文批改实录2016雅思大作文批改实录精选雅思考试要想取得好成绩，考生们必须好好复习，为了帮助大家更好的备考，下面是yjbys网店铺提供给大家关于雅思大作文批改实录精选，希望对大家的备考有所帮助。
题目When children make mistakes, they should be punished. Do you think so? How should they be punished?学生习作The issue about punishment on children has always been discussed in these days. From my perspective, I strongly agree with the opinion that punishment can help children realise the difference between right and wrong, although some slight problems still exist.The reason why punishment seems to be a must is that this is one of the most efficient method to teach the kids what is right. By criticizing the children who have done something by mistake, they are aware of the danger or wrong of their behaviours. As a result, children will be afraid of to do such a kind of things, which is of benefit to their future life.Although the advantage of punishment is undoubtedly true, the opponents would argue that it might make the kids feel inferior to others. A good case in point is that if a kid is beaten by their parents in front of his classmates, he will regard it as humiliation. When he is faced with his classmates, he might feel inactive and being separated from his friends, which may lead to long-term mental diseases including depression and anxiety.According to the above words I have said, punishment is necessary while the methods must be chosen carefully. Forexample, kids’ mood must be taken good care of so that he can realise his false. Objective persuasion is recommended while the violent behaviours is banned. Since the aim is to help them grow but notto punish them.To sum up, children are our future so we should pay more attention to our ways of punishment.评分：5.5整体评价：文章基本按照题目要求，完成了题目要求的各项内容。
雅思大作文解析-习作修改
studying abroad大作文学生习作原文--- 感谢暑假班的某位同学First Draft & First Proof Read第一段：Nowday, as much people know how important study abroad by increased availability, expecially in language. In China, every school open the English course, start at infant school. As part of student choice go abroad study, they can broaden their horizons, knowledge of culture and learn survival skills.请找出其中的错误，并提出修改建议。
第一段词句修改及翻译：Nowday, as much people know how important study abroad by increased availability, expecially in language. 当今由于出国留学越来越普及, 很多人意识到出国留学的重要性，特别是外语学习。
Nowadays, many people know the importance of overseas study due to its increasing availability, especially language education. In China, every school open the English course, start at infant school. 在中国从幼儿园开始每个学校都开设英语课。
In China, every school has English course, starting from infant school. As part of student choice go abroad study, they can broaden their horizons, knowledge of culture and learn survival skills. 另外，出国留学还可以拓宽学生的眼界，学习文化知识和生存能力。
雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析
雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析雅思7分大作范文批改和解析雅思写作提高第一步：结构(5.0 - 5.5)问题：出国留学的优点(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)同学：One reason for those who decide to go overseas to get a higher degree is that they believe they can get better education in certain fields. That is to say, different universities in different countries have their specialized courses and rich resources can be provided according to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in an all-round English environment and being affected by local culture make people quick learners.解析：出国留学和高学历完全是两回事(出去读初中和高中都算出国);出国就是better education，在国内就不是better? 出国留学可不仅仅是上大学，而该同学认为出国留学就是去上大学的(因为她可能就是去上大学的，所以觉得所有人也都如此)，偏激。
此外，第四句论述变成了英语环境了(因为大家都去英语国家，所以主观认为，所有出国的人就是去学英语的)，再次带来了内容偏激。
英语作文,批改范例
英语作文,批改范例篇一：雅思大作文批改范例8Some people think that personal happiness s directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion What is the key to access to happiness has aroused people's interest. Some people claim that money plays a vital role in gaining happiness, while others think that there are a variety of elements constricting to it. Personally, I agree with the latter opinion. Money provides people with more opportunities to pursue happiness, because economic success can make it possible for people to enhance their quality of life. By purchasing expensive jewels, luxury house, sports car, etc. without worries of monetary pressure, wealthy person can enjoy better living standards than that of ordinary people. When financial pressure and life stress do not existinone’slife, he or she is likely to have less worry and have rich entertainment, thereby achieving the access to happiness. Although fortune is significant to obtain happiness, there are also many other factors form important parts of eudemonia. An active lifestyle can prompt people's spiritual treasure. This meansthat people can receive happiness by having a healthy life, warm relatives and intimate friends. These valuable factors enable people have a positive attitude to tackle difficulties and enjoy a happy Iife. As far as I am concerned, happiness cannot always be purchased by money.Rich material life sometimes could cause negative impact on achieving happiness. It isnoteworthy that numerous of wealthy people who have affluent possessions, in contrast, have often ended up in a sick lifestyle. This makes them suffer from sickness, lonely and desperation, in the light of fact that money is no guarantee of happiness.To summarize, financial success could give people an ease Iife to enjoy happiness. However, without an active lifestyle and spiritual treasure, happiness willnot be sustainably maintained.总点评：本篇文章得分: 6.5篇二：英语作文批改几法英语作文批改几法目前，许多教师普遍重视英语作文的写作训练，从书写要求到内容点拨，可谓精细之极，但作文的最后一个环节，即作文批改，却忽略了方式方法的改革。
最新雅思作文批改范例
Some people believe that charity organizations should give the aid to 援助those who are in great needs, while the others think that charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in their own country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.Charity organization has never lost its unique power to confuse people and transport them to troubles(?). It is argued that whether the charity organizations should support to people who are in great needs or (to) those who live in their own countries. Personally I believe that charity organizations focus (focusing)on helping their own countries’ people should be considered as the option of last, instead of the first resort.Evidences show that charity organizations to aid people who are in great needs can bring a host of benefits to individuals as well as the whole international society. The charity help(helping) those who need great help can alleviate the increasing social gap between rich and poor, countries’ strong and weak (? ,)which will probably reduce the rate of crimes and build a harmonious world. A case in point is that since the outbreak of the Iraq war the international Red Cross federation is aiming to help nearly one million of the most socially vulnerable people inside (in)Iraq. Specifically, it supports Iraq food, water and medical facilities to help the vulnerable people rebuild their hometown. As far as I am concerned, worldwide charity organizations, which can help people all over the world, will (help to) construct a harmonious wold and reduce the war.However, charities just concentrate (concentrating )on aiding people who live in their own countries seems not work effectively. The radical reason for which(which 改为that, 或是去掉for which) is that it has a limitation on supporting vulnerable people from other countries who suffer from the disasters, which will lead to a complex and dangerous social environment other than in their own country. This will eventually build an inhumane image in the world. A case in point is that in 2011 （after）the Japanese earthquake, Chinese charity organizations sent rescue team s and basic facilities to Japan to save people’s lives. If China did not do like(去掉）this, Chinese reputation would certainly destroyed and our country would be condemned by the international society. In this case, this way should be considered as the option of last.(?) A nation should help other nations regardless of its strength.(结尾的总结是否应该回归到慈善组织呢？）Therefore, I believe that charity organizations should （give)aid to people no matter where they come from, which(since they)are regarded as (the)better solutions to reduce wars and help vulnerable people rebuild their homeland when they went through disasters. According to these ways( Thus), a harmonious international society will be set up. Besides, it will make a progress in ( make great contributions to ) the whole world’s sustainable development.By and large, we can expect that at least the problem about what kinds of peoplecharities should aid can be largely solved by supporting people from all over the world who faces the desperate situation. The more effort put in and the wider (engagements)the whole society involvement( involved in), the more substantial results likely to be. The increase of aiding people who are in great needs and the consequent improvement in people’s happiness is surely a worthwhile objective.总评：首先字数太多，看起来累赘，会导致扣分。
雅思7 大作文批改
The table shows how much money people spent on different items in five different countries in 2002.In terms of food, drinks and tobacco, people in Turkey turned out to spend the largest proportion of their expenditure (1) (32.14%), followed by Ireland, (2) while Swedish people spent the least (3) (15.77%).1 the phrase here does not demonstrate information clearly enough enough / the proportion of total school spending on it was the largest as 32.14% in Turkey,2 followed by that in Ireland3 while the lowest proportion was spent by people in Swedenthe proportion of total school spending on it was the largest as 32.14% in Turkey, followed by that in Ireland (x%), while the lowest proportion was spent by people in SwedenWhen it comes to the percentage of total school spending on clothing and footwear, the Italian took the lead (9%) . However, the Swedish devoted only 5.4% of their total expenditure to this category, which was the lowest among the five countries. (better than paragraph 3)Last, leisure or education accounted for 4.35% of total in Turkey, ranking the first among all the five countries, followed by 3.22% in Sweden, while the smallest percentage (1.98%) showed up in Spain. (good)All in all, we can draw the conclusion that the people in all these five countries spent the most in food, drinks and tobacco while leisure and education are the smallest cost.1 You need to have proportions reported clearly/correctly in your sentences.2 And you have to do paraphrasing in your T1 as well, otherwise your CC cannot be higher than 6.3 Check my other comments to see more details.6 5 6 6/ 5.5-6Sample :The pie charts compare the expenditure of a school in the UK in three different years over a 20-year period.It is clear that teachers’salaries made up the largest proportion of the school’s spending in all three years (1981, 1991 and 2001). By contrast, insurance was the smallest cost in each year.In 1981, 40% of the school’s budget went on teachers’salaries. This figure rose to 50% in 1991, but fell again by 5% in 2001. The proportion of spending on other workers’wages fell steadily over the 20-year period, from 28% of the budget in 1981 to only 15% in 2001.Expenditure on insurance stood at only 2% of the total in 1981, but reached 8% in 2001. Finally, the percentages for resources and furniture/equipment fluctuated. The figure for resources was highest in 1991, at 20%, and the proportion of spending on furniture and equipment reached its peak in 2001, at 23%.。
ai 雅思作文批改
ai 雅思作文批改英文回答：I have been tasked with evaluating your IELTS essay. The essay is well-written and demonstrates a good understanding of the task. The language is clear and concise, and the ideas are well-developed. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.First, the introduction could be more engaging. Thefirst sentence is a bit too general and does not immediately grab the reader's attention. You could try starting with a more specific example or anecdote that illustrates the main point of your essay.Second, some of the paragraphs could be better organized. The ideas are there, but they are not always presented in a logical order. Try to think about the flow of your essay and how each paragraph builds on the previous one.Finally, the conclusion could be stronger. The last sentence is a bit weak and does not really sum up the main points of the essay. Try to write a conclusion that is more specific and that ties together the different ideas in the essay.Overall, this is a good essay with a lot of potential. With a few minor revisions, it could be even better.中文回答：你的雅思作文写得很好，展现了对任务的深刻理解。
雅思考官如何批改作文
雅思考官如何批改作文雅思考官如何批改作文雅思写作是雅思考试中非常重要的一部分，同时也是广大考友们必须攻克的一大难关。
下面就和yjbys网店铺一起来了解下雅思考官是如何批改作文吧!雅思作文这样批，系列一在执教雅思写作的这些年中，我会发现，很多时候学生会从某某老师那里获取种种所谓的“黄金模板”，又或者是高举考前必备一本，视若雅思界的圣经。
而不去管什么“碰文”。
而最最难过的却是分数不给力，才知天道难酬勤!换个方式学吧，看看隔壁的“他”的作文中那些错误的背后是否隐藏了写作的某些玄机。
请看下面这个小作文的开头段，看似行文流水，实则欲哭无泪。
As can be seen from the table chart, it gives us the percentage of national consumer experience by category in 2002 in five different countries.谈及套句，小作文中“As can be seen from…”曾被列为小作文必备佳句，而孰不知此句虽好，但native speaker 常把它放在主体段落开头句。
若论行文习惯，实在勉强。
再者，“table chart”必会让考官在批卷的疲劳中会心一笑。
但是烤鸭们，不知啊，你让他笑，他却让你人比黄花瘦，尽管他是那样的爱你。
此短语翻译成中文叫“表格图”，考生自是觉得挺有中国风的感觉。
但考官会认为是“这table就是表格，也就是图的'一种，还后面要是再加一chart，再来一图。
实为“black sheep 一族”啊!南部陈更要翻译成“表格图图”?实在是具有喜感啊!再论“us”一词，感觉倒是亲民派系，考官考生一家人啊。
但是，雅思写作，半学术文体，这词总有点较为随意。
所以，宁为被动，隐去施动者，换成it can be seen ,或是it represents that 等句，或许会更好点。
雅思写作 批改
雅思写作批改先来说说词汇这块哈。
有些小伙伴啊，那词汇量就跟个小仓库似的，存货不多，写起作文来那叫一个捉襟见肘。
比如该用高级一点的词汇的时候，却老是用那些特别基础、简单的词，就像吃饭老是吃白米饭，偶尔也得整点红烧肉啥的改善改善口味不是？还有些呢，词汇用得倒是挺“高大上”，可就是用错地方了，就好比把羽绒服穿到夏天去了，那多不合适啊。
咱得根据语境、文章的风格来准确地选择合适的词汇，这样才能让考官眼前一亮。
语法错误那也是个常见的“坑”。
有些同学啊，句子写得那叫一个“五花八门”，主谓不一致啦，时态乱用啦，从句嵌套得乱七八糟啦，就像一团乱麻，让考官看得那是一头雾水。
咱得把语法基础打扎实了，就好比盖房子得先把地基弄好，不然房子再漂亮那也是摇摇欲坠的。
平时多做一些语法练习，写作文的时候多检查几遍，尽量避免这些低级错误。
再讲讲逻辑结构。
这就好比是房子的框架，要是框架搭得不好，那房子也立不起来啊。
有些作文啊，观点东一榔头西一棒子，没有一个清晰的主线，让人读着感觉像是在走迷宫，不知道作者到底想说啥。
咱得学会有条理地组织自己的观点，开头提出明确的论点，中间用合理的论据去支撑，结尾再总结升华一下，就像一条项链，论点是那颗最闪亮的珍珠，论据就是串起珍珠的线，这样才能让文章有说服力。
还有就是观点的深度和独特性。
有些同学的观点啊，就跟白开水似的，平平无奇，没有一点自己的想法。
雅思写作可不光是考你会不会用英语表达，还得看你有没有自己的思考。
咱得学会从不同的角度去分析问题，提出一些新颖的、有深度的观点，这样才能在众多考生中脱颖而出。
比如说在写关于环境保护的话题时，别老是说那些大家都知道的“要节约能源，减少污染”之类的话。
你可以想想，从经济发展和环境保护的平衡角度，或者从科技进步对环境保护的推动作用等方面去展开论述，这样你的文章就会更有看点。
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2004年8月14日广告广告影响非利弊类一方观点Advertisements discourage us from being different individuals and make us become what they want us to be and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Topics of advertising never fail to arouse people’s attention. Many individuals hold find it unfavorable for people to be keeping people from being different individuals. Personally, I find this opinion absurd.
Obviously, there are reasons for people to believe that advertisements make person individuals become similar. For one thing, people are always easily attracted by good advertisements to buy some kinds of products. For example, young people are likey to pruchase buy some goods whose ads the ads of which are presented by some most popular stars among them, and pay less attention to their real needs.They may buy the clothes recommended by the stars and, thus, they may have similar appearance.For another, advertisements seemingly lead to so-called “trend”. If people do not buy some new models of products appearing on advertising and give up their present ones, they may feel out of
fashion. Therefore, ads indeed try changing has some effects in changing people to be into what they want us consumers to be.
However, it is groundless to say that advertisements prevent people from being different. First of all, the majority of consumers is rational adults and is capable of making critical decisions. With the information provided by advertising, the buyers can compare and contrast various goods and choose the ones been most suitable for them. As each individual has their own choice, the possibility for them to be prompted by advertising to look alike is low.Besides, the influence of advertisements is not as great as some people think. Modern people are bombarded by various ads even every minute of every day. Therefore, so the consumers are immune to the influence to a large extent. When they buy something, they can shake off the impact of advertising and pay attention to the personal need. This explains why people in today’s world still look different even though they are surrounded by ads all day round.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that, although advertising does bring influence s on people to some extent, people still keep their personality when buying goods.。