TED励志演讲稿：二十岁一去不再来
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TED励志演讲稿：二十岁一去不再来
这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多TED粉丝的讨论，来自
TEDx组织团队的David Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意
识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。”30
岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。
记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。当时我是Berkeley临床心理
学在读博士生。我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。第一次见面Alex穿着
牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，
跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的
顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。我觉得我可以搞定。但是我没有搞定。
Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷
入了附和的状态。Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁。”没错，我告诉她“你是对
的”。工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。像Alex和我这样
20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。
但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。我反驳说：“当然她
现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。”
而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期，
是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。”
这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新
的20岁。
的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能
长期处于20多岁的状态。更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时
段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，
确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处
20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。
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现在在美国，20多岁的人有五千万，也就是15%的人口，或者可以说所有人口，
因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20多岁。我专门研究20多岁的人，因为我坚信这
五千万的20多岁的人，每一个人都应该去了解那些心理学家、社会学家、神经学家
和生育专家已经知道的事实：你的20多岁是极简单，却极具变化的时期之一。你
20多岁的时光决定了你的事业、爱情、幸福甚至整个世界。
这不是我的看法。这些是事实。我们知道80%决定你生活的时刻发生在35岁之
前。这就意味着你生活的重要决定、经历和突然的领悟，有八成是在你30多岁之前
发生的。那些超过40岁的朋友不要惊慌，我想这群人会没事的。
我们知道职业生涯的前10年，对你将来的收入有重大影响。我们知道到了30
岁的时候，超过半数的美国人会结婚，或者和未来的另一半同居或者约会。我们知
道人在20多岁的时候，大脑停止第二次也是最后一次重组，以适应成年世界的快速
发育阶段。这就意味着不管你想怎样改变自己，现在是时间改变了。
我们知道在20多岁的时候，性格的改变多于生命中任何时期。我们也知道女
性的最佳生育时期，在28岁的时候达到顶峰，35岁之后生育变得困难。所以你的
20多岁正是了解你自身和选择的时期。
当我们想到孩童的成长时，我们都知道1-5岁，是大脑学习语言和感知的重要
时期。这个时期，日常的普通生活，都会对你的未来道路影响巨大。但是我们却很
少听到成年发展期，而我们的20多岁正是成年发展期的关键。
但是20多岁的人却听不到这些，报纸讨论的只是成年年龄界线的变更。研究
者称20多岁是延长的青春期。记者就引用傻傻的外号称呼20多岁的人，比如
“twixters” (twenty-mixters)和“kidults”(kid-adults)。这是真的。作为一
种文化，我们的忽视的正是对成年起到决定性作用的十年(从20岁到30岁)。
雷昂纳德·伯恩斯坦说过：要想取得成就，你需要一个计划和紧迫的时间。这
是大实话啊!所以当你拍着一个20多岁的人的脑袋，跟他说，“你有额外的10年去
开始你的生活”，你觉得这改变了什么?什么都没改变。你只是夺走了那个人的紧迫
感和雄心壮志，绝对没有改变什么。
然后每天，那些聪明有趣的20多岁的人，就像你们和你们的儿子女儿一样，
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走入我的办公室开始说：“我知道我的男朋友对我不够好，但是我们的关系不算数。
我只是在消磨时光而已。”或者说“每个人都告诉我，只要能在30岁的时候开始我
的事业，这就足够了。”
但是实际听上去却是：“我马上就要三十了，却根本就没有东西展示。我只是
在大学毕业时，有过一份最漂亮的简历。”或是这样：“我20多岁时的约会，就像
找凳子。每个人都绕着凳子跑，随便玩一玩，但是快30的时候，就像音乐停止
TED演讲：二十岁是不能放纵的时光
TED演讲：二十岁是不能放纵的时光下边我给大伙儿共享TED演讲：二十岁是不能放纵的时光，热烈欢迎阅读文章：TED演讲：二十岁是不能放纵的时光5天内超出60万次访问量的全新TED演讲“二十岁一去不会再来”激发了世界各国的热情探讨，杰出心里咨询师 Meg Jay共享给20几岁年轻人的人生建议：(1)不必给你到底到底是谁而苦恼，去赚这些表明你是谁呀的资产。
(2)不必把自己封禁在圈子里。
(3)记得你能够选择自己的家中。
Meg说：“第一，我常告知二十多岁的男宝女宝，不必给你到底到底是谁而苦恼，逐渐思索你能到底是谁，而且去赚这些表明你是谁呀的资产。
如今便是最好是的试着机会，无论是国外见习，或是自主创业，或是做公益。
第二，年青人常常聚在一起，情感好到能够穿一条裤子。
但是社会发展中很多机遇是以远关联逐渐的，不必把自己封禁在圈子里，走向世界你才会对自身的历经有大量的了解。
第三，记得你能够选择自己的家中。
你的婚姻生活便是将来几十年的家中，即使你需要到三十岁完婚，如今挑选和什么样的人相处也是尤为重要的。
简单点来说，二十岁是不可以随便放纵的快乐时光。
”这一段有关二十岁年轻人怎样看待人生道路的演说造成了很多TED粉絲的探讨，来源于TEDx机构精英团队的David Webber便说：Meg强调最重要的一点就是年轻人必须尽早意识到积累经验和见识，不论是二十岁或是三十岁，全是有益自身发展趋势的关键事。
”下列是Meg的演说：TED演讲：二十岁是不能放纵的时光下列是Meg的演说內容：When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.厩得见我第一位心理辅导消费者时，.我20几岁。
TED英语演讲稿二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴(附翻译)
TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴（附翻译）when i was in my 20s, i saw my very first psychotherapy client. i was a ph.d. student in clinical psychology at berkeley. she was a 26-year-old woman named alex. now alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. now when i heard this, i was so relieved. my classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (laughter) and i got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. this i thought i could handle.but i didnt handle it. with the funny stories that alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. thirtys the new 20, alex would say, and as far as i could tell, she was right. work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. twentysomethings like alex and i had nothing but time.but before long, my supervisor pushed me to push alex about her love life. i pushed back.i said, sure, shes dating down, shes sleeping with a knucklehead, but its not like shes going to marry the guy.and then my supervisor said, not yet, but she might marry the next one. besides, the best time to work on alexs marriage is before she has one.thats what psychologists call an aha! moment. that was the moment i realized, 30 is not the new 20. yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didnt make alexs 20s a developmental downtime. that made alexs 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. that was when i realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.there are 50 million twentysomethings in the united states right now. were talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that noones getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.raise your hand if youre in your 20s. i really want to see some twentysomethings here. oh, yay! yalls awesome. if you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, youre losing sleep over twentysomethings, i want to see okay. awesome, twentysomethings really matter.so i specialize in twentysomethings because i believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.this is not my opinion. these are the facts. we know that 80 percent of lifes most defining moments take place by age 35. that means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and aha! moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. people who are over 40, dont panic. this crowd is going to be fine, i think. we know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money youre going to earn. we know that more than half of americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. we know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. we know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. so your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.so when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. its a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. but what we hear less about is that theres such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.but this isnt what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like twixters and kidults. itstrue. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. isnt that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, you have 10 extra years to start your life? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: i know my boyfriends no good for me, but this relationship doesnt count. im just killing time. or they say, everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time im 30, ill be fine.but then it starts to sound like this: my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a better rsum the day after i graduated from college.and then it starts to sound like this: dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. i didnt want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.the post-millennial midlife crisis isnt buying a red sports car. its realizing you cant have that career you now want. its realizing you cant have that child you now want, or you cant give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, what was i doing? what was i thinking?i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.heres a story about how that can go. its a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadnt decided yet, so shed spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, you cant pick your family, but you can pick your friends.well one day, emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. shed just bought a new address book, and shed spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then shed been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words in case of emergency, please call ... . she was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, whos going to be there for me if i get in a car wreck? whos going to take care of me if i have cancer?now in that moment, it took everything i had not to say, i will. but what emma needed wasnt some therapist who really, really cared. emma needed a better life, and i knew this was her chance. i had learned too much since i first worked with alex to just sit there while emmas defining decade went parading by.so over the next weeks and months, i told emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.first, i told emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. by get identity capital, i mean do something that adds value to who you are. do something thats an investment in who you might want to be next. i didnt know the future of emmas career, and no one knows the future of work, but i do know this: identity capital begets identity capital. so now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. im not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but i am discounting exploration thats not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. thats procrastination. i told emma to explore work and make it count.second, i told emma that the urban tribe is overrated. best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together withlike-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. that new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. new things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. so yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. but half arent, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbors boss is how you get that un-posted job. its not cheating. its the science of how information spreads.last but not least, emma believed that you cant pick your family, but you can pick your friends. now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever youre living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommates cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. now, five years later, shes a special events planner for museums. shes married to a man she mindfully chose. she loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, now the emergency contact blanks dont seem big enough.now emmas story made that sound easy, but thats what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good ted talk, can havean enormous effect across years and even generations to come.so heres an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. its as simple as what i learned to say to alex. its what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day: thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. dont be defined by what you didnt know or didnt do. youre deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)译文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。
TED演讲稿-20岁光阴不再(中英互译)
When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a26-year-old woman named Alex.记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时,我才20多岁。
当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。
我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性,26岁。
Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来,她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上,踢掉脚上的平底鞋,跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。
因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯,而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。
我觉得我可以搞定。
But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road.但是我没有搞定。
二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴
“二十岁一去不再来”激起了世界各地的热烈讨论，资深心理治疗师Meg Jay 分享给20多岁青年人的人生建议：（1）不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。
（2）不要把自己封锁在小圈子里。
（3）记住你能够选择自己的家庭。
Meg说：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你能够是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。
现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。
第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到能够穿一条裤子。
不过社会中很多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的理解。
第三，记住你能够选择自己的家庭。
你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。
简来说之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。
”这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了很多TED粉丝的讨论，来自TEDx组织团队的David Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。
”记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。
当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。
我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。
第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。
因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。
我觉得我能够搞定。
但是我没有搞定。
Alex持续地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。
Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁”。
没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。
工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。
像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。
但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。
TED英语演讲稿 二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴3
TED英语演讲稿二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴(4)TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.所以接下去的几个星期几个月，我告诉Emma三件事，所有20多岁的男生女生都值得听一听。
First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next.首先，我告诉Emma忘掉她的自我认识危机，去获得一些身份认定的资本。
身份资本是指做增加自我价值的事。
为自己下一步想成为的样子做一些事一些投资。
I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time forthat cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try.我不知道Emma的工作将来是什么样的，也没人知道将来的工作是什么样的，但是我知道：身份资本会创造出更多身份资本。
Ted演讲：二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴全文
Ted演讲：二十几岁是不可挥霍的光阴全文20岁，不可挥霍的光阴。
在这个点击过百万的TED演讲中，心理咨询师Meg Jay说不能因为婚姻、工作和子女是以后的事情，现在就可以无规划的生活。
她提供三条建议帮助20多岁的年轻人重新审视自己的生活，不要做后悔的决定。
为什么要听她演讲近期观点认为，25岁似乎太过年轻，无法做重大决定。
临床心理学家Meg Jay藉由心理学实务和著作《20世代，你的人生是不是卡住了》阐述，许多二十世代深陷《时代》杂志所谓「我我我世代」的迷思和误导中。
她认为「三十世代是新二十世代」的说法使人们轻忽成年阶段最具可塑性的时光。
撷取十余年来与数百名二十世代个案及学生咨商的经验，Jay将科学融入一段段引人入胜、不为人知的故事中。
精彩、生动的故事发展，显示为何二十世代并非发展停滞期，而是仅此一次的发展高峰。
二十世代是个关键期，我们所做之事-及未做之事-对未来人生、甚至后代都将产生巨大影响。
Meg Jay：二十几岁，不可挥霍的光阴When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex. Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "Thirty's the new 20," Alex wouldsay, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back.I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20. Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see — Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe thatevery single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing.Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." It's true. As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. Isn't that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time." Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start acareer, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. It's realizing you can't have that career you now want. It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing? What was I thinking?"I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.Here's a story about how that can go. It's a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call ... ." She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will." But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That's procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how informationspreads.Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. She's married to a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings. They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji. Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, onegood break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now. Thank you. (Applause)。
TED演讲稿-20岁光阴不再(中英互译)说课讲解
When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a26-year-old woman named Alex.记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。
当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。
我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。
Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。
因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。
我觉得我可以搞定。
But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road.但是我没有搞定。
TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴
三一文库（）/演讲致辞/英语演讲稿TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴5天内超过60万次浏览量的最新ted演讲“二十岁一去不再来”激起了世界各地的热烈讨论，资深心理治疗师megjay分享给20多岁青年人的人生建议：(1)不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。
(2)不要把自己封锁在小圈子里。
(3)记住你可以选择自己的家庭。
meg说：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。
现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。
第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到可以穿一条裤子。
可是社会中许多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的认识。
第三，记住你可以选择自己的家庭。
你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。
简而言之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。
”这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多ted 粉丝的讨论，来自tedx组织团队的davidwebber就说：meg 指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。
”wheniwasinmy20s,isawmyveryfirstpsychotherapycl ient.iwasaph.d.studentinclinicalpsychologyatbe rkeley.shewasa26-year-oldwomannamedalex.记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。
当时我是berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。
我的第一位顾客是名叫alex的女性，26岁。
nowalexwalkedintoherfirstsessionwearingjeansan dabigslouchytop,andshedroppedontothecouchinmyo fficeandkickedoffherflatsandtoldmeshewastheret otalkaboutguyproblems.nowwheniheardthis,iwasso relieved.myclassmategotanarsonistforherfirstcl ient.(laughter)andigotatwentysomethingwhowante dtotalkaboutboys.thisithoughticouldhandle.第一次见面alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴_励志演讲稿_
青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多ted粉丝的讨论，来自tedx组织团队的david webber就说：meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。
”30岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。
记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。
当时我是berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。
我的第一位顾客是名叫alex的女性，26岁。
第一次见面alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。
因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。
我觉得我可以搞定。
但是我没有搞定。
alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。
alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁。
”没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。
工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。
像alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。
但不久之后，我的导师就要我向alex的感情生活施压。
我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。
”而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。
但修复alex婚姻的最好时期，是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。
”这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。
正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。
的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。
更晚安定下来，应该使alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。
从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，确实是个问题，它不仅给alex 本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。
青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴_励志演讲稿_
青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多TED粉丝的讨论，来自TEDx组织团队的David Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。
”30岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。
记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。
当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。
我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。
第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。
当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。
因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。
我觉得我可以搞定。
但是我没有搞定。
Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。
Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁。
”没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。
工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。
像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。
但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。
我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。
”而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。
但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期，是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。
”这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。
正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。
的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。
更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。
从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex 本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。